Draco’s Remorse

“…had to overreact, didn’t you Ron?!” Hermione’s voice slipped into Draco’s mind. He began to come to and felt like his head was about to split in two. “M…’Mi?” he sounded so pitiful that he wished he hadn’t said anything. He opened his eyes and slammed them shut again.

The sunlight felt like burning daggers, melting his eyes away. “Hey there, Ferret!” Harry’s joyful voice came from the left side of the bed while Hermione continued to tell Ron off. “So, when the Sorting Hat said to unite as one house, I guess you took it quite seriously?” You could hear that Harry found it oh so funny that his old-time enemy and new-found friend had fallen in love with Hermione, one of his most trusted friends. “Tell me… How do you think your parents will react…? You! Mixing the precious pure Malfoy blood with dirty Mudblood!” Harry had said it as a joke, but by the look on Draco bruised face, Draco didn’t find it that funny.

Draco didn’t really care what his father thought of his relationship with ‘Mi, but what if his mother didn’t approve? He hadn’t thought of that possibility and between his killer headache, a sore jaw and the thought of his mother’s possible negative reaction, he felt nauseous to the point of vomiting. When Hermione suddenly realised that Draco had woken, he had turned the lightest green colour, sending Madam Pomfrey into alarm and throwing Harry, Ron and Hermione out off the hospital wing and telling them to go study or something else they normally do on weekends!

“Sorry about that, dear… I didn’t realize that the three of them would terrorize you so, just as you came around… But really I could have told myself they would…” Madam Pomfrey laughed a quiet little laugh. “Between the three of them, they have beaten every record for hospital visits in the history of Hogwarts, but you come in at a fine second place.” Draco smiled even though it hurt, making Madam P. stop and stare. “My, Draco Malfoy, you’re smiling. And not your usual arrogant smirk, but a real smile… What has gotten into you?” Her comment made Draco grin causing pain that made him grimace and sent Madam P. flying to her potion cabinet for painkiller potions and a vial of standard Sleeping Draught. “You better rest now, dear. The queasiness will be over when you awake and hopefully so will the pain.” Draco gladly drank the potions and drifted back to sleep.


Hermione was livid with rage. First, Ron knocked Draco unconscious and then when he came around Harry tormented him by reminding him that the news of Draco and Hermione becoming very close friends, maybe even falling in love, could possibly make Narcissa choke on her morning coffee and send Lucius the final step into madness! She was pacing back and forth and in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom thinking of curses, hexes and potions that could do nasty things to her so-called best friends.

Myrtle sat on the window sill giggling with glee over Hermione’s frustrations. She followed Hermione’s every step with her eyes. “Oh, someone’s got you really mad. Bet it was the fine-looking blond boy who is always teasing you.” Giggling, Myrtle floated down toward Hermione who glared at her. “As the matter of fact it’s not! Draco and I are getting along just fine! It’s those stupid, idiotic, incompetent morons I call friends!” Hermione’s eyes shot lightning. “Oh, oh… What has handsome Harry done? Bet it was that horrible redhead that made him do it!” Myrtle circled Hermione, excited about finding some juicy gossip.

“Stop spinning around me, you’re making me queasy.” Hermione sighed and sat down on the floor. “It’s just… It’s just so difficult…” Hermione felt so confused. She didn’t realize that her feelings for Draco could cause so much trouble. “Myrtle, you’ve gotten to know Draco right?” Myrtle was mystified how her knowledge of the cute boy could help, but nodded. Hermione bit down on her lower lip as she always did when thoughts troubled her. “When did he change? Would it be a problem for him if he dated a non-pure blood girl? Did he join the Death Eaters of free will or was he forced? Did he and Parkinson ever…?” Hermione stopped and blushed at the last words.

“Ohhh… those are interesting questions. Why do you care about what matters to Blondie?” Myrtle sent Hermione a smirk, the best she had learned from watching Draco, and then she set off from the floor hovering under the ceiling chuckling. “My, my, my… Little Miss Faultless has fallen for the bad, bad Slytherin boy.” With a shriek of jealousy she dived and stopped right in front of Hermione’s face. “Why do ALL cute boys sigh and moan over YOU!?” She screamed, “I WANT BLONDIE! And lately it seemed more and more likely… LEAVE HIM ALONE!” Myrtle looked outraged, but Hermione just frowned puzzled “Why would Draco date a ghost?” She couldn’t see the sense in that.

This made Myrtle giggle like she was crazy. “He would if he was one as well! He’s begun going to the astronomy tower every night for the last two months, staring out over the walls, talking to himself, ‘Shall I… Who would care? It would be so easy...’ and tonight he almost slipped over the edge! And he would have been mine!” With a scream she dived into the nearest toilet with Hermione staring after her, confused.

Was Draco so lonely that he had thought…? And tonight he had almost… She felt a knot forming in her stomach. So when she found Draco and Harry in the tower, Harry had just stopped Draco from…? She couldn’t even say or think the word. She had wondered why Harry had been friendly towards Draco, but she guessed you form a special bond with someone whose life you save. And she had screamed at Harry for teasing Draco! She had to find him. Harry had saved the one she had lost her heart to, but why had Harry been up there in the first place? She would ask when she found him. Oh, so much had happened in the last two days… She was so tired, so tired she just didn’t have the mind power to figure it all out.

As she left the bathroom in search for Harry, she didn’t see Moaning Myrtle glaring at her from outside the window. If she had she might have been somewhat concerned.


She found Harry and Ron in the Gryffindor Common room playing Wizard Chess as usual. Ron glanced up quickly at her then hastily focused on the game. One of Harry’s horsemen annihilated Ron’s last bishop making Ron cry out, “Bloody Hell, Harry… Gimme a chance would you?!” Harry grinned and looked over his shoulder, smiling to Hermione. “Hey ‘Mione… Come to yell at us some more?” Hermione looked so grave serious as she shook her head that Harry jumped up and ran to her. “What’s wrong ‘Mione?” For once she couldn’t speak. She just shook her head, burst into tears and threw her arms around Harry, hiding her head in the crook of his neck.

Harry became even more anxious over what had caused Hermione to fall apart like this. Even Ron came up and awkwardly patted her on the back. He didn’t really know where they stood in their friendship so he felt clumsy and kind of stupid. “Harry… You saved him… the tower… he…” her voice vanished in sobs and wails. ‘Ohhh,’ Harry thought, ‘she just found out what happened in the tower, that’s all.’ For a moment he thought the worse; either death eaters had killed her family or someone else had died. Kind of relieved, he wondered how she found out and how much she knew.

Ron stood back and felt sick. She really did care for the Ferret! For some reason he just couldn’t accept it. For crying out loud it was Malfoy, the pureblood bastard that had used every chance he got to make life miserable for everyone, especially the trio. And the way the Malfoy family always had treated his family; like they were contagious or just pure trash. No, he didn’t want to accept it. If that wrecked his friendship with Hermione, so be it! Ron turned away from the sobbing girl and his best friend and returned to the chessboard staring blankly into space.

Hermione couldn’t stop crying. The pressure of the last two days, falling down into the crypt, finding the secret passageway, becoming friends and confidants with her old enemy, Hell! Falling in love and having a mind-blowing passionate moment with him, confessing her love to him and being loved back, then the fight and just a few minutes ago, finding out that Draco had been so lonely that he wanted to end it all. It was too much. And the fact that one of her best friends had tried to save her, from what he had seen as an attack and finding out that it was his nightmare come true. It broke her heart. She still cared immensely for Ron and when he pulled further and further away from her, it felt like losing part of her family.

She loosened her grip around Harry and walk slowly over to Ron. “Please, Ron, don’t push me away.” But when she tried to put her hand on his arm, he pulled away and glared at her. “How can you?! He’s Malfoy!” Ron spat the last word like it tasted sour. “You know how his family has treated us Weasleys. Remember when Tom Riddle took Ginny? Malfoy found that very satisfying as he considered her a blood-traitor… Oh yeah, he was a bit disappointed that it wasn’t YOU!” Ron pushed away from the table, knocking the chess pieces to the floor and strode over to the fireplace.

“Ron, he has changed! He’s not that same jerk that did all those things… Please!” Hermione begged him to listen. “She’s right, Ron. He has changed. Like us this war has left its mark on him.” Harry stated making Ron growl, “Yeah, a fine dark mark I bet!” He slammed his hand into the fireplace. “So, you’re just fine with ‘Mione snogging Ferret Boy?” Ron looked disappointed.

Harry found it hard to see Ron so distressed, but wanted to help Hermione convince Ron to give Draco a chance. He raised his shoulders and sighed. “I think we’ve been judging him on what his father has done. People change.” He could see that Ron was building up steam and quickly continued, “Look, you weren’t there when Dumbledore was killed. You didn’t see Draco’s struggle between his orders and what he knew was right. If he had had just a few more seconds, I’m convinced he would have taken Dumbledore’s offer of protection!” Harry felt sorry for Ron, but had to do what he felt was right. “He had to choose between saving Dumbledore or his parents. What would you have chosen if you had been him?”

Ron felt betrayed, but at the same time he tried to see the logic in Harry’s words. But he just couldn’t! He grimaced and strode to the stairs leading to the boys dormitory and began climbing at a fast pace. Harry yelled for him to wait, but Ron just wanted to be alone. Hermione placed a gentle hand on Harry’s shoulder and whispered that it might be best to leave Ron alone for the moment. Maybe all he needed was time to think it through. She had her doubts but she hoped with all of her heart that Ron wouldn’t force her to choose between his friendship and Draco’s love.


When Draco awoke the next day, the pain was gone as well as most of the bruising. He was alone in the hospital wing, which was fine by him. It gave him time to think. Harry’s question haunted his mind. Somehow he had to find out what his mother would think of the whole thing, before advancing beyond one kiss. However passionate it had been, it was only one kiss. “Dobby?” he didn’t know any other way. “DOBBY?!”

With a pop his old house elf stood before him looking confused. “Dobby doesn’t work for Young Malfoy anymore. Dobby’s free!” Draco frowned; he hated this, but saw no other solution. “I know you’re free Dobby, but I was wondering if I could ask you for a favour.” Dobby’s large eyes got even bigger and he looked a little scared. “Please, Dobby, I know you always liked my mother and you’re the only safe way to find out!” Draco felt desperate and hated to have to sink so low as to beg a house elf for help. “Young Malfoy’s begging for Dobby’s help?!?” The elf couldn’t believe his ears. “Yes, Dobby… I am.” Draco swallowed some harsh words. He knew he had to gain the elf’s trust and shouting at him wouldn’t do any good. Dobby bounced up and down hooting, “Young Malfoy needs Dobby… Young Malfoy needs Dobby!” Then stopped and looking interested, turned to Draco. “Dobby will help!”


Narcissa sat at the grand piano, in the pale ivory Victorian sunroom, playing some of her favourite tunes, reminding her of times when the Manor had been full of life. Now she was alone except for the house elves and a few other servants. She missed having company around her, but since Lucius was put in Azkaban and the fall of The Dark Lord, their friends had kept away. Her sister Bellatrix had mysteriously disappeared after the final battle, so not even Bella’s critical voice broke the silence that haunted the fine Manor. Her fingers caressed the black and white keys of mother of pearl and ebony. Did she dare play that special song? Well, why not she was all alone; it wasn’t like the servants would tell. She stroked the first note and the sunroom overflowed with the sweetest melody.

She hummed along to a little lullaby;

“Baby mine, don't you cry
Baby mine, dry your eyes
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, baby of mine.

Little one when you play
Don't you mind what they say
Let those eyes sparkle and shine
Never a tear, baby of mine.

If they knew sweet little you
They’d end up loving you too
All those same people who scold you
What they'd give just for
The right to hold you.

From your head down to your toes
You’re not much, goodness knows
But you’re so precious to me
Sweet as can be, baby of mine.

All of those people who scold you
What they'd give just for
The right to hold you.

From your head down to your toes
You’re not much, goodness knows
But you’re so precious to me
Sweet as can be, baby of mine.
Sweet baby of mine!”


Memories of baby Draco filled her heart with joy and sadness. He had been such an easy baby with the cutest little frown whenever he didn’t get his way. Lucius hadn’t given Draco much attention in the first few years, babies and toddlers weren’t his cup of tea. So Narcissa had given him all the love and care she could, hoping in her heart that he wouldn’t turn out as hard and cold as his father.

On Draco’s fifth birthday Lucius had bought a deluxe beginners broom for his heir. He told Draco that every pureblood boy in the wizarding could fly on a broom and as a Malfoy he had to be second to none. Lucius praised himself as being one of the best broom riders in England and as his heir it wouldn’t do if Draco was only semi-good. Only being the best was good enough for a Malfoy!

Slowly Draco became the spitting image of his father; same sneer, same pose and same attitude toward non-pure bloods. When Draco came of age to start his education, Narcissa begged Lucius not to send him away to Durmstrang. She made the point that even The Dark Lord went to Hogwarts, so why shouldn’t it be good enough for Draco? Lucius had sneered at her, finding her pathetic in her weak prayer to keep her son close by. But he could see the logic of sending Draco to Hogwarts. In time he would become an important spy against Dumbledore, so Lucius let her have her will.

Narcissa had been as proud as any mother when they travelled to Diagon Alley to buy Draco’s school things. She had spoiled him rotten and caved in for any of his desired items. They had so little time to spend together once Lucius had taken it upon him to prepare his heir for the competitive pecking order in Slytherin House. He hadn’t even thought of Draco being sorted into another house. All Malfoy’s had been in Slytherin so naturally so would his heir.

In Madam Malkin's they had run into a dark-haired boy who seemed totally lost and couldn’t answer even the simplest questions. Draco offered the boy his friendship and even offered to show him which people to avoid, but the boy just said that he would do fine on his own.

Narcissa had been shocked at the manners of that orphan boy, but he quickly drifted to the back of her mind. It was only when she saw the boy again at the train station that she realized who he was. He had Lily’s eyes. It had to be her son… Harry Potter! And to think Draco had almost become friends with that boy. That would have been interesting. As it turned out, they became archrivals instead.


With Draco away in school Narcissa was left alone for days at the time. When Lucius was home, he criticized everything about her; she wasn’t as pretty as when she has younger, she didn’t handle the household well enough, she was lazy and was always writing Draco and sending him all sorts of stupid things. And when she had a miscarriage he blamed her for not being careful enough. Careful enough! She sneered in repulsion. Did he mean that she didn’t duck fast enough or defend herself quickly enough from the curses he hurled after her? And by not doing so, she was to blame! That coward, not even man enough to face up to the consequences of his abuse.

The more time Lucius spent with his death eater friends the more evil and abusive he became. Narcissa often considered leaving him but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. If she left, Lucius would take Draco away from her and that she couldn’t bear. Draco did not spend much time with her after his father had taken control of his upbringing but when Lucius was away and the two were alone in the manor, they enjoyed some quality time together playing chess, reading to each other or just relaxing while Narcissa played on the piano while Draco stood behind her. She could almost feel his hands on her shoulders now.

But the older he got the more time he spent alone in his room when Lucius wasn’t home. After the battle at the Ministry when Lucius was caught and sent to Azkaban, Draco became cold. He rejected her affection and said it what her fault that they had caught his father.

That summer The Dark Lord contacted the 16 year-old boy and given him a task that not even the most accomplished dark wizard would be expected to survive. Draco had been proud that Voldemort had so much trust in his abilities. He discarded Narcissa’s warnings and told her to be proud of him, like his father, or to leave him alone. As he left for Hogwarts, Narcissa looked to Severus for help and had pleaded him to make an unbreakable vow to protect Draco and complete his task should he fail, as he likely would.

She didn’t see her son until after that horrible night in the Hogwarts astronomy tower, the night Severus kept his vow and saved Draco by killing the world’s greatest wizard in his place. After they escaped Severus had Apparated them to the manor gardens, crying out for Narcissa. Draco had been in a state of shock mumbling to himself of Voldemort, death and failing. Snape placed him on a low garden wall.

Narcissa was stunned; her precious boy had faded away to nothing. He had lost a lot of weight and had dark circles under his eyes. He sat there staring out into space murmuring under his breath. She feared that he had gone crazy. Narcissa covered her mouth so as not to scream and panicked, looking to her old friend.

“He’ll be all right Cissy, he has just gone though a lot tonight,” Severus said in a comforting voice as he walked to the shaking lady before him. “Seeing someone die for the first time is always a shock. Even more when you were the one who was suppose to do the killing, but didn’t!” Taking Narcissa gently in his arms, Snape tried his best to calm the shocked woman. Then there was complete silence and the two adults turned to look at Draco.

“He knew… He knew my orders… But he didn’t stop me… before… Why?” Draco looked confused and scared “And how did he know? I’ve been so careful… Who told him?” Draco felt sick by the fact that he would almost certainly not see the sun rise tomorrow. Looking to the adults for answers he really didn’t believe they had. “I told him,” his godfather looked straight into Draco’s eyes only to be met by denial. “No way… No way that you would betray the dark Lord… I don’t believe you!” Draco’s fingers turned white as he grasped the stone wall. Severus walked slowly towards Draco and knelt down in front of him. “My loyalty has always been with Dumbledore… I was bound by an oath to serve the good side at all costs… even if it meant dying or perhaps killing a friend.” Severus suddenly looked tired and old.

Draco looked away, frowning. He felt betrayed and relieved at the same time. Relieved that he hadn’t had to kill Dumbledore; relieved that there was a slim chance that his godfather somehow could save him from dying at Voldemort’s hand. But the facts that his godfather and mentor had been hiding who he really was stung like a wasp. Did he even know the real Severus Snape? Draco placed his elbows on his knees and leaned his forehead on his knuckles. “So what you are saying is, you tricked us all into believing you were bosom-buddies with the Dark Lord himself, but really you were looking for a way to bring him down?” Draco’s voice sounded so natural that it was un-natural.

Taking a deep breath Draco turned and looked at his mother. “And why would my dear godfather take me here for safety? To the wife of Voldemort’s most devoted servant?” He still sounded calm and collected, but a fire was burning in his eyes. Narcissa frowned in confusion and asked why that mattered and why he thought he wouldn’t be safe here with his mother? Draco looked away again and answered coldly that he didn’t know what side she was on. It felt like a thousand daggers pierced her heart and she whispered “But, Draco, I have always been on your side!”

Draco’s shoulders began to shake and he felt his throat tighten. In a croaky voice he asked if she was on his side, then why did she rat out on Lucius? Narcissa looked baffled and shook her head. She hadn’t, she had stayed true to her husband even though he treated her like dirt. He was her family and she would never, never be disloyal to her family. “Then who did?” Draco tried to force the tears back. He didn’t want to break down in front of them.

“No one did. Harry had a vision of his godfather being killed at the Ministry and so set off to save him.” Snape’s eyes were livid with anger and he was getting more and more irritated over Draco’s questions. He took four giant steps and grasped Draco by his collar. “Now you listen, you ungrateful little git, your mother loves you to death and I have just blown my cover to save your pathetic ass only because your mother made me swear to. So get a grip, we’re trying to save your useless life! So PLEASE show us some respect and never question your mother’s loyalty ever again. Hear me!”

Draco stared with eyes wide open into his godfather’s face and just nodded. He realized he had focused on trivial things instead of being appreciative of Snape’s sacrifice and his mother’s devotion. “S… sorry…” he apologized as Snape let go of him. He gave his mother an apologetic look and then headed to the manor. “Someone needed to put that stupid boy back into his place!” Snape sighed and turned to Narcissa. Then the two came up with a plan to contact Professor McGonagall to negotiate safety for Draco and tell her the whole truth about Severus’ part in Dumbledore’s murder!


“Missy Cissy… Missy CISSY! Narcissa was snapped back into the present by a voice she hadn’t heard in years “Dobby? What on earth are you doing here?” Dobby smiled as innocently as he could saying that he had been missing Narcissa and just wanted to check that all was right in the manor, all the time looking at Narcissa with big sad eyes.

“Now, Dobby… There is another reason that you are here. I can see right though you remember!” Narcissa’s smile was warm. Dobby had actually been Draco’s house elf, but Narcissa had enjoyed his silliness and his care for Draco, even when Draco wasn’t good to him. Suddenly, Dobby sobbed and threw himself on to the floor, making Narcissa jump in her seat. “Dobby...? Please tell me… What’s wrong?!” Dobby sobbed a loud sob. “Dobby worried ‘bout Master Draco… Missy!” He sat up and looked at Narcissa with tears streaming down his cheeks. “Master Draco doesn’t eat or sleep much. He just lies in his bed sighing and turning. Master Draco fell down into a crypt and walked all night with the girly. Now, he just sighs and moans like it hurts.” Big tears fell slowly and Dobby hiccoughed a couple of times.

Narcissa smiled and then giggled, “Ohhh, Dobby!” She shook her head. So Draco had fallen in love, that was nice news, but who was this girl? “Dobby, that girl, who was she?” She tilted her head, smiled, and looked like a child on Christmas morning. Dobby tired to look as puzzled as possible. “The girly… She be a naughty girl… Teased Dobby many times… But she also made Dobby hats and socks…” Dobby smiled a big smile and looked innocently at Narcissa; like that description had explained everything.

“Now, Dobby, that’s not enough. Is she pretty? What House is she in? Is she popular? Does she do well in school? Tell me more, Dobby, please!” Dobby smiled. He had offered the bait and she had taken it just as Draco had told him. “Girly very pretty and very good witch. She bakes cakes for her friends and professors like her much much. She saved her friends from evil Snakeman more that one time!” Narcissa still smiled, but something was stirring in the back of her mind. When Dobby told her that the girl was the best student in her year, a glimpse of bushy brown hair and brown eyes flashed before her eyes and her jaw dropped. Dobby knew she had figured it out and casually continued to tell that she was in Gryffindor and her bestest best friend was Harry Potter.

Narcissa was speechless and didn’t even hear half of the rest that Dobby babbled about. How peculiar the way things change before you even notice. Well, it was said that there was a very thin line between love and hate, but she never would have dreamed of her son, Prince of Slytherin, falling for a Muggleborn Gryffindor-girl, much less Hermione Granger! Narcissa sat there, flabbergasted, and watched as the little house elf’s mouth moved, but didn’t hear a thing. What would Lucius say! His precious pure-blood in danger of being contaminated by none other than Harry Potter’s best female friend! Then she started to laugh, long and hard, tears spilled from her eyes. Dobby stopped in midst of telling of Hermione’s parents.

He blinked a few times and the slowly walked up to Narcissa and clapped her on the knee. “Missy okay? Why Missy laughing?” Clucking like a hen Narcissa looked into Dobby’s eyes and smiled. “Well isn’t that just perfect? My little Draco in love with the Muggleborn friend of Harry Potter! This will drive Lucius mad!” Actually, she was surprised that it didn’t mean anything to her. If it took Hermione Granger to make her son happy, so be it. This could be the thing that makes people look differently upon the Malfoy name.

“Well, Dobby, you can tell that witty, little son of mine that he shouldn’t worry about my reaction and shouldn’t care about his father’s. As it is, he might not even notice! Lucius didn’t even recognize me when I last visited Azkaban.” Laughing, she gave Dobby a kiss on the head and left the room to write a letter to her sister. Andromeda would get a kick out of this and might even forgive Narcissa for the past!


AN: The song Baby mine is not mine, but by Alison Krauss