No More Hiding

Remus woke to the sounds of pencils scratching on paper. His heightened werewolf senses captured what was going on around him before his brain did. Opening his eyes, he spied Harry sitting curled up in the comfy chair (1) sketching away with his new art materials. Silently shifting to watch the young man better, Remus saw a few more scars that were missed yesterday. “I wonder if he subconsciously puts glamours on himself. Most likely wandless, and he doesn’t even know it. Definitely going to have to refine that talent, could come in handy in the war…but first, I need him to tell me about what is going on here. But how?” Remus pondered. Deciding not to agonize over it, and letting the right moment come naturally, the man sat up and figured it was time to answer natures call.

“Morning, cub,” he said while stretching.

“Morning, Moony, did you sleep well?”

“Well enough. I’m going to go wash up and then we can have some breakfast, alright?”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” replied Harry and went back to his drawing. Remus didn’t even attempt to see what was being created, which Harry greatly appreciated.

Settling down to eat once Remus had dressed, the two enjoyed a healthy breakfast and discussed what the plans were for the day. “Well, Harry, first we should start that list we spoke of yesterday. Do you think you’re up for that?”

Before the question was even done being asked, Harry had pushed a sheet in front of his mentor. Skimming down the list, Remus wondered exactly how much sleep Harry got last night. “Did you sleep at all?”

“Oh, yeah. That list was fairly easy to come up with. I mean, most of that stuff has been bothering me since I entered the Wizarding world. Do you think I’ve covered most of it?”

“Well, Harry,” Remus started, “Some of this I knew, but I must say some of it surprises me as well.” Looking Harry in the eye he decided this was that right moment he was waiting for. “I’m assuming that since you put ‘Home life is as far from happy and luxurious as you can get’ you are willing to talk to me about the scars all over your back.” Holding up a hand to stall the teen another few moments, he continued, “I can tell they are some kind of whip marks, and I saw the word carved in…nevermind the thin scars on your left forearm, the locks all over the doors here, and that your relatives left you here without any food! Please be honest and tell me everything, and also how no one else has seen all those scars before.” Remus sat back and waited.

“Maybe we should move this into the living room, this is going to take a while to explain,” offered Harry in a resigned voice. He knew it was going to come up somehow, and getting it out of the way meant not having to deal with it later.

Resettling themselves on the couch and comfy chair, Harry began his story with his earliest memories from 3 years of age and on. The cooking, the cleaning, the days without food in the cupboard with no lights, running from Dudley, running from Vernon. When Harry had started Hogwarts, he moved upstairs to a new prison. There was a slight reprieve from physical harm, but it didn’t last very long. “Uncle Vernon started only hitting and leaving marks in places not normally noticeable. Between him and Voldemort, I went into a depression. Pile that on top of constantly being singled out, stared at, and pitied, I just kept my shut. I didn’t want anymore pity, and I certainly didn’t want any more attention.” He was quiet for a bit, collecting his thoughts. Remus didn’t know what to do with himself, sitting here listening to his young charge speaking about constant abuse as calmly as he would discuss the weather. Very unnerving. “During the school year I put charms on my body so that no one can see what they did. It doesn’t really matter anyway, I shower alone and change alone.”

“Why?” was the simple question that came.

“Look further down the list,” Harry told him, and patiently waited for Remus to find the answer. When Remus started nodding, Harry chuckled. “Had an inkling, did you?”

“Ahem…yes, well…I sort of saw you checking out a bloke in the store yesterday. How long have you known? Are you going to tell people at school?”

“Ah, ok. I’ve known pretty much since my date with Cho. Oh Merlin, what a disaster. First off, kissing her was like kissing my hand. Boring. Nothing there. It freaked me out you know, not understanding why this whole dating thing was so easy for everyone else, but here I was completely unhappy with the whole concept. Why did everyone think this was fun? I would rather be playing Quidditch or dueling. One day I was passing by the locker rooms by the pitch, and I heard someone singing in the shower. I took a peak inside, just to see who it was, mind you, and there was this boy soaping himself up, completely naked right in front of me. He didn’t know I was there. The moment I laid eyes on him like that, I was aroused. I didn’t know you could get excited that fast…” Harry was lost in his own ramblings again, which helped keep him from getting embarrassed. “I had never really had reason to think about why I wasn’t attracted to girl, it just, well, I thought it was normal. I was too embarrassed to ask anyone anything, I mean who would I go to? Dumbledore? He’s ancient, and I didn’t want him to be disappointed in me for not being…well…normal. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to be.” Harry went on to explain how he snuck out to the library to find some books on the subject. It was then he found out that being gay was accepted in the Wizarding world, and it wouldn’t be as big a deal as in the Muggle world. Now the problem was telling people.

“Moony, I couldn’t tell anyone. Ron would have flipped out on me, and I didn’t know how ‘Mione was going to react. Ron, though, Ron has repeatedly turned on me anytime something unexpected happens, or I do something against the grain. Do you know what I mean? He is just so fickle I don’t think I can trust him anymore, and this summer is just proving that feeling more. Ugh! Why does he have to be so stubborn and pigheaded? He clings to these ideals that were formed in first year. Hermione deserves better, in my opinion, and I think I do, too.”

“And now that you’ve made up your mind about Ron, are you comfortable coming out to your friends? And let me assure you, I find nothing wrong with you Harry. You are amazing, beautiful, intelligent, and full of love and who cares what gender you decide to give your love to. The person that receives it has no idea how lucky they are,” Remus told him as he walked over and hugged Harry in support.

“I think I’ll leave that on a ‘If you ask I’ll tell you, but otherwise I’m keeping it to myself’ type thing. No reason to shout it out, seeing as it will end up on the front page of the Daily Prophet anyway. I could deal with delaying that as long as possible.”

“Alright then. I won’t say anything, I promise.”

“I trust you Moony,” smiled Harry, suddenly feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest. So much progress in only a day and a half, it could only get better from here.

“So what was all this about holding back? You mentioned it yesterday, and also on this list.”

“That has to do with Ron and Hermione mostly. If I displayed my financial status in any way, exceeded in class, strayed from the conventional line of thought, spent time with other people, nevermind other houses, he would get pissed off and touchy. I constantly had to take his frame of mind into account no matter what I did, and I’m sick of it. I want to dress well, I want to do well in class without feeling guilt. I want to explore my ideas and my magic without holding back so that I know what my full potential is. And actually that’s what I want to do once we leave privet drive in August. I want to step up my training so we can see what I can do, and expand a little. I want to get rid of that snake faced bastard already, and I need to be properly prepared before I face him again. I can’t let what happened to Sirius happen to anyone else I love. I just can’t take it again,” this last part was whispered into Remus’ chest. They both shed tears for their fallen friend, grieving together in silence.

“Cub, it’s time to start moving. You need to get yourself some dress robes and other materials if you are serious about studying for the rest of the summer. Go wash up, and then we’ll head off to Diagon Alley for lunch and shopping. Sound good?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” was the rasped answer. Remus wiped the tears from the sad green eyes in front of him, kissed him on his forehead and pushed him in the direction of the stairs.

“So much shouldn’t be on one boy’s shoulders,” was the current thought in the werewolf’s head. “And I would bet anything that I haven’t heard the half of it.”

TBC

AN: whoo! My reviewers rock all kinds of hard!!!! I love you all. I can’t believe how many I’ve received so far, nevermind the essay form critiques! It’s exactly what I was hoping for. You all have great ideas…and here are the responses for you. Just for a summary, here are my peeves with HP fics. I can’t stand when:
1. it takes all of two minutes for Harry and Draco to fall in love.
2. Harry becomes more powerful than Merlin (and all the mages in Valdemar as well) at 16
3. Harry lets everyone walk all over him and pry into his private life without a fight.
And probably plenty more I can\'t think of because my brain died.

Ladynight—I completely agree with you.

Thrnbrooke—hi again! Harry will be more powerful, but not on Merlin’s level. More of a natural more powerful kid. Hard to explain. I hope you got your answers about the abuse in here, if not let me know. And I constantly talk to inanimate objects. Good conversations, those. *hee*

Roxierose13—what a coincidence, I had come across two of your stories today, and I enjoyed them immensely. I can’t wait for more Dear Harry . Thanks for reading, and I’m happy you are enjoying it.

Becca—pretty much my plan…sort of

Annie—get out of my head or pay rent! Just kidding. Hermione is too smart to not snap out of it at some point. I always think of encyclopedia brown whenever Hermione comes to mind. Make sense? I promise to try for a balanced approach of the relationship. 

Kindal—I, too, hate it when suddenly everyone but two people are gay suddenly. No worries.

Jenn—yeah, I find the ones where Ron is confronted on his being a complete immature arse more believable. Thanks for reading.

WynterRose—It’s going to be about three chapters (maybe less) before Harry confronts Ron. I’m thinking train station? Eh, we’ll see.

Lilywood—thanks! Not quite sure on exactly how Ron will get his yet…

Scully—thanks! I really wanted Harry to grieve with Remus for Sirius, and having him along as a mentor seemed the best way to go about it. Gives them a chance to bond and whatnot. Might just take you up on your idea, by the way. Read below.

Nova—I love those kinds of stories, too. I wish there were more of them in novel length.

Kit—angst is always good for driving the plot. Thanks for reading.

COMING UP: Remus goes to Dumbledore about removing Harry from the Dursley’s, Night Dreams can be Fun Dreams, and Harry learning his limits. The plot should start moving somewhat faster, so keep reading.