Meant to Be

Chapter Four



Remus didn’t have a chance to talk to Jess alone at all before Halloween. He was distracted by the sudden commotion caused by a sighting of Sirius Black in the castle. The students had been sequestered in the Dining Hall for the night but there was no sign of his old friend.



He was angry at Sirius’ actions, and worried about Harry, but he was also growing frustrated beyond reason by Jess. She kept true to her word, not offering anything in class, and disappearing quickly afterwards. Whenever she saw him around the castle, she put her head down and raced past him, or turned and walked in the opposite direction. He was getting tired of it; even though he had agreed it was what they should do. He needed contact with her; was actually craving contact with her and was resorting to desperate measures to get it.



‘Jessica,’ he called now. ‘What are the advantages of non verbal spells?’

She looked up from her textbook, a little startled. He’d never called on her before. ‘Um, your opponent won’t know which spell you’re casting so you can catch them by surprise?’ she said.

Remus smiled at her, feeling a little heat run through him when she smiled back. ‘You’re right,’ he said, trying to sound casual. ‘Five points to Ravenclaw.’

He turned away, pointing his wand at the board where the description of non verbal spells appeared.



‘Now I know you began this last year,’ he said. ‘But I want to see how far you’ve come. Jessica, would you come up here please?’

She frowned and looked over at Karen, then stood up, slowly walking to the front of the class.

‘What are you doing?’ she mumbled as she walked past him, but he ignored her.

‘Alright,’ he said loudly. ‘Jessica is going to try and disarm me non verbally. You’ll all have a turn, so watch carefully.’

He turned to Jess, who glared at him then disarmed him easily. The other students laughed and clapped, as Jess handed him back his wand with a small smile, then sat back down in her chair.

‘Right,’ he said a little surprised. ‘Next!’



The lesson ended and Remus quickly called out to Jess before she could take off.

‘Jessica, could you stay behind for a minute please?’ he said, looking over at her.

He saw her clench her jaw and nod. Her friend said something to her, but she shook her head. She stayed in her seat until everyone had left, then stood up and approached his desk.

‘Yes, Professor?’ she said quietly.

‘Don’t, Jess,’ he said with a frown. ‘You don‘t need to call me that. We‘re alone now.’

‘Which I thought was something we weren’t going to let happen,’ she commented evenly. ‘I am still your teacher,’ he reminded her, moving around the desk to sit on it opposite her. ‘And I needed to talk to you.’



Jess put her bag on the ground and slid onto a desk as well. ‘About?’ she said. ‘Dumbledore spoke to me about your defence grades,’ he said, seeing her frown. ‘They’ve been fine, haven’t they?’ she said, forgetting for a moment her attraction to him. ‘Your theory marks are perfect, Jess,’ he said reassuringly. ‘And your basic skills are great. But I’ve noticed how reluctant you are to do any serious practical wand work.’

Her frown deepened and he took a breath before he said, ‘Dumbledore also told me a little bit about your past. Your father, and your brother.’



‘Shit!’ she said angrily, standing up quickly. ‘I asked him not to tell anyone about it.’

She grabbed her bag but he moved quickly, blocking her way.

‘He wanted me to make sure you passed your Defence NEWT, so you can get that job you want,’ he said quickly.

Jess looked at him furiously and hissed, ‘And he needed to tell you about my family because….?’

‘Because I think he wanted me to keep an eye on you,’ he responded. ‘He wanted someone who could help you if you needed it and…I guess he thought that I might understand better than others.’

‘What exactly did he tell you?’ she asked coldly but before he could answer, they heard a voice from the doorway.



‘Oh, sorry Professor,’ said a timid voice, obviously terrified by Jess’ tone. ‘You said to come and see you before lunch about my homework.’

Remus turned around and saw one of his First years, eyes wide as he stared at them. ‘So I did,’ he said, looking exasperated.

Jess brushed past him, trying to leave. ‘Jessica,’ he said, and she turned back. ‘Detention, tonight. Please don’t use that tone with me again.’

She stared at him then nodded. ‘Sorry, Professor,’ she said, then left the room.



They were both distracted the rest of the day. She ignored his gaze during dinner, refusing to glance up at him, even though she felt his eyes on her often. Frustrated, Remus had a quick shower after dinner then settled down in his office to mark homework before Jess got there.

Jess was furious still that Dumbledore had revealed her past, and the only thing reason she didn’t skip the detention was that she wanted to know how much Remus knew about her.

‘And you want to be alone with him because he makes you as hot as hell,’ a little voice in her head said, but she pushed it away, making her way slowly to his office.



He wasn’t in the classroom, but she saw the light on in his private office. Jess sighed and walked up the stairs, knocking on the door lightly.

‘Yep,’ he called and she pushed the door open.

‘I’m here for my detention, sir,’ she said, a little sarcastically, seeing him throw down the parchment he was holding.

‘Shut the door,’ he said, and she, a little reluctantly, obeyed.

‘You know I didn’t give you a detention, Jess,’ he said, coming around the desk to sit at one of the two armchairs near the fire. ‘I just didn’t know how else to get you here tonight; and I couldn’t let you get away with talking to me like that in front of another student.’ He gestured to the chair next to him and she walked across the room and sat down heavily.



‘So, how much did he tell you?’ she asked, but he turned the question around on her. ‘Why don’t you tell me about it?’ he said, watching her.

‘Because it isn’t something I like to talk about with everyone I sleep with a couple of times,’ she retorted, looking into the fire then closing her eyes for a moment before looking at him. ‘Sorry, Remus. That was uncalled for.’

Remus felt a little stung, but pushed his hurt aside. ‘Well, I already know a little,’ he said quietly. ‘Feel like talking to a perfect stranger about it?’

She glanced at him, recognising her own words. She felt a smile twitch at her mouth and leaned back in the chair.

‘Only with strangers who buy me a drink first,’ she said, staring at him.



He smiled and begrudgingly stood up, walking over to his desk and pulling out a bottle of mead. ‘I do owe you a couple of drinks I suppose,’ he said, grabbing two glasses and sitting back down.

‘Don’t let it get around that I give out mead during detentions, though,’ he said lightly, pouring the drinks. ‘I can’t afford to provide alcohol for all the underage students.’

Jess smiled and took the drink, murmuring her thanks. She took a sip and looked at the fire. Remus put the bottle down and watched her over the top of his glass as he drank.

‘She is beautiful,’ he thought, his body stirring as she crossed her legs.

His eyes fell lower and he suddenly recalled the taste of her on his tongue, and the taste of him on hers. He shook his head a little to rid himself of the highly inappropriate thoughts, which was easier than ridding himself of the highly inappropriate hard on he now was sporting. He leaned back in the chair.

‘Well,’ he said softly. ‘I’m ready for a long story.’



The corner of Jess’ mouth lifted momentarily then she looked at him. ‘How did you become a werewolf?’ she asked.

Remus blinked but answered, ‘I was bitten, when I was very small. I don’t really know what it’s like to not be what I am.’

She nodded, then looked back at the fire. ‘My brother was eighteen when he was bitten,’ she said quietly. ‘He was drunk, high too probably, mucking around with a friend at his farm on the holidays. They had gone for a walk through the fields and he was attacked.’



She sighed and took another drink. ‘It was a full moon. He, the werewolf, was fully transformed. Mike tried to fight him off; to outrun him, but he didn’t stand a chance. He was alive when they found him, but when my parents found out what had happened, they told everyone he’d died.’ She bit her trembling lip, then took another drink.

‘They were so ashamed of him,’ she spat, her nose wrinkling in disgust. ‘They bought him home in secret after his ‘funeral’ and locked him up, even when he wasn’t transformed. He was…scarred badly in the attack and they didn’t want anyone to see him.’

Remus frowned, but tried to hide his anger. ‘I was in my Sixth year when it happened,’ she said, her voice a little shaky now. ‘During a transformation, he got out of the room. Busted the door down and killed them both.’



Remus saw her face twitching as she tried not to show him she was upset. He moved to crouch in front of her.

‘Its alright to be upset,’ he said. ‘Losing your parents so young must have been so difficult…’ But she shook her head.

‘No,’ she said her voice firm. ‘I’m upset that Michael had to suffer through this. That he had to live with what he’d done, that he had to endure Azkaban; that, for some reason, he felt guilty enough about killing them that he killed himself. I’m not upset about my parent’s deaths - they deserved everything they got.’

Remus was shocked by the bitterness in her voice.

‘I know that sounds harsh,’ she said, seeing his face. ‘But you don’t know what they were like, Remus.’ He frowned then leaned over, dragging his chair closer to hers.



‘Dumbledore said your father gave you a bit of a hard time,’ he said and she let out a ironic laugh.

‘He beat us,’ she said bitterly. ‘Michael first, then when he hit back one day, he started on me. Mike did his best to try and protect me, but he couldn’t be around all the time.’

Jess stared at him, thinking she may as well tell him everything.

‘My mother knew he was doing it, but looked the other way. Didn’t want to give up her lifestyle. And she was worse than he was…not physically, but emotionally torturing us. She’d just chip away at our self esteem and confidence until we had none left, and we both became pretty self destructive because of her.’

She closed her eyes, shame filling her as she remembered the person she used to be.



‘Michael drank and did drugs to escape; I….’ she paused, then looked down at her mead. ‘I used sex to forget. Any interested guy and I was his.’

Jess held the glass tightly in her hand to try and stop her hand shaking. ‘I lost my virginity at twelve. That’s why I found you asking the other night so funny. I’ve probably been with more men since then than the average forty year old.’ Her voice was filled with self loathing.

Remus frowned and reached out to hold her hand. ‘You don’t need to tell me all this, Jess,’ he said softly. ‘Not unless you want to.’

Jess nodded and frowned. ‘I know,’ she mumbled. ‘But I’ve gone this far…’



Taking a deep, shaky breath, she continued. ‘When Michael was sent to Azkaban three years ago, I went on a…bender. I woke up bleeding and bruised in a hotel room with two guys I didn’t even recall meeting let alone sleeping with. They’d slipped something into my drink and we’d had what they called ‘very rough sex‘. They claimed I was a willing participant and, as I didn’t remember a damn thing, I couldn’t contradict them. They did things….things I know I wouldn’t have agreed to do. That was my wake up call, I guess,’ she said with a shrug. ‘I hadn’t been with anyone since then. Until you that is. You made me… fall off the wagon.’



She laughed, but there was no humour in it. ‘So, you spent the night with me to make yourself feel better? To forget?’ he asked.

She looked at him. ‘Why did you sleep with me?’ she asked, looking at him curiously. ‘To forget about your life and the girlfriend who dumped you?’

‘No. That might have been the reason I was there but that’s not why I ended up in bed with you. I’ve only ever had a one night stand once before, and I was pretty drunk and very young. I don’t like them. They’re usually so awkward. I slept with you because I was attracted to you and you were funny and….well, gorgeous. I like talking to you. I just really liked you,’ he mumbled and Jess smiled.

‘I liked you too, Remus and I wasn’t sleeping with you to make myself feel better. The Firewhiskey was doing a pretty good job of that. I slept with you because you….you turned me on. Because you made me laugh. Because you were a nice guy.’

She worried her bottom lip with her teeth and looked at him before she said, ‘You’re the only man I’ve been with that I don’t regret, Remus. I slept with you because I wanted you, not because I wanted you to make me feel better. First time that’s ever happened.’



Remus ran his hand up her arm, feeling an ache in his chest as Jess looked down and realised she still had her mead. She lifted the glass to her lips and drank deeply, finishing the drink.

‘It’s not all aspects of defence that beat me,’ she said with a frown. ‘It’s the ones that require strength of mind. In particular, the Patronus Charm and the Riddikulus charm.’ She sighed. ‘I just can’t seem to find a strong happy memory, or find anything amusing about a Boggart that turns into my father.’

When she heard the tremor in her voice, Jess suddenly stood up and put the glass on the table.

‘Detention over?’ she asked, not waiting for his answer as she opened the door and left the room, unable to talk about her father any more and remain collected.

Remus watched her go then refilled his glass, drinking it slowly as he stared into the fire, debating with himself well into the night.



A week later, after his latest transformation, he approached her in the hall just before dinner. She was with two of her friends, but he couldn’t wait to speak with her.

‘Jessica, could you come and see me after dinner, please?’ he said. ‘I want to talk to you about the homework you handed in.’

Jess nodded, and Tracey looked at him with a smile. ‘Are you feeling better now, Professor Lupin?’ she asked with a flirtatious smile.

Remus looked a little taken aback but smiled. ‘Fine, thank you Tracey,’ he said, then looked back at Jess.

‘About eight o’clock in my office, Jessica,’ he said before he walked away.

‘He’s got a nice bum,’ Karen whispered as she and Tracey watched him walk away. Jess turned her head, her gaze also falling to his ass.

‘Mmm,’ she murmured, recalling squeezing that ass as she begged him to push himself into her. An ache began in her groin and she frowned.

‘Come on,’ she said, ‘I’m hungry.’



She had a quick shower then made her way to Remus’ office. Jess knew damn well her homework assignment had been perfect, so she imagined he wanted to continue their conversation of last week. Knocking lightly on the door, she heard no answer. It was slightly ajar so she pushed it open, catching him putting his shirt on.

‘Whoops,’ she said, smiling a little as she tried to ignore the rush of heat that ran over her skin.

He spun around and grinned. ‘Sorry,’ he said, pulling his shirt down properly. ‘I just got out of the shower. You’re a little early.’

Jess nodded in agreement, clearing her throat softly.

‘Come in,’ he said, walking over to her and shutting the door behind her. ‘I want to talk about that problem. Sorry it’s taken so long for me to get back to you.’



She walked over to the fire and held her hands up in front of it. The castle was cold and draughty. Remus found himself watching her standing there, the flames throwing shadows onto her face.

‘Gorgeous,‘ he thought to himself. ‘She’s just breathtaking.’

Warmth that had nothing to do with the fire spread through him then he shook himself, moving to his small kitchenette. Jess looked over at him, seeing the tiredness in his face.

‘How did your transformation go this month?’ she asked with a small frown.

‘I’m fine,’ he said with a smile, feeling a little thrill when he heard the concern in her voice. ‘The Wolfsbane potion makes it a lot easier.’ He handed her a bottle of Butterbeer, opening another for himself.

‘I’m going to tutor you,’ he said with a smile. ‘We’ll work specifically on those spells you have the most trouble with in a safe environment so you can get some experience before doing them in class.’



Jess stared at him for a few moments, then lifted her bottle to her mouth. ‘Do you think that’s a good idea?’ she said lightly.

‘I don’t know,’ he admitted, wondering the same thing. ‘Probably not, but I won’t let you fail.’ He sat on the arm of his chair, taking a drink of his Butterbeer.

Every time she was this close to him he realised how very badly he wanted her but so far he had been managing to restrain himself. But put them in a room alone together too often….

‘You could try being a fucking adult, Remus,’ he told himself. ’And exercise some self control.’

Jess sighed then smiled. ‘I don’t really have much choice, do I?’ she said wearily. ‘I have to pass my NEWT exam. I want this job.’



Remus looked closely at her. ‘Dumbledore told me you want to work at the Ministry,’ he said quietly. ‘That you want to improve the laws against magical creatures.’

Jess looked a little surprised but nodded. ‘I do,’ she said.

Remus stood up and moved towards her, standing close. ‘When I told you what I was, why the hell didn’t you run a mile?’ he asked softly. ‘Your brother’s life was ruined by someone like me. You should hate me; people like me.’



Jess frowned. ‘I did,’ she admitted quietly. ‘For a long time, I did. When Mike came home, I was terrified. I thought the bite would change who he was, but it didn’t. He was angrier, resentful at first, but he was still the same person I’d grown up with. Still the same person who tried to shield me; tried to take my beatings for me.‘

She frowned and chewed on the inside of her mouth for a moment. ‘I tried to hate the man who’d bit him, but the more I read, and the more time I spent with Mike, the more I understood that the man who bit him had as little control over his condition as my brother did. How could I hate him, and not hate my brother? Hate the sin, not the sinner, Remus.’



Her eyes suddenly filled with tears. ‘I loved my brother,’ she whispered, blinking to try and stop the tears falling. ‘He didn’t do anything to deserve what happened to him and he couldn’t help what he turned into each month. The way our parents treated him…I wasn’t ashamed of him. He was the kindest, gentlest person….’

Her now strained voice failed her and she lowered her head, running a hand over her face. Remus couldn’t stop himself. He reached out and ran a hand over her head then pulled her gently to his chest. Her arms moved around him as she pressed her face into his shirt, trying not to cry.



‘It’s ok, Jess,’ he said gently, arms around her now. He lowered his head to hers and kissed her temple.

She looked up and swiped at her tears. ‘Sorry,’ she mumbled, and he smiled.

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ he said softly, cupping her face.

He bent his head and kissed her damp cheek, knowing he shouldn‘t but seemingly unable to stop himself. Jess closed her eyes as the touch of his lips made her knees tremble.

‘Remus,’ she whispered warningly and the sound of her voice saying his name made all of his common sense disappear.

‘Jess,’ he whispered back then his lips met hers, kissing her gently.



Heat surged through them both and the kiss deepened quickly, their mouths moving slowly, tenderly on each other. Eventually, they pulled away, breathless and unbearably aroused. Remus rested his head against Jess’, breathing fast.

‘I shouldn’t have done that,’ he whispered, his voice rough with desire.

‘No,’ she agreed, trying to catch her own breath.

‘You should go, Jess,’ he said, lifting his head. ‘Before we do something else we’ll regret.’

Jess pulled away from him and frowned. She moved to the doorway then stopped, looking over her shoulder.

‘I don’t regret anything that‘s happened between us, Remus,’ she said quietly, hurt in her eyes and voice. ’And I’m very sorry that you do.’

She walked out the door, closing it softly behind her.