The Phantom of Idiocy

Hermione knocks tentatively on the dungeon room door. \"Enter,\" bellows Snape’s harsh voice from within.

Hermione tip toes quietly into the room and makes her way up to his desk. \"Closer,\" he says and she takes a step forward, \"Closer still! Even closer! Almost there… STOP!\" Hermione jumps ten feet in the air at the loudness of his command. He then hisses venomously, \"I want you to clean every single cauldron…the muggle way!\"

Hermione gasps, How unexpected and cruel!

She trudges over to the cauldron nearest the desk and begins to scrub vigorously with her back to him. Snape suddenly notices that from his vantage point he has a lovely view of the ass of this now technically legal adult. As she continues to scrub, Hermione shakes it more and more and much to his surprise, Snape finds himself aroused.

Hermione, blissfully ignorant, simply shakes her ass more and more, almost making a game of it for her own amusement. Snape begins to drool and violently shakes mental images of himself raping her on the desk right then and there.

Good gods, pull yourself together man…She’s just a little girl…no, she’s a woman…

Hermione turns to another angle and bends down, giving Snape a view of her cleavage. Merlin’s beard, this girl’s trying to kill me!, Snape thinks as he suddenly gets a massive hard on.

\"I believe I’m finished, professor,\" Hermione gasps as she stretches her now aching body, furthering Snape’s arousal.

\"Oh no, you’ve only just begun…Clearly you’ve never learned how to clean cauldrons…allow me to show you the right way.\"

Snape moves from behind his desk to stand directly behind Hermione. He grasps her hand that’s holding the sponge and gently guides it up and down, up and down along the cauldron’s walls. Hermione gasps as she feels the muscular figure of Severus Snape, his chest so hard, his arms so bulging, his crotch so…Hermione’s eyes widen at this thought.

Could it be that I, the dorky bookworm, am turning Snape on? She groans at the thought as she rocks back into him. No, it must just be wishful thinking that I feel poking into me.

Snape deeply inhales the scent of her shampoo. Is that lavender? I hate fucking lavender… And yet on her, it works so well… His hard on somehow manages to grow more massive.

With the cauldron now sufficiently clean, Snape reluctantly pulls away from Hermione. Hermione turns and sees his eyes, pupils dilated he is burning with unspoken passion. She stares into them, lost in the black pools of mystery. He stares sternly back, searching her face and finding a woman who he knows could eternally satisfy his lust and love.

Both pondering this, Snape suddenly feels awkward. He therefore decides to crash over the cauldron and leap backwards. \"500 points from Gryffindor and another detention for being so fucking turned on by me and insufferably inappropriate!\"

The blood rushes to Hermione’s cheeks as she realizes how she had been gaping at her professor. \"But professor, I—\"

\"You think I would ever return your feelings?\" Snape yells, \"You think I had some sort of hard on pushing into your back? That was wishful thinking, girl! Get out and leave me to my firewhiskey! I have enough problems as it is with my drinking, I don’t need to add a hormonal teenage girl to the mix…\"

These harsh words pierce Hermione like a thousand swords. \"Fine, die old and lonely with a shriveled penis!\" She cries as she runs out of the room.


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Snape sits in his big leather armchair in front of the fireplace in his private quarters. He lifts a bottle of firewhiskey and chugs the whole thing in one gulp. He puts down the bottle impressively and appears unaffected, as if he had just had a glass of water. He then takes a fresh bottle down from a cabinet and performs the same impressive chugging display.

Maybe it’s just the whiskey talking, but I really should have raped that girl. That shapely ass, those perfect, round breasts…what man could resist. Not only that, but look how intelligent she is…not that she’s ever proven that to me, but it’s what everyone says…She does have the grades, but grades don’t really measure intelligence anyway… Oh well, everyone thinks she’s perfect. What would satisfy me even more would be to do her in front of Potter. Beautiful, arrogant Potter. Just like his father. His black hair sweeping quirkily in the wind… No girl can resist his charms. Oh what a wonderful twist it would be if he were to find out that I, Severus Snape, was doing his best friend.

Snape finds himself with another massive hard on at the thought. Snape looks down at it and rolls his eyes and sighs. Well there’s only one way to take care of this. He grasps it as he starts with his usual ritual, muttering \"Hermione, Hermione, Hermione,\" over and over again until he finally explodes with pleasure and collapses next to the fireplace. Five empty bottles of firewhiskey are littering the surrounding area.

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Hermione retreats to her private Head Girl quarters. She runs a bath, sure that the warm water will help her calm her nerves. Did that really just happen? Did I see Severus Snape with incredibly dilated pupils and a massive hard on poking me in the back? Or was it my imagination like he said? I must admit, I have a strong want for him… That dark mystery is a turn on for any hormonal teenage girl.

Now that the water has run its perfect temperature, Hermione pours in bright pink bubbles that smell like wildflowers on a perfect springtime afternoon. She slips out of her clothes and steps her perfectly curvy, silky self into the bath. \"Ahhh,\" she drawls as the warm water and bubbles consume her. Slowly and methodically she begins to scrub herself with the shower lotion that Ron gave her for Christmas.

The delicate vanilla seeps into her pores and her excited nerves begin to calm. Perhaps it wasn’t in my imagination…Perhaps I really did turn my sultry potions master on…

At this thought, the pace of her heart begins to quicken. Hermione finds herself tingling as she pictures herself seducing Snape in the detention soon to come. \"Oh this is ridiculous,\" Hermione says out loud, \"He’s my teacher! Even if he were attracted to me, he’d never do anything to me…\"

She steps out of the bath and pats herself dry, the cotton of her towel feeling soft against her supple skin. She then wraps herself in a silk negligee, as she climbs into the satin sheets of her fluffy four poster head girl bed. Hermione allows her thoughts to drift to images of Snape conquering and ravaging her on a desk in detention. Her breath begins to quicken as she feels her entire body tingling.

\"Oh Severus, Severus, Severus,\" Hermione mumbles as her loins begin to set on fire. Her heart beats faster and faster as the Severus in her mind trails kisses down her neck and whispers, ‘I want you so bad, Hermione.’ Imagining the sultry whisper of the potions master’s voice in her ear tips Hermione over the edge as her entire body goes into spasms of pure delight and pleasure. Once the spasms subside, Hermione collapses into an unconscious heap, the intensity of her touch-less orgasm overpowering her completely.