Harry Potter and the Sorcerer\'s Groan

Part 4: Potter’s Moose

Severus Snape

Wow.

How can one man be so stupid? I have no idea, but I think that Potter has beaten out Crabbe and Goyle in that department. But recent events do prove that our dear Boy-Who-Lived is, indeed, a man.

We killed a moose.

Correction: Potter killed a moose. I would never do such an… interesting thing as kill a moose, especially with a stone to the head.

Note To Self: Potter is good at throwing rocks. Do not piss him off too much more because you WILL get a rock to the head. Only Potter will decide which one. This you cannot permit because Potter seems to be mentally unstable. He will not take into consideration that you would one day like to have children.

We managed- well, Potter managed- to cut the moose up and begin to cook it. This is where things got hairy. Pardon the pun, sort of.

I saw fit to ease some of the tension between us by initiating some form of primitive conversation. So I began with the caveman’s old trick: a compliment.

“Potter, your moose looks good.” Goddamn it, I hate myself- and that damn schoolboy.

He grinned at me. Instead of understanding that I was reaching out, poised to begin a constructive relationship with him, and talking with me, he grinned stupidly, obviously taking the comment in a perverted fashion.

I would never make a comment like that. I simply wanted to say that the only meat we’ve had for three days looks delicious, despite having been freshly killed and cooked over a surprisingly primitive fire. Can Potter twist everything I say?

It would seem so.

He grinned at me and let out a snort. It took me a moment to decide what was so amusing and I know that I blushed. He rolled his eyes at my obviously horrified expression.

“Professor Severus Snape, Greasy Potions Master, likes my moose,” he said, still grinning that terribly attractive grin. Damn him and his grin!

“That’s not what I meant, Potter,” I stated. “I meant that the meat looks appetizing.”

“Then why didn’t you say that?” he retorted. Honestly, the nerve of that child! That insolent, filthy-minded bastard of a boy…

Note To Self: do not think about “filthy-minded” in reference to Potter. It gives me… peculiar thoughts.

Another Note To Self: It is entirely possible that Potter will read this and decide to make a stupid decision in regards to my thoughts. For future entries, keep such thoughts to myself.

I am dying for a Pensieve. My memories are ridiculously uncomfortable right now and I do not want Potter waking up from my nightmares.

I have the most terrible nightmares…

Potter has just given me some of the meat. Since we do not have any utensils, we must rip it with our mouths. I feel like an animal, and Potter looks like one.

After our makeshift dinner, Potter and I sat and stared at the fire. I couldn’t even think of anything to write about in this damn notebook. He mentioned something about finding our way back to civilization in one of his last entries. Maybe we should begin that journey.

He looked up at me, at one point. Those sparkling, perfect emerald green eyes looked up at me and met my black ones.

Potter has the most astonishing eyes. They’re like jewels, glinting in the combined moonlight and firelight… it was completely mesmerizing and I know that, for a moment at least, I gazed back at him with a glazed look on my face.

Those eyes…

Damn them.

Part 4: Potter’s Moose

Harry Potter

Wow.

How can one man be so stupid? (Side note: has anyone else noticed how Snape and I always start our entries with the same words? It’s kind of creepy. Very “Twilight Zone,” in my opinion.)

He told me he liked my moose. Now, before we’ve discussed “polishing the broomstick” and other such metaphors and I was thinking that my “moose” was just another one of those cheesy, stupid things that he came up with. I forgot that we were actually cooking moose, and that it was, well… Snape. He would never actually come right out and say that.

I apologized! I really, truly apologized! But no, he had to gaze at me, horrified, and then blush like the damn schoolgirl he really is.

I love that blush, I really, truly do. His face starts out by going paler and then, very quickly, he gets this little blush on those high cheekbones of his, and it spreads downwards on his cheeks. His lips blush, even- looking fuller and slightly pouting.

I love that blush!

… Why does he have to be a snarky bastard? If he were nice- like, say, Ron or Hermione, or even Neville for god’s sake- then I’d probably be crushing on him.

OH. MY. GOD.

Did I just say- well, write, really- that I COULD have a crush on SNAPE? That’s ridiculous, not to mention gross. He’s old enough to be my father!

He hates my father! Yes, my dad did torture him in school, but the git was daft enough to be mean to him more. That didn’t make Dad happy, I know. It wouldn’t make anyone happy.

If Snape had just smirked it off, even Sirius would’ve backed off- eventually.

He just asked me about leaving for civilization. Wow, he pays attention to my entries, that’s okay, I guess…

Note to self: tell Snape ‘thanks’ for giving me two compliments, the first being that I can throw rocks well. I particularly enjoyed the comment about which head I would choose to throw a rock at if he pissed me off… honestly, I’m not sure which I would choose. And who knew that Snape wanted kids? If he’s mostly gay, and- let’s all admit it- not exactly young, how could he have kids?

Lucius would hardly agree to magically carrying a child.

The second compliment was that I have “sparkling, perfect emerald green” eyes. Thanks, Snape, because I know that you’ll read this.

My eyes sparkle more in lust. I know this for a fact- but you honestly don’t want to know how or why I know that.
Here’s another weird thing; I just went from Snape and my eyes to lust. I really have to keep my mind in check if I want to continue writing. At some point Snape might wrench this notebook from my hands and yell at me for writing pointless stuff. In fact, he’s already done just that.

Yesterday I watched him while he slept. He doesn’t know- though I assume that he will know soon- and he looked so damn peaceful. Normally he’s emotionless and cold, but when he sleeps he mutters nonsense and his cheeks return to the color of a normal human being instead of that strange pasty coloring he always has- unless he’s blushing.

He had a nightmare. I could tell because he groaned quietly and his face scrunched up in what looked like a painful expression, though I could have been wrong. Perhaps he has nightmares about his time as a Death Eater, or as a spy. I think that those days are over.

I have found myself wanting to give him the good dreams that I have. The happy ones where I am spending Christmas with the Weasley family at the Burrow, or where my aunt, uncle, and cousin get what they deserve. I love these dreams… in some of them Sirius comes to me and talks to me about what’s going on in my life. I wake up with the goofiest smile on my face and I’m cheerful for the rest of the day.

I wonder what his life has been like. He isn’t a happy man, that part is EXTREMELY obvious, and I have found myself mysteriously wondering why he’s so damn angry and hateful. My father and Sirius can’t have caused all of that.

Ha, ha, ha- maybe I should ask Lucius. He’ll know why Snape’s such a tight-ass. Or why he isn’t, ha, ha, ha…

Okay, that is surprisingly exciting.

Damn me and my treacherous body, Snape will notice that these damn pants are too tight…

Oh god, he saw me. Fuck!

A/N: Okay, my cousin (Shane) has gone back to New Orleans, Louisiana, so I\'m pretty much on my own writing this... I am warning you, it gets a little serious in the next chapters but it will return to full-fledged funniness when they meet Dear Old Voldy, who will be making a short appearance...

A/N 2: We have also decided that we will be making companion pieces that will explain \"adventures\" about other unlikely pairings that go through... odd changes at the same time as our dearly loved Snarry (I love that phrase, by the way). The pairings may be- BUT ARE NOT LIMITED TO: Lucius/Hermione (he he he, so much for redheads and Mudbloods, huh?), Neville/Ron (aww, I wove widdle Neviwwe and ickle Wonnikins! *snigger*), Draco/Hermione (wow, the Mudblood doesn\'t just talk well with that tongue...), and any other suggestions you guys might have.

A/N 3: I want to specially thank the reviewers, our very faithful 3 friends, jademerald, memdrake, and antipyro.

*antipyro* yeah, yeah, I know that berries don\'t grow in snow, but you probably also couldn\'t get drunk off of them, either. I don\'t live in Canada, I\'m a Georgia Girl (though my parents are from NYC so I\'m not a redneck or anything). And I am going to try and check out that story about Snape giving a SexEd class, that\'d be hilarious I bet... and their notebook is nice and long, possibly spelled to last forever. I might have to include that in the chapters somewhere, with Snape asking Harry about it. Also, Harry is always on the defensive because he writes second and IS, therefore, on the defensive side because he believes Snape mucks things up for him and he has to set it right. Remember also that he thinks it was all Snape\'s fault. And you will see Harry\'s wand soon, in chapter 6, which will be called \"The Snitch.\" Guess what Harry\'s keeping a secret? *winks and grins mischievously*
We love that you love the story, though, and hope you continue to read. Honestly, even if no one else does, we will keep writing until the story is completed because we want it out there. It was a little Plot Bunny that has now taken over my Word program... wow, my fingers hurt from typing. I have chapter 7 almost written, and chapter 5 will be up as soon as I edit it and clear it with Shane.

*jademerald* thanks so much for you second review! We love you, truly, and so do the plot bunnies. They say thank you for the candies, by the way.

*memdrake* here it is, the next installment. Hope you enjoyed!

A/N 4: (Wow, there sure are a lot of these things...) The smut is coming, ladies and gentlemen! However, it will take a few chapters. Honestly, Shane is the most immature 14-almost-15-year-old guy ever (not that I can talk, I giggled the entire time I wrote this and I\'m only 13) and wouldn\'t want to hear my smut because it would be too accurate for his tastes. He\'d ask how I knew so much about writing smut, and I REALLY don\'t want to give him the low-down on that one *wink* even though I only know how to write it because this website is my favorite! Oh, well, he wouldn\'t believe me, anyway. But, even if he doesn\'t hear it, I will let him know that it\'s written and out there! Give me some time to work on him, my Readers, and we shall see.

---- Ali