Without You

A/preN:

First of to meg, Aww thank you soo much. I know I really liked this one too hated to stop it and make it so annoyingly clean for that Pg site.

Lissagal99 expect no more lol.

Kayo I laughed so hard everyone in my Dorm common room was thinking I had lost it. I showed it to my friend and she laughed like a loon with me.

WELL I'LL stop chatting you up here you go!

"Really Ginny its only two weeks, if I have to hear one more sniveling girl bemoaning being separated from her boyfriend for a few weeks I'll scream. Honestly I thought Pravati was going to expire on the spot!" Hermione scoffed impatiently flinging a book into her open trunk which snapped shut with an almost offended click. "You'd think she'd be pleased she got a term shadowing Madam Aplix! She's the Fashion know it all, of the wizzarding world! And she chose Pravati out of millions of girls! Who knows in a few years time Pravati will be modeling robes on the Network! But what is her main concern, not being able to snogg Harry for a couple weeks! It’s pathetic and what are you blanching about now Ginny!" Hermione snapped loosing her patience.

"Some how the thought that Harry's girlfriend has been chosen to be a model isn't cheering me up Hermione!" Ginny retorted flopping onto her back in hopelessness. Hermione let out a noise of pure frustration and tapped her wand impatiently on the bed post.

"She's not becoming a model! Not that she's not pretty enough mind you, She wants to be a designer. You know she wants to design wizzarding cloths. That new pair of pants that Hanna Abbot was wearing in Hogsmeade last weekend that's Aplix made, she always includes her customary A signature branded on with magic you know…" Ginny tuned out Hermione's chatter feeling lower then she'd felt in a while. She didn't even have Dean to distract her, they'd sort of been going out for the past two weeks and it felt good to have some one to talk to. But their relationship was so, so...dry.

It was lacking and they both felt it. She could sense Dean was slightly relived that he would be leaving the school for a couple weeks. He was going all the way to America to shadow the foreign trade sector of the ministry.

"Its just going to be different is all, just me and Lu, and Chrissy Hevins." Ginny sighed into her pillow. Who was she kidding the difference was going to be not seeing Harry every day. When she came down from the girl’s dormitories in the morning she wouldn't see his sleepy face grinning good morning at her. Or on her way back from double potions with the Ravenclaws she wouldn't see him in the hallway leaning against a pillar or an arch way.

She was quit simply going to miss Harry potter and that just stank of being desperate. She had best become used to it! She scolded herself, because this was his graduation year, next year he wouldn't be coming back at all. And that thought was so depressing that she found she couldn't get to sleep. She lay there long after the torches had blown out and Hermione and the other girls drifted off to sleep.

~~**~~**~~
“Seamus have you seen my book on…Never mind I found it” Dean called out from his position underneath the bed where he was searching for his things. Seamus was sitting on his own bed, as he watched Dean slither his way out from underneath. He had a graceful almost catlike way of moving. Dean was confidant in himself, in his body in his worth. It showed in the way he moved in the way he smiled.

Seamus sighed, then grinned in answer to Deans grin as Dean plopped himself on Seamus bed. “I think I have everything now. We wont see each other for two weeks Sea, can you believe that? I don’t remember when we’ve ever been separated for two days!”

Seamus wanted to throw himself on Dean and beg him not to go, he did have his pride and he had to be honest his fear. He smiled instead and with a bravado he didn’t feel replied. “Well I can, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. I’m real excited about working for Mr. McAlister.”

Dean nodded eyeing him thoughtfully, “You know this is just the beginning. When we graduate and if I do go into regulating trade I could be hopping back and forth from multitudes of countries we might not see each other for months. And if either of us gets married it will just get harder.” He sighed suddenly needing touch and a moment of happiness.

He reached behind him grabbing his pillow to whap Dean in the face with it, the look of utter surprise on his face was so comical Seamus felt laughter bubbling out of his mouth. “How many times do I have too tell you Dean you’re stuck with me. Maybe you’re a little too slow too…”

“Stuff it Seamus! Hit me with that pillow again and I’ll…”

Seamus hit him again and yelped when Dean tore it from his hands and tackled him. Seamus laughed as Dean grappled with his hands and they rolled on the bed. He didn’t put up much of a fight and was rewarded when Dean straddled him and grinned down at him in triumph.
Was it a little perverted to have his blood pumping so hot and to feel like he never wanted to leave this position. If it was then he didn’t give a damn, the world might just need a few more perverts. He was so god damn beautiful like that, ebony skin and eyes like gleaming dark pools. Seamus could drown in those eyes; he did every time he looked into them.

Seamus felt an ache in his chest forming, he knew all that. If one of them got married, well that would be Dean because Gays couldn’t marry and even if they could Seamus knew he loved one person and one person only. He would never see Dean after he got married, just the thought of that faceless woman threatened to tear a hole in his heart. He would move away and never come back, seeing him with her would be too painful.

He loved him, he wanted to say it…he had to say it.

“I love you.” He whispered and instantly cringed.

He saw Deans smile slip a little, “Well…I love you too Sea but lets not get mushy about it.” He said a little unsurely.

Should he leave it like that, let Dean assume he had meant it like a brother let the oddly girly moment pass for a weak moment on his part. He couldn’t Dean was right, their lives were changing to fast he might loose him if he admitted it. He was loosing him anyway.

“No Dean, I love you. I have for a while for as long as I can remember. I couldn’t help it, in truth I don’t wan’t too anyway.” Seamus said softly. For an instant when Dean just stared at him he hoped. Then as something like pain swept into Deans eyes swallowed swiftly by hurt, then fear. He scrambled off of Seamus like he had some sort of Disease.

“Seamus that isn’t funny, not funny at all mate!” Dean fired at him from the other side of the room. He looked hopeful like Seamus might admit it was all just a laugh.

He was going to die, he knew he was. He looked away.

“But how can you…You’ve seen me undress!” Dean suddenly shouted he looked scandalized and disgusted by the notion. If he could sink into the floor he would. If he could just disappear he would. Instead he had to sit here and let the arrows hit his heart. It was an open target.

“Well without admitting I was gay I could hardly tell you to dress somewhere else, or leave the room and dress elsewhere.” Seamus defended himself.

Dean didn’t seem to care his eyes were frantic he was paceing back and forth like an animal in a cage. He glanced at Seamus, and something soft and sad entered his side.

“Sea you’re like my brother, I would never turn on you. You should have told me and then maybe this wouldn’t have happened. You can’t love me, because I just don’t love you like that. We can work through this though a little help and we can get you back on track…”

Seamus stiffend as that particular arrow hit the center of his heart, he clenched his fists.
“I know lots of girls willing to go out with you if you just gave it a chance…”
Seamus didn’t let him finish, “I AM NOT BROKEN!” He shouted surging to his feet.
“Something has to be wrong with you! Seamus this isn’t like you!” Dean persisted.

“You don’t know me. I thought you did, I thought I knew you.” Seamus shot back. He saw Deans fists clench and a spark of anger light in his eyes.

“Don’t turn this on me! My best mate in the world confesses he’s in love with me and I’m supposed to fall into his arms just because of that?” He shouted.

“No! But you don’t tell him you’ll fix him either!” Seamus retorted.

“Well how am I ever supposed to be comfortable with you again, how am I ever going to be able to look at you and not wonder if you’re….” Here Dean shuddered a little.

Why not just take a knife to me? Seamus thought.

“You can’t, because I’m always going to love you as long as I’m near you.” He whispered.

He saw Dean pale a little and he backed up a step. Answer enough for him.

“So I’ll do us both a favor and not be near you. “

He could not be in that room anymore, he just couldn’t be. He ran, it was the only thing he could do, He ran through the portal as it swung open and past the other boys who were coming in. He ran as far and as fast as he could. He discovered no matter how hard you ran you couldn’t run from pain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even though she knew students weren't supposed to be out of bed and if she was caught she could get detention and loose house points, Ginny still found herself leaving Gryffindor Tower. She wasn't a complete dullard she'd been at this school for six years and everyone was aware that students where often slinking around in the night for some purpose or another.

Harry most especially, whether it was searching for mirrors or dots on a map or raiding the restricted section, or meeting a girlfriend. That last one left a sour taste in her mouth. Ginny wasn't usually one for being out of bed when she was supposed to be in it, for one she wasn't constantly finding ways to battle evil or find new things like Harry. And for the second, there was never a boyfriend she trusted enough to meet in dark secluded places; she wasn't really that kind of girl.

She wouldn't be averse to trusting Harry though. She really needed a boyfriend, and someone other then Harry, as Harry was dating one of her friends. She said friend loosely, Pravati and she had always gotten on well but they weren't close, and lately she had begun to loose major points in Ginny's eyes. And she didn't kid herself as too why.

It was dark in the halls, only a few torches lit her feet padded softly on the cold stone floors. She hadn't a clue as to where she was headed; she didn't really have a destination in mind. She just felt the need to walk, Images of Harry whispered throughout her mind. What would life be like without him in the next year? Being the younger sister had never truly bothered her except those moments when it kept her apart from what she wanted.

Ginny you’re too small to come with, got old after awhile and it seemed to be the big brothers most often used excuse when it came to little sisters. And it applied to more then just her brothers because drat it all Harry had decided he wanted to be placed amongst them! He treated her like a little sister of all things. Honestly boys where such morons! Couldn't they read vibes! Did she have to grab him and kiss him senseless before he even began to suspect she didn't want him for a brother? With Harry… probably.
"Your heart is too young to be so heavy child."
Ginny started at the sound of a voice coming from just slightly above her. She looked around in confusion, realizing her wayward feet had brought her all the way to Gillian's Tower. And there she was lady Gillian, a pale apparition a shadow of the person that once was.

She was tall for a woman and wearing an elegant gown that could only be described as medieval. She might have been blond or green haired for all Ginny knew in real life for as a ghost she had very little color. Ginny could see through her like she was nothing more then a smoky haze. This was the first time Ginny had ever seen her in person. She'd heard the stories of course. When a professor or jealous ex would try to intrude upon anyone in the room everyone in the castle heard her ghostly shrieks. Other wise she generally left people alone.

She had been beautiful in her former life, even as only a shadow her loveliness was apparent. She smiled kindly at Ginny and gestured towards the tower door which had slowly swung open. Soft light spilled from the room, not the light of candlelight but florescent moonlight. The kind of moonlight that inspired lovers to sit beneath trees or lye out in open fields counting stars.

The kind of moonlight that would bathe a person’s face, and make it enchanting and mysterious. This moonlight was inviting and struck a cord inside Ginny she hadn't known existed of girlish romanticism. "I don't understand for Luna it was so different?" Ginny turned to question the ghost. Lady Gillian was urging her forward even as she softly faded away.

As she stepped into the room she noticed its changes almost instantly. There where no couches and cushions here, in fact it was hardly even recognizable as a room. Some deep enchantment was at work here, for that was not stone beneath her feet but grass. Lovely green grass that filled the air with perfumes, and there were trees tall majestic trees with leaves that glinted in the moonlight.

Her Hogwarts robes disappeared to be replaced by a thin white lacy gown, as if she had spent her day dancing around a maypole. Her hair which she normally placed in a ponytail had decided of its own accord it would rather hang down her back in care free waves. The last she heard of lady Gillian was a soft whisper.

"Luna's love was different as all love must be, Yet remember Ginny all love is the same"

She didn't understand what that meant, but she found it hard to care at this moment. The forest of trees and nighttime was alive with moonlight and magic. And on the air there was a scent, something deep and rich. Like broomsticks and soap, she new that smell hadn't even realized that she adored it. There was music in her blood and her feet itched to run amongst trees and moonlight and dance. Dance in the hopes that the owner of that particular soft and beloved scent would stride into the room and dance with her. Maybe girlish fantasies were ok, if only for a night.
~~~~~***~~~~~

Harry bit back a yawn as he trudged up the castle steps it was really past when all students should be in bed but he had needed to find Seamus. When he had entered the room that night Seamus had come bolting out like a bat out of Hell and Dean had been standing in the room like someone had shot him.

“Dean whats wrong, what happened to Seamus?” Ron had asked. To which Dean had replied.

“I don’t know why does he have to be gay. Why now?”

Needless to say they were all a bit shocked. Although stunned and a little off put everyone including Dean had agreed not to let what they knew go any farther. Harry didn’t know how he felt about his friend being gay but he did know Seamus was still his friend and obviously hurting. He didn’t know who he felt more for, Seamus or Dean. He imagined Ron admitting he was in love with him and Shuddered.

He had been unable to find him, he suspected he had gone to the room of Requirement which meant he wouldn’t be seeing him till morning. Harry trudged down a flight of stairs, and thought to himself this whole liking other males thing must be an epidemic.

“A little late for a stroll Potter” A voice said from the Darkness.

Harry stiffened recognizing that voice. He turned to glare at Draco. “That’s hardly any of your concern Malfoy, who are you letting in to invade now, trolls?”

Malfoy didn’t reply, he stepped forward Harry noted he looked oddly mysterious in shadows and moonlight he had to repress a shiver. “your leaving tomorrow aren’t you Potter?” Draco asked.

“Yeah what of it?” Harry snapped impatient with Malfoys games and oddly on edge. That energy that flow of hazy heat was back again stronger then ever.
Does Desire feel like this? Hot enough to burn and flowing through your blood like

STOP IT! He reprimanded himself stepping back. Malfoy was grinning at him.

“I’m leaving too, There really isn’t anything for me here anymore you know. Except one last thing.” He heard Draco whisper.

Draco grabbed his arm. Harry felt a spurt of fear was he going to murder him then? Then the rage came, just let him try!

“Let go of me Malfoy you…” He didn’t finish. Draco jerked him forward until he was crushed against him. Harry had barley finished forming the word you when Draco’s mouth came crashing down on his.

Some one had set him on fire, he was burning like a flame. Draco’s lips moved over his own his tongue seeking entrance into his mouth, when Harry opened his lips to yell, or to gasp he wasn’t sure Draco’s tongue came thrusting inside.

Harry moaned as a wave of pleasure engulfed him and his hands clutched at the front of Draco’s shirt. He was so lost in a fog of arousal that he barely noticed when Draco broke the kiss. The only thing that alerted him was the fact that he could now breathe.

“I wont be seeing you again Potter.” Draco hissed, was that a shadow of regret in his voice. And he was sweeping away leaving Harry to pant and stare after him in shock.

Once he was gone Harry sank to the floor knees like jelly. Rage. It had to be Rage.

Not Desire never that. He hated Malfoy! When he got back from his intership he was going to Hex him into America! How dare the sick bastard kiss him.

You kissed back
INSTINCT!
Yeah Ok.
While his mind battled over what had just happened he hugged his knees to his chest and tried to convince himself he hated Malfoy. When he had rebuilt up his rage he went storming back to his room. Dean was in his own bed but not sleeping, he was staring at Seamus empty bed with glazed sightless eyes. Harry sighed.

It must be a bloody epidemic.
~~~****~~~~
Harry fought the urge not to yawn, it was early Saturday morning and the trek to Hogsmeade in the brisk March air had left him slightly child. He wasn't the only seventh year to make the trek either, those who had not left the day before were all making their way along the familiar route with professor leading the brigade of sleepy students.

When they reached the village some would take the train home others the night bus, others would apearate finally being far enough from Hogwarts grounds to achieve such a thing. Still others would take other routes; floo powder and such. In his case The Weasley's were going to meet he, Ron and Hermione. Mrs. Weasley apparently wanted to waist no time in the two days they would be together again.

They had today and tomorrow until Ron went on the road with the London Knights, Hermione would be interning in the Muggel Affairs office and would there for remain at the Weasley's, being as her parents lived too far away to make the daily trips into what would be her work for the next two weeks.

Harry himself however would be working at the Aurors office, and although they worked closely with the ministry they where not in itself a division of the ministry. They had their own offices and headquarters. Now where exactly in England that was, was a closely guarded secret; but it was obvious it wasn't near the Burrow. So Sirius would be picking up Harry's trunks Sunday night and for the rest of his internship till the weekend before his return to Hogwarts he would room with him.

Beside him Ron did not bother to hide just how tired he was and let out a huge yawn. Harry shook his head, more to clear it from sleep then anything else. Everyone, that is everyone with any sense at all looked dead tired and there was little talking. The snow crunching beneath their feet was the most obvious sound. There was however whispers of conversation, among those oddities that Harry had never understood. Morning people!

Seamus Finnigan was usually one of those ilk for he seemed almost cheery and full of energy no matter what time of the day it was. Not this morning he walked next to Harry in scillince. He had shown up this morning after everyone else was dressed looking like he had cried all night. Which none of them had the nerve to say anything about. Harry had offerd to help him finish packing a show of friendship and support that he had greeted with a grateful if wan smile. Ron had appeared uncomfortable but had helped anyway.

Dean had left the room, though Harry did notice he looked pained and kept glancing back at Seamus. He kept doing that now even though he was walking and talking with some others. Seamus appeared so gloomy that Harry tried his best to cheer him up. “Hey Seamus what’s Hailstar?” He asked, even though he knew exactly what it was. He was rewarded when Seamus eyes lit up a little.

"oi Harry, the HailStar is the latest broom since the Firebolt. It’s supposed to go more then…" Seamus appeared to be milking this moment of distraction for all it was worth. Harry frowned a little as Seamus prattled on and on about the broom. He hadn’t meant to unleash a beast. This didn’t even sound healthy! Seamus found it hard to finish his sentence with Harry's trunk slamming, only somewhat playfully into his knee. He let out a soft grunt of pain as Harry mumbled.

"Shut up Seamus."

Seamus wasn't deterred in fact he grinned, "Oi, Harry late night last night was it?" This was treated by snickers between him and Neville, who was only slightly less happy in the morning. Ron stared at the two of them like they were an Alien entity, shuddered once and kept silent, not that he had the ability to speak so early in the morning. If Harry found it hard waking up then by comparison to Ron, Harry was practically Seamus.

"I think I'm just tired as a rule there Seamus. And don't get funny Ideas I stayed in my bed last night" Harry said, fighting off another yawn. Which was a blatant lie but he could hardly admit he had been searching for him then Malfoy had mauled him. He felt a shiver run down his spine thinking of that kiss.

He knew Seamus thought he had been with Pravati, and he had been for a while. He had in fact been in the Lady's tower before he had returned to witness the end of the fight between Seamus and Dean.

Pravati had wanted to stay longer, but in Harry's mind there was only so long you could snogg without it fast loosing its appeal. He frowned, not a very boyfriend-ish thought but for him it was true. He really like Pravati she was one of the best girls he'd ever dated to be honest. It was him really, he knew that. Maybe the "Chosen one" or whatever he was being called these days wasn't built for long lasting relationships.

You could kiss Malfoy all day, a kiss like that you could do that for years. His traitorous mind whispered. He frowned really whishing he could beat the voice out of his skull.

"Ah, but who was in there with you Harry" Seamus waggled his eyebrows and dogged Harry's trunks, this time Harry had swung it at him not at all playfully.

"Get your mind out of the gutter Seamus, not all of us are like you" Harry fought he urge not to blush. He had been thinking about Draco when Seamus had spoken he had gotten an image of He and Draco in bed together. He had lashed out unthinkingly. He saw Seamus wince a little.

Ron seemed to have perked up at this notion, and Hermione who had dug her face into a book, who was being practically led around by Lavender also looked up at Harry in interest.

Seamus decided he hadn’t meant all of them were gay like him, that Harry had meant something else. Afterall as far as Seamus knew Harry was strait. Harry was glad for this and a little ashamed of himself. Until Seamus leered at him, and staying a safe distance from his trunk said "Your saying all that time you've spent in the Tower and not once have ye- OUCH"
Harry felt no remorse for the icy snowball he had chucked at his friend, he had been asking for it. Seamus shook snow from his hair and glared at Harry who glared right back.

Dean looked back and forth between the two obviously concerned that the two might start tussling right there in the snow. Who he would support obviously concerned him most, Seamus was his best mate but they were hardly on the best of terms. And Seamus might think it meant more then it was. But he could never let Seamus fight any battle alone, in an odd way he loved Seamus as much as Seamus loved him. Just not the same way, Then again Harry was a good friend too.

It was Ron who saved the day, he put a warning hand on Harry's shoulder and turned to Seamus and said rather sternly for Ron.

"Come off it Seamus, What Harry does with anyone isn't really your concern now is it. Besides I happen to know Harry was in his bed alone last night. Just cause you’re having a bad go of it doesn’t mean you take it out on the rest of us."

Harry nodded at Ron in thanks and marched on not looking at Seamus. He understood his friend was having a rough time and was a little snappish…but damn it MALFOY HAD KISSED HIM!

All night Harry had dreamt of trees and moonlight and oddly enough dancing. When he had woke in the morning the scent of wild grass and something reminiscent of the Burrow seemed to linger in his mind. Almost like flour and flowers, if that made much sense. An odd dream but a pleasant one, one that soothed his restlessness and his anger at himself.

It was warm and comforting, it reminded him of Ginny. She was like that, he always felt good around her. He always felt confidant in himself and where he stood with her. He had woken with a sense of peace and a little more comforted.

He had gathered his trunks and left with the other seventh years. A few younger students had dragged themselves from bed to see them off. Luna had been there of course. She had flung her arms around Harry and kissed his cheek good luck. Pravati had not seen to that to kindly but hadn't said anything, well aware Luna was no threat to her.

"Watch yourself out there Harry it’s a dangerous world, especially since everyone knows Aurors are secretly vampires. I don't know why you'd want to become one, but I suppose it might help you fight of You know who." She had advised him, Harry nodded as usually when she spouted such nonsense.

She had turned and grinned at Ron and given him a hug too, which had baffled Ron. "That's from Ginny, she has morning detention with Flitwick cause he caught her out of bed last night so she couldn't be here." Both Harry and Ron had frowned at that, Ron had muttered about his little sisters dating habits most of the morning after. Because really unless you were up to no good there wasn't any other reason to be out of bed at night.

Nothing else had been odd about their departure, besides Luna herself who was always odd. After delivering Ginny's hug to Ron she had turned and faced Neville. Who was currently digging through his trunks for something, muttering to himself. Luna had stood there looking oddly dreamy as usual.

"Bye Neville, take care of yourself and oh I found Trevor he somehow found his way into my trunks." She said whipping from a pocket in her robes a lumpy object that let out a croak. Funnily enough, Harry had thought Neville was getting a lot better at keeping track of his things. He hadn't been seen racing around the castle looking for Trevor his toad for well since their fifth year as well as Harry could remember. Neville’s dip back into his old forgetfulness obviously embarrassed him because he blushed pink as he reached out to take the toad back from Luna.


Who looked almost sad to be letting the poor toad go. "Bye Trevor, He's a really great toad Neville, we had a long talk last night. He promises not to run away again, but only if you'll bring him to visit me ok?" She asked almost shyly.

Her head was lowered slightly so that her blonde hair fell forward to hide her face. She had looked almost cute standing there like that Harry mused to himself, as Hogsmeade Village came into sight. Neville had been quiet the entire trek to the village. But then again some students still looked as if they had just stumbled from their beds. Strangely enough though his eyes were bright and aware and a faint flush was on his cheeks. It was rather cold out.

Then a voice sounded that banished all his worrys and his anger.
"RONALD. HARRY, HERMIONE OVER HERE YOU LOT." Harry recognized the voice of Mr. Weasley instantly and grinned to himself. A warm glow expanded in his chest. This felt like coming home.