The Usual Suspects

The rest of the week, I hid in the girls' dormitory. Occasionally, one or two of the girls would come in and give her sympathies about my mother, but I was silent, so they would leave, whispering as the door closed behind them.

It was late Saturday morning before I remembered that I was supposed to meet Draco. I didn't much care if I stayed or went, but I decided it would be rude to leave him waiting, so I forced myself to shower and dress.

I walked up to the greenhouse at exactly noon, and as I approached, I saw that Draco was already there, leaning against the greenhouse wall. He smiled, and it was the first smile I'd seen in days. I smiled back.

"Come on," Draco said, and started off toward the lake.
I walked after him, finally speeding up to keep his pace. His robes flipped up at the hem with the length of his stride. I suddenly wondered what was wrong with me.

"So where are we going?" I asked.

Draco slowed down a bit and led me off to the left. "We're almost there." We reached an area near the lake where a copse of trees stood between us and the school.

Draco stood looking at the lake, which sparkled in the sun. I looked at him, wondering at his thoughts. He turned, his eyes smoky grey, penetrating mine. He stepped toward me, his arms wrapping around me, his lips lowering to mine.

I gasped, pulling away. Draco looked at me, a flash of annoyance dying on his face. "I'm sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me." He didn't look sorry, though.

"It's okay, really." I turned to look at the lake.

I felt Draco standing close beside me, and I tensed. All I could think about was whether he was going to try to kiss me again, and why I hadn't let him. I wanted him to kiss me, but it had been rather a surprise. Draco's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"You missed class."

"Yeah." I didn't want to tell him, didn't want to bother him.

"I heard about your mother."

I turned to look at him again, pressure squeezing my lungs. Draco put his arms around me again, and I laid my head against his chest, but his hand was at my chin, lifting it until I had to look at him. His eyes slid closed, and the warmth of his lips met mine. I closed my eyes, trying to remember every detail. I felt sudden moist pressure on my lips and parted them, refusing to think about life, just trying to concentrate on the moment. Draco's tongue met mine and I moved closer to him, settling my arms around his waist. Our tongues swirled together, setting off a hum in my body.

I felt a tingling in the joint of my legs and it scared me, but I kissed him anyway, struggling to hold on so that I wouldn't have to go back to reality. I felt Draco's hands move down my back, distracting me. I suddenly realized where he was going.

"Draco," I gasped. I pulled out of his arms. He grabbed my hand, his thumb pressing into my palm.

"You didn't like it?"

"What? No, I did, but..."

"What's wrong, then?"

"I don't know, I mean..."

"It's not like we're going to have sex."

"What?!"

"Unless you want to..." Draco pulled me back into his arms. I pushed against him.

"No, I mean..."

"You don't have to play coy with me," he said, holding tight. "Just relax, Mary. I won't bite. Unless you want me to." He smirked and cocked an eyebrow, and I laughed.

"Thanks for the offer, but no." I smiled and stopped struggling.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "It can be fun."

I gawked, and Draco's smirk became a smile. "Come on, just a nibble?"

"What is wrong with you?!" I asked, halfheartedly pulling back. Draco pulled me closer.

"I just don't see why we can't have everything we want."

"We just can't."

"Why?"

"It takes time and work to get the things you want. You have to wait."

"Why?"

"That's just the way it is."

"Why?"

"What is wrong with you?"

"It doesn't hurt anyone, it's not wrong, I don't see why."

I wondered what exactly we were talking about. "Just because."

Draco let me go, and I felt a moment of regret. Draco looked out over the water, where the midday sun cast points of light on wind-caressed waves in the center of the lake.

"Give me a chance," Draco said.

"What do you mean?" I turned to look at him, and he was looking at me, moving closer.

"Just give me a chance and I'll make it worth your while."

I stared at him for a moment. "I have to think..."

He kissed me again, not soft and probing like before, but hard, trying to prove something to me. My body roared to life despite me, and when he pulled away, I found myself nodding again. I tilted my face up toward his for another kiss, but he'd turned away. He looked back at me and smiled, and it was as if the sun had been turned on. I felt like there was nothing but us, and that maybe I could be everything to him.

He kissed me. My lips parted for him, and my tongue found his, sliding past his lips and exploring. He tasted slightly sweet, like honey. My breath caught as his hands cupped my rear through layers of clothing. His hands paused until I started to breathe again, and his tongue renewed its battle with mine. His hands moved, kneading me, and I decided I wanted to know what he felt like. I pressed my hands to his chest, and it was firm beneath my fingers. He pressed his pelvis toward me, and I jumped back.

"What?" He held tight to me, though our bodies were no longer pressed together.

"I don't know!"

"You can trust me."

I looked at him, really looked, unafraid. His eyes were soft for once, eyelashes deep golden brown against his skin, setting off the grey of his eyes. I nodded lightly. Pale rose lips curved into a smile, which I returned.

I looked down at my hands, still resting on his chest. "Show me." I don't know why I said it, but I did, and it was too late to take it back.

"I have an idea," Draco said. I looked up at him, and saw in his eyes a sparkle of mischief that made him look more alive than I'd ever felt in my life. "Just listen to it, and I won't do it if you don't want me to." I nodded, my fingers closing around the folds of his robe. "A little spell to make you relax, to let you do things you want." It seemed there was something more, but I shrugged it off.

"Okay."

Draco pulled out his wand and pointed it at me. I felt instantly relaxed, like I didn't have a worry in the world. Somewhere far away I heard Draco's voice. Kiss me...wrap your arms around me... I wanted nothing more than to obey. I found my arms around Draco's shoulders and my lips on his. I felt all the pleasure of kissing him, and none of the fear, only a buoyant joy.

Run your fingers through my hair... I did, and it felt like silk. I felt Draco's hands on my body, caressing my neck, my spine, my breasts. All I felt was pleasure. Touch me...touch me everywhere... I wanted to touch him. My fingers slid willingly along his shoulders and down his arms, then jumped to his chest.

Lower... Somewhere in my mind I thought something might not be right with this, but it all felt so good. Draco's lips were on my neck as my hands found...I hesitated. It feels so good...touch me...love it... I did love it! I wanted to touch him so much. I cupped his bulge in my palm and began to massage, drawing a low moan from Draco. Harder... I pressed into him, and his lips stilled against my collarbone. His hand was at the juncture of my thighs, pressing against me through the cloth. I felt pleasure outside whatever spell I was under. Come with me...

Something started welling up inside me from where Draco's fingers pressed, and I felt a sense of desperation I'd never known. I started to fight against it, afraid of what might happen. Draco kissed me again, and his tongue wrapped around mine. Come with me... My body began to shudder, and the most incredible sensation I'd ever known took over. Come with me! I felt a jolt of something indescribable and a sudden dampness against my hand. The feeling broke over me and I felt light and joyful.

The fog of my mind lifted and I was left highly aware of myself. My body tingled in a mellow sort of way, and all my muscles had relaxed. My breathing was rapid, but I felt light still. I looked at Draco, who had cleaned up with a swish of his wand.

"What was that?" I asked, my voice unusually breathy.

Draco looked up, his eyes tense. "The spell?"

I shook my head. "I've never felt like that...my God, Draco..."

His face relaxed, and I saw that gleam of humor in his eyes again. "That's what you get when you trust me."

We walked back to the school together, his arm slung across my hips, my head tucked into the crook of his shoulder. The aftereffects of what had happened at the edge of the lake clung to me like nectar to a peach. I felt so close to Draco, so much more alive than I had that morning. More alive, perhaps, than I had felt before the news of my mother's death.

At the castle doors, Draco turned to kiss me, and I pressed my hands to his chest, unsure what else to do with them, though the feeling of his body still tingled on my hands.

When he pulled away, I sighed reluctantly. He lifted my chin and I looked into his eyes. "Tomorrow morning," he said.

I nodded. "By the lake?"

"The Quidditch Pitch."

"What? Oh, okay," I said, a bit disappointed.

Draco grinned, then turned away, striding into the school.

I stood for a moment, trying to think, trying to put everything that had happened together. I made my way to the dormitory and lay down, eyes open, remembering how I'd felt when Draco touched me.