Life as I experience it

Title: Life as I experience it

Summary: The long awaited sequel to Life as I know it…. Harry and Severus embark on a life together as Dominant and submissive but does Harry’s increasing ‘sense of worth’ pose a problem for their relationship?

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything related to it. This wonderful world belongs to JK Rowling and her publishers. I’m making no money out of this and am only writing this for my own pleasure as well as those reading this.

Warnings: This fic is BDSM! It will contain elements of chan (flash backs) and it WILL NOT contain MPreg. Non-con and dub-con through flash backs. Bondage!

AN: Sorry for the delay guys, my dad went to hospital last week with high blood pressure and I was just not in the mood for writing. I’m back now though and I’ll try to update as frequently as possible.

Someone mentioned Harry’s age and that Draco was in Auror training while Harry was busy with school and such.

I’ll admit, I read through my first fic very quickly and continued this one on what I remembered.

I will go back to the first three chapters of this fic and try to make things a bit clearer.

Harry signed the contract with Severus on Severus’s birthday which is the beginning of January. They had then already been ‘together’ for a while and that is why I said that they had been together for about a year in the first or second chapter.

The part with Draco training to be an Auror – let’s just say that they have special pre-admittance classes for everyone who wants to be an auror and that is what Draco does over weekends.

As I said, I will go back and rectify or clarify my meaning in the previous chapters but for now, I hope this will do.

As Draco left, Severus returned to his bedroom and silently slipped in behind a sleeping Harry.

He would talk to the boy about his behavior tomorrow, and hopefully, they would have some idea as to what was wrong with him.

Chapter 3 – Nightmares.... or not....

Hidden within

Cruelty shines in his eyes, the malice unmistakable;
His lips are drawn thin, resentment clear as day.
I’ve dealt with this before, but in a different way;
My heart was hard, my soul had died; I was unbreakable.

The cruelty changes to confusion, the malice disappears,
I’m afraid; I’m terrified of that, which I may well become,
The past is the past, wisdom gained in vain as I succumb;
To the deepest of my hearts desire, locked away for years.

Unknown emotions pass through his eyes, his face a stony mask;
I alone see deeper than that, see to his tortured soul.
Something new awakes in me; I have a purpose, a goal;
To break that icy exterior, to see what deep is hidden; that is my task.

New sensations, new emotions rush through me and I feel light;
I know what he has hidden deep, what no-one else may see.
Love is something foreign, something recently set free.
Does he see it as a burden; does he see it as a slight?

A poem written somewhere in Harry’s journal…


“Wake up Harry.”

The insistent shaking and tugging wouldn’t cease so Harry was forced to admit that he would not get back to sleep.

Opening his eyes a crack, Harry looked up to see the worried vision of his Master leaning over him.

“Good morning Severus.”

His Master smiled at the use of his name, something which Harry used very rarely. The years he had called this man his Master was ingrained in his brain and Harry had a difficult time remembering that he had permission to call him something other than Master.

“We have half an hour before breakfast, get ready and we can leave together.”

Harry nodded at his Master and scrambled off the bed.

Dizziness assailed him as he rushed to the door and he grabbed the door handle to steady himself.

Severus was beside him in a moment and Harry grabbed his Master around his waist as his legs gave out underneath him.

Strong arms lifted him up and Harry could not help but shiver as a memory flashed before his eyes. It was gone before he could grab hold of it but it left him with a cold feeling of dread.

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------*

Severus looked down at the sleeping form of his little Harry. He felt helpless, worse than helpless as he watched his little submissive lie there on the bed, unknown dreams running through his mind.

Poppy had long since checked him over and to their utter frustration, could find absolutely nothing physically wrong with Harry.

A soft moan reached Severus’s ears and he reached over to take Harry’s hand in his. It was torture to watch his love go through this. Whatever this was!

The eyes hidden behind closed eyelids rolled from side to side frantically in search for some unknown enemy and Severus gave into his resolve. Bending over, he lightly kissed each eyelid before murmuring Harry’s name softly but clearly.

He could see that his presence, his voice, was soothing Harry into a deeper sleep and so he continued murmuring comforting nothings.

Severus could not remember ever feeling this way before. He knew he loved Harry, cared for him in a way that he had never cared for anyone else. The reality of the matter was that he loved Harry more than life itself and it frustrated him to no end that Harry was ill and he could do absolutely nothing about it.

It was a blessing that school had ended before Harry literally collapsed. Severus was determined to stay at Harry’s side until he knew exactly what it was that was ailing Harry.

Another moan from Harry distracted Severus from his thoughts and he gently rubbed Harry’s hand to sooth him.

Nightmares had been plaguing Harry for a while now but every morning, Harry would wake up and go on with the day as if nothing had disturbed him. Severus had once asked if Harry wanted to talk about his nightmares but Harry had just looked at him curiously and said; “No, thank you Master.”

Well, he would not take “No” for an answer anymore. As soon as Harry was well again, they would have a little talk and Severus would get to the bottom of things.

*-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*

It was two days after Harry first collapsed that Madam Pomfrey allowed Severus to take him back to their chambers.

Harry was not out of the woods yet but Poppy knew that Severus would take care of Harry as if he was a delicate potion that could not be left unattended.

Severus carried the drowsy young man to their quarters and pulled down the bed sheets. Gently setting him down, Severus pulled off the slightly sweaty shirt Harry was wearing and fished around for a clean one.

Harry was awake enough to help Severus get his arms through the sleeves but that was about the only help he gave.

Severus didn’t mind. He loved taking care of Harry. When Harry was awake and feeling 100%, he would usually draw back from any of Severus’s attempts to help him, stating that he was the one taking care of Severus’s needs and that as his Master, Severus should not be the one to clothe Harry.

“Maybe I should let Harry read through his ‘Bill of Rights’ again, and maybe that book I let him read all those years ago.” Severus muttered to himself as he tucked the blankets around a now sleeping Harry.

The abuse Harry had suffered at Vernon Dursley’s hands was noticeable even now, seven years after leaving that despicable place.

There was only one way Severus could think of to counter the beliefs Harry had planted in his brain during those years; the painfully slow way, through patience, love and comfort.

Severus would just have to show his little submissive that no matter what happens, he would always be there for him and that nothing Harry ever did would warrant anything as harsh as Vernon had done.

He would start by asking Harry about his nightmares and move on from there. Hopefully, they would come to the root of the problem.

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*

Harry opened his eyes slowly and blinked in the bright light. The light dimmed slightly and he turned to his side where he was not at all surprised to find his Master staring down at him with concern.

“Master.” The croaky sound that came from his throat did not sound like the word “Master” in the least but Harry didn’t try again until he’d sipped from the glass Severus held in front of him. It was water and it soothed his throat a little bit.

“Master”. He tried again and was grateful when the word actually sounded fairly recognizable.

“Sshh Harry. I don’t want you talking for another ten minutes at the least. Drink some more of this water and then take the potion on the side table.”

Harry looked to his other side and could see a ‘throat soothing’ potion on the table. He looked back at his Master and opened his mouth to ask what happened but then remembered that he was not to speak for ten minutes.

His Master knew him well however and answered the unasked question.

“You’ve been asleep for a total of three days, two of which was due to potions. I brought you back to our quarters yesterday and though you weren’t really coherent, you did wake for about three minutes.”

“You collapsed Monday morning after I woke you. Madam Pomfrey gave you a thorough check over but we could find nothing physically wrong with you.”

Panic seized him as Harry thought about what that meant. Did that mean he was a ‘nut-job’, was he crazy? Did he belong in a mental institution?

“Harry, Harry!”

Harry looked up at his Master and was surprised that he didn’t find any disgust in his eyes. There was only care and love.

“I want you to tell me about the nightmares you’ve been having Harry. I think they might have something to do with this.”

Nightmares? What nightmares? Harry couldn’t remember having any nightmares recently.

“I’m sorry Master, but I’ve not had any nightmares recently, not for weeks actually.”

Severus looked down at Harry with a very peculiar look on his face. Harry squirmed uncomfortable under the gaze and thought about something to say.

“Wh.. why did you ask about nightmares Severus? Is there something wrong with me? Should I be having nightmares? Is it abnormal NOT to have nightmares?”

Harry scooted a bit to the side as Severus sat down next to him.

“Harry, although it’s certainly not unusual to have no nightmares for weeks, it concerns me that you say you’ve had no nightmares for weeks as it looked like you were having one just last night.”

Harry thought hard about the night before but could not remember having a nightmare. Well, he was drugged on potions the two nights before that so maybe that was it?

“Do you remember having any nightmares the past month?”

That was a bit harder to think about as Harry was having a hard time remembering the past month.

“I…I. .. I don’t know. I don’t remember having any, but I don’t remember much of anything from the last month!” Frustration coated his voice and words as Harry waved his arms around in a rare show of irritation.

Master Severus looked even more concerned than before and Harry whished he could take his words back. He hated worrying his Master.

“Harry, I need to look into your mind to see if I can find out what is wrong. Will you trust me with this?”

Harry could not think of anyone he would trust more with his deepest, darkest secrets. He nodded his head.

*--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*

Severus pulled out his wand and looked Harry square in the eye. He tried his best to convey that everything would be alright before he whispered “Legilimence”

Harry’s mind was suspiciously blank. There were some thoughts and memories Severus could see from the past week or so but anything older than that was either very hazy or just not there.

After sifting through numerous layers of thoughts, mostly blank, Severus came to one where he could see an actual memory.

Right before Severus found himself viciously shoved out of Harry’s mind, he saw pale grey eyes turning red.


End Chapter 3

Question: Do you like the poems at the beginning of the chapter(s)? Should I continue with them or do they hinder the ‘reading’ of the fic?

Review please!!