The Lottery

Title: Poof
Author: MoonKat
Fandom: Harry Potter/BTVS
Summary: What if McGonagall managed to convince Albus that the muggles were no good for Harry. That’s good right?! Well she wished she didn’t when she found out how Dumbledore planed to get Harry protected by blood wards . . . A Lottery, a magical lottery for all the good witches and wizards to have a chance to be Harry Potter’s parent. Golden tickets would be given to those of good heart and pure intentions toward Harry, and the winner would become pregnant with the famous baby. What if Xander somehow got a ticket? Slash and other.
Disclaimer: DON’T OWN ANYTHING SEEN HERE! NO MONEY MADE! DON’T OWN!
Author notes & Warnings: might have Female/Female or Male/Male. I have No Beta. Be afraid.
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Closing his eyes Xander wished he could escape to somewhere safe, to anywhere but the execution chamber he was currently in. Be anywhere as long as it was away from the Scooby gang, any place just as long as the little one could be born. All Xander could think about was his tiny little baby, his fragile little person inside him (That still freaked the living fuck out of him!) dead before it could live. As magic spread around him like a storm Xander let out a keening noise of hopelessness, he did not want to see his baby DIE. He just needed to get away, get away NOW!

!POP!

Xander gasped as his chair jarred and broke as it hit the ground. Sitting on the ground wrapped in rope and wood far too shocked to move Xander just looked at his surroundings and blinked. How did he get in an office? Where was the gang? And why was it so dark in the room?


Getting to his feet Xander brushed off bits of wood and dust from his clothes. “Where the hell am I?” His voice echoed around the room. With care Xander crept toward the front desk to find it scattered with very old Chinese takeout boxes, maps of LA, crusty coffee cups, and a very nice pair of red heels. Xander picked up a cup and looked inside at the rust colored ring. Dread filled Xander. ‘No . . . I'm not at . . . not’ “Deadboy.” Xander said with a downcast look on his face as said vampire appeared before him in gameface with a big sword in his hands. He looked pissed.

Angel blinked and the crinkles on his face lessened. “Xander?” Then his yellow eyes widened with apprehension. “Is Buffy ok? Is she hurt? Does she need my help? I’m not sure I can leave right this minute. Angel Inc. is on a case-”

Xander sighed and rubbed at his temples to ward off a growing headache. ‘Angel is such a Buffy-brained poof.’ “No, no, and no, Deadb-I mean Angel. I’m the one that needs your help.”

Angel slowly lowered his sword and gave Xander a look of complete disbelief. “What?”

Xander grit his teeth together and placed a protective hand on his slightly rounded belly. “I. Need. Your. Help. Angel.” Xander ground each word out slowly as if talking to a small child or a very drunk man.

Angel blinked. “Are you really Xander Harris?”

Xander sighed.
**
Shocked silence made the small office an uncomfortable room to be in. Angel’s face puckered like he was sucking on a lemon and Xander bit at his lip waiting for the vampire to speak. “You’re kidding me? Xander I have no time for jokes! A young girl is being stalked by a demon and you want to waste my time playing around?!”

Xander’s shoulder’s curled in defensively ready to run for it if things got messy. “I’m not playing! Use those pointy vampy ears and listen for my heart beat. If you hear just a single heart beat I’m as bat-shit crazy as Drusilla, if you hear two Mr. Over-gelled, you have to help me and the baby.”

Angel glared but did as asked. He focused in on the rush of fresh blood, on the delicious thumping of a strong heart, and submerged himself in the vampires lullaby. Like an ocean lapping at a beach it churned wooing Angel’s hunger to grow and in that wonderful moment Angel had peace. He was a vampire and Xander was food, for one split second demon and soul were one and he was whole and at peace. Angel frowned as he listened to the music; it was uneven, like a mini ocean inside the bigger one. Angel blinked at Xander in shocked.

“I should call Buffy.” Angel reaches for the phone only to have Xander jump in-between it and him. “Xander?”

“No! Didn’t you hear me? They tried to kill it! As in stake in my belly, as in bad spells kill, as in hellmouth abortion! You can’t tell Buffy where I am o-or I’ll poof away!”

Angel rubbed his forehead. “Xander people just don’t pop from one place to the next not without serious magic backing them. This poofing as you call it could be a symptom of this thing in you! Xander they could be right about this. It could harm you.”

“No!”

Xander glared at Angel. Angel glared at Xander. It was a glare off contest, a battle of wills, and if Xander wasn’t so focused on winning he would have complained that Angel was cheating. Being of the undead he didn’t really have to blink like ever if he didn’t want to. But Xander had stubbornness on his side, he could not forgive the Scooby gangs quick judgment. It was Xander’s right to stay mad forever if he chose to, trying to kill someone’s child wasn’t the same as stepping on someone’s foot or breaking a favorite cup or eating the last chocolate donut. Right now Xander didn’t trust the gang at all. Angel sighed and broke off eye contact first which made Xander smirk slightly. “Xander what you told me is impossible! A man can’t just get . . . pregnant! Not without spells, charms, blood . . .” Angel started to pace and waved his hand about as he started listing off the ways a human man could get pregnant, most made Xander turn a little green around the edges. Then Angel looked Xander in the eye again and sniffed in his direction his nose wrinkling like an annoyed poodle. “You don’t smell like you had demon intercourse recently.”

Xander squirmed. “Gee, thanks for the check-up Dr. Overbite, do I need to show you my insurance card? Keep your nose to your self, I don’t go around sniffing you! It’s reeeealy creepy.”

Angel sat back down with a put upon sigh blowing loudly out of his mouth. “I’m just saying that it is a good thing. Not many demons can impregnate a male of any species without physical contact and exchange of fluid, such an exchange would make you smell like them till the birth. It’s a territory thing. So that means the ‘fetus’ is probably not evil or a demon’s spawn.”

Xander looked at Angel hopefully. “So you and your people will help me?”

Angel shifted and a constipated look washed over his face. “I’ll help you.” He said almost too soft for Xander to hear.

“What about your crew? Buffy said you have a crew?”

“Doyle and Cordy are out watching my client. I only came back to get some weapons.” Angel gestured to a chair with a bag on it.

Xander blinked. “Cordy’s working for you? Wow. Really?”

Angel nods then grimaced. “She’s even living with me at the moment, but only till she finds a new place to live. Doyle is looking.” Grabbing the bag Angel started heading for the door, he still had a case to finish.

“Oh. So, what ya hunting?” Xander followed close behind Angel. “I could hel-”

“A tursoth demon is stalking a girl. And no you can’t go with me.” Angel pointed at the elevator. “You go downstairs and wait for me. I still have questions for you. We’ll all have to do research when I return with the others. Fetuses just don’t appear in a body for no reason. Start looking through the books.”

Xander wanted to pout.

**
Xander was pouting. He knew it but couldn’t stop it, his lip jutted out unhappily like a sad child’s. He hated research. It was one of the banes to his existence next to endless bad jobs, flesh munching monsters, and awful porn. He flipped through the stale smelling pages, increased his knowledge on disgusting demon habits and reproduction, and spent a good three hours sitting in an uncomfortable chair to find nothing of value. Well nothing of value to his current situation. If ever a three headed gothplaque demon shows up offering him a choice between a silver apple, a golden peach, and a jade cup of grass clipping; he’s going to choose the cup. There’s no way Xander would marry something with that many mouths and that many not-tentacles, doesn’t matter if the demon would only live for thirteen mouths after intercourse. No silver apple for him even if it would make him super rich. Golden peach of immortality sounds cool but the line under its picture makes Xander a bit leery of it. ‘Beware a fruit too sweet when bitten is often bitter once eaten.’ And serving the demon for seven generation does not sound of the fun; they could live up to three hundred years as long as they don’t mate. Nope Xander would rather be high for seven day, horny for three, and dream walking for four days. Sounds like a less sign your life away choice. Gothplaque demons can make a human male pregnant but only after the ‘Choosing of the Three’ and the eating of the silver apple. So Xander could safely say he didn’t commit slorth`path with a gothplaque.

And he didn’t get infected by a snurzal demon, his skins not turning green and he’s not craving human flesh. Which is good, he didn’t want to grow roots and give birth to hundreds of snurzal seeds. Apparently it happened once in the 1900’s; a slayer had to burn down a village in Europe just to stop it from spreading.

Xander didn’t cumshuck a grusalug either, seems that one could be done with a human or a cow. It involved a taking of godly granted powers and the giving of seed. He didn’t have powers to give and he hasn’t visited any hell dimensions lately. Plus only royalty could cumshuck the grusalug.

He didn’t mate with a pure demon. Just looking at the pictures of the pure demons made Xander turn a bit green, sex just didn’t seem possible with something that gigantic. Hip breaker is the word that comes to mind.

Or anger/please a goddess of fertility. Though that one could be questionable, any number of things could please or anger a higher power. Some seem almost bipolar with their moods.

Or have any of the vast number of sex change spells cast on him.

So Xander was getting nowhere with his research . . . well except make the coolest moldy book fort ever! So when Angel Inc. shuffled tiredly into the office Xander was starring moodily at useless book number twenty three titled Fertility and its power: chants and charms. Xander glared at Angel. “Did you know tursoth demons could give someone pregnancy like symptoms when they infect them for turning?”

Angel raised a brow. “Really? Run into any?”

“Nope and they only turn women. That’s why they stalk them.”

Without Cordy noticing Angel looked her over for the three toothed bite marks. Normal Queen C is scary, a demon powered one would be near terror inducing.

Cordelia blinked at Xander. “What are you doing here, dweeb-boy?”

Xander stood and place a hand on his slightly curved belly. “I’m pregnant. Want to be the godmother, Cordy?”

She blinked. “Huh?”

The short guy next to Angel, Doyle, shuffled backwards as if pregnancy was sickness he could catch. Xander blinked, maybe it could be contagious?
**
Maybe Xander shouldn’t have just blurted out his problem, but he was cranky, sore, and surrounded by chaos, god help him but he wanted to cause a little chaos himself. A type of pay back to the world. The pained look on Angel’s face was worth Cordelia’s yelling and Doyle’s freaked out look. After much yelling and ‘Are you crazy?’ looks Xander and Angel Inc. settled in for a night of endless research. Well it seemed endless.

Even if he was only a day pregnant Xander’s energy lagged, his eyes were heavy and dark circles started to form under them. They had only just started in on the really gross pregnancy books when Cordy put her foot down and demanded rest. What was really weird was the demand was not for her but Xander.

Cordelia slammed her book closed and looked Angel straight in the eye. “Is the creature in Xander evil?”

Angel frowned. “From what Xander told me and what I smell. . .no it’s not. We just need to know how it got there.”

“Will it kill him?”

Angel shrugged. “He doesn’t smell like he’s dying.”

“Good. That means it’s time for bed.” With that said Cordy marched over to Xander and took the leather bound book from his hands. “I don’t know about pregnant men but women need plenty of rest in a comfortable bed. You’re sleeping in Angel’s bed.” Grabbing the confused Scooby(Ex-scoody?) by the arm Cordelia dragged him down stairs to Angel’s room.

Angel frowned. “Then where are you going to sleep?”

Cordy scuffed. “The couch, duh!”

Angel stopped just outside his room. “Then where am I sleeping?”

Cordelia shrugged. “It’s still dark out. Go bunk with Doyle.”

Angel frowned and stalked back upstairs with a mutter of ‘my bed’ under his breath.

Cordelia fluffed Xander’s pillow and tucked him in. Tucked HIM in! Xander blinked up at Cordy a little worried about the soft look in her eyes. ‘She could be possessed.’ “Cordy? Are you alright?”

Pod person Cordelia rolled her eyes as she exited the room. “What? I can’t be nice every once in a while?” With that said she flicked off the light.

Xander blinked in the dark and placed a hand over his stomach. “Maybe you are evil?” Soft pressure moved against Xander’s hand and love burst in his mind like firecrackers. With a sigh Xander curled up on his side, tucking his arms and legs protectively around his most cherished possession. Nothing that felt so innocent could be evil. “You’re not even born yet and you already hung the moon for me.” He fell asleep with a smile.
**
The next morning Xander woke up twice the size he was yesterday and ran straight to the bathroom to throw up. “Great morning sickness.” Xander groaned as his stomach rolled and rumbled.

“Are you ok?” Angel stood just outside the door with a pinched look on his face.

“Fine, I’m fine. Just worshiping the porcelain gods.” Xander said as he ducking his head into the toilet and puked again.

Angel grimaced. “Well when you’re done take a shower and get cleaned up. I’m taking you to the doctor.”

Xander blinked. “Wouldn’t a doctor notice I’m not you know . . . a woman?”

Angel rolled his eyes. “A demon doctor. One of Doyle’s friends.”

“Oh.”

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