I Understand Now...

So I am sad to say that it\'s been so long since i\'ve updated that i\'ve forgotten what i was going to call this chapter. Anyway, I apologize for being so random in my updates but sadly real life has to take precendence over fanfiction. I\'ll try to get the next chapters up soon. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and i really appreciate all the great reviews. In the mean time, ima try to figure out the title of this chapter... =D





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After a couple weeks, Harry’s life had gained back some semblance of normalcy. Well, at least normal for him. Sometimes he even forgot that the Headmaster had, in effect, spelled out the next six years of his life.



You always have a choice, Harry. You don’t have to do any of what he described if it’s not what you really want. I mean, you had to have left him for a reason... The little voice inside his head sounded oddly like Hermione today.



At that thought, guilt shot up Harry’s spine. He still hadn’t told either of his best friends of what had transpired while he was in the hospital wing. He didn’t know if he should. Ron had taken the news of his gay-ness fairly well, but Harry didn’t think he could be expected to do the same if Harry told Ron that he was going to spend the rest of his days with the Greasy Git of Slytherin. And Hermoine would definitely frown since Snape is their professor.



That was another thing. Before his little chat with the Headmaster, Harry had never thought of the snarky Potion’s Master in that way. He’d never noticed how his voice sounded like chocolate velvet, or how often he wondered what the mysterious man would look like without his concealing robe’s on. Or with nothing on...



Shut it.



Oh gods. Now he was arguing with himself. This couldn’t be healthy.



What was he going to do?



“Mate, are you okay?” Ron’s voice broke through his inner reverie.



“Yeah. Just fine.”



“Oh, you were just zoning, I’magine. Anyway, it’s time to head to class.”



“What is today? What do we have?” Mumble on, scarhead.



“Wow, you really are out of it. It’s Tuesday, Harry. We have potions first.” Hermione joined the conversation.



“Shite.” Harry shook his head, and started the trek down to the dungeons.



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Harry remembered his first potions class of the year extremely well. And he was reminded of it, and the weird tangle of emotions it accompanied, every time he stepped into Snape’s classroom.



-flashback-



Harry stared at the man in front of him. His physical appearance hadn’t changed much. But for some reason Harry thought he was absolutely gorgeous. Why had he never noticed his not so tiny crush on the Potion’s Master before?



“Mr. Potter.” The words shivered in his ear, before he even realized Snape was addressing him. “Whomever you are mooning over today will have to wait until after class. For now, would you care to return to reality and begin preparing today’s potion with the rest of your peers?”



Dazed, Harry absently got up and gathered his ingredients. Thinking back on Snape’s barbed comment, Harry smirked internally. Ah Snape. If you only knew who I was mooning over...



The rest of the class continued on fairly normally until the last part of the potion needed to be completed. It required smooth stirring, something Harry had never really mastered. In fact there were lots of things in Potions Harry had never really mastered...



“Mr. Potter. Please desist in creating typhoons in your cauldron. Potions is a delicate art and must be treated as such.”



Harry attempted to stir with more grace. He failed.



Snape sighed. “Mr. Potter...”



“I’m sorry, sir. I’m trying, really. I just don’t seem to be able to do it.” Harry braced himself for the usual assignment of detention that came standard with anything less than perfection in Snape’s classroom. Instead, Snape moved behind him and gently covered Harry’s hand with his own.



“Here, Mr. Potter. Let me show you.” Harry thought he was going to melt into the floor. How could he possibly concentrate when Snape was whispering in his ear like that? Never mind the hand currently guiding his own in smooth circles.



After a couple moments Snape stepped away from him, and Harry tried to regain focus and continue his potion.



– end flashback –



Harry took his customary seat at the back of the classroom with Ron and Hermione and settled in for another hour of wondering about his future with his enigmatic Potions Professor.





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During lunch that day, Harry noticed that Hermione was fixing him with one of her patented quizzical gazes, like he was a puzzle to be figured out.



“What?”

She just raised an eyebrow at him. He pointedly looked at Ron and mouthed “later.” She let it drop.



Five minutes later, she rose from the table. “Harry, would you help me with some research I need to do for charms?” Harry nodded and turned to go as Ron shot him a sympathetic look. Luckily he didn’t offer to go along.



Harry and Hermione trekked down to the library. They found a quite table in the corner, away from the piercing gaze of Madame Pince. How should he begin? How does one tell one’s best friend that later in life they could quite possibly end up in love with their most hated professor? He chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully.



His reverie was brutally interrupted by Hermoine. “For Gods sake, just spit it out. I know it has something to do with Snape, you can hardly take your eyes off of him any more. And seeing as you’re gay.... do you have a crush on Snape?”



“Well, it’s a little more complicated than that.” When is it not complicated with you, Potter? “Remember when I passed out at the feast?” She nodded emphatically. “Well, I’m not sure you’re going to believe this, so just let me get through it before you start asking questions.” Hermione nodded again.



“When I woke up in the hospital wing, the Headmaster was there.” Hermione nodded. “He explained to me that later this year I would ask to be apprenticed to Professor Snape. He said that Snape would be attacked later next year and that for some reason I was to be the one that could help bring him out of the resulting depression. He said that we would start an affair after getting hideously drunk, and that I would live in Snape’s quarters teaching DADA for the next four years.” Harry summed up in a rush what he could remember of Dumbledore’s tale.



“Harr-” Harry cut her off.



“You promised. May I continue?” She nodded. “So, after four years, suddenly I move out and shack up with Malfoy, and Snape gets depressed and kills himself.”



“Harry ” Hermione eyebrows had practically disappeared into her hair line.



“Shush ” Hermione looked like she was going to protest, but thought better of it. Harry continued on.



“So, according to the Headmaster, I’m back here now. Which of course could be a complete lie, since obviously I don’t remember the future. And somehow I’m supposed to figure out if this is still what I want from life, since I had to have left Snape for some reason. And then I guess if it is, I have to change why I left him. According to Dumbledore, I was “deeply distraught” when Snape offed himself. I have to admit, I hate the idea of anyone killing themselves because of me. I’ve caused to many deaths as it is. But I really can’t imagine falling in love with the man, Hermione. I dunno.” That’s if I”m not in love with him already.



“May I speak now?” was the timid reply.



“Yeah. What do you think?”



“Well.. I have to say, Harry, this does sound a little crazy. But since I’m obligated to believe you, no matter how insane you are, lets go from there. Why do you think Dumbledore would tell you that, instead of just letting you decide you want to be apprenticed to Snape naturally? I mean there had to be that planted the idea in your head the first time around.”



“I don’t know. I’ve been kind of wondering that myself.” They sat there in silence for a minute, both of them lost in their own train of thought. Harry picked at a hangnail on his thumb. Suddenly a light came into Hermione’s eye.



“Harry, do you think that Dumbledore telling you all of this is what planted the idea in your brain? Would you really have ever asked to be apprenticed if Dumbledore hadn’t said that your future has already occured with Snape?”



“So you think he was lying to me? That my future hasn’t already been played out?” Harry was surprised to find that he had never considered that the conniving headmaster might not of been telling him the truth. He was slightly disappointed in himself.



“I don’t know. It just seems like not even Dumbledore can know the future, unless he’s from it as well.” Harry had to admit that she made a good point.



“And if what he says is true, then maybe you still had to know that for some reason. I just think it was important somehow for him to plant the idea of you being apprenticed with Snape. I don’t think you would have done it, or will do it, without that conversation.”



“I dunno, Hermione. You’re making my brain hurt. I’m so confused.”



“Well, Harry, you still have a year to figure it out. I don’t think you’re going to bind yourself to a man you hate just because Dumbledore told you that’s what happens in your future, so maybe this year will change your mind about him. Or maybe you’ll choose another path in life. You still have control over your own fate, Harry, don’t forget that. Now come on We’re going to be late.”





TBC...