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Ch 4: come clean

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“Wanker.” Harry stated plainly into the night. They had been in their between life and death paradise for two weeks. There had been moments, Harry was sure, that Severus had not exhibited the utmost hatred for him. Then again, there were days like today when the older man avoided him like he was the second coming of the plague. Their days were filled with an ill at ease silence, half-hidden-long-lived stares from across rooms and visits by their not-so-earthly guides. Sirius seemed to know something about Severus that Harry was not privy to and Dumbledore was acting like a school boy whenever he was around the two other men, hinting at something that Harry could just not grasp. While it was wonderful to be spending time with his parents, they to, were contributing to the overall feeling that everyone knew something that Harry did not.

“Pardon me?” Snape asked in a low voice.

“I said ‘wanker’ as in ‘you are a…” Harry sat up suddenly. “What the hell is going on?” He wasn’t asking, he was demanding. “I know that all of you know something and it’s bloody well pissing me off!” He shifted so that he was facing his professor. “Lumos!” He shouted. Snape rubbed his eyes to rid them of the assaulting light.

“Go back to sleep.” Snape was pleading.

“No I want answers!”

“You don’t. Now do as I say.” The older man threatened, growing short-tempered.

“If you hadn’t noticed professor we are not at Hogwarts! I’ll not have you ordering me around. You owe me damnit! The truth!”

“Stop seeking Potter. You will not fancy what lies on the road ahead of you.”

“You will tell me right now or…” He was surprised to find himself being pushed down into the bed by his shoulders. Snape was proving to be much stronger then Harry, he was frozen in a mixture of fear and shock.

“I said let it alone boy!” His hair hung wildly to his shoulders, his black eyes smoldering.

“Just tell me.” Harry stopped resisting. “Please…” Both bodies trembled. Snape realized his hands still held a firm grasp on the boy.

“Gods Harry I’m…I’m sorry.” Harry dare not move when he was released.

“What’s going on?”

“Can’t you let it go? I’m sorry I lost my temper but please don’t press the matter.” Snape’s voice was flooded with fear and shame.

Harry hesitantly touched the other man’s shaky frame. “Just tell me…”

“I can’t.”

“I’m begging Severus. If everyone knows it can’t be that bad.”

“It could change everything. I won’t risk it. We’ve become friends, you and I, I won’t let that go.”

“Did you forget the whole ‘forever’ thing? Nothing you could say can change that.”

“I fear that this will.”

“Have some faith in me Snape. Just say it.”

Snape rested his head in his hands. “Harry…”

“I’m right here. Just tell me.”

“I have…I find myself…” Snape drew in a painful amount of air and resigned himself to the fact that this was the time.

“I love you Harry Potter.”

“Huh?”

Severus was humiliated. “I assure you that I will never repeat that.”

“No I…Christ…I…wow…is that?...who…bullocks…”

“You’re blabbering Mr. Potter.”

“I know…but…seriously?”

“I’m going to sleep in the living room.” Harry grabbed the other man’s hand before he could stop himself.

“Stay. Please stay. I…” Harry was unable to summon words. He did the only thing he could surmise would possibly express what he wanted say without going into another mind boggling mess of words. He kissed his potions professor, the bane of his existence, Severus Snape. The former death-eater allowed himself to bask in warmness of his student’s lips for only a moment before pulling away.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what? You said…”

“Don’t pity me Potter. I neither need nor want it.”

“It wasn’t pity Severus. It was acceptance.”

Snape looked like he had never stopped to entertain the idea.

“Did you really mean it when you said you would never repeat it?”

“Repeat what?”

“That you love me. Will you never say it again? Even if I were to say that…” Harry’s eyes fixed with his mates. “I love you Severus Snape and, am personally insulted that you believed that I would have ridiculed you for sharing that with me.”

For a solitary moment dark eyes seemed to be filled with tears, which were quickly blinked away.

“You?...Harry…I…what?”

“You’re blabbering Mr. Snape.”

Severus was no fool. He took the moment that he was offered and placed a soft kiss on the lips of the man that he believed he would never be allowed to touch. Harry wrapped his hand in dark hair, pulling two bodies closer. Severus inhaled relief as he rested his forehead against a lightning-bolt scar.

“Are you sure that you wish to be mine Potter? I seldom release things of importance to me.”

“Seems like we’re pretty locked into forever.” Harry laughed and kissed the man again.

“It’s been so long. I’d forgotten how agreeable this is.”

“It’s been so long since you’ve loved of snogged?”

“Your butchery of the English language surpasses no other. The answer is ‘snogged’.” It appeared that the word left a bitter taste in Snape’s mouth. “Loved?” He said the word as if he had never heard it before. “You would be the first to experience such a thing.”

“Never?”

“Didn’t seem worth my time.”

“What would Salazar say if he knew it was the boy who lived?”

“Oh I am confident that heads will roll…Nox.” He whispered and the lights extinguished. Severus took joy in pulling another frame to his own.

“Do you think it will be strange?” A questioned asked into darkness.

“Will what?”

“Well we’re…wherever here is…and back home I’m laying at Voldemort’s feet half dead and you’re all the way dead. In that space we despise one another. No one will know of this time we’ve had. What? Am I just going to wake up and be like so guys…?”

Severus gave a soft chuckle. “That might prove most difficult.”

“I can’t wait to see Voldemort’s face when he sees you walking in.”

“Let’s prepare for that battle after our time here is done. For once I long for a small time of peace.”

“There’s no doubt that we deserve it.” Harry nestled closer.

Snape went to sleep that night feeling more at peace then ever before.

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