Who, What and Where am I?
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
11
Views:
17,291
Reviews:
44
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
11
Views:
17,291
Reviews:
44
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Alone no more
Title: Who, what and where am I?
Summary: ‘Severus sat down hard as he extracted his mind from Potter. This could not be happening. It couldn’t be true! Potter was a spoiled brat, selfish and self-centered! He was not ‘boy’. He couldn’t be!’
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing! JK Rowling and her Publishers owns Harry Potter and anything associated with it.
Warning: This is NOT a happy fic. There will be references to sexual situations, chan and non-con. If this disturbs you then please do NOT read. I’ve warned you so don’t flame me about that! But, it will have a happy ending.
I also want to mention, although I put it as a warning when I first posted this fic I didn’t tell you in the first chapter. There will be incest, non-con incest but incest all the same.
AN: Thank you mauve for pointing out my mistake of ‘abusive little boy’ instead of ‘abused little boy’. I’ll correct them as soon as I can.
Chapter 4
Alone no more
Severus woke early as usual but there was something nagging at the edge of his mind.
Memories of the previous evening flashed through his brain and he sat down in order to calm himself.
He had found ‘boy. Definitely not how or where he had thought he would but he had found him.
He still remembered the small cupboard he had been forced to sleep in while he had been ‘boy’. Still remembered the feeling of utter loneliness when he realized that no one cared about him.
His life had continued as to the norm when he had returned to his own body. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened to anybody else and so he had been forced to go on from day-to-day as if all was right in the world.
He could see those dead, haunted eyes he had gazed at when looking in a mirror but now it was replaced with older ones. Ones where the eyes held a touch of betrayal and deep, deep hurt.
He realized only as he opened the door of his quarters that he had dressed and done his morning ablutions without realizing that he did so.
The halls were eerily empty and silent so early in the morning but it echoed with unheard pleas and hopeful songs of the heart.
His usual seat looked cold and alone where it stood empty and apart from all the other seats at the head table.
Alone.
He had been alone most of his life. The only person he still remembered whom had loved him was his mother but she had died when he had started his third year at Hogwarts.
The only father figure he acknowledged was Albus Dumbledore but even then, he still knew he was alone. Alone in the memories of his past. Alone in the hurt, pain and anguish that his nightmares comprised of. Suppressing a sigh, Severus lifted his head and was confronted with confused, hurtful green eyes.
He knew then that he was alone no more.
He wished that it didn’t have to be that way. He did not want the loneliness of his life to be driven away only by the hurt of someone else. He would rather be alone in his hurt than share it with someone else. He did not want to be responsible for anyone else’s hurt.
But he was.
He realized with startling clarity that had he and Potter not switched bodies when they were young, the young man at the end of the hall would not be so depressed and confused.
The images he had uncovered the previous evening replayed itself in his head and he knew now where Potter’s confusion came from.
The boy had been suppressing the events of that week for years. Now, because of those damned Occlumency lessons all illusions Potter may have held about his own virginity had been shattered.
He made a decision then; one that he only hoped would help to bring the boy on the road to recovery and not drive him even further into depression.
*----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*
The images which had assaulted him when he had looked at Snape had subsided by now.
The dirty feeling had renewed ten fold but he remembered now that it had happened a long time ago. He even knew, deep down, that it had not been ‘his body’ which had been violated like that but it did not matter to his mind or heart whether it had happened to his body or not.
It had still been him.
Snape’s easy dismissal of the incident the previous evening hurt but he could understand it now.
The professor had been just as shocked as him about what had happened and he had needed time to pull himself together. Snape would of course deny that vehemently but Harry still knew it to be true.
Harry only hoped that the professor would not deem this new knowledge as perfect black mail material.
Heaven knows that Snape had enough to do just that now.
He did not even think about using his own knowledge of Snape’s private life against him. The information would be humiliating in the extreme but it would also be the most vicious thing Harry could ever do.
No, Snape did not need his childhood secrets to be out in the open.
The nightmares they provided, Harry knew, were hurtful enough without outside interference.
He would keep his silence about what had happened. He only hoped that he himself would not fall apart with all his illusions shattered.
*----------------------*
His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of a piece of parchment. He did not remember any owl dropping it and could not see one flying away. Curiosity peaked; Harry turned it around and opened it up.
“Meet me in my office during lunch. I have some things to discuss with you and some questions needing answers. SS
Harry lifted his gaze to the head table and found onyx eyes gazing back at him.
He swallowed hard and gave a tight, hesitant nod.
The eyes looked away.
Suddenly not hungry anymore he pushed his plate away and turned toward the exit. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and he was sure that should he turn around he would find those onyx eyes once again staring at him.
*--------------------------*
Severus made his way to the kitchen. Merlin knew why, but he felt compelled to ensure the boy ate enough to one day be considered a healthy young man.
Lunch would start in fifteen minutes and since he had asked the boy to meet with him he doubted Potter would eat anything at all that day.
It had not gone unnoticed by him that the boy had barely touched his breakfast.
He wondered how he could have overlooked the boy’s eating habits all these years. It was definitely a result of living with those muggles all these years but Severus was determined to change that.
Two plates of wholesome goodness in hand, Severus made his way back to his office. The boy was already there when he arrived and Severus realized with horror that the boy’s skin was scalding red, as if he had showered under very warm almost boiling water.
“Sit Potter, we need to talk.”
End Chapter 4
Thank you all for your reviews!! I was at first sceptic about how this fic would be received but I\'m glad you seem to like it so much.
Once again short but I’ll try to get Chapter 5 up by the end of the day, otherwise I won’t be able to update again until Monday. Sorry, but I don’t have access to the internet at home.
Now, I must ask, the contents of the chapters, do you personally feel them R rated, NC-17 or lower than that. I myself consider them at least R but I’m not sure when a fic progresses into NC-17. Should I change the rating and make it a bit higher?
What do you think?
Review please!!
Summary: ‘Severus sat down hard as he extracted his mind from Potter. This could not be happening. It couldn’t be true! Potter was a spoiled brat, selfish and self-centered! He was not ‘boy’. He couldn’t be!’
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing! JK Rowling and her Publishers owns Harry Potter and anything associated with it.
Warning: This is NOT a happy fic. There will be references to sexual situations, chan and non-con. If this disturbs you then please do NOT read. I’ve warned you so don’t flame me about that! But, it will have a happy ending.
I also want to mention, although I put it as a warning when I first posted this fic I didn’t tell you in the first chapter. There will be incest, non-con incest but incest all the same.
AN: Thank you mauve for pointing out my mistake of ‘abusive little boy’ instead of ‘abused little boy’. I’ll correct them as soon as I can.
Chapter 4
Alone no more
Severus woke early as usual but there was something nagging at the edge of his mind.
Memories of the previous evening flashed through his brain and he sat down in order to calm himself.
He had found ‘boy. Definitely not how or where he had thought he would but he had found him.
He still remembered the small cupboard he had been forced to sleep in while he had been ‘boy’. Still remembered the feeling of utter loneliness when he realized that no one cared about him.
His life had continued as to the norm when he had returned to his own body. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened to anybody else and so he had been forced to go on from day-to-day as if all was right in the world.
He could see those dead, haunted eyes he had gazed at when looking in a mirror but now it was replaced with older ones. Ones where the eyes held a touch of betrayal and deep, deep hurt.
He realized only as he opened the door of his quarters that he had dressed and done his morning ablutions without realizing that he did so.
The halls were eerily empty and silent so early in the morning but it echoed with unheard pleas and hopeful songs of the heart.
His usual seat looked cold and alone where it stood empty and apart from all the other seats at the head table.
Alone.
He had been alone most of his life. The only person he still remembered whom had loved him was his mother but she had died when he had started his third year at Hogwarts.
The only father figure he acknowledged was Albus Dumbledore but even then, he still knew he was alone. Alone in the memories of his past. Alone in the hurt, pain and anguish that his nightmares comprised of. Suppressing a sigh, Severus lifted his head and was confronted with confused, hurtful green eyes.
He knew then that he was alone no more.
He wished that it didn’t have to be that way. He did not want the loneliness of his life to be driven away only by the hurt of someone else. He would rather be alone in his hurt than share it with someone else. He did not want to be responsible for anyone else’s hurt.
But he was.
He realized with startling clarity that had he and Potter not switched bodies when they were young, the young man at the end of the hall would not be so depressed and confused.
The images he had uncovered the previous evening replayed itself in his head and he knew now where Potter’s confusion came from.
The boy had been suppressing the events of that week for years. Now, because of those damned Occlumency lessons all illusions Potter may have held about his own virginity had been shattered.
He made a decision then; one that he only hoped would help to bring the boy on the road to recovery and not drive him even further into depression.
*----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*
The images which had assaulted him when he had looked at Snape had subsided by now.
The dirty feeling had renewed ten fold but he remembered now that it had happened a long time ago. He even knew, deep down, that it had not been ‘his body’ which had been violated like that but it did not matter to his mind or heart whether it had happened to his body or not.
It had still been him.
Snape’s easy dismissal of the incident the previous evening hurt but he could understand it now.
The professor had been just as shocked as him about what had happened and he had needed time to pull himself together. Snape would of course deny that vehemently but Harry still knew it to be true.
Harry only hoped that the professor would not deem this new knowledge as perfect black mail material.
Heaven knows that Snape had enough to do just that now.
He did not even think about using his own knowledge of Snape’s private life against him. The information would be humiliating in the extreme but it would also be the most vicious thing Harry could ever do.
No, Snape did not need his childhood secrets to be out in the open.
The nightmares they provided, Harry knew, were hurtful enough without outside interference.
He would keep his silence about what had happened. He only hoped that he himself would not fall apart with all his illusions shattered.
*----------------------*
His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of a piece of parchment. He did not remember any owl dropping it and could not see one flying away. Curiosity peaked; Harry turned it around and opened it up.
“Meet me in my office during lunch. I have some things to discuss with you and some questions needing answers. SS
Harry lifted his gaze to the head table and found onyx eyes gazing back at him.
He swallowed hard and gave a tight, hesitant nod.
The eyes looked away.
Suddenly not hungry anymore he pushed his plate away and turned toward the exit. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and he was sure that should he turn around he would find those onyx eyes once again staring at him.
*--------------------------*
Severus made his way to the kitchen. Merlin knew why, but he felt compelled to ensure the boy ate enough to one day be considered a healthy young man.
Lunch would start in fifteen minutes and since he had asked the boy to meet with him he doubted Potter would eat anything at all that day.
It had not gone unnoticed by him that the boy had barely touched his breakfast.
He wondered how he could have overlooked the boy’s eating habits all these years. It was definitely a result of living with those muggles all these years but Severus was determined to change that.
Two plates of wholesome goodness in hand, Severus made his way back to his office. The boy was already there when he arrived and Severus realized with horror that the boy’s skin was scalding red, as if he had showered under very warm almost boiling water.
“Sit Potter, we need to talk.”
End Chapter 4
Thank you all for your reviews!! I was at first sceptic about how this fic would be received but I\'m glad you seem to like it so much.
Once again short but I’ll try to get Chapter 5 up by the end of the day, otherwise I won’t be able to update again until Monday. Sorry, but I don’t have access to the internet at home.
Now, I must ask, the contents of the chapters, do you personally feel them R rated, NC-17 or lower than that. I myself consider them at least R but I’m not sure when a fic progresses into NC-17. Should I change the rating and make it a bit higher?
What do you think?
Review please!!