Who am I really?

Title: Who am I really?

Summary: AU!! “You cannot be Harry Potter. Harry Potter died thirteen years ago, along with his parents. Only his twin brother survived, ‘Theodore Potter’.”

Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me. This magical world and everything in it belongs to JK Rowling and her publishers.

Warnings: Okay, this will be a BDSM fic, for certain, but only later on in the fic. This is Snarry slash, Snape will be the Dominant but it will be very different from ‘Life as I know it’, Harry will stand up for himself more…

AN: Someone asked me where I came up with the name ‘Raymond McShane’… I did a search on the net for names and surnames. The surname I found on a site where they gave an unusual surname for –almost- every letter of the alphabet. I had at first wanted to find something that started with an ‘S’ but ‘McShane’ just caught my eye and when they mentioned what it meant, I knew it was the one I wanted. The name… almost the same except I went through a lot more names, hundreds, until I found the one that suited best.

“That’s a wise choice; do you know what the name means? No? It means ‘Guards Wisely’ or ‘Mighty Protector’.”

The boy looked a bit shocked for a moment before he once again faced Severus.

“Why do you say it’s a wise choice?”

Severus looked over the boy and took in some details that people would normally miss or look over. Yes, he had a very strong feeling that his suspicions were correct.

“Because of who you are.”

Chapter 4: Explanations and Decisions

Harry – Raymond – he reminded himself, looked at him with confusion and a bit of apprehension.

“What do you mean: ‘Because of who I am’? I’m nobody, just Harry, Raymond now. I’m just me.”

Severus looked the boy over slowly. The potion was starting to wear off and the unmistakable ‘Potter’ features were creeping back in but still he could see that this particular Potter held himself differently from the one he had been teaching for three years now.

“Yes Mr McShane. You are just ‘you’, but if my assumptions are correct, you are also much more than either of us have realized or will ever realize.”

Raymond looked as if he was getting quite frustrated with Severus and his vague answers. It was quite amusing to watch really. The Potter brat – Theodore – would long since have gone off on some tantrum or another and demanded an explanation. This boy however, kept his emotions mostly in check and waited the explanation out. Severus decided that, if just to keep his own sanity, he would refer to Harry by his new name from now on, even in his thoughts and Potter would stay Potter – well, except for in his mind, there the boy had quite a few names which Severus was quite sure the headmaster would not be pleased about if he were to ever gain access to Severus’s mind and find them.

“The truth hurts, as the headmaster has pointed out to me on various occasions, but I will tell you some of the truth now. Your brother, while an average wizard” it was very difficult for him to say that “is not the… how can I put this kindly? He’s not very bright – beg your pardon but he’s in fact really dim-witted.” Severus was quite a mused when Raymond snorted at that.

“The whole of the wizarding world has placed their hopes and salvation on a brainless, reckless, spineless individual and I had long since lost hope for the ‘Light side’, as they say.”

Severus could see Raymond’s mouth forming the word ‘spineless’ over and over and was once again reminded that the boy had grown up on the street and thus did not know the more expressive, fluent words that well educated people used.

“I’ll be sure to get you that dictionary you desired, perhaps then we will be able to have a decent conversation that is not solely one-sided.” The sneer in his voice let the boy know that he was not pleased to have to explain himself every minute of the day but he toned down a bit as he knew that it was not entirely the boy’s fault that he was ill educated.

“Back to the point at hand; your brother, I’m sad to say, has taken the power and attention his celebrity status present him to his head. To put it plain – he’s a spoiled brat who is used to getting everything he wants, whenever he wants.”

Severus smirked as he heard Raymond’s reply. “Oh, so he’s a snob?”

“If you want to put it so crudely, then yes.”

Severus sighed silently in relief when the boy changed the subject. He did not want to explain his reasoning for what he had said earlier to the boy, not yet at least.

“Does he know about me? I mean, I know he’ll probably also think I’m dead as no-one knew about me but does he know he had a twin?”

“I am not certain about what the headmaster had explained to him when he first entered Hogwarts. He knows about his/your parents, how they died and how he supposedly saved the world from evil.” Severus just hoped that Raymond would not dwell too long on that ‘supposedly’.

“I don’t know all the details, but from what I understand, your brother was left with your aunt and uncle. A year later the headmaster checked up on him and decided that his home life was not exactly exemplary. He was removed from their care and given to a pureblood family. The family that took him in is solidly against the ‘Dark’ and in my opinion; they’d poisoned his brain against anything and everything except that which is purely ‘Light magic’.”

Severus could see that Raymond was trying hard to process all the information but was not fairing as well as he had hoped.

“What is the difference between ‘Light magic’ and any other magic?”

It was an intelligent question and Severus could not help but raise an eyebrow in surprise.

“That is probably one of the most difficult questions to answer. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ concerning the answer to that question and what I’m going to tell you now is only my own opinion.”

The boy shifted slightly to get more comfortable and Severus continued.

“The general public describes ‘Light magic’ as basically anything that is not, ‘Dark magic’ or ‘Black magic.’

That is where they make their first mistake. Dark magic is mostly curses and hexes of a questionable kind. For example: If you were to curse someone with a ‘blood boiling’ curse – yes there really are such curses – then you would automatically be seen as a Dark wizard because of the type of curses you use. Black magic is feared more than Dark magic as it is impossible to defend against Black magic, mostly. The most commonly known Black magic curses are the ‘Unforgivable curses’: that is the Avada Kedavra – the death curse, the Cruciatus – the pain curse, and the Imperius – the control curse. I will explain them in detail at a later date.

I will not argue with anyone about the fact that these curses really are ‘unforgivable’ when used with the intention to harm, but what I am adamant about is that the use of one such curse does not necessarily make a person a ‘Dark wizard’.”

Severus could see that Raymond was dying to ask a question but he ignored the boy.

“If someone, be it friend or foe, was tortured under extreme circumstances – if someone took a knife and literally cut that person open in order to torture him/her – and a fatal organ was opened during the ‘procedure’, if I myself was in such a situation, I would rather that someone use the killing curse and make my death quick and painless, than continue on with the torture of a slow and painful death.”

Raymond slowly lowered the cup he was holding and Severus could see that the boy’s hands were shaking.

He did not like to talk about such things in general and hated even more that he was telling this to a child but circumstances being what they are, he had no choice.

“I told you earlier Raymond, the truth hurts but I’ve learned the hard way that the past hurts even more. If I were to spare you the harsh truth about reality, there is a big chance that you would not survive past twenty five.

Prepare yourself now, and live, or you can return to your room now and ignore everything I’ve said. I am willing to teach you everything I know; I believe that you will be a turning point in this war. I will teach you all the magic I know, I will teach you about life and living in this new world. Most of all, I will teach you to think on your head and make a decision that could save your life and those around you in a split second.

You’re ‘street-smart’, which is more than most students in this school would ever be. You know that life is not all sunshine and daisies. You know what it is to wake up cold and alone. You know what it is to go without food for days on end. You know all this, you’ve lived through all this, and yet you live, you prevail. That is what makes you different from your brother, from anyone else. You Prevail.”

*-----------------------------------------------------------------*

Raymond looked up at his Professor as the man trailed off.

He had not understood half of what was said but what he did understand was now running through his mind.

When his Professor first began explaining about the various curses he had been horrified. Horrified that such things even existed, never mind that people actually used them!

Now though, he just sat in shocked realization. This was the real world. The world he had lived in for years now but had never really given much thought to. The world where one day you might just find yourself at the mercy of another, of a maniacal murderer, or even, you might never wake up. The fact that this was a world with magic and other extraordinary things didn’t make it any more of a fairytale world. It was just as harsh and unrelenting as the world he had lived in before he had met Professor Snape.

The difference between then and now was that now he had someone who wanted to help him, who wanted him to succeed.

That alone would have made him accept the help two or three years ago, never mind the fact that he now had a roof over his head every night and food to eat whenever he wanted.

But he had grown up some in the years on the street and did not just accept a good offer when he heard it.

“I accept your offer of help but, I want to lay down some ground rules as well.”

Professor Snape looked to be about to protest or maybe even yell at him so Raymond quickly continued.

“It’s nothing major, really. I appreciate the offer but I think it was left too wide open to accept it just like that.”

The Professor seemed reluctantly approving of the fact that Raymond didn’t just take it at face value and kept quiet.

“We should agree on a schedule for the ‘training sessions’. While I appreciate the effort you will put in to help me with this whole new world I find myself in, I can’t just agree to everything and at the end of the day overwork myself.”

Raymond stopped after that, unsure about how to continue or if he even should continue.

“Now really Mr McShane; do you take me for a fool or a fiend with no regard whatsoever for other human beings?”

Before Raymond could even open his mouth to respond the man continued.

“I realize that you know very little of me Mr McShane, and I you, but I believe that we could come to some understanding and work together amiably, if only for a common goal.”

“And what goal would that be Professor Snape?”

“Why, the goal of utterly annihilating a certain savior and his doppelgangers of course.”

Raymond was too shocked at the Professor’s answer to even ask what ‘doppelgangers’ means.

*------------------------------------------------------------*

Severus enjoyed the look of shock that crossed the boy’s face.

He had of course been talking about their common goal in destroying the Dark Lord but he so enjoyed riling up his students and had come to realize that it took more than just his usual insults or sophisticated words to get to this particular boy to react in some way or another.

Congratulating himself on both changing the subject successfully as well as shocking the boy silent, Severus relaxed back into the couch and watched the boy while sipping at his cup.

“Did you just make a joke Professor?”

Severus looked the boy over carefully. He could see some amusement shining in the eyes but also an uncertainty about whether or not the boy had read him correctly.

The fact that the boy was able to discern his true aim and thoughts on the matter was disconcerting but Severus refused to react any differently.

“I believe I did, yes.”

Raymond smiled a bit at that but his expression quickly morphed back into that of serious contemplation.

“I don’t know anything about this world, the wizarding world, or magic, or anything really.”

Severus regarded the boy a moment before speaking.

“Yes, I realized that and that is why I offered to help you and teach you. You have three years to catch up on and I promise you, it will not be easy nor will you be able to slack off on any of the subjects.

We will start your training tomorrow. There are approximately seven weeks of holidays left and by the end of those seven weeks you will know your first year’s work inside and out.

I will teach you the basic things that every witch and wizard should know before we start with the official ‘school work’; such as, how to hold your wand to better your aim and ‘spell force’, or how to prepare potions ingredients to achieve their full potential in a potion.”

Raymond looked intrigued at that and Severus went on to explain some of the more basic, or in his opinion – trivial – things that wizards should know by the age of three.

*--------------------------------------------------------------------*

Raymond was seriously re-thinking his acceptance of help from Professor Snape. The man had been remorseless from the start and after two weeks of non-stop reading, studying, spell-casting and potion making, Raymond was ready to throw the towel in and give up.

He was standing behind a cauldron and was systematically adding ingredients to the ‘calming draught’ Professor Snape had instructed him to make.

His arms were shaking with fatigue, his knees were locked in order to keep him standing and he refused to look in a mirror at the moment as he did not want to see just how ridiculous he looked with his eyes open as wide as they could be. The muscles in his face had long since stopped protesting as they were all but dead at the moment but Raymond refused to give up.

He had the distinct impression that the Professor was deliberately working him as hard as possible in order to better evaluate his opinion of Raymond, and just how far he could be pushed.

Raymond refused to give up. He had not given up on anything he had set as a goal before and he would not do so now. So what if he was reciting the nursery rhymes and songs his caretakers at the orphanage used to sing, so what if he pinched himself every five minutes or so, he had to stay awake and if this kept him awake then why the hell not?

“Mr McShane, if you could stop that incessant nattering I would be much obliged. This is a classroom and even though school is not technically in session at the moment, you are here to learn and thus, rules that apply to the class apply to you now.”

The voice came from behind him in a furious hiss and Raymond practically jumped out of his skin. Where had the man come from?

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a gurgling noise and as he returned his attention to ‘the task at hand’ he realized that when the Professor had surprised him from behind, he had accidentally dropped the whole bottle of glow-worms in the potion instead of the required three.

A hand on his shoulder wrenched him backwards as that same voice from before hissed in his ear:

“You imbecilic, foolish child! Get down now!.”

The urgency in the man’s voice made it clear to Raymond that this was not some stupid ‘drill’ or ‘prank’ but a very serious situation and he obeyed without protest.

Dropping down on his hunches he grunted as the Professor unmercifully kicked him in under a table.

The gurgling he had heard was now a loud hiss and just as the Professor himself dropped to the floor Raymond heard a moment of silence before there was a loud *bang*. An invisible force of something kept the boiling liquid from scalding his skin and he looked at Professor Snape to see the man holding his wand and chanting something furiously.

*-------------------------------------------------------------*

Severus cursed under his breath as he saw the boy’s hand slip.

He had not wanted to shock the boy out of his wits! Okay, so maybe he had wanted to shock the boy but at the moment there were more pressing matters – such as a rapidly boiling cauldron all but spitting at the two of them.

Pushing the boy to the floor he kicked the brat lightly in order to get him under the table where he would be better shielded.

There was no time to cast an effective shield on the cauldron itself so Severus dropped down to the floor beside the brat and furiously started chanting a shield charm. He just hoped it would be enough to shield them from most of the brunt.

A minute later the boiling potion had stopped raining down on them and Severus dispersed the shield with a wave of his wand and immediately banished the liquid from the various surfaces.

Severus turned a furious gaze on the boy and stalked over to where the brat was now crawling out from under the table.

The fact that he had surprised the boy and was thus partly responsible for the ‘explosion’ was not exactly at the forefront of his mind at the moment...

He grabbed the boy roughly by the arm and spun him around, snarling as he did so.

“Just what did you think you were doing? You could have killed us with that explosion!!”

Severus had over the past few weeks somewhat warmed to the boy and an unexplainable fear had gripped him when he had realized just how bad the explosion could be.

Shaking the boy lightly, Severus was more than surprised when the boy whimpered softly and struggled to get out of his grip.

When at last the boy looked up at him, Severus was astounded at the amount of fear he could read in the boy’s eyes.

Just what the hell was going on here?


End Chapter 4

Sorry for the delay guys! I’m reading other fics while writing this one and got a bit caught up one of them…

I’ll try to have the next chapter out tomorrow!!