The Return

*Thanks to those of you who gave me all the positive reviews. And for those who don't like the story, instead of trying to make me feel bad, just don't read the story. There has to be something good about it for you to jump on every new chapter. Just be nice. We're all here for fun cause we like to write. Take it easy!*

Chapter 4

Hermione apparated outside of Grimmwauld and looked at the cold stone building wondering what on earth she was thinking. She stood there for several minutes before she got up the nerve to walk to the front door and knock. After several minutes passed and no one answered, she gave up and decided it was a sign and decided to go ahead and go home. She turned slowly, disappointment filling her and she walked back down the front walk. She neared the end of the walk and heard the door creak open.

“Hermione?” Harry called out to her. She froze, her nerves replacing her disappointment. She took a deep breath and turned towards the front door and every ounce of oxygen was taken from her lungs.

Harry stood with a pair of sweatpants on and nothing else. A towel hung loosely around his neck and his hair held tiny droplets of water from their ends. He had obviously just come from the shower, which would explain his lengthy response to her knock. She wondered is he realized the effect he was having on her in that moment. Her cheeks were already rosy from the cold but a new flush of red rose in them in a wave of a heated blush. She looked to her feet and finally let out a breath.

“Sorry for coming by unannounced. I don’t really know what I’m thinking, but I...”

“Don’t worry. Come in, please, it’s freezing outside.” Harry interrupted, moving out of the doorway, motioning her to come in. Hermione quickly half stepped, half ran into the house. She paused shortly in the doorway as a whiff of Harry filled her nose. She noted he still used the same shampoo, and a small smile broke her lips. Once she was inside Harry closed the door, locking the winter cold outside.

“Sorry for my appearance. I just got out of the shower. That’s why it took me a few moments to get to the door; I had to get something on. Couldn’t answer the door naked, could I? You could have been anyone. “Harry said with a devious smile on his face. He wrapped the towel around his head and toweled his damp hair quickly as he walked towards her. Hermione nervously took two steps back, knocking into the coat rack. Harry quickly caught it, displaying his lightening Quidditch reflexes hadn’t left him. “I’m going to run up and finish dressing. Please make yourself at home, you still remember your way around, I’m sure. I’ll be back in a minute.” Harry said with a wink and took off up the stairs.

Hermione watched Harry run up the stairs. She noted how bronze his otherwise pail skin had become living on the beach and how toned his back and arms had developed. At the top of the stair, Harry turned his gaze down to her and she quickly looked away, embarrassed that he had caught her watching him. Once she could no longer see him, Hermione began looking around the house.

So many memories came back to her. Memories of the Order, of staying here for the summer, hiding out during the horocrux hunt and of course that night with Harry, the night that they had never talked about. Chills descended her back as the memory of that night, still so vividly, played in her mind. She walked into the sitting room and sat down nervously awaiting Harry’s return.

Harry rushed into his room in a panic. He wasn’t expecting the knock on the door to be her. He was expecting it to be someone for Remus, since no one knew he was home. But when he sluggishly opened the door, his heart shot to the ceiling when he saw her. He called out to her, not wanting her to leave. He noticed the way her eyes wandered his body and he enjoyed a brief moment of enjoyment from it.

He went to his suitcase and grabbed his most comfortable pair of jeans, which fit him perfect and his favorite hooded sweatshirt. He quickly dressed and checked himself in the mirror. As always his hair was unruly and messy but he knew she wouldn’t mind. He shook his head at how ridiculous he was acting. She was his best friend, who happened to be dating his other best friend. They never exactly laid any ground work about anything before he left. She had moved on, so why was he acting like nothing had changed? Like the last two years didn’t exist?

Downstairs, Hermione nervously sat, picking lint off of her coat. She still wasn’t sure what she was doing there and wondered if she should have left when Harry disappeared upstairs. But she reminded herself she as a Gryffindor and had courage she needed to call on. She remembered that she wanted some questions answered. She needed to know exactly what he was thinking when he left. Why she wasn’t enough to keep him in England? Did he really love her? Did he still love her? As her mind spun she heard Harry walking down the stairs and she put on her best ‘I could care less’ face.

Harry came around the corner of the sitting room and paused in the doorway. Hermione was seated in the large armchair in the center of the room. His breath caught in his throat as he looked at her. How her beauty could still have this effect on him was astonishing.

“So I see you made yourself at home. That’s good. Would you like me to take your coat?” Hermione just nodded and stood to remove her coat. Harry walked behind her and eased it off of her shoulders for her. He brushed his knuckles against her back, sending chills down her spine. Harry walked and hung it on the coat rack Hermione had earlier knocked down. Harry returned to the room, watching Hermione sit back down in the chair.

“So what brings you here Hermione?” Harry asked as he causally leaned against the doorway. Hermione shifted nervously in her chair. “I’m guessing Ron told you where I was staying. Does he know you came here?”

“No he thinks I went home to my flat. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of anything, you know?” Hermione answered, trying to calm herself.

“And why would coming to see an old friend who just came home after being gone for some time, be a big deal?” Harry asked coolly, almost challenging her to get personal.

“I don’t know. You know how Ron gets, nothing has changed. He still gets jealous and still thinks the world is out to get him.”

“And why would Ron get jealous of us talking? We’re just friends right? You’re with Ron now. If anyone should be jealous, it should be me.” Harry rushed his statement and instantly hated himself for saying something personal.

“Why would you be jealous of Ron?” Hermione pressed.

“Cause he has everything I’ve ever wanted.” Harry said, looking Hermione deep into her eyes. She was, after all, the only thing he ever wanted. He quickly realized they were playing a game and he was letting her win. “You know, a loving girl, a good job, an amazing family, that kind of stuff.” Harry noticed Hermione’s expression turn cold.

“Yeah, he does have a loving girl. I love him very much. We’re very happy. Maybe one day you’ll find someone who will make you happy.” Hermione said coldly as she stared at Harry. She noticed the sadness in his eyes and tried not to be effected by it.

“Yeah, maybe one day. I thought I found someone once but you know, shit doesn’t always pan out the way you think it will.” Harry returned an equally cold statement.

“Well that’s the funny thing Harry, if you want something you have to stick around and make sure it happens, not run away.” Hermione said, almost yelling.

“Did you come here to fight with me?”

“No.” Hermione answered sadly. She looked to the floor, wondering where she should start. “I wanted to know what your reason for leaving was, why you just left in the middle of the night. I know you wrote the letter, but I want to hear it from you. Why did you break my heart?” Hermione fought the tears that wanted to spill from her eyes as she looked back at Harry.

Harry moved from the doorway and walked to the coffee table in front of Hermione and he moved it back a few inches and took a seat on it in front of Hermione. Their knees brushed, causing Hermione to stir in her chair. Their eyes locked and a strong surge to kiss the other filled them both.

“I don’t know where to start, except to say that I never meant to hurt you as deeply as I seem to have. After the war was over I didn’t know what to do. The last seven years had been filled with a purpose, however shitty it was, my life had a purpose. I had the goal of saving the world and defeating Voldemort. When it was all over, I still had that mentality. I wasn’t Harry anymore. I needed to find myself again. I needed to get the ‘free Harry’ back again, before I could lead any sort of a normal life. I went over it for a month and nothing helped. You were there and so was Ron and you guys were so happy the war was over and you just started living and I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. Watching you get your life in order and how you were so sure everything would be great, killed me, because I couldn’t feel that. So I thought getting away might help and so I did it. I kept to my reputation and jumped before any thought. It broke my heart to leave you, and however cowardly my letter was, you were the only one I said good-bye to.” Harry spoke with the most sincerity Hermione had ever seen come from another human being.

“It hurt, more than you will ever know. I loved you so much. I thought we were going to start a life together, finish what we sort of started, even though we never really talked about it. It was more one of those unspoken things we always seemed to have, I could read it in your expression, and I knew you wanted it too. But after a year and not so much as an owl letting me know you were at least alive, I began to lose hope that I would ever see you again. Ron was there, he never left, and I found something in him, comfort. And it just sort of blossomed from there into something more. I was ready to wait for you but I guess I wasn’t strong enough.” Hermione sighed and looked into her lap. She once again found Harry’s eyes as she looked back up, and found his gaze was so intense, it challenged her tears to fall, for her emotions to surrender to him. Harry looked even harder into her eyes as he responded.

“I loved you too. I still love you, Hermione. But no matter how much I loved you it wouldn’t have been fair to you being the person I was. I wasn’t capable of loving you the way you deserved. I wasn’t in a good place. I decided, the hardest decision of my life I might add, that I would rather pass up my chance at a life with you, if it meant not hurting you worse down the road and losing you anyway. I couldn’t live with myself if I had done that. I loved you too much to put you through hell for a second time, now that the war was over and that hell had ended. I made my trip sound great tonight. I left out all the bad stuff. I struggled with a lot of demons, nightmares that still haven’t gone away, and visions of the war that will haunt me my whole life. But I did it alone, without hurting anyone. I know it sounds stupid, but I left because I loved you enough to walk away from hurting you deeper.” Harry took Hermione’s hands in his and her tears finally succumbed to his words. Hermione stole her hands back from Harry and wiped away her tears.

“I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried so hard to stop loving you, to move on and I think for the last little while I actually tricked myself into thinking I had done it. But no matter how close Ron and I get or how much I love him, I still love you, maybe even more than I did before. And I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to hurt anyone, you or Ron. I tried so hard to wait, I really did.” Hermione finally broke down completely into sobs and Harry took her into his arms, holding her to his chest. She tensed at first, but the familiarity of his hold came back to her and she relaxed against him.

Harry held her until her tears subsided and her emotions calmed. He lightly stroked her hair and rubbed her back soothingly. Hermione snuggled into Harry’s soft sweatshirt, marveling at the fact that his touch could still calm her so successfully. As she started to pull away Harry lightly kissed the top of her head. Something he had done countless times before, but this time it seemed almost sinful. Hermione pulled back sharply and looked to Harry. His eyes begged for her to understand what his heart felt. Hermione felt herself uncontrollably being pulled towards Harry. She stopped her lips only inches from Harry’s. He could feel her breath on his lips and he closed the gap between them.

The kiss was sweet and tender and only lasted a few seconds. But to Harry and Hermione it was the fireworks at the Quidditch World Cup, or the celebration at the end of the war. It was more than a kiss; it was the declaration that they truly did love each other. Hermione pulled away first, looking into Harry’s deep emerald eyes. When Harry attempted to lean back towards her for another kiss, Hermione stood from her chair.

“I’m sorry. I have to go. I don’t know what I’m doing. I need to get home. I’m sorry.” She mumbled, completely flabbergasted by their kiss, as she picked at her sweater nervously.

“Don’t be sorry. It is late and unlike me, you have to get to work in the morning.” Harry motioned towards the exit and ushered her to her coat. After helping her put it on Harry opened the door and followed her out on the landing. “I’ll see you soon I hope.” Harry asked with promise in his voice.

“Yes, you will. Good night, Harry.” Hermione turned to leave but Harry caught her arm and stopped her. She spun around to look at him and questioned him with her eyes.

“Thanks for coming by. I’ve missed you.” Harry said sadly. Hermione just smiled and nodded and turned to continue her journey down the walk. Harry watched her get near the end and turned to walk back into the house when he heard a loud thud and Hermione squeal. He turned to see her on her backside after slipping on the ice. He rushed down the steps to her side and found her giggling.

“Are you okay/?” Harry asked concerned. Hermione continued to giggle. She shook her head and finally controlled her laughing.

“Leave it to me to make my grand exit and fall on the bloody ice. I’m fine, really.” Hermione said with a grin on her face. Harry reached down to help her up. As he pulled her hand to stand back up he too slipped on the ice and they both fell hard.

Harry hit the back of his head against the walk as he fell with a loud smack. Hermione, however, had managed to cushion her fall by landing on top of Harry. Harry reached back and rubbed his head as Hermione began to giggle again. Harry soon became aware of the position he found himself in, and the pain in his head seemed to disappear. Hermione’s giggles stopped when she too noticed where she had landed and noticed the intensity in Harry’s eyes.

Harry’s left hand came up to her side, while his right went up to caress her cheek. His breath mingled with hers in a white cloud but all he seemed to be focused on was her lips. Hermione licked them in anticipation of what she hoped would happen, and instantly hated herself for it. Harry snaked his hand to the back of her neck and pulled her towards him.

This kiss was not sweet and tender, but heated and intense. They battled for dominance, Harry’s tongue demanding entrance to her mouth. Hermione’s hands came up to hold Harry’s face as she assaulted his mouth. They kissed for several minutes, never breaking for air. It was only when Harry’s hand left Hermione’s side and slid under her sweater and up her back, that the kiss was broken.

They were both breathing heavily, big white clouds of breath now mingling into the night air. Neither spoke, they just intensely stared at the other. Harry removed his hand from her back and ran it through his hair. Hermione smiled weakly and whispered something so quiet Harry couldn’t make it out over his breathing and with a pop, she apparated.

Harry lay alone on the icy walk for several minutes before he slowly got up, careful not to slip again. He made his way back into the house and up to his room. He plopped on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He sighed, knowing it would be a long night and he wouldn’t be getting a wink of sleep, after the night he had just had.

Across town, Hermione apparated into her dark flat, still trying to catch her breath from the activities on the walk with Harry. She didn’t even bother turning on any lights. She walked to her room, discarded her jacket and shoes on the floor and climbed into bed. She turned on her side and her eyes fell on the same frame as the morning she had found Harry’s letter. She looked at Harry and closed her eyes, giving her best effort at falling asleep, knowing it would be a night long battle.