Lost and Found

Chapter 4

The meeting was a tedious experience for Harry. He updated them on the destruction of another Horcrux and that they would need to act soon before Voldemort realized that he needed to make more. Needing to see what he was up against he threw out a topic of discussion. “I am not ready to face him, and I need to be soon. Is there any training that I am missing?”

He watched carefully as the members looked at one another. He saw Tonks open her mouth and looked at her expectantly. She winced and quickly closed her mouth. Looking around to see what might have caused her distress he could see nothing. He made a mental note that she was sitting between Shackebolt and Arthur Weasley.

“I don’t know what your training consists of, Harry. I would be happy to research other methods for you if you want to update me on what you already have learned.” Hermione stated.

“We are providing him with everything that he needs Miss Granger.” Moody growled out.

“You can never...” “...predict the unpredictable.” Fred and George threw out.

“We don’t know what he will face. How can you say you are giving him everything he needs if he says that he isn’t ready” Ron’s face was red with anger.

Harry watched the debate carefully and came to the conclusion that the older members of the Order were pitted firmly against looking too deeply into the training. He could see the frustration on most of the younger members faces at the direction that things were headed. Smiling for the first time since he had returned, Harry stood and addressed the group. “I am sure that I am receiving the best training that is available. We all know the cost of failure. We would be at the mercy of a madman and a powerful group of people that want nothing but the destruction of all that we hold dear.”

He could see the conflicted looks on many faces at his speech. “I have had a long, and quite honestly painful couple of days. I thank all of you for coming on such short notice and we will meet again soon.” He made eye contact with Hermione before leaving.

He made his way to his room and waited for his friends to arrive. He didn’t have to wait long.

“Harry, what the hell is going on?” Ron was still angry, as he and Hermione walked into his room.

“Hold on a moment.” Harry cast several spells to determine if they had any listening devices on either their persons or the room, and much to his sadness he found two in his room. He quickly deactivated them and cast a silencing charm around them. “We have been friends since first year. I need for you both to be honest with me. Can you do that?”

His friends looked at each other in confusion before looking back at Harry. “ I will not lie to you, Harry.” Hermione spoke with conviction as Ron nodded his agreement.

“Thank you. I need to tell you what really happened after I destroyed the cup.” Harry watched carefully their reactions as he told them the story of his near death and the subsequent revelations that he had received from Snape. He noted that Ron looked incredulous and Hermione looked contemplative as he spoke.

“You can’t actually believe that greasy git. He always had it in for you, Harry.”

“Ron, Professor Snape saved Harry several times. You can’t tell me that you haven’t wondered at some of the discussions that we have been party to. You told me, yourself, that sometimes it looks like they are afraid to see Harry succeed. I am not saying that I totally believe the story, but it makes sense on some levels, and if we don’t want to see Harry dead, we better pay attention.”

Ron looked between the best friends that he had in the world and felt defeated. He found it hard to believe that the Order could possible want Harry dead, but he had to admit that something was very wrong. He knew that he would never be as smart as Hermione, or as powerful as Harry, but he knew something about strategy and things weren’t sitting well with him. He had listened to the others as they talked to each other as if he weren’t even there. He knew that that most members of the Order thought of him as a child with no impact and if he kept his mouth shut, they mostly ignored him.

He thought about what he had heard over the last year and with the additional information that Harry had just presented, it seemed a great deal more ominous. His most common analogy related to chess. He thought of the world as the king, a piece that had to be protected. A piece that had limited movement and little real power, but must be protected at all costs because without it there was no game. He saw now that, while he had always seen Harry as a Queen or Rook, the Order saw him as a pawn. A piece that could be used without too much worry, but with the right placement could take down the opposing King. He finally understood that all that he had envied about his friends was miniscule compared to the huge weight that they had to carry around.

“Harry, you need to go back. You have to find out what else they know.” Ron stated with true conviction.

Harry stared openly at his easily angered friend and couldn’t quite believe that he was suggesting that he present himself to the enemy. “What are you saying?”

“I am saying that we are all too close to the problem. If Snape is telling you the truth, then you won’t find the help that you need, here. Harry, you are very likely the most powerful wizard in the world, but that won’t save you if you don’t know how to defeat your enemy. You have to take the offensive and to do that you need inside information. Who better to provide it than two Death Eaters?”

“Harry, Ron is right. If the Headmaster is questionable than everything is. How do we even know that the prophesy is real? If you are going to put your life on the line, you should have all the information that you can.” Hermione looked sadly at her best friends. “Take some Veritaserum with you and find out the truth. If they really want to help, then let them.”

“Mate, if it turns out Snape is telling the truth you won’t be able to come back here. The order may actually be a threat to you.” Ron wished that he could go with Harry. It seemed like the three of them had always been together and now it felt like they may never see each other again. Looking at Hermione, he could see that she was thinking something similar.

Harry looked around his room trying to decide what he would need if he wasn’t coming back. He packed a light bag and shrunk it so that he could put it in his pocket. “I will keep in touch through Hedwig.”

“You can’t Harry. Hedwig is too recognizable.” Hermione said in a worried tone of voice.

“Sure I can.” Harry chuckled. He winked at Hedwig before taking his wand and changing her appearance. She now looked like a plain brown barn owl.

“I should know better than to doubt you, Harry. Send her to me if you end up staying. It will ease our minds to hear from you and I can send her back with some books that you might need.”

Harry smiled fondly at his friends as they said their goodbyes. “Ron, give Ginny a hug for me.”

“I will, Mate.”

Harry and Ginny had broken up not long after he had moved to Grimmauld place. It had been mostly mutual and they had left it on good terms, but they were still awkward around each other. If things had been different he could maybe have seen himself in the role that Ginny wanted him to play. As it was, he knew that he wasn’t in a position to provide her with the husband and father that she wanted him to be. He wanted a family someday, but he knew that he might not live through this war and he did not want to leave behind a wife and children.

He knew that she thought that after he killed Voldemort that he would return to her, but he had doubts. She couldn’t quite grasp what it was like to be the boy-who-lived. He had tried a few times to share his fears with her and it made her cry. He needed someone that would understand the losses that he had suffered and his need to be accepted for who he was. He frequently lost himself to the self depreciation that he had learned as an unloved little boy in a cupboard. He needed someone that could accept who he really was and let him be weak sometimes and strong others. He sometimes wondered if he had been so enamored with the idea of actually being part of the Weasley family that he had fooled himself about his feelings for Ginny.

Leaving his friends he quietly made his way down to the potions cabinet in the basement and took a vial of Veritaserum that Snape, himself, had made and tucked it securely in his cloak before Apparating to the little cabin. It was nearing 10:30 at night and he wondered if they would be asleep. If they were, he would have to find somewhere else to stay for the night and return in the morning. He knocked softly on the door and waited.

Snape was sitting in front of the fire reading, when he heard the knock. He had been restless since Harry had left. Part of him still expected the Aurors to show up at any minute to arrest him. He knew that the boy hadn’t been lying when he made his little parting statement, but that didn’t mean that he hadn’t changed his mind, or been forced to disclose their location. He and Draco were planning to move to another location in the morning. He briefly worried that they had waited too long when he heard the knock on the door, but it occurred to him that the authorities would not have knocked softly. He opened the door to find Harry Potter once again gracing him with his presence. “What do you want, Potter?”

“I have come to drug you.” Harry stated with a wry smile. He showed Snape the vile that was labeled in his own writing. “I need to know the truth and time is short.” He was somewhat surprised when Snape gestured for him to enter.

Harry entered and saw that Draco was not in the front room. He was shown to the couch and sat when asked. Snape took the vial and placed three drops of the potion on his tongue and then handed it back. They waited quietly till the potion took effect. “Why did you kill Dumbledore?” Harry asked.

Snape told basically the same story that he had earlier but added some things that he hadn’t felt the need to share with Harry without the push that the truth potion gave him. “I hated him, Potter. I hated him for taking the Gryffindor’s side when they almost got me killed. I hated him for abandoning you to a family that hated your mother and would hate you. I hated him for being too old and senile not to see that you were too pure to go bad. I hated the way that he used you and the way that he used me. I killed him for all of the reasons that I told you earlier, but it was easy to kill him because I hated him.”

Harry swallowed against the lump in his throat. So it was true. Dumbledore had been afraid of him and had hoped that the war would take out both Voldemort and Harry. “Is the prophecy real?”

“As far as I know it is.”

“Would I be safe here with you and Malfoy?”

“We would do nothing to cause you harm.”

Harry felt like his whole world had been turned upside down. “Do the other members of the Order believe what Dumbledore did?”

“I don’t know. I was not very well liked as you know.”

“Can you help me to defeat him?”

“Yes. I believe that Draco and I can help you.”

Harry sighed and asked his final question. “Will you allow me to stay here until I am ready to face him?”

“Of course. Draco and I both want you here.” Sensing that the interview was over, Snape went to get an antidote to the potion. When he returned Harry was still frowning over his last comment. “Why don’t you go get ready for bed while I conjure you a place to sleep.”

Harry nodded taking his bag out of his pocket and re-sizing it. He pulled out a pair of sleeping pants and his toiletries and headed to the bathroom. He changed his clothed, washed his face and brushed his teeth before returning to the front room. Finding it empty he quietly entered the bedroom. Snape had conjured a cot and bedding for his use and was sitting on his bed waiting for Harry. “Thank you for letting me stay.” Harry stated quietly trying not to disturb the sleeping blonde on the twin bed next to him.

Snape nodded his head and slipped into bed. He waited until it appeared that the other man was settled before extinguishing the light. He felt uncharacteristically optimistic and he wasn’t sure how to handle that emotion. He hadn’t expected to see Harry again and to have him once again staying in their home was incredible. They would get their chance to train him and develop the skills that he would need to survive the confrontation with the Dark Lord. He hoped that Draco’s infatuation with the golden boy wouldn’t cause them any problems. He understood Draco’s situation. Draco was a young man who had been isolated from all human contact except for his old snarky potions professor for far to long. There was little privacy in the small space that they called home and he knew that Draco would have never chosen celibacy if he had had any other options.

Snape preferred women, but he had shared intimacy with men and Draco was gay. He knew that Draco had contemplated propositioning him on more than one occasion, but had always thought better of it. He was glad that he never had, as Snape considered himself something of a surrogate father to Draco and he would have turned him down. Having a young, attractive, and very powerful wizard with them would be difficult on them both. Snape found himself thinking about washing Harry’s beautiful body and found himself getting hard. He pushed the thought away forcefully. It would be difficult enough to deal with Draco’s hormones without throwing his own into the mix.

The thing that worried him the most was that there was more to Harry than his looks. He had come to truly admire his dedication and courage. He knew that most people who had been through even a portion of the things that Harry had survived would be either a complete mess, or hardened and angry at the world. It was unbelievable that he was such a brave and giving person. He always thought of others when making decisions that should have only affected himself. Snape could remember his reaction when Tonks had suggested that Harry get his eyes permanently fixed. The boy had calmly explained that the process, while considered very safe, had a very small chance of causing more damage to his eyes, so he couldn’t risk it until after the war.

He made a mental note to get more ingredients for the temporary potion so that he could make more as needed. Turning off his thoughts was proving to be far more difficult than normal and it took some time before he finally drifted off to sleep.