The Potions Master's Baby

Chapter 4: I Don’t Want to Care!







He didn’t want to care. That was the belief Severus tried to instill in him self as every day passed, but it wasn’t working. Every time he saw her he couldn’t help the feelings of concern that came over him, the protectiveness that he had felt for her since her youth was now amplified as the knowledge that his child rested within her had finally sunk in. Not that she seemed at all inclined to acknowledge that fact. She had nearly swooned when he dared refer to it as his child. But how else was he to consider it? It was his seed that produced the babe even if he hadn’t planted it himself.





That little bit of nonsense seemed to flirt at the forefront of his mind more and more. Not once before the specimen debacle had he looked upon her with anything other than professorial concern or the detached interest of a colleague. But now, he looked at her a bit differently. He noticed more about her it seemed. The rosy flush in her cheeks, the way her eyes sparked that day in Minerva’s office when she became rankled, the soft, curvy lines of her figure, all of those things had gone unnoticed previously. Presently they were the center of his attention and he hated it.





He absolutely did not want to care. He didn’t want to care that she was pregnant, that his seed had taken root within her, that she was potentially unwell and thus the reason she was currently late for breakfast. He hated that his eyes were repeatedly darting to the empty chair beside him on the dais. He had no right. No rights whatsoever concerning her or the child, she had made that abundantly clear. He had no place in their lives. He didn’t desire one. He never wanted to be a father. So why could he think of nothing else?







The sound of the staff entrance opening drew his attention and he glanced askance as she climbed the dais, her face a bit flushed as she made her way to her seat. As was his custom he immediately stood and held out her chair, a gesture that had become so familiar that she no longer blushed and stammered. He was not a prolific flirt when it came to women but he did possess proper manners and respect for women. Her soft smile too was familiar as she took her seat.





“Are you well?” He asked softly as he resumed his place at her side.





“I am, just fatigued; I am embarrassed to say that I overslept.” She said as she spread her napkin over her lap.







“But are you well?” He asked again.







“I am assured that the stomach upset shall pass in time.” She said. She started when she felt his hand bump against hers. She looked down to see him open his closed fist over her lap, several small phials of blue potion piling there on her napkin. “Thank you.” She said, slipping them into the pocket of her robes, discreetly opening one and pouring it into her tea.





“If you need more, please do not hesitate to ask, I will gladly brew you a fresh supply.” He kept his voice low so that only she could hear. No one aside from Minerva, Poppy and himself knew of her condition or his role in it. He dreaded the day that it came to light and in some sadistic corner of his mind he longed for it. He wondered if she would ever acknowledge that the child was his, and somewhat hoped that she would one day be forced to.







“Thank you, Severus. You don’t have to be so kind; I know how you feel…”





“Do not thank me and do not presume to know my feelings, Ms. Granger.” He said quietly. “You need to eat, you do not eat nearly enough for your…condition.”







Hermione watched him fill his plate and then begin to eat with stiff and proper movements that had her lips twitching with a suppressed smile. She was touched and flummoxed by his concern. This was the man who accused her of stealing his sperm. He had called her a know it all spinster and had practically ordered her to abort the pregnancy. What was happening with him that he was suddenly brewing her potions to ease her nausea and inquiring about her health?





His referral to the baby as his a few weeks prior in his classroom still had her dazed. It had affected her deeply to hear his reluctant claiming. No matter what you want it to be, it is what it is. he had said. He was right. It didn’t matter that she wanted to have her child to herself, without a father, her careful planning was all for naught and her plans had to change. Her child had a father, one who unfortunately wasn’t anonymous and absent, but who was instead a legend and very, very present.







She furrowed her brow and found herself suddenly fascinated by him. He had the most interesting face. Smooth, pale skin showing just the slightest shadow of stubble when you were close to him, his rather prominent nose was slightly hooked, giving him a severe look that made him rather unapproachable. His eyes were deep, fathomless pools of obsidian that held so much knowledge and so much pain. He had seen things she would never see, would never want to see. His eyes were incredible she thought suddenly.







He wasn’t handsome, he never had been and he never would be, not that she was one to judge, she was no great beauty. But he was attractive. He was intelligent and honorable, noble and strong. She could have done far worse than him as a father for her child. She sighed and began to fill her own plate, suddenly ravenous. She watched him covertly as they ate. His mouth was suddenly more interesting than it should have been. It was just a mouth! A mouth with nice, full, smooth lips. She wondered if he was a good kisser.





She shook her head and turned her attention back to her food, determined not to look at him any more. If she didn’t look at him she would think about things like his lips, or how silky his hair looked, or how she suddenly realized that he smelled like spearmint. She stared at the empty muffin basket and couldn’t help the little whimper of disappointment that crossed her lips.





Severus glanced over at the sound. He had been well aware of her perusal during breakfast and he found himself curious about what was running through her mind as she stared at him so intently. She wasn’t staring at him any longer however, she was instead staring at the empty bread basket with such disappointment that it was almost comical. He watched as her eyes slid across the table to his bread plate and the blueberry scone atop it. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and her eyes were filled with such longing.





He almost smiled. Almost. He sighed and shoved the plate slowly towards her, shaking his head slowly as her eyes lit up and an elated smile touched her lips.





“Thank you.” She said before biting into the scone and closing her eyes. She moaned, a sound of pure ecstasy that sent an odd tingle down his spine.





“It isn’t a problem I wasn’t going to eat it anyhow.” He said. It was a lie, he had fully intended on eating the scone, but seeing that covetous look on her face and knowing that she hadn’t been eating well made it easy for him to give up his treat. After all, it was for the welfare of his child. He winced mentally as he once again laid claim to the baby, it was involuntary, the claiming, the concern and he didn’t think he would be able to curb that particular behavior. That bothered him. Severus prided himself on control. Control of himself, his emotions, his behavior. He didn’t like it that an accidentally pregnant witch was interfering with that.





“Severus…are you free this evening?” She asked, leaning towards him.





“I have rounds but they do not begin until ten.” He said. Did she just sniff him?





“I think that we should sit down and talk about…things.” She said, his minty scent distracting her.





“That would probably be wise. You aren’t going to be able to keep it a secret for much longer and there are bound to be questions from the other staff.” He said, noting the odd way in which she was staring at his mouth. “We should also discuss how things are going to be handled after.”





“Why don’t you come to my quarters after supper tonight?” She said quietly. “We will have privacy there; my office tends to be busy with students coming to see me.”





“I will be there.” He had never been in the private quarters of any of the other faculty aside from Dumbledore. He found himself eager and curious for the day to come to a close.









~@~









The hours of the day ticked by slowly, so slowly that Severus was on edge as he watched the clock. He wasn’t a man used to such anxiety; he approached everything in his life methodically, calmly. This however, wasn’t a situation he ever thought he would find himself in. He never imagined he would have fathered a child, one outside of wedlock at that. He had kept his intimate relationships short and casual, never getting too involved with anyone, keeping them at a safe distance. If he sensed them getting closer he would pull away and end the relationship. He wasn’t a man for commitment; his life was too dangerous and unpredictable for it.







Well, it was once upon a time. It had become less so since the war. He had enjoyed the calm, solitary life he led. He needn’t worry about being on guard constantly, or that he would be summoned then tortured to within an inch of his life. He spent his time primarily alone, reading or simply enjoying the silence. His peace was being threatened and as angry as he was at first, he found himself looking forward to the upheaval that was coming.





All day he had been thinking about the child. What would it look like? Was she carrying a son or a daughter? Would she resemble him? Would he resemble his mother? Would she be a delightful mixture of both? She or he would without a doubt be bright and extremely gifted magically. But what of their personality? Would they be quiet and solitary or would they be social? Would they be Slytherin or Gryffindor or would they shock everyone and be sorted into another house? What of him? Would they know him as father or just someone who worked with their mother and taught in the school?





That thought bothered him. To look out upon a sea of faces and see his own child looking back at him without them knowing he was their father. His students tended to dislike him. He was a strict taskmaster and he did not stand for their nonsense, not in a subject as volatile as potions. The children that came through the doors of Hogwarts were pampered, coddled creatures that grew up in a world free of danger thanks in part to his own actions during the war. They lacked discipline and respect. They had no idea what could be had things gone differently, how it could be should another dark wizard rise to power.







He had little patience for it and sought to correct the oversight by their parents as much as he could. He prayed his own child would not be so naïve. He doubted it, not with Hermione as a mother. She would teach the child discipline and respect from a very young age. No, he would not have to worry there; his child would be without compare in every way. He winced as his thoughts once more drifted towards proprietary.





He stood uncomfortably outside her door, the portraits staring at him curiously and whispering while he waited for her to answer. He wasn’t a fan of the sentient portraits, especially given their tendencies to gossip. No doubt it would be all over the school by morning that he had been seen going into Professor Granger’s quarters after supper. He glared at a painting of young women gathered around a table that were staring and whispering behind their hands. The females huffed and tilted their noses in the air at his rudeness but were still watching him from the corners of their eyes.







It seemed like an eternity before she finally opened her door. She had changed her clothes, trading in her dress and teaching robes for a pair of soft gray track pants and a matching tee. Her feet were covered in fluffy white slippers, her face clean and shining with her hair pulled back from her face. She looked so soft, so fresh and so very young. He couldn’t help it as his eyes scanned down her petite yet curvaceous form. She wasn’t showing yet and he was a little disappointed though he wasn’t sure why. He swallowed hard and tried to look away when he realized she wasn’t wearing a bra.







“Oh, Severus! I’m so sorry it took me so long to answer the door, come in please.” She stepped aside and the soft jiggle of breast beneath thin cotton nearly choked him. He took a deep breath and stepped into her quarters. “I just couldn’t wait to get out of my work clothes. I’m going to have to go shopping soon because things are getting snug and a bit uncomfortable.”







She closed the door behind them and with a soft smile led him into her sitting room. Her quarters were cozy, filled with plush comfortable furniture in rich shades of cream, red and brown. Candles, dried flowers and photographs littered the flat surfaces and her floors were covered in thick rugs. His lips twitched a bit when he realized she had no paintings on her walls; there was no room because bookcases lined them, much like his own quarters.







“Have a seat, please. May I get you something to drink?” She asked.





“No, thank you. I have patrols yet.” He said, settling himself on her sofa. He tried to remain stiff and proper but the thick cushions and lush fabric forbade it as he sunk into the comfort of the couch. She curled her legs beneath her as she fell onto the opposite end and stared at him.





“I’m not sure where to begin.” She said with a nervous laugh. “I never expected to have to face the baby’s father.”







“You should have waited until you were in a relationship.” He said, frowning as he tried unsuccessfully to sit straight on her sofa. It apparently wasn’t designed to allow a person to do anything other than relax.







“Well, that would have been ideal but I am thirty and still single with no prospects for a relationship at the moment. I want to have a child while I am still young enough to enjoy motherhood.” She said, almost laughing at his attempts to adjust himself on her furniture. “Severus, relax, I’m not going to attack you, there is no need for you to be on the defensive.”





“This couch is making it impossible for me to sit properly.” He grouched, shoving one of the large throw pillows behind his back so that he could sit more comfortably. Feeling a bit more in control he took a deep, composing breath and directed his attention on her. “I still don’t understand the rush, you are a witch, muggle medicine and its restrictions do not apply to you, you have many, many childbearing years ahead of you.”







“I was just ready.” She said softly. “Haven’t you ever wanted something, felt as if you were ready for something important but the rest of the world just wouldn’t cooperate with you?”







“Everyone feels that way at some point; it doesn’t mean that we rush into foolish decisions that change our lives forever.” He said, trying not to notice the soft roundness of her breasts beneath her t-shirt.







“That’s just it; I didn’t rush into this decision. I thought about it for a very long time, I tried dating and was unsuccessful. Then I began to look into my options. I considered adoption but I very much wanted to experience pregnancy, to carry a child inside me. I explored the muggle world but realized that my child would be living primarily in the wizarding community and that perhaps it was more practical to explore a magical alternative. Remarkably the technology for this sort of thing isn’t more advanced than the muggle methods. It isn’t as common in the wizarding world either, so the donor pool wasn’t as varied as in the muggle world.” She sighed and shook her head. “Not that it mattered in the end. All my hard work and donor research was for naught.”







“I still don’t understand why you chose not to terminate then proceed with your original plan, with your chosen donor, especially knowing whose child you now carry and my feelings on the subject.” He watched her reach for a glass of water on her coffee table and nearly choked as her breasts swayed beneath the cotton of her shirt.







“I don’t think you will understand, but when I saw that positive result on the pregnancy test I immediately fell in love. It was barely real, it certainly didn’t look like a baby and I couldn’t feel it, but I knew it was there, and I loved it, sight unseen.” She smiled softly and her hand fluttered to her tummy which was just beginning to thicken though you couldn’t tell that she was pregnant. “Finding out that you were the father didn’t change how I felt about the baby, Severus, it just made things much more complicated.”







“Because you don’t want me to be the father.” He said, staring at her hand as it rested over her abdomen protectively.







“To be honest, if I were to have looked at your anonymous profile among the others I probably would have selected you. You would have at least been in the pile of potentials. The only issue I have is that you aren’t anonymous and now I don’t know what to do about it.” She said.







“I was angry, obviously, when we were informed of the ….mishap. I don’t want to be a father; I have seen first hand how destructive a parent can be to an unwanted child.” He closed his eyes as though trying to fight off a particularly bad memory, then opened them again slowly. “I never planned to become a parent and I am suddenly being forced to and I do not know how to handle this.”







“I am not forcing you to be a parent, Severus. I told you that I am fully prepared to raise this child on my own; you need not be involved at all. I do not want or expect anything from you.” She saw his eyes spark and she realized she had hit a nerve.







“Do you think so little of me?” He asked, his voice quiet and controlled but with an unmistakable edge to his words. “I am not the emotional misfit everyone assumes, I am not a monster.”





“I never thought that!” She gasped, taken aback by his vehemence. Is that how he believed she saw him? As a monster?







“Yes you do, else you would never believe me capable of ignoring my own child. And before you say it, I may not have been involved in it’s creation but that child inside you is mine and no matter what you want I can’t ignore that. I have tried, believe me. I have tried to be the cold, callous being that everyone believes me to be but I can’t. I look at you and I know my son or daughter grows inside you and I worry.”







“Severus, I…” His hand came up between them, stopping her before she began.





“Let me finish.” He said firmly, his expression leaving no room for argument. “There is no way in any level of hell that I can watch that child grow up in this castle, teach that child one day in my class and not acknowledge that they are mine. I know I said things in anger that may have led you to believe I would be willing to remain indifferent, but the truth of it is, I can not.”





“I don’t know what to say.” She said softly, tears leaking slowly from the corners of her eyes. “Let me make it clear that I have never thought poorly of you, Severus. Even when my friends doubted you I always knew you were an honorable man. You didn’t ask for this and neither did I. I am sorry if you believed I thought you cold and unfeeling, I know this is difficult for you and I know I have been selfish thinking only of myself.”







Severus reached into his pocket and passed her a crisp white handkerchief that she used to wipe her eyes.







“I apologize; I did not come here to make you cry.” He said softly.







“Don’t worry about it; I cry over everything these days, it’s not you.” She sniffed. “I’m so sorry you think that everyone has such a low opinion of you, Severus. My…attitude…about this whole thing is not about you I just had planned on doing it alone. It was MY baby, now suddenly it isn’t just mine. Why do you think this happened to us? Do you believe in the fates?”





“I don’t know. If the fates exist they are sadists. Can you imagine a more unlikely set of parents?” He asked, his lips twitching. She began to wonder what he would look like if he really smiled.





“I know it sounds arrogant, but perhaps there is a great purpose for a child born of you and I and the fates figured we would never come together on our own so they stepped in.” She said.







“It certainly wouldn’t have occurred without their interference.” He scoffed, missing the hurt expression on her face.







“Am I so bad?” She asked. She wanted to slap herself the moment the words were out, she had no control over her emotions lately and her neediness was beginning to grate on her nerves. Severus looked at her curiously, his head tilted to the side as he searched for some hidden meaning in her words. What was she really asking? Was she asking him if he would have ever considered actually taking her to bed? Did she want to know if he found her attractive?





“I don’t understand the question.” He saw her lips purse in annoyance.







“Is the thought of being with me so repulsive?” She asked, wishing she would just shut up and stop fishing for his approval. Severus was stunned and more than a little confused. Perhaps this was one of those strange aspects of pregnancy he had heard about. He felt a bit like he was being challenged and was somewhat fearful of her reaction if he said the wrong thing.





“No, it isn’t repulsive.” He said slowly. “But I would never have considered it a possibility and not because you aren’t…lovely, but because you were my student, my colleague and in fact twenty years my junior. I should think it would be you who would find the thought repulsive.”







“Not at all.” She said quietly. “It has been my experience that in a lot of instances a pretty face hides an ugly soul. I will take substance over surface any day.”







Her words shocked and flattered him. It wasn’t often that someone could see beyond the surface and it was even rarer for anyone to see anything in him. No one looked beyond the gruff, intimidating exterior to the man beneath, especially women.





“Well you have always been wise beyond your years.” He said, clearing his throat uncomfortably.





“As for the age thing, that wouldn’t have been an issue for me. It isn’t the years that make a couple work you know, it’s the chemistry.” She smiled. “I was older than Ron, but it didn’t matter, I loved him anyhow because we had a certain chemistry.”





“And you believe that you and I would have had a connection? Chemistry?” He asked.





“Well it is obvious that we have some sort of chemistry, your sperm took on the first try.” She saw his face flush and she realized how forward she had been with that comment, what implications lay between the lines.





“Yes, well I suppose I can take some comfort in the knowledge that I retain my virility.” He looked decidedly uncomfortable and Hermione couldn’t help but find it rather….cute. Pregnancy was rotting her brain obviously because no one in their right mind would ever find anything about Severus Snape cute.







“I guess it’s a good thing you wouldn’t even consider me a possibility else our chemistry would be walking the halls of Hogwarts for generations.” She said smiling at him.





Oddly enough, Severus didn’t find that thought as horrifying as he imagined he should.