Alone

A/N: I finally did it :) After nearly 6 months, I wrote a closing chapter. Hope it lives up to all yor expectations.

Lyrics are from "Hello" by Evanescance

~*~


Snapped in two like a twig off the Whomping Willow. Cast aside like an overused broomstick. Stuck. What did I say?

He won't stop looking at me. Those piercing green eyes stripping off my mask layer by layer. This is wrong. He broke me. No one can break me. Except that fucking Harry Potter.

The words. The words that came out of my mouth. I vowed to never use them in his presence. Yet here I am, and here is he.

Staring. Stop staring. I can't take it. Air. I need air. He is still staring.

The door is shut and I'm gone. I wait. Hidden away from all prying eyes I wait. He stays.

Why do I wait? No answer. Something broke. It can't be fixed.


Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken.


He comes out. Don't let him know I've been waiting. No. He looks confused. He's gone. I should be too.

Damn him. Stuck in this figment. He pulled me in. Resist. Tugging, shoving, pushing. I can't get out.

The walls are closing in. That cloud over my head that disappeared for all but two seconds is back. The rain pours, drenching.

I need to get out. Out. I can't get out. He did this. Fucking Potter. How did I let this happen?

The cloud darkens. No talking. That was the rule. I broke it. He broke me. I hate him.

Potter the puppet. My puppet. I am the puppeteer. On strings he is mine. Manipulate. But no. I am not. He is not.

Cracked in two. Flailing in the air, nothing to hold on to. I fall. The darkness gathers, closing in, circling, enveloping.

I'm stuck. Trapped under this cloud. I could fix it, get rid of it. I could. But I can't.

I said it. That word. What was I thinking? I don't want that. No. No wanting. Wanting, wishing, useless, all of it.

He started it. Broke the rules. He broke a rule. No talking, no touching. It kept us safe. But it is gone.

No safety net. Only black. I'm falling. No one to catch, no one to save. Can't control my body. Want to cry, but won't. Can't.

Hello. That word ruined it all. No talking. I broke the rule. Why? I don't know. He looked sad, forlorn.

The room. Did it change? I don't remember. Maybe.

Am I changing? No. He did this. His fault. Broke the rules, broke me.

Hate. Dislike. Ambivalent. Like? Love?!

Going in circles. Can't concentrate. He sits, staring at the lake. I watch. He doesn't know. Will he ever?

He sighs. Something is different. Why? He looks... different. The cloud pours down upon me. I open my thoughts. It lessens.

Another rule. Broken. Maybe I should. Not a horrible thing. The cloud lightens. Not so dark. Grey. Not black.

The owls cry as they swoop over the lake. He stares, doesn't see. An owl shoots from the sky, killing its prey instantly.

Hesitation. Should I? The cloud is white.

***

(Harry's POV)

What? Talking? He stares at me. Horrified. He looks horrified. A whispered hello. I can't believe it.

He turns and leaves. I don't. I sit on the unused bed. What did he mean? Why did he say that? Do I dare believe?

No. I can't. He wouldn't. Love is not for him. He doesn't need me like I need him. The truth. Is not that.

Don't understand. Jumble of thoughts, clashing. Concentrate. Can't. The word resounds in my head a million times over. Repeating, magnifying. Can it be true?

A whispered hello, a hushed goodbye, the phantom kiss.

Just a dream? Maybe this is a dream. Fluffy clouds and angels. Dream. To sleep is to dream. To dream is to wish. To wish is to want. To want is to have. To have is not possible.

Desperately need his touch. Caressing fingers on my skin, threading through my hair, pulling me closer.

Soft lips on mine, sweet, caring, love.


Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping.


Gone. The dark of the room of requirement engulfs me. It's awfully lonely in this room built for two all by myself. Could it be different?

What did he say? Hello. One word to change the world. Confusion. I need to leave. Get out, air, breathe.

The sun is bright. Too bright. I avoid Ron and Hermione. They look concerned. I fake a smile and they let me go.

I sit under my tree. The lake shimmers in the afternoon sun. Light reflects off the surface, bouncing everywhere, but not here. I am alone here. Forever?

He said it. He meant it? He looked broken. I can't break him. He's strong. I am weak. Alone. Weak.

A whispered hello. Can it come true? A fairy tale thought, hidden away and locked in a box without a key. I don't have the key. It is lost. Only one has the key and that one will not unlock it.

A hushed goodbye. Will I ever get it? No. He doesn't care, never will. I am crushed under my thoughts. Smothering the light. I can't see, can't feel, just need.

I need him, but he doesn't need me. He doesn't want me. It was a fluke. A mistake, wrong. I wish it was true. The wind whistles over the lake surface, mocking me.

It loves me. He doesn't. The wind will carry me away. Off to distant lands all alone. The wind will be there forever. He won't.

Mistake. The phantom kiss does not exist. A lie. I sigh. If only. If only it was true. If only he had meant it, said it, wanted it.

The whispered hello is an unattainable lie. He said it, didn't mean it. I love him. I mean it. Hello. I wish he would say it and mean it.

A silver owl soars down from the tower and lands in front of me. He twists his head around and gives a hoot. My unfocused gaze slides to him. He blinks at me through his round eyes.

A letter. There's a letter attached to him. I remove it and he flies away. His silver wings glittering as he flaps up into the blinding sun.

Unfold carefully. The handwriting is there. Time, place, always the same place. Should I go? Of course I go. I always go. I want something more but he doesn't give it.

One second I thought it changed. I was wrong. Nothing changed.

Hello. He said it. Why? Does he know? No, he can't. He would hate me. Love is not for him. It is mine, my own, concealed deep inside my heart. Never to be released.

I have to go. I can't not. No matter how much it hurts, I must.

***

The room is different. Not blank. The bed is there. But wrong. It is lush, large and fluffy. Not grey. A couch in the middle. A fireplace. This is wrong.

Where is he? Hidden in a dark corner he emerges. I don't like this. Why? Sitting on the couch. I sit.

A whispered hello. No one is talking. Silence. Awkward. What do I do? I don't know.

Fire crackles, spitting flames. Nothing is said. He turns to me. Silent fear in his face.

"Hello."

Heart attack. Constriction, can't breathe. Imagination. This must not be real. He's waiting, apprehension etched into his gorgeous silver eyes.

"Hi." Talking. Calm down. I can handle this. Changing. It's all changing. For the better?

A whispered hello. Came true. I can feel the key turning in the box. It's not unlocked. There is no click, but the key is in.

Lips against mine. The phantom kiss become real. Soft, careful, beautiful. Click.

I want more, but not yet. He's not ready. I'm not ready.

Broken contact, but not broken. I'm not alone. He stares, unsure. I can tell. What to do?

He stands. He's leaving, again. Why? We're not broken. He walks to the bed, sits down. The bed. Different this time. Better. I follow.

Nervous. I'm nervous. Butterflies threaten to explode from my stomach.

Kiss. Again. Soft, subtle, sweet. New. So tentative, unsure, caring. The box is unlocked and I can't close it if I tried. I need more.

But no. He's up again. At the door. What did I do?

A smirk, so trademark. Not too wrong.

"Good bye, Harry."

Good bye? Another forbidden word. He says it and he means it.

"Good bye?"

Another smirk. I love his smirk.

"For now."


Hello, I'm still here. All that's left of yesterday.


~*~

A/N: Please Review!