Perverted Potions

Thanks sheherazade, paigeey07, saraht, catys, anguloce, sarahm (I got the idea for the doll while trying to fall asleep. I lol'd and knew it would be perfect for the story), onyz85, kris, and comtesse. It seriously make me happy to know that you all found this to be amusing. It honestly gives me great joy knowing that I was able to provide humor for someone else, despite how weird it is. I must warn y'all though with this next chapter... My humor can really range and get reaally weird. Hope you enjoy it.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


Chapter 4: The Awkward Chapter


Hermione was sitting in the armchair closest to the fireplace in the Common Room of Gryffindor tower. She idly watched her classmates, trying to look busy as she avoided Lavender; she hadn’t told her all of what happened at her last Sex-Ed lesson and she never planned to. She let out a sigh as she wondered who would be her willing potion candidate. It was Sunday and she still couldn’t find anyone, rather she’s been too afraid to ask someone.

“Hermione,” Harry chuckled as he startled her, “What’s wrong? You seem a little down.” He pulled up a chair next to her.

“Well, I’m kind of embarrassed about this Harry, but Professor Snape wants me to try out a potion I’ve made in Sex-Ed on a male and give him a detailed report,” Hermione said in a hurry.

Harry scratched his scalp, “What kind of potion?”

She cleared her throat, “A potion for… erectile dysfunction.” Harry blinked.

“What the bloody hell is he thinking?” Harry finally said.

Hermione shrugged her shoulders, “It certainly deals with sex. I just need to find someone to drink it and let me observe them.”

“I would do it, Hermione, but I don’t know if I’d feel comfortable with you seeing me like that.”

“I understand, Harry. It’s quite alright.”

“Perhaps, we could trick someone into drinking it…”

“That’s not a willing participant, Harry. I can’t do that.”

“But I can.” Harry gave Hermione the widest grin as he took her wrist. “Now, where’s the potion?”

“Hold on, it’s in my room. I’ll get it. Harry, are you sure this will work?”

“Definitely, ‘Mione. Make sure you grab a quill and parchment for yourself.”

Hermione smiled and ran off to her room. It wasn’t long before the two ventured off and found a “willing” participant. Hermione wasn’t sure if he was the best choice.

Hermione pleaded to Harry, “Harry, I don’t know about this. If he catches us, I think he might try to do more than get us expelled.”

“Don’t worry, Hermione. I will take the blame if all goes downhill,” Harry reassured his best friend, who gave him a small, doubtful smile. “Now hide over here under the cloak; he isn’t in his office right now. I’ll go run in, pour in most of the potion into his pumpkin juice, stir it and run back out and meet you under the cloak. Then we wait.” Hermione nodded as she took a deep breath.

Hermione watched while under the safety of the invisibility cloak as Harry went through with the plan. This was a pretty stupid idea. But she hoped to the Gods Harry’s plan would work. Last thing she needed was to get a zero in an elective. Harry gave her a thumbs up as he made his way over to her. Then she realized they were moving from her spot to the office.

“Harry,” Hermione said in a concerned voice, “What are you doing?”

“We need to be in the office. I’m sure he’ll close the door if he figures out what happened to himself and then you wouldn’t be able to observe.” He smiled at her.

“Harry, you better be right and you better hope we don’t get caught, or else I’ll hex you into oblivion.” Harry laughed as she let out an aggravated huff. She poked him the ribs as she heard the door knob squeak. The two waited in silence as the participant (more like victim of an educational prank) entered the room and sat down at his desk.

“Alright, my sweet,” Filch whispered to his cat, “We got those children good, Mrs. Norris, didn’t we? Blimey bastards. Thinkin’ they could get those Weasley products past me, tsh. I hate them children.” Mrs. Norris responded by meowing at him as he down his pumpkin juice.

“Arhhhhh… That hit the spot right there it did. I wonder what I should have the little pipsqueaks do for their detention. What do you say, Mrs. Nor- What the?” He jumped up from his seat looking down at his crotch. “It’s a miracle! Mrs. Norris, look! I got it up, I got it up!” Harry covered his mouth trying to stifle his laughter and Hermione held her breath, afraid that if anything escaped her mouth she wouldn’t be able to close it. She wrote down the time on her piece of parchment. Only took 10 seconds for Filch to respond, impressive.

“I say, Mrs. Norris, you’re looking quite the fine feline tonight, if I do say so myself,” Filch purred to his cat. Hermione and Harry looked at each other in horror.

“Come ‘ere, my little pussycat.” Mrs. Norris hacked up a hairball. She loved her Caretaker, but she would scratch his balls off before he stroked her in that way.

Filch approached his cat in what he thought was a seductive manner and in a sing-song voice, “Oh, Mrs. Norris. I know what’ll solve that problem of spewing something out; you need something… coming in.” Mrs. Norris hissed while in a defensive stance.

“No, no darling, please.” Mrs. Norris ran away through her little door, but not before leaving him a nice, wet turd on the floor.

Filch slumped down into his chair and sighed, “Well, better take care of this the ol’ fashioned way.” He spat in his hand, took out his member and began to work himself.

Harry was crying, because of the urge to laugh and vomit had overwhelmed him; Hermione looked ready to faint as she wrote down Filch’s choice of method of relieving himself. Harry bit down on his hand each time Filch would yell out something as he gave himself pleasure, until finally three minutes later, he yelled out his completion.

“I’m a sad fuck,” he whispered to no one in particular as he rose from his seat, wiping his hand over his dirty shirt and walked over to his cat’s mess cleaning it up. As he left the room, it looked as if he had a bounce in his step. Hermione and Harry waited 30 seconds before sprinting out of his office.

They ran into the Gryffindor Common Room before collapsing in a fit of laughter and heaving coughs. Their classmates stared at them in confusion and amusement.

“Harry, never convince me to pull a stunt like that ever again,” Hermione managed to get out between bouts of laughter.

“‘Mione, I would have you petrify me after suggesting an idea like that again,” Harry responded. “But hey, at least you got your report taken of.”

“That I do, Harry. That I do.”

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The week for Snape was a hard one, emphasis on hard. A certain know-it-all Gryffindor had been plaguing his dreams, leaving him in a cold sweat and unusually dirty sheets. This time in class, he would be the one trying to avoid her. He couldn’t look at her without thinking back to his dreams. A witch has never affected him this way before, never. Either because he has been celibate for far too long or he is actually attracted to the little chit. He groaned that the latter might be true.

He went over the class they would be having tonight numerous times, making sure that this time it would make her so uncomfortable she would have to drop it. If she didn’t, he didn’t know what he was going to do. For my sake and hers, she must drop this. Dumbledore won’t let this stupid idea go unless I have no students. He absentmindedly made doodles on a piece of parchment, lost in his train of thought.

He missed dinner again in the Great Hall preparing for the class; he was much too impatient to eat. A timid, “Hello, Professor,” brought him back to reality as he rested his eyes on his sole student.

“I have my report for you, sir,” Hermione set her papers on his desk.

After an unusual period of silence, Snape got up and set the wards on his door before replying, “Did you have trouble, Miss Granger? I hope you found someone ‘willing’ to do this and not some poor unknowing soul.”

“No, sir,” she blushed and told a half-truth, “I had a friend help me out.”

“Spare me the details; I do not want to know. If you would make your way over to the dummy, then we shall begin.”

The dummy this time had its legs dangling from the table top. The dummy gave the Hermione the creeps. It was yellow and had no facial features, yet it felt like skin even though it looked more like a big human-shaped sponge.

“Grab the wrist and say, ‘female’.” Snape ordered. Hermione, not liking where this was going, reluctantly followed. The big sponge grew a good-sized pair of breasts and the crotch became more defined. “Today, Miss Granger, we will be learning about the Vagina.”

Yeah, this was totally awkward.

“We will not be going over the cycles that females go through, since you obviously know all about that,” Hermione coughed and looked in another direction. Snape drawled out, “The term 'Vagina' is derived from Latin, meaning ‘sheath’; how fitting.”

He spread the dummy’s legs open and beckoned Hermione to come closer. He explained to her the structure of the vagina and the placement of the nerve endings. Despite how calm his voice sounded, Hermione felt just a little bit disturbed, why didn’t he have his wand out to use as pointer like last time?

“Now, Miss Granger, if you would watch me.” Snape brought his wand hand up to the fake vagina and brushed up against it. Hermione jumped back as the dummy arched its back.

“Holy Merlin! What is it – What are you – How did it move?!” Hermione finally spurt out of her rambling mouth.

Snape smirked at her, “I put a charm on it to respond by moving how a person would while receiving such pleasure.” Hermione dumbly nodded, slightly intrigued. “I thought that since you had performed on the Male aspect, I would perform on the Female aspect of the dummy.”

“So you are,” Hermione gulped, “going to perform…”

Snape put it bluntly, “I’m going to masturbate this doll, Miss Granger. By doing this, I will show you how women can find pleasure from their partners, without the need for intercourse, or simply to give themselves relief. Surely, I thought that you would know something about this.” Snape hinted at her own wantonness and curiosity of her body. He lived to see the know-it-all Hermione Granger squirm under his gaze. She barely nodded to him, avoiding his eyes, to continue with his ministrations.

He ran his pale hand up and down the inner thigh of the doll; in response, the doll spread its legs wider. He lets his long, slender fingers graze the labia minora with light caresses, before taking his index to rub along the opening of the vagina. Hermione couldn’t look away and felt her cheeks flush red. The doll began to arch its back and move its hips against the Potions Master skillful hand.

Hermione wasn’t too sure of what she should be feeling at this point. For Merlin’s sake, she was watching her Potions Professor masturbate a bloody sponge of a doll and it was exciting her! Creepy or not, this was hot as hell.

Snape stopped his hand and looked at Hermione, “Now, what should I do with my free hand, Miss Granger?”

I want you to rip off my clothing, “Stimulate her breasts?” Hermione squeaked out.

“What a good idea…” Snape placed his left hand on the doll’s breast, rolling his palm over the nipple before grabbing the breast fully in his hand, continuing his movement down below. Hermione bit her lip so hard she could taste the bitterness of her blood.

Snape watched Hermione and saw that look in her eyes. He finally figured out what it was. She. Was. Excited. Now, he was confused. By what? Did he excite her? Was she aroused the first day? Is it the act? What IS it? Time for a bit of experimenting.

“Now, what should I do?” Snape asked Hermione, who seemed to be caught in a trance.

“Brush the clitoris lightly with your thumb, yes like that,” Hermione said in a low whisper. “Now, dip your middle finger into the opening… slowly.” The doll continued to writhe under the Professor’s ministrations. She whimpered quietly to herself, “Squeeze its nipple.” Snape felt his trousers tighten. Dammit.

He didn’t take his eyes off of her as she gave him orders. Her eyes appeared to be clouded over and seemed to know nothing except what was taking place before her eyes. His breathing quickened, as well as her own, when she told him to go faster. Sweat was forming on Snape’s forehead as his pace quickened, turning his attention fully to the doll. Hermione, at some point, grasped the edge of the table in order to hold herself up.

What seemed like hours, the doll finally arched its back and stiffened as it came all over Snape’s hand. It fell back onto the desk with a loud thud. Snape and Hermione stood hunched over the desk breathing heavily. Snape wanted to say something, but it felt too awkward. He wanted Hermione out of the class, but now… There was something else he needed to find out, to do.

“Not bad,” a timid voice had finally broken the stuffy silence. Snape responded with a low chuckle which blossomed into rich, baritone laughter; Hermione joined in his mirth and attempt to shake off the awkwardness.

“I was wondering, Professor,” Hermione started, “when we would begin to learn about the precautions with sex, not just the pleasure.”

Oh damn, this annoying girl thinks too much. Snape replied, “The Headmaster wished that the students, or student, get an in-depth lesson in sex. We are simply starting out by learning the human body and pleasuring oneself, without the use of intercourse, which most precaution should be taken. You, young lady, are not ready for intercourse.”

“Hmph, I’ll have you know that I became of age this August. I believe I will be the one to determine if I am ready for intercourse or not, sir.” Hermione lifted her chin to her Professor, meeting his gaze. For a moment, he stared at her until he walked over to her side of the table, closing the distance between them. Hermione gasped and took a step back, bumping into a desk; he closed the distance again.

She found herself stuck between the proverbial rock and proverbial hard place. She had to lean over the desk in order to create space between her and Snape. He placed his arms on either side of her delicate frame, his hands resting on the desk; he lowered his head to her ear. He made sure not to touch her, only for her to feel the warmth of his proximity.

He breathed into her ear, “Are you so sure of that, Miss Granger?”

He raised his head so he could see her wide, amber eyes. He brought his hand that was sullied by the doll, to his mouth and licked it in front of her. She simply watched and bit her lip when it twitched wanting to lick his fingers. He had the smuggest look on his face after noticing Hermione did not try to hide the fact that she was staring intently at his tongue; then she surprised him.

“What does it taste like?” she innocently asked. Before he could respond, she had grabbed his hand and thrust his middle finger into her mouth. He groaned as he felt the sudden change of temperature of the slick cold coating over his finger heat up as she ran her hot little tongue along the length of it. He instinctively leaned into her, finding himself between her legs. Oh, the irony.

“Miss Granger,” he growled in a low voice, as he slowly slipped his undeniably clean finger from her mouth, “how many times have I told you to keep your legs shut?”

“Too many times, sir,” Hermione responded breathlessly. She needed to get out of here before something was said, or worse, popped. “Too bad there isn’t a man to be found between them.”

Snape hissed at her cheek and did everything in his power to stop himself from capturing her mouth with his, his expression baring all. She smiled smugly in return, stepping around him. Before she waltzed out of his room, she announced in her cheeriest voice possible, “Until next time.”

Snape turned around and let loose a growl of frustration. He was this close – THIS CLOSE – That’s it. Scratch his original plan of getting rid of Miss Granger. As Merlin as his witness, he would torment her every chance he would have with her and leave her in want. He needed to have her. And have her he would by the end of the term. No earlier. No later.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Things have definitely heated up, if you ask me. Hope you enjoyed this, rofl.