A Return To Hogwarts

Over the next week, I was diligently helping Severus prepare tests and quizzes for the students, while he was determining what he would spring on them the first day back. We spent our nights together in either his bed or mine, sometimes making love until late hours, until we finally fell asleep from exhaustion. I enjoyed his company, and I know he was finding me to be an asset to his teaching career. I had organized everything in his stores for him, helped him accomplish three times as much as he would alone, and he often told me it was making his life easier to live, and, he added, more… pleasurable. I also wrote a lengthy letter to home, telling my king I would be here for a while, and at this time I did not know precisely when I would be returning. On one of our daily quiet visits to the courtyard after breakfast, I had introduced Severus to Hugo. Hugo seemed to like him well enough, but didn’t quite appreciate that he wasn’t getting as much attention as he normally would from me lately. He soon warmed up to the idea of having an extra friend to chatter to, and one day he brought Severus a dead rat, plopping it by his feet. Severus, at first, did not know quite what to think about a dead rat being brought to him as a gift, so I politely told Hugo to take it to Hagrid to dispose of properly. He flew off with a defiant squawk, and came back later before we went back in to have his feathers stroked. Severus hesitantly obliged, but I insisted he should, so there wouldn’t be hard feelings. You really don’t want a raven as your foe. Ravens tend to enjoy shiny things, which can disappear, and sometimes turn up in odd places. Hugo takes great delight in this ritual, when he wants you to know he is a little upset with you. Hugo had apparently not wanted Severus to stop stroking his feathers once he had started. Whenever Severus would stop, Hugo would dip his head down and made a low squawking sound while trying to nip at Severus’ fingers until he stroked Hugo’s neck feathers again. I laughed at the both of them, Severus simply said “Woman! It’s not funny!” then he laughed. Finally I told Hugo to quit and after a final pat on his head we went inside.

It was the day before the students would be arriving. I was getting the jitters more and more as the week went on, and I knew I would feel better once we got over the first hurtle, which would be the student’s arrival, and then the start of classes. I awoke before Severus that morning. I decided it would be a good time to perhaps go outside before everyone else was stirring, and meditate a little. It had been a while since I had paid any homage to my Gods, and I was feeling a little guilty about it. I left Severus a brief note and put it on my pillow beside his, just explaining there was nothing to worry about, I had gone outside to greet the day, to meditate for a few moments, and hopefully I would be back by his side before he even opened his eyes. I got dressed quickly, because I really didn’t want to be gone too long, and headed outside to do what my inner spirit was aching for.

I crept out the door to the grounds, and luckily, I hadn’t run into anyone yet, even Hagrid’s hut was still quiet. I found a nice, secluded area, and Hugo suddenly flew up and landed on my shoulder. I stroked his feathers, and he clicked his beak as he was quite happy to see me. He seemed to acknowledge he knew why I was up and about so early, and acted as though he wanted to participate in my mini-celebration today. I settled down on a patch of grass, and began to meditate. As I meditated, I found myself slipping out of my body, which was fine. I wanted to talk to the Thunderbird anyway. Hugo was standing guard over my body, so I had nothing to worry about. I located the Thunderbird and he was not offended, nor confused. He seemed to communicate with his eyes, that all was well, and he enjoyed being in such a place like Hogwarts. The magic therein, at Hogwarts, seemed to replenish his very soul. After I spent a few moments with the Thunderbird, I decided I would ask him if we could find Freya. He spread his wings, and allowed me to ride his back to Asgard.

We landed on the splendid gilded pathways that connect the halls and abodes of each of the Gods, and made our way to Freya’s hall. She was in her garden, and smiled as though she was expecting me. I knelt before her, in respect for intruding on her, and in her ethereal voice she told me to rise. I walked with her in her garden, and she told me it was part of her master plan for me, to find happiness again. She didn’t want any ‘daughter’ of hers to become old and twisted with the pain in their heart of being unloved, or to stay torn apart like mine had been. So I asked her then if she had done anything to Severus to make him love me. She assured me she didn’t, it was all him: his heart had been aching for some time too. He needed someone just as much as I did. I was relieved in so many ways. She told me I could trust him, and I shouldn’t worry about that at all. It was all 'the right place and time,' she said.

As we walked I saw Odin himself, riding on the back of Sleipnir, his eight legged horse. He slowed, and nodded respectfully to me, as he rode past. I asked Freya how home was doing since I had left. She told me that all was well, but I should send some communication to Hrothgar, just a quick little letter to let him know all is good. I told her I had just sent the letter yesterday, and she agreed it was about time. She said it would be a good idea to tell him about the love of my life, he would be pleased to know how I am doing. She assured me he wouldn’t be angry about my having to stay for an extended period, though he wanted me to come home alive and well, he would not be terribly shocked if I had to stay a long while. As for my armor and sword, they were mine, she reiterated Hrothgar didn’t fully expect me to return at all, and he cared for me so much he didn’t mind giving his adopted daughter the valuable items. She said they were intended for his real daughter, the one who had died at the hands of a dragon, but he was more than happy to give them to me, the avenger of her death, in honor of her memory. Freya also spoke of dark times ahead, she said Severus and I would be fine, but danger was lurking in the not too distant future. She said I would continue to find happiness with Severus, and to keep him close. I asked her if things were about to change with him and I, and she assured me they would not, however we would find on school nights we would have to be working late sometimes, but we would be together. I also asked about Severus’ demeanor towards me, how normally he is very crass to others, but he treats me like gold. She laughed and shook her head, as though I had told a humorous joke. After he chuckle was over, she told me, in all seriousness, I had a calming effect over him. This is what he sensed as soon as he met me, and what Dumbledore actually meant when he said we compliment each other. She said he felt so deeply for me, I was, as they say, rubbing off on him. She said he won’t ever completely change towards others, but his patience is growing, and he will always treat me like gold. She herself would make sure of that if she had to, she told me, with a wicked grin on her fair face. I told her about the shower Severus and I shared, the one where I was inexplicably sensitive of the Gods’ presence, and she stopped me because she knew what I was talking about. She explained that, yes, She, Frey, and Odin himself had been there, all giving their blessing to our relationship. When I asked why, she said “Haven’t you been through enough in your love life?” Odin allowed Severus’ sinister past deeds to be washed away in the water, while Frey blessed our bonding as lovers, and Freya lent her unending passion to our union. I began to ask her what Severus actually did do as a Deatheater, she shook her head solemnly, and said he would tell me if and when he saw the time was right. She had no right to tell me, which I understood. It didn’t directly involve me, and she told me everything that I did need to know already, that I could trust Severus.

I thanked her so much for her time, and she kissed my cheek like a mother would, and then she hugged me, and told me not to worry, it would be fine. I started to cry as she held me, it seemed her touch was causing me to explode like an emotional dam had been breached in my system. I knew it was for the good, because the more I cried as she held me, the better I felt. She held me as though I was her child, stroking my hair, and letting me release my emotions until I was done. She again told me it would be ok, and she told me to be strong, then she said I was ready to go back to my body. I felt a thousand times better than I’ve felt in quite some time. I felt as though I could take on an army of trolls. I said goodbye to her, and she blew me a kiss, as I climbed onto the Thunderbird and left Asgard. I did feel better. I looked back at Freya and admired her beauty, her strawberry blonde hair and her vast blue eyes shone in the sunlight, she was truly something to behold, even for a straight woman, such as myself. I was nearing my physical body, and I bid the thunderbird goodbye for now. He squawked, but it sounded like thunder rolling. I slowly got back into my body, and I opened my physical eyes once I got back in. The moment I opened my eyes, I saw a flash of lightning in the distance that spread across a puffy cloud, reminiscent of blood vessels on a brain, and it was followed shortly by a loud rumble of thunder. I thanked Freya again, and left her an offering of a couple of strands of my own hair. I began the short journey back to the castle. It wasn’t going to rain today, the closer I got to the castle, the sunnier it became. The lightning was just the thunderbird leaving. Hugo followed me back to the main doors, and let me kiss him on the head and scratch the back of his neck. I thanked him for watching over me, I was in a fairly deep trance, but it helps to have a look-out sometimes. Hugo then flew off to Hagrid’s hut again. The sun had only been up for about 20 minutes, so I assume that is all the time I had been gone. I ran back to the dungeons, to find Severus getting dressed. I ran to him and kissed him as he was startled by my uplifting emotional state.

“So why are you up so early?” he asked, in a silky voice.

“Did you find my note? I had to go outside, there was a couple of things I needed to do.” I said, still smiling.

“And did you accomplish what you set out to do?” he asked, continuing to get dressed nonchalantly, but acting as though I was up to something.

“Look, my love, I went outside because I need to meditate, I ended up getting out of my body, and I decided to go and talk with Freya.” I said compassionately, sensing his mood.

“Well, I’m not angry with you, not at all. I was just worried. I just wanted to see you when I opened my eyes this morning, that’s all. We don’t have very much time before the students begin arriving, and I got to thinking about what you said…wait… you did what?” he said abruptly stopping buttoning his frock coat and looked at me.

“Severus. It’s ok. I think maybe I should tell you what Freya and I talked about.” I sat with him on the edge of the bed, and began telling him everything, well nearly everything. I left out the parts about him needing me, surely he already knew that, also the way she said I could trust him, among other choice things I didn‘t mention. I didn’t want to seem as though Freya was snooping around in everyone’s business. I also didn’t mention about me asking Freya about his former career as a Deatheater. I did briefly tell him about the shower we shared together, about the presence of the Gods, and he agreed he felt something powerful that day, but couldn’t put a finger on it. I told him that it was her that played a big part of us getting together though, and the bottom line was we had nothing to worry about. I also mentioned the part about dark times being ahead, and how she embraced me and I felt like she had ridden me of some kind of burden I was apparently carrying around somewhere within me.

Once I was done, Severus sat there, in awe. He stammered at first, quite atypical of the man who always seems to have something to say about everything, or at the very least a look that would incite a novel. “So you really did talk to the Freya, the Goddess?”

“Yes, Severus, the Gods are not unreachable. They care about their dedicants, and do whatever they can to help out.”

“Ok, so she tells you about all this, and then she released your pain from you.” he said, his eyebrows were scrunched down, in a befuddled look.

“Yes I believe that is what she did.”

I continued by telling him of the time she saved me from a large troll and kissing away my concussion, and making it possible for me to defeat it with the war hammer. He was in awe again, he pulled me to him on the bed. He kissed me and held me for a while, as though he was trying to comprehend all this. Then he told me I felt different, but in a good way. He said I no longer felt to him like I was carrying a burden, he could really sense it. We fell back asleep, for just a short while. When we awoke again, it was time for breakfast. He remarked that I had an unusual radiance to me, especially as the sun hit me. I assured him that was normal. My internal batteries had been recharged, I felt in a word, awesome. He told me I was beautiful, now more than ever. I still don’t think he quite understood, and we sat down to breakfast.

As we ate, the other teachers began to filter in, still sleepy, as though it just shouldn’t be morning yet. Suddenly they all seemed to notice I was more radiant than usual as we indulged in conversation with them. I really wasn’t surprised, at the profoundness of the others’ reactions to me this morning, meeting with Gods tends to make people different. Often times, it is just a subtle difference, a rosy glow, an unusual shimmer to the eyes, but Freya did something to me this morning I, myself, could not completely understand. When we were through with breakfast I said we needed to go outside, alone, to talk. He obliged my request, and we went to the courtyard, for privacy. I casually asked him if he would like me to teach him the ways of out of body trance work.

“I’m not sure I completely understand how to do it.” he said.

“I could teach you.”

“I thought you said you aren’t qualified to….”

“to teach students,” I said warmly. “However, you are not a student. I can teach you up to the level I am at. Students are different. You have to explain everything to them, in infinitesimal detail however, as I said, I have experienced the first level and I could take you to that point.”

He looked a little unnerved, as it must have made him recall what I did to get to the first level, even though he wasn’t sure exactly what that entailed. “Alright,” he said, “Then tell me, first, what it involves and I will tell you if I am willing to let you teach me.”

I began to tell him of assisted trance, trancing with someone watching over you to make sure you are safe, and other forms of trance, where you can go in a trance, who and what you can encounter, and finally sexual trance. I explained that it isn’t exactly as bad as it sounds, basically it is a trance state brought on by orgasm, where the two people involved usually exit together. Usually after exiting the two people usually combine their souls for a brief moment, sharing the same space for a very limited period of time. It allows people to experience the other’s life in the few seconds that it happens, their memories become your memories for a flash of time, it doesn’t all flood in at once, and it is usually only what the other one wants them to see. With the inexperienced, however, you do sometimes get a flood effect. There are no ill after-effects though, the worst that could happen is leaving the trance state to get back into your own body at the shock of the flooding information, depending on how much your brain can handle. I explained it isn’t necessary to join in that way, but it is an ecstatic experience. Then, you can explore worlds together, or simply go back into your bodies. There is no risk of getting into the wrong body, your soul automatically goes back to where it came from, no chance of getting mixed up. I seemed to go on for a long time about it, finally when I was through, he sat pensively for a time.

“Well, how are we supposed to work that into our schedules?” he said, I was a little disappointed with his apprehension. “I mean we could try, but if it doesn’t fit around my classes, your work as my assistant, and of course I want time with you without having to worry about…”

I hated to interrupt him, “Severus, this sort of thing might bring us even closer together. Honestly though, if you have reservations about it, it isn’t going to work anyway. If you feel like you need to rush it, or schedule it for ‘x‘ amount of minutes then it won‘t work. As far as fitting it in, it‘s really not as exhausting as it sounds, in fact it revitalizes you more than anything.”

Severus sat for a minute before talking again, I had nearly thought he was angry with me for interrupting him, and telling him like it is, but instead he remained calm and courteous. He sighed and apologized for his shortness with my offer to share with him, as it was obviously something I held with esteem to be able to do, if not something I held sacred.

“Now you’re getting it, apology accepted, my love.”

“Well then, I suppose when we have free time I wouldn’t mind learning more. I don’t know I will be able to do it, though. I’m not entirely comfortable popping out of my body to run around without it, but I do find it intriguing.”

“Well, do you think we could take a walk, and go to that secluded spot? I could start by showing you basic relaxation techniques. You could surely use that, given that it could help you deal with your little dunderheads.”

He chuckled halfheartedly at that notion. “I daresay I agree with you there.” he said with a sigh, shaking his head, realizing we were but a breath away from students arriving tonight on the Hogwarts train.

We trekked over to our spot and I instructed him to lie down, his head resting on my upper thigh. I massaged his temples and told him to relax, but try not to go to sleep. He did as he was told, and I told him I would try a guided meditation, which is the first step into trance-hood.

“Just let the images come to you,” I said with a calm, soothing voice. “You find yourself walking through a forest, the trees seem to bow their branches out of your way as you walk among them. There is a clearing ahead of you, and you make your way to it. You hear normal forest sounds, birds chirping, and the leaves beneath your feet crunch as you walk on them. You feel at peace. As you reach the clearing you see an older man standing there, he has stag horns on either side of his head. You realize he is the one from Celtic legend, The Green Man, the protector of the forest, standing there in a peaceful way. He offers you to sit before him, and he lights a long pipe. The smoke from his pipe curls into the air, and as you watch the smoke you find it is shifting into shapes of animals as he exhales it. He tells you only that you need to find your animal. This animal is your power animal, your totem. Now, you rise, and he gives you a worthy nod, and points toward another thicket of trees. The trees’ branches again give way, beckoning you to enter another part of the forest. You enter the thicket, and the branches delicately close behind you. As you walk, still feeling at peace with the glorious forest around you, you finally come across your animal. What do you see, Severus?”

“I see a … actually I don’t see anything.. But I am tremendously relaxed.” he said as he opened his eyes.

“Well it’s a start. You really didn’t see anything?”

“I did at first, I was able to see myself walking through a forest, but as I got to the Green Man, everything went fuzzy.”

“That is a start. Clearly we will have to work on that. You can do it yourself as well, if you feel you can. Don’t try to rush the images, they will come. Before too long the images will become so real you will feel you are really there, usually at that point you are actually out of your body. I didn’t really expect too much today, but you are relaxed and that is a good point to start on.”

He sat up and kissed me, pulling me close to him. I wasn’t sure if he wanted me, or just wanted to be close to me. “I did see the forest, it was … odd. I could literally smell the wildflowers. Really.”

“I know you did, love.” I leaned down and rested my head on his thigh, enjoying the sound of the black lake’s waters rippling on the shore line. He stroked my hair, and I stroked his thigh. I sat back up, because I didn’t want to laze the morning away. “Severus, are we caught up on things for the students arriving?”

“That’s a never ending job, but yes, so far we are caught up. Did you have something in mind?”

“Well, what do you want to do today? And not that, I don’t want to become wrapped up in pleasures of the flesh alone.”

“Yes, I agree there. Not that I don’t want to, but I want us to do other things as well, otherwise it will get monotonous.”

“Do you want to go anywhere, like maybe we could go to Hogsmeade. I haven’t been there since, well, I can’t even remember, it’s been a while.”

“Alright, we can do that. I suppose we could make a morning and afternoon of it.”

“Should we ride our brooms? That could be fun.”

“Fun. Yes.” he said with a slight chuckle. After I said it, and heard him say the word, I realized I didn’t know if he knew how to have fun like ‘normal people’. Sure, he enjoys Quidditch, but ‘having fun’ in the common sense of the word?

“Great, it’s a date then.” I hugged him and kissed him sweetly. He held me for a few more moments, then we got up to tell Dumbledore we were going to Hogsmeade for the day, and would be back some time later. He said it was fine to get out and enjoy the day before the kids get back to school. Before we left his office, he pulled me aside and asked that I bring him back some fizzing whizzbees and acid pops, he gave me a galleon to buy his candy with, then he decided he would give us our weekly salary a day earlier than payday, just because he wanted us to have a good time. I had some wizard money saved up, which I made sure to bring with me from home, roughly 125 galleons. I hadn’t needed it in years, and I suppose I should have put it in Gringotts, but since I didn’t know when I would require wizard money, I kept it with me. The Galleons and Knuts looked like play-money to anyone else, so it wasn’t in danger of being stolen. My salary at Hogwarts was 35 galleons a week, I’m not sure what regular teachers make, but I suppose 35 galleons is good pay for an assistant. Severus and I went back to our rooms to get our stuff ready to go. It was a warm late-summer day, so tried to pick something that wouldn’t clash horribly with Severus’ normal black attire. I finally settled on my burgundy-wine colored robes with black and silver trim. They were a gift from the Druids given to me upon my graduation from Hogwarts. I rarely wore them, so they still looked like new. They still fit beautifully, I think they fit me better now then when I had first received them. The robes hugged my figure, showing off my curves, the sleeves were bell-sleeves, and the front was laced up in a silvery threading. The bottom of the skirt, and the sleeves are trimmed in a black velvet that assured it would weigh it down a little as they were made of a lightweight silky material. I knew I wouldn’t be atrociously hot wearing them, because the material was almost weightless. I picked up my White Buffalo 780, and decided to see if Severus was ready. I knocked on his door.

“If that is you Siguna, please come in.” he shouted from his bedroom.

I tried to sneak in as quietly as I could after that. To see what he was doing. He was in his bedroom, shining his broom handle (Seriously). The broom was in his lap, and he was just finishing up with a cloth, buffing the dust off of it. It looked like he had been at it the whole time. It was actually a nice deep cherry-wood color. He looked up at me, and stopped waxing his broom. He sat the broom down and tossed the cloth aside. He rose out of his chair and came over to me. “You look… amazing.” he said, eyes widened, pupils large.

“What? I just threw this old thing on.” I said, trying to figure out what the devil got into him.

“No, really, you are… beautiful.” he kissed me gently. He held me for several moments, and he whispered “I love you, I really do love you.”

“I love you too, Severus, and you look handsome yourself.” I hugged him back, snuggling my head into his chest. “So are you about ready to go?” I asked as I stroked his back.

“Yes, actually. I got out my old broom, it was a bit dusty, so I was making it presentable. Is that yours?” he asked looking at my white birch broom.

“Yes, it’s not too much to look at, but it’s really sturdy, it got me here in one piece.”

“Oh, no, it’s, ah, interesting. Where did you get it?” he said trying to be polite, I know my broom isn’t as pretty as a nimbus, but the White Buffalo is a powerful broom, I found that out on my way here.

“Bearclaw gave it to me, that’s Hawkwind’s brother. His company makes magical items.”

“Oh. I see.” he said sitting back down as I offered it to him so he could look it over, he took it and began to study it in his hands, like he was inspecting it for safety regulations at a Quidditch match. “This… uh.. Hawkwind. You loved him?” he said, glancing up at me and back to the broom.

I was rather taken aback by his sudden mentioning of Hawkwind. “Yes, I suppose I did love him.” I swallowed hard hoping this conversation wasn’t going to sour the whole day.
“You miss him? I mean, do you think about him often?”

“Severus,” I sighed, but he looked at me with sincerity, so I felt obliged to answer him. “Not as much recently, since you and I have been together.” I was being honest, over the past five years, I had thought of nothing else to get me through hard times. I even tried desperately to visit the afterlife in out of body trances, but I could never gain entrance, not because I wasn’t dead, but because my need was a selfish one to see my dead lover, and to make myself feel better. As I thought this, I stared him directly into his eyes, if he was reading my mind, he would see I was telling the truth. “He used to occupy my mind all the time, I guess you could say I was nearly obsessed, I fought with the idea I could have saved him from the bear. However, over the years, I have come to grips with his loss, and its impact on me for the better. I feel his passing caused me to become comfortable with the idea there is a place beyond this one that we all go to after we die. Perhaps waiting for another incarnation, or simply to rest, or become part of the universe itself.” I said thoughtfully. I had never really said any of this out loud, and it made me apprehensive talking about it. “Why do you ask me about this now?”

“I needed to know, that you have moved on, I suppose.”

“Severus, I need you to know he will always be part of my heart, but he is gone, and yes it tore me apart, but you are here now. You are my present and my future, and he is my past. He was my world at that time, you are my world now.” at those words, I thought I saw a tear forming in Severus’ eyes. I knelt before him and put my hands on his knees. “I love you, Severus.” I put my head on his lap, and he set the broom aside, I was trying hard not to cry. I did love Severus, I didn’t want him to think he was anything less in my life now than a love on the rebound, because he wasn't just a replacement for Hawkwind, I was truly in love with Severus. “You mean so much to me, my love, Severus Snape, I love you, with all my heart.”

“Siguna, I love you with all of my own heart, I want to assure you I will never leave you in that way. At least, I hope it will never come to such a thing. You have shown me so much love the past few days than I have felt in my lifetime.” he whispered to me as he stroked my hair. He sat the broom down, leaning it against the wall by his own. “I just wanted to hear it from you. I wanted to know you are definitely feeling what I feel. I know you must have cared for him deeply, but I needed to make sure you felt the same way with me.”

“I do, Severus, I do.” I said, fighting back tears.

“Don’t cry, my love, I didn’t intend to upset you.” he lifted my chin to look at him with his hand. “Now, shall we go?”

“Not yet,” I said, looking into his eyes. “Do you want to read my mind? I want you to know I am telling you the truth.”

He hesitated, but realized I wasn’t just asking him, I was telling him. He sighed. “Fine, if that is what you want, it’s up to you. Come, sit on the bed with me.”

He led me to his bed again, and we lay down on it. I laid on my back, and he was resting on his arm, his face above mine, he gazed deeply into my eyes, boring into them, delving deeply into my subconscious. I felt the back of my head prickle as though he was diving into my brain, and had touched bottom on the back of my skull. Again the room felt like it disappeared slowly, until all that was there was Severus’ face. I let him see Hawkwind and I together, then his burial and funeral ceremony, my memories, my sadness, ultimately my depression after he died, he saw my trips out of body to try and find Hawkwind, how I couldn’t get to him, it all moved through my mind like watching a movie. I saw what he saw and vice versa. He saw Freya standing there with me, comforting me years later in the Viking village, I didn’t even realize she was there, she was trying to ease my pain sometimes while I slept, her ethereal voice telling me it would be ok, telling me she would see to it I would be happy again, that I would find love again, where I least expected it. She seemed to whisper “Hogwarts” to me, then the memory changed to me fighting off Trolls, the day I nearly died when she rescued me, to my shock, Hawkwind was behind her momentarily, in a flash he was gone. I wouldn’t have seen it then because of the blood in my eyes, mostly my own blood. He seemed to be whispering to her to save me. She nodded, then as he disappeared she was beckoning me to her, then I was killing the troll with the hammer. I was back home again, celebrating at a banquet in my honor for saving the clan. Hrothgar was beaming as the bards sang their tales about me, dressed in his finest furs, holding a gilded drinking horn up in my honor, toasting me. Yet I was still sad, after all the honorable things I did, I was not happy, I was still empty. Freya appeared again, with Frigg, Odin’s wife, the Queen-Goddess of the Norse Pantheon, beckoning me still to come out of it. The memories suddenly took a strange turn to my father’s death when I was a child, he had fallen several feet from a tree, he fell to the ground with a horrendous crunch. He was trying to build a treehouse for a few of the younger children in the druid colony. I fell to my knees by my father’s body and wept. The memories shifted again. Then in a memory while I slept, in my longhouse in the Viking village, Hawkwind himself appeared again next to me. This time he told me to move on, then he begged Freya to make it happen. He could no longer stand my pain, even in the afterlife, he couldn‘t rest until I was happy, my life had already been filled with so much pain. She told him she would see to it, with a vital seriousness to her fair voice. I felt the warmth of the Goddess as she stood over me in my memory. Like a warm summer day. Then I was getting my letter from Dumbledore, to come back to Hogwarts. I was meeting with King Hrothgar about leaving, the sorrow in his eyes had struck me more than it did when I was really there the first time. I was riding my broom coming here, to Hogwarts, I then was in the great hall, then there was Severus coming to take me to Dumbledore. I let him feel the thoughts again, rushing through my mind, wanting him, needing him. The thoughts rushed through us like a warm wind. I showed him my inner most thoughts about him, my respect for him, the way I always was fond of him, even back in my school-days at Hogwarts. How I gleefully observed him take points away from the ‘popular’ kids who thought I was a freak who lived with crazy Druids. He saw how I watched him, admiring him from a far, unable to approach him as a student. How my friends jokingly made fun of the obvious way I eyed him as he swept down the hallways. The things they would say, that I forgot about, “Do something to get detention, Aurora! There’s your man!” or “Why don’t you stick around after class and ask for some private tutoring!” Alas, the embarrassing things your friends say. He saw and felt everything. Back again to some of my darker moments, my heavy heart ached while I sat by my warm fire in my longhouse, alone, daydreaming of a lover who was dead and gone, eyes filled with tears, and my cheeks stained with old tears. Freya again stood behind me, unbeknownst to me at the time, crying with me, pleading to Odin himself to lift me up from this pain. Even her tenderness could not thaw out my heart in my darkest hours. I had finally gotten to the point where I could no longer cry for him after that night, the tears just stopped coming. The pain, however, stayed. Finally, it was too much, and he broke away from my eyes. He laid back into his pillow with a soft thud.

“Your pain,” he said woefully, “it was like no pain I have ever felt, I understand now. I know you love me, I see that now clearly too. I’m glad you allowed me to do that.” he kissed me and held me. “You do love me. I never doubted it, but now I see what you have been through. It was agonizing for me to watch you in so much pain, but I didn’t want to break away too soon. I felt it all, as though it was happening to me.”

“I told you, I love you. Now you have seen what I have endured. It’s ok. It’s behind me now.”

“Yes, I know. I’m sorry, I wish I could have been there for you then…”

“Don’t be silly. You couldn’t have helped me then, even Freya herself couldn’t do that. You saw that. You are here now, that is what is important.”

“Indeed. I am here now.” He held me for a very long time. Stroking my cheek, looking into my eyes, kissing my forehead, my lips, and tenderly caressing me, embracing me, almost as though he was trying to further ease my pain. However, I feel that it was more alleviating his own pain for having witnessed the hand I had been dealt the past several years. Such things, I imagine, would be tough to get rid of, I know I had a difficult time shaking them out of me.

“Should we go to Hogsmeade?” I said, hoping we would still be going, before it got any later.

“Oh. Oh! Yes, we were getting ready to do that, weren’t we?” he said stretching his arms and legs. He sat up slowly and helped me up. We grabbed our brooms and headed upstairs to the main doors. Once outside and on the edge of Hogwarts boundaries, we mounted our brooms and took off towards Hogsmeade. I let Severus stay a half a broom ahead of me because I hadn’t been there in some time. His black cloak whipped in the wind, his eyes focused on the horizon, it wasn’t very long until we were there. We landed not far from the entrance to Hogsmeade, and dismounted our brooms, to park them in a ‘broom parking’ zone, he put a charm on them to ensure they wouldn’t be stolen, like putting a lock on a bicycle.

“Well, here we are.” he said, looking around. “Where do you want to go first? If you’re thirsty we could head over to the Hogshead, or The Three Broomsticks. I prefer not to go to Madam Puddifoots. It’s a little too… sickeningly sweet for my tastes.”

“Ok, then lets go to the Hogshead.” I said, suddenly with a hankering for a Butterbeer. Severus nodded and offered me his arm, as he led me through the quaint streets of Hogsmeade.

Several people stared as we walked through the village. I politely nodded to a few of them, especially to a few that actually pointed at us. I heard Severus sigh with annoyance, and saw him close his eyes for a second longer than a normal blink, as though he really just wanted to tell them to shut the hell up and go find something else to gawk at. He held my arm a little tighter, but not uncomfortably so. I whispered to him that perhaps he should kiss me and give the onlookers something to on-look about, to which he took a quick look at a few gaping wizards and witches who were whispering to each other and glancing in our direction. “Fine” he said to me, “If that is what they so obviously desire, as much as I desire you at any given moment of the day.” He put his hand to my cheek and pulled me to him to give me a long kiss, his tongue flicked my lips until I opened my mouth, and he grabbed my waist pressing his hips into mine. His tongue slid over my own, until I had to either stop him or drag him into an alley to have him. I decided stopping him would be better at the moment, because I didn’t think it would be a good idea to get expelled from the village. When he glimpsed back over my shoulder to the small group, they stood with open mouths, then began chattering a little more loudly. His eyes flashed dangerously, and he tossed his head to the side, flipping his greasy curtain of hair out of his eyes. He looked back at me, his lips triumphantly curling, and took my hand as we continued our walk to the Hogshead.

We entered the Hogshead, and Severus ordered up a couple of Butterbeers for us. He sat back down and popped the cap off of mine for me, like a gentleman. He put his arm around me, and whispered in my ear “I hope you know, when we get back to Hogwarts, we are going to spend the evening making love. That little… public display has gotten me into a right mood to do some wicked damage to my mattress.” his eyes flashed in a dangerously passionate way.

“You, sir, are a naughty, naughty boy.” I whispered back seductively, and licked his ear lobe. I felt his body tremble again.

“Oh Siguna, if you only knew what you do to me.” he breathed into my hair, which tickled.

The bartender was looking at us, shaking his head, so we decided to cool it for the time being. I giggled, because it felt like we were kids being shamed-on for misbehaving. We continued to sip our Butterbeer and talked at normal tones, holding hands beneath the table. It was quite nice, just being able to talk without worrying about being overheard, it was full of other people talking, most of them didn’t even bother looking our way to gawk.

“So tell me about your home, your village, Siguna.” Severus said, “I don’t think you’ve ever really told me about it. I saw it in your mind, but only brief images.”

“Well, it’s usually cool or quite cold there. There are huts, and longhouses, and the communal long house where we have celebrations, also called a Hof. King Hrothgar lives in a large two story longhouse. We raise cattle, horses, chickens, and goats. We hunt, fish, garden in the warmer months, it’s not always winter, however even summer isn’t terribly warm. We mostly grow the heartier vegetation, that can survive the cooler climates. It’s a pretty simple existence. My longhouse is pretty spacious. I decorated it with furs, and kept my cauldron for making potions, mostly ones for healing and the like. I would prepare them, when I wasn’t away commanding my troops, for the healers, so they could tend to the sick and wounded. I am a General in the King’s army. I lead a small battalion of mostly women warriors, we have a few men in my battalion, but mostly women. I lead them to battle, with trolls, dragons, and giants. We’re pretty fierce, and we’re like a family. Then of course there are the lavish celebrations. Which are really something to see. They roast entire hogs on a spit over flames, we brew large quantities of mead, the feasting, the music. Occasionally, the Gods themselves make appearances, if they feel the parties are raucous enough for their tastes.”

“Do you miss it?” he said thoughtfully.

“Of course I do, I still consider it to be my home. I miss my sisters of the clan, and my brothers, and my king.”

“Are you going to return there?”

“Eventually I would at least like to visit. Maybe you and I could go during the holidays, if you would want to.”

“Well, I suppose we could see about it. I don’t fancy the idea of flying there, however.”

“Yes, that’s true. I wouldn’t wish that journey upon anyone. It was perhaps one of the roughest things I ever had to endure, physically anyway.”

“What about Floo powder?”

“That could work. I would have to send word ahead of time to the King to be on the look-out for us. I’m sure he would be anxious to meet you.”

“What if he doesn’t accept me?”

“Would it really matter?”

“I suppose not.”

“I really think you would enjoy it, Severus. I am sure that if the King knew enough about it in advance, there would be a large celebration planned around it in our honor.”

“You mean in your honor.”

“No, in our honor. They take all rights of passage in life very seriously, but view it as another excuse, so to speak, to have a party marking any and every occasion they can. Everything from births, to deaths, and everything in between.”

“You really think so?”

“Yes I know so. Also with me being a General, you would be held in high esteem there, as any family or spouse or significant other would be.”

“I highly doubt that. Especially if they knew about my past.” He looked down at his butterbeer, and used his thumb to rub the glass bottle.

“It would be as though your past didn’t exist there, as long as you make good on the present. Everyone has the choice, and the right, to determine how they live the rest of their lives.”

He looked at me and smiled, as though he hoped what I said was true of my clan, there was still some doubt in his glittering black eyes. “Well, we’ll talk more about it later. I believe you, but I find it almost too good to be true.”

"You shouldn't feel that way." I leaned in for a gentle kiss. "Are you done with your butterbeer?" I asked him as I pulled away from the kiss.

"Actually, yes. I also think we are gaining some admirers from the table in the back corner. Don't look. Let's just go." He slowly and nonchalantly stood up. I did the same, throwing a glance to the back table as I did so. A group of young boys sat there, who were wearing Hufflepuff robes stared at us as we headed out the door.

We were down the block when he finally spoke again. "Leave it to Hufflepuffs to arrive early for the school year.." he said in a troubled tone. "I don't want Dumbledore to assume we are being unprofessional around any students."

"We weren't at Hogwarts, how can he..." I started to say, when this time it was Severus' turn to interrupt me.

"Not at Hogwarts, no, but they were still students. I can only imagine what the little twerps are talking about now."

"I wouldn't worry about it too much. Yeah, they will probably tell everyone in Hufflepuff later, but it's bound to happen, regardless."

"I know. I just wasn't ready for it. Not running into students so soon." He said rather grimly. I took it to mean that the school year was creeping up so fast, and he wasn't looking forward to any of it.

We continued to walk down the streets of Hogsmeade towards Honeydukes and Zonko's. We passed a gap between a couple of buildings, and I stopped and pulled him towards the gap. He hesitated, but followed me.

"We aren't going to.." I stopped him from talking by kissing him deeply, as though our lips would become fused together. He kissed me back and grabbed my hips and pressed me into him. He pulled away, and finished his thought "not here." He said, voice trembling.

"No of course not." I said, smiling up at him. "I only wanted to steal a moment with you."

He flipped his hair out of his eyes again, "Ahh, I see, this gives me all kinds of ideas. We will definitely have time when school starts." He held me tightly for a brief moment, and we walked out of the alley, back into the streets of Hogsmeade. He took my hand and his lips curled into a smile, and his eyes sparkled with limitless possibilities.

We defiantly strode down the streets of Hogsmeade, holding hands, giving each other knowing glances as the groups of people here and there stared at us. Not all of them stared, but occasionally you could hear a neck muscle pop as their heads whipped around to see Hogwart's Potions Master, with a fair auburn haired pretty girl on his arm.

Finally we arrived at Honeydukes. It wasn't too busy, but there were a few people inside buying things. Severus grabbed Dumbledore's candy, and I searched the shelves and displays for some things to try. After getting a few fizzing whizzbees, an acid pop, a small box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, and two Chocolate Frogs, I decided I had gotten enough. We left there and headed straight for Zonko's Joke Shop. Severus was searching the shelves, not to buy, but to apparently examine some of the merchandise to know what to look for on the students this year. I didn't buy anything there, but I did see they had some current issues of the Daily Prophet laying on the counter. The shopkeeper assured me they were really issues of the Daily Prophet (not a 'joke' copy), and I also grabbed a copy of the Quibbler, to which the owner shrugged and told me that as far as the Quibbler goes, that wasn't a joke copy either. It looked fairly interesting, like a supermarket tabloid in the muggle world. Well, it's something to read. I should really get a subscription to one or the other, or both. The shopkeeper took my money and placed them in a bag for me. I thanked him and retrieved Severus from the aisles to leave. On the way out I noticed the shopkeeper raising an eyebrow, staring at us walking arm in arm as we left his store.

"Find anything interesting?" I asked him, as we walked the way we came from.

"Well, I did notice a few things I will have to keep my eye out for this year in my classroom. Some quills that are supposed to help you out on tests. The very idea.." he shook his head. "How will they ever expect to learn if they don't apply themselves!"

"Severus," I said smiling. "Are you actually concerned about your students and their grades?"

He looked at me, and said "I always get the dunderheads. However I do have to do my job as a Hogwarts Professor."

"Fair enough." I said nodding. We continued through the streets, and passed Madam Puddifoots. I glanced in the windows and it was empty.

Severus apparently also noticed. He sighed. "Do you want to go in there?"

"Why would I want to go in there? It looks empty, anyway. Are they closed?"

"It's not closed. I figured if you did want to go in, now would be the time if there isn't anyone else there. I do hear they have good food, and good coffee."

The magic word: Coffee. "Well, I could go for a bite. Perhaps a quick cup of coffee."

So we went into Madam Puddifoots, it was open, but nobody else was there. As we walked in I noticed how sickeningly sweet it really was. There were enchanted things floating above the tables that looked like flowers dancing in the sun, among other weirdness. I sighed, and we chose a table in the back. I ordered a sandwich and coffee, and Severus just ordered tea. I ate somewhat quickly, and Severus talked about the coming school year, and some of the plans he had been making. I nodded as I ate, listening to his every word as he talked and sipped his tea. I could tell he was uncomfortable here, as was I. It was ridiculous. Cute if you are 15 and are "going steady" with your sweetheart, but for adults, it's absolutely annoying. However, he was right about the food and coffee being delicious. We paid and left. I felt pleasantly satisfied, hunger-wise. However I was beginning to feel the pangs of overwhelming desire again.

"We have to leave." I said to Severus "Now."

He looked at me, eyebrows scrunched down, but with a look of concern. "Are you ok?"

We passed by the little gap between buildings again. I pulled him into the gap. I pressed myself against him. Grinding my hips a little into his.

"We have to leave, NOW!" I was breathing heavier.

"I had no idea that place would have that effect on you.." he smiled, almost joking with me.

"It wasn't Puddifoots," I said breathing heavier, I felt suddenly like wild animal. What on earth was happening to me? "We need to go.. please Severus. Now.. or it'll be this alley. We're out of sight down here, it wouldn't be difficult to.."

"No, not here, I think I know how to get into a place. It's boarded up, but I think I remember how to get in. Let's grab our brooms, it will be quicker if we fly." He was purposefully avoiding too much contact with me, I could tell.

He grabbed my hand and we took off, walking quickly down the streets, not running, but a quick walk. Several people stared and pointed, but we kept gliding down the streets to our broom-parking spot. He removed the charm, and helped me get onto my broom. We sped off, I followed him closely. I watched his robes billowing in the breeze and I watched him, not too closely as I was trying to steer my own broom, I caught glimpses of his concentrating gaze as we flew, his arms gripping his broom handle, watching his chest rise and fall. I wanted him so badly at that very moment, I could taste it. At that moment I realized what was partially going on. I was berserking. However, not with war, but with sex, at least I think that is what is happening. The feeling did not subside though. I could feel the wild animal inside my chest pacing, circling. I was aware of it, and that was good. I still couldn't shake the feeling of it though.

Finally we arrived at what looked like an old run down looking house. I recognized it immediately. "The Shrieking Shack?" I asked timidly. "I thought it was supposed to be.."

"Haunted?" He said silkily. At the sound of his voice, I felt I could melt in my boots. "Not likely. I'll tell you about it later... for now.. let's just get inside." He took my hand and let me around to a window which had a few boards ripped from it already. "I'll go in first, and just quickly look around. I don't want squatters interrupting.. well.. you know." He kissed me tenderly, and ripped off another board. He climbed inside, moving cautiously, but with ease.

I put my hand on his backside as he climbed in, and he let out a grunt. "Sorry, just trying to help." I said wryly.

"Uh huh" he said as he looked out the window. "I'll just look around really quick and help you in."

"Hurry." I said.

"I know." He said in a dangerous low tone. It was seductive. Just those two words. I felt my knees almost buckle beneath me.

I stood there, in the breeze, waiting patiently. It only took a few moments until he popped his head out the window. It startled me. "It's fine. C'mon." He offered his hand to me and I climbed inside. We brought our brooms with us, to avoid them being seen.

He led me up a narrow stairway, and we got to a bedroom on the upper floor. He did a cleaning charm on the bed to get rid of the layer of dust that clung to it. I watched him longingly, his command with his wand, his stance. He turned to me, and nearly threw myself at him. He caught me, and kissed me. He pulled me to the bed. We didn't bother completely undressing. He pulled up my dress and kissed my thighs. "Severus.. please.." I pleaded with him as he kissed his way up my stomach. He kissed my mouth, and pressed himself against me, not entering me but grinding his hips into mine. I was begging with him, pleading for him. I knew how he had felt at that moment our first time together. Finally, he entered me. I could feel the throbbing of his cock inside me. We were both breathing shakily, as he pounded his hips into me. "Harder Severus." I could feel my inner beast stretching its claws and rising to the surface. I grabbed him and raked his back with my nails, I felt fabric rip on his shirt. He moaned with pleasure at the feeling of pain. He fucked me harder and harder. I bit his shoulder, and again he moaned. Sweat drenched and moaning, we finally hit the home stretch. His movements became shaky, but never ceased. At the moment of orgasm, I tore into his back again with my nails, accidentally tearing flesh. His muscles tightened, but it didn't seem to bother him too much. After the final wave of the orgasm faded, he rolled off of me, and flinched a little. As soon as I felt I could move I would have to see his back. I was concerned. If I had hurt him, it was my fault.

"Are you ok?" I asked when I could finally speak.

"Never better." He sighed heavily.

"Let me see your back, please." I noticed a drop of blood bubbling to the surface on his shoulder where I had bitten him. I didn't say anything. When he saw me looking he reached up and touched his shoulder and looked at his hand. He said nothing. "Severus..."

"I'm ok."

"You're bleeding." I said, very concerned.

"'Tis merely a flesh wound."

"Severus..."

"Ok.. fine.." He rolled to look the opposite way. He had four tears in the back of his shirt, it wasn't bad, but I did remove a small amount of surface-skin. It was just oozing a small amount of blood, and it was already forming a scab. "Is it bad?" he asked.

"No.. it's already beginning to heal." I was relieved. It felt as though I had ripped chunks out of him. "I'm sorry, Sev."

"Don't worry about it. It's not like anyone sees my back but you. Let it be our little reminder of.. oh.. that was.. incredible..." He rolled back to face me. "We should get home. I know a quick way out back to Hogwarts from here. It won't take long. First we should fix the board though on the window." We straighted ourselves up and headed back downstairs. We grabbed our brooms, and Severus did the reparo charm once again on the window to fix the boards. He led me down to the passage way that comes out at the Whomping Willow. He charmed the tree as we got out, so it wouldn't whomp us.

We were making our way back up to Hogwart's castle, just an hour or so before the sun would be setting. It had been an interesting day. We were just in time for dinner, and even though we had eaten only three and a half hours earlier. I was completely starved.

We went quickly to the nearest bathroom, rather than all the way to the dungeons to make sure we looked presentable. I had to help him fix his shirt with the reparo charm, and he helped me smooth out my dress in all kinds of places. Which he didn't need to do, it was just fun for the both of us. He kissed my neck, and breathed into my ear. I wanted him again all of a sudden, and he told me I would have to wait until after dinner. I groaned with longing for his flesh, but he wouldn't have it. I could feel the beast's eyes opening a fraction. "Ok Ok." I said. "Please just don't do that, unless you want me to have you here, now, I want to tear your clothes off but I am trying to be good.."

He held up his hands as though he was giving up. "Alright. I'll stop.." He curled his lips into a smile. "After dinner.." he said.