A Thoroughly Unwelcome Proposal

Chapter Four

Thanks for the reviews: Minerva Ann McGonagall, selenepotter, C. , and Enthusiasto (and your patience, still no smut - it seems my Snape is irritatingly shy)


The Boy's Flat, Very Early Tuesday Morning, Oct 26

Neville stood in his dressing gown by the open door, mouth pursed in disapproval of the foursome that dragged themselves into the flat. Harry grunted a greeting as he and Hermione carried a half-conscious Ron into the living room. Luna just shrugged and followed them.

"You could have told me you were going out to celebrate Snape's upcoming nuptials," Neville said crossly as he trailed after the group.

"Not shelebratin'," Ron said, sitting up and shaking his finger in Neville's direction. "Mournin'."

"Drink this, Ron," Hermione said when Harry handed her a potion he had just fetched from his room. Ron sputtered, but did as he was told. "Sober-up potion," Hermione explained to a puzzled-looking Luna.

"Ow, gawd, instant hangover," Ron moaned.

"Next time, stop drinking when I say you've had enough," Hermione said sternly. Behind her, Harry rolled his eyes and mouthed 'whipped' to Neville.

"Pardon me for wanting to forget about my new brother-in-law," Ron whined.

"I'm with Ron on that one," Harry said. "I'd drink myself senseless, too, at the thought of being related to Snape."

"Related to who?" Neville said in a very confused voice.

"Ginny Weasley's the witch who petitioned Professor Snape," Hermione explained.

"On purpose?"

"Apparently," Hermione said, stifling a laugh at the looks of horror on Ron and Harry's faces.

"I can't understand it," Ron said, a look of utter dejection on his face. "How can my baby sister, or any woman, want Snape?"

"Don't be daft," Luna said, smiling dreamily. "Snape's very appealing. Dark, untouchable, brooding, brilliant."

"You don't count," Ron said brutally, and Luna's smile disappeared. Ron laughed at Luna, and continued speaking. "Any woman who believes in the Crumple-horned Snarkythingy ..."

"Do I count, Ron?" Hermione asked archly, glaring daggers at Ron.

"Wh..what?" Ron stammered.

"I agree with Luna. Snape is attractive," she stated.

"But, that greasy hair, those crooked teeth, that nose," Harry said with disbelief.

"Those eyes. That sexy, sexy voice that makes you melt. Detention, sir? Yes, Miss Lovegood, you've been a very naughty girl, and naughty girls must be punished. Yes, sir, I'll do anything you want me do. Anything? He'd say with a smirk, and ... " Luna blinked rapidly as she focused on the boys staring at her, and then sighed. "It was so disappointing when I did get detention and all he did was make me clean cauldrons without magic."

"You've never fantasized about that greasy git, have you 'Mione?" Ron asked, nervously pulling at his hair.

"Who else was there to fantasize about at Hogarts'?" Hermione said. "Flitwick? Hagrid? Filch?"

"How about fellow students?" Harry asked.

"Well, sure," Hermione said, blushing. "I thought we were just talking about the staff."

"Would somebody please just obliviate me?" Ron asked, looking pleadingly up at the ceiling.

"So," Neville said, still looking confused. "Let me get this straight. Ginny's petitioned to marry Snape because she fancies him."

"Right," Hermione answered, beside her Ron came out with a strangled, gurgling sound, and hid his face in his hands.

"And Snape's not happy?" Neville asked.

"Of course he's not," Hermione said angrily. "Ginny didn't ask him before putting that petition in."

"I still don't see why Snape's upset," Neville said. "Most men would be overjoyed at the chance to get between Ginny's legs."

"Hey!" Ron said, lifting his head and glaring at Neville.

"He's just saying Ginny's pretty," Hermione said, putting a hand on Ron's shoulder to hold him down.

"Not to mention half Snape's age," Neville added.

"Wait a minute," Ron said. "Neville's right. Snape should be thrilled at the thought of marrying Ginny. She's a far better woman than he deserves. How dare he act offended by her offer? Who does he think he is!"

"Maybe he's gay?" Harry suggested.

"Grow up. He's not gay just because he doesn't fancy Ginny," Hermione growled as she stalked over to the fire place and grabbed a handful of floo powder. "You boys better start treating this Marriage Law thing more seriously. Your sweet little sister is trying to force a man to marry her. Think about that, Ron."

"She expects me to feel sorry for Snape," Ron groaned once Hermione had flooed home.

"I am so glad to be single," Harry smirked.

"Won't be if this Marriage Law isn't appealed," Ron said with a smirk of his own.


Hogwarts Great Hall, Breakfast Tuesday, Oct 25

"Just once I'd like to be early for breakfast," Sally Toril panted as she and her roommate raced down the stairs. Carrie Lewis' retort was never spoken because both girls skidded to a halt when they spotted an imposing, black figure in front of the doors to the great hall.

"What's Snape doing?" Sally whispered when he kept pacing in front of the door, occasionally peeking into the hall.

"And what's with his hair?" Carrie asked as she squinted at Snape. "It looks like he washed it, and I've never seen his hair tied back before."

"I don't care," Sally said curtly. "How are we supposed to get into the hall with that bloody berk standing in the way?"

"He's not really blocking the doors. There's lots of room to walk around him."

"Walk around Snape?" Sally exclaimed. She watched him for a moment, trying to will him to move, but in the end her need for coffee, and true Gryffindor courage, spurred her into action.

The two girls crept up behind Snape and slipped gingerly past him. Unfortunately, Carrie halted when they were almost clear, and sniffed loudly. Snape yelped, and every head in the hall turned to watch the three figures in the doorway with avid interest.

"Five points from Gryffindor for skulking in the halls," Snape bellowed.

"But, sir," Sally protested weakly as the Slytherins seated near the doors started snickering.

"And five more for conduct unbecoming a prefect, Miss Toril," Snape growled as he swept past the girls and headed towards the Head table.

"Smarmy, slimy, slithering, Slytherin," Sally muttered as she slid into her usual seat and reached for a mug of coffee. "He was the one skulking about."

"Wearing perfume, too," Carrie said, causing several of the nearby Gryffindors to choke on their food.

"That's why I sniffed," she confided to Sally. "Smelled just like my brother Lawrence when he goes to meet his girl."

"He's talking to Hooch," a boy said from down the table, and everyone turned their heads to watch as Snape stood stiffly beside Hooch.

"Sinistra just stood up, and she's moving to Snape's usual seat to the left of McGonagall."

"Hooch looks stunned."

"Snape looks like a pixie trapped in a jar."

"He's sitting down in Sinistra's chair. Beside Hooch. Weird."

"Boy, McGonagall looks angry enough to bite Snape's head off."

"Twenty to one says Snape's trying to court Hooch," Carrie said, and a chorus of disgusted groans greeted her. "Hey, it makes sense. He was obviously not happy about that marriage petition, and Hooch is a pure-blood. If he can, somehow, convince her to marry him that petition won't be a problem anymore."

"No wonder McGonagall's upset," Sally said. "Snape's got no right to pester the other staff with his personal problems."

"The Headmistress is a pure-blood, too," Carrie observed. "You don't think he had the nerve to approach her, do you?"

"He's a dead man if he did, or does," Felix, a sturdy sixth year said, clenching his hands into fists. "McGonagall's too decent and noble for her own good. She'd probably think it was her duty to save the prat."

"We could be wrong," Sally said. "Sinistra may just have wanted to talk to McGonagall. Snape hasn't said much to Hooch since he sat down."

"He looks all flushed and nervous, though," Carrie said, and giggled. "Maybe they're playing footsie under the table."

"Cripes, Carrie," Felix said, pushing his plate away. "I can't eat with that image in my head."


The Head Table, Breakfast Tuesday, Oct 25

Snape had been late to breakfast, not an entirely unusual occurrence, but his actions when he did arrive were anything but normal. Deducting house points before reaching the table, that was normal, but the taciturn professor, who rarely did more than nod when greeted by a colleague, had stopped by Hooch's chair, cleared his throat, and mumbled "good morning, Rolanda."

Hooch was so startled she choked on her cinnamon roll, and then turned to look at him with wary eyes. "Blerg?" she said.

"I think Ro meant to say: good morning, Severus," Sinistra had said, a look of pure amusement in her eyes. Snape had nodded, and started to walk away, when Sinistra suddenly jumped up and stood in front of him. "I just remembered, there's something I must speak to the Headmistress about, it simply can't wait. Would you mind if I took your usual seat today?"

"My seat?" Snape had asked with bewilderment.

"Oh, thank you," Sinistra had gushed, and pointed at the chair she had just vacated. "I'm sure you can find something to talk to Ro about. Thank you again," she had trilled, and then scooted over to the chair beside McGonagall.

"Well?" McGonagall said some minutes later when Sinistra made no move to talk to her, but sat snickering to herself as she nibbled on her food. "What was it you wanted to talk about that was so important it could not wait until later?"

"Nothing, really," Sinistra said, lowering her voice so only McGonagall could hear her. "I thought Severus needed a prod in the right direction. Don't he and Rolanda look cute together?"

"Nonsense," McGonagall said coldly. "Hooch is a fine woman, in her own way, but, merlin, the woman rarely talks of anything but flying and quidditch. She's all wrong for someone like Severus. That woman would make the poor man completely miserable."

"First of all," Sinistra said. "This is Severus Snape, I doubt any woman is right for him. Second, he's always miserable."

"Nonsense," McGonagall said again, glaring at the other woman.

Sinistra shrugged and resumed eating. She watched as McGonagall dropped her hand down to her side in a seemingly casual gesture. Sinistra's eyes widened when the staid Headmistress surreptitiously gripped her wand and cast a quick spell.

"I saw that," Sinistra said with a smirk. "Really, an eavesdropping charm, Minerva?"

"What a ridiculous accusation," McGonagall said. "Besides, I was right. They're only talking about quidditch."

"For the last time, Severus," Hooch said, rolling her eyes. "I will not let that Kruch boy fly in the next quidditch match. He deserved that suspension."

"Alright, agreed," Snape said. "But his teammates don't deserve to be punished. Slytherin is, you know, currently the smallest house, and that creates problems. There is no one else who can fill Mr. Kruch's position as keeper."

"Tough," Hooch said.

"Slytherin will lose, and lose terribly," Snape said, lowering his voice. "Half those children have parents who died fighting for the wrong side in the war, or wound up in Azkaban. They need something to get excited about, and a good quidditch showing is important to them."

Hooch snorted. "You should have given that speech to the team before Kruch racked up so many penalties."

"He gets overexcited," Snape sighed. "Couldn't you relax the rules, just the once? Slytherin will even take a points penalty if you insist, but they need their keeper."

"Well," Hooch said, and her voice turned husky as she leaned towards Snape and trailed one hand lightly down his arm. "If you want me to do a favour for Slytherin, a favour for you, then it's only fair that you do something for me."

"What did you have in mind?" Snape said, unconsciously flinching away from Hooch's touch.

"Nothing we can talk about here," she said, moving her hand below the table to stroke Snape's thigh. "Perhaps later tonight, after curfew, we can discuss it."

Snape turned red, but before he could respond to Hooch's suggestion McGonagall interrupted them. "I say, Rolanda," she said loudly. "How is Ben? Isn't he your latest?"

"We broke up months ago, Minerva," Hooch said icily.

"Oh yes, I remember now, you said the poor man was getting far too serious for you," McGonagall said. "Well, weren't you and, Rory was his name, I believe, supposed to be engaged?"

"It didn't work out," Hooch growled.

"Ah yes, it's a shame," McGonagall said, shaking her head mournfully. "Rolanda finds the nicest men, who seem quite taken with her, but she always finds something wrong with them. Our Madame Hooch is just not interested in marriage, I'm afraid."

"Perhaps," Hooch said. "Madame Hooch is simply waiting for her perfect wizard to show up."

"Never fear, my dear Rolanda," Trelawney said, gazing into the distance. "I have seen glimpses of your future, and it seems your happiness may yet be found with a fair-haired stranger. Yes, your best chance lies with the light-headed. You must avoid dark-haired men, or a terrible tragedy will occur."

Hooch snorted, and waved a fork in Trelawney's direction. "I don't know what you've heard about me, but I am not in the habit of seeking 'happiness' with strangers, be they fair-haired or not."

"I must be going, classes to prepare for, papers to mark," Snape said suddenly as he stood up. "Horace is a quidditch fan, perhaps he can ... assist you, Madame Hooch."

Horace Slughorn waved jovially at Hooch, who didn't notice him as she watched Snape hastily leave the Great Hall. McGonagall raised an eyebrow at a sniggering Sinistra, and then calmly resumed eating.