The Firewhisky In The Punch

A/N: This crack!fic was inspired by my first job and not a quote/prompt, oddly enough. But the idea that is central to the crack!fic is that Draco was raised to not have to do any lowly job and had everything done for him. So, when he gets bored being a "trophy wife", he has to do something and that is a job that is the lowest of the low (aside from being a cashier, let me tell you). If anyone has another way to do this idea, go for it!

Story: Peon Work

Draco scowled as he walked towards the apartment he shared with Harry. Stupid bloody...Why did he have to be born into the Malfoy family? Why? Ever since his father's trial and sentencing, he had been unable to find a job. Until some bloody fool of a wizard decided that he would open up a movie theatre for wizards. All completely Muggle of course. No magic could be performed there by the employees unless they were on break or lunch.

He could have waited he supposed for another job. But it was so boring at the apartment all day while Harry was at work. There was only so many times a person could clean the house, by hand mind, and Draco couldn't cook so he couldn't take a couple of hours to prepare a good meal for Harry for dinner. The Daily Prophet and magazines only went so far and were often not worth reading. He had to do something, anything.

Hence, a bloody movie theatre.

First off, all though he had had to buy his own shirt pants, the vest was supplied and it was bloody polyester. Polyester! For Merlin's sake. The stupid bow tie was pretied and Draco knew he would have better luck if he got one himself and tied it himself. Stupid things. Then, he had to serve up that stupid popcorn that smelled horrible after a couple of weeks and neither the popcorn itself nor the butter was real. The customers were either undecisive or confused or whiny brats that wanted everything. Then, when the movies themselves let out, the employees had to go clean up the popcorn that was spilled and whatever else was lying around. Sometimes there was even spilled soda.

This is where Draco's mood today had soured.

Last show of the day for him. Last theatre to clean up. He had been cleaning up before the credits were over, but there was some little stupid clip at the end and, of course, some of the customers had stayed to see the stupid clip. Too tired and anxious to leave, he didn't notice who was in there. He hadn't been paying much attention, anyway that day, because he had been thinking back to the night before and some of the things Harry had done to him. He was still sore in the arse.

Daydreaming for him had come to a close when a shrill, familiar voice called out, "Well, look at what we have here!"

Draco felt himself freeze, but he turned anyway. Gods, why on his shift? Why this night? "Hello, Pansy." He looked at the others sitting with her. "Blaise, Theodore."

They were all smirking at him. "That can't be Draco Malfoy doing peon work!" Blaise called.

"How does it feel to be doing servants work?" Theodore added.

Draco bit his tongue, wisely, and went back to work. He cleaned it as soon as he could and left as soon as he could. Their words--they had taunted him until he left--followed him on his way home and he stormed into the apartment. Harry, who had told him he would be home early, looked up.

"What’s wrong, love?" Harry asked, jumping up from the couch and walking over to Draco.

"Everything!" Draco cried, flinging his hands up.

Harry looked skeptical at that, but nodded and led Draco to the couch. "So, what happened to make every thing wrong?"

Draco put his head in his hands. "I ran into some of our old school mates when I was working."

"Slytherins, then?" Harry asked.

Draco growled as he failed to stop himself thinking about it. "Yes. They called me a servant. A servant, Harry!" Draco had looked up at Harry with wild eyes.

Harry, trying his hardest to not laugh, nodded sympathetically and rubbed circles on Draco's back. "And this has upset everything else?"

Draco pouted. His lover was making fun of him. He huffed, crossed his arms, and fell back onto the couch. "Yes, it has."

Harry sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, love. It's just...after all this time and now you're upset because some old school mates, ones you haven't seen since school, called you a servant?"

Draco stood up angrily and put his hands on his hips. "Do you even know what this means, Harry! It means that everything I thought I was, was going to be, is ruined. I, Draco Malfoy, have been ruined to doing...doing...house-elf work!"

Harry raised his eyebrows thoughtfully. "Well, you could quit and sit around here all day. It’s not like either of us need the money."

"I drove myself crazy!" Draco cried. "And if I do that, the next thing I hear will be that I'm a kept woman!"

Harry stood, resigned, and carefully entered Draco's personal space. "Draco, love, it doesn't matter anymore. Remember? You have me and I don't care what you're doing with your life. So long as I'm a large part of it."

Draco continued to pout. Harry pressed his luck and kissed his lover. "Tell you what, then. You quit your job and I see what I can do about getting you the job in my department at the Ministry that has been recently vacated."

Draco raised his eyebrows. "What kind of job?"

Harry smirked and leaned in to whisper in Draco's ear. "I just lost an assistant and need a new one." Harry let his hand wander around to Draco's arse and slipped past the waist band. "We could have afternoon sex all the time and share lunch. And, unlike any other bosses you may have, I won't be very demanding."

Draco smirked, seeing all the possibilities opening up to him. "I love the way you think, Harry."

"Knew you would see it my way."

^v^vHPDM^v^v

One Month Later

Draco looked up from where he was typing up a memo that Harry needed to send out to the head boss. There was a short woman, brown hair, petite, walking toward him with a folder in hand. She was blushing a little and looked shy. Draco smirked. He liked her since he had started working for Harry because she gave him a nice ego boost--even though he assuredly gay, there was not a woman yet--except Hermione--who would swear he was straight. This secretary from the office upstairs was just a plus in the job he had now.

"This is f-f-for Mr. Potter," she mumbled, looking at her feet instead of at Draco. "It’s urgent."

He smirked at her and held out her hand. "I'll get it to him right away. Thank you, Joann."

She smiled happily at him and then, after a moment of staring at him, walked away. Or, rather, skipped away. Draco chuckled to himself and stood from his seat to knock at Harry's office door. After Harry said he could come in, Draco opened the door and closed it behind himself.

He loved getting mail and folders for Harry. Especially if it was urgent. It gave him a reason to have office sex with his lover. At first, he had been annoying, going in every time Harry received something, but Harry had laid down the law quickly enough. Draco would only deliver mail once a day, folders and memos twice--before and after lunch--and bring in urgent or important stuff when it came in. Lunch sex wasn't disrupted though. All in all, Draco liked working for Harry.

Harry looked skeptical, seeing Draco in his office. "Is it important or urgent?" he asked.

Draco nodded and licked his lips temptingly. "Of course, Mr. Potter, it’s urgent. You said to always bring those in right away."

Harry smirked and pushed back from his desk. "Well, then. Let me have it."

Draco smirked as he jumped into Harry's lap. "Always, Mr. Potter."