Flame of Existence

--> See Introduction for warnings/disclaimer.

FLAME OF EXISTENCE
/ by Bella

Chapter Three

The hours of the day seemed to slowly bind themselves together, and in short, Hermione found herself looking at that binding in a way probably no other student at Hogwarts did. She saw the day as a burden, and she was impatiently awaiting the day the intense pressure and sorrow would be lifted from her shoulders.

She walked towards the dungeon that night at 7:50, indeed not wanting to be late for her first night of detention with the ever-sour potions professor. Her mind was elsewhere, not on the task at hand – walking. A couple of times she found that she was catching herself when she stumbled.

Hermione finally reached the dungeon classroom and stood before the massive door, not wanting to knock but feeling obliged to. Gathering the Gryffindor courage in her, she knocked twice and waited for the “enter”. It took a minute, but it came, and with that she entered the room.

Snape was sitting behind his desk when he heard the soft knock sound. He looked up from the piece of parchment he was writing and glanced at the clock. She was a few minutes early.

“Surprising,” he mumbled as he stored the parchment in one of the bottom drawers of his desk. When she entered, he was nearly thrown back with the look of reproach she gave him. Her eyes were heavy with lack of sleep and her hair, bushy yesterday, was now long with limp waves.

He didn’t know what to say, so he simply motioned her over to the ancient potions bookshelf that was located in the back of the classroom. It was called ‘ancient’ because all of the books were extremely outdated and inaccurate.

Hermione walked over to it and stared up at the long rows of books covered in dust. She wondered why the house elves didn’t clean them, and then she remembered that the house elves disliked Professor Snape as much as he disliked them. Turning around, she raised her eyebrows and threw her hands up.

“What am I to do, Professor?”

“Organize them,” he answered, not looking away from the dwindling girl.

She stared right back. “How?”

“Well, you take the first book off and clean it and then you–“

Hermione suppressed a smile. “Alphabetically?”

Snape shook his head. “By date. There are rags in that box over there that you can use to wipe the dust off with.” He pointed to a box located at the end of the massive bookshelf.

“Fine.” Walking over to the box, Hermione grabbed a rag from it and began wiping down the binds of the books. She didn’t dare count how many were there – it would just depress her more.

She stared up at the long rows of books and sighed, and then began to wipe the long-settled dust off of the binds. For the upper shelves, she had to get a stool to stand on. By the time she finished wiping them down, her back was aching and she had a pulled muscle in her neck.

After that, she started to take the books off of the shelves, where she put them in tall, wobbly stacks. Halfway through that task, she paused for a moment and rubbed her sore neck.

Snape sat at his desk and watched her rub at her neck, but he refused to say anything remotely comforting or misleading. While her thoughts were elsewhere, something sparked in his head and he clutched at his wand.

He pointed it at the oblivious girl and whispered, “Legilimens.”

A picture slide of different episodes of Hermione’s life flashed before his eyes. A picture of her at the age of five, running away from a barking dog. A picture of Hermione sitting on the stool while being sorted into Gryffindor. A flash of Sirius Black hopping up on a rearing hypogriff. Draco Malfoy pushing her down onto the ground and ripping off her shirt.

Snape pulled out, his eyes wide. When Hermione glanced over at him, the only thing she saw was her sour Professor looking down at the book he was reading.

What the fuck was that all about? Snape asked himself as he stared down at the book in front of him. Somewhere in his mind, he knew that Draco pushing her down on the ground had to do with her sullen features and thinning figure... not to mention the extremely careless and bad attitude twenty-four/seven.

Hermione found it extremely hard to sort the books by date because either they had no date or the date was hidden in the first few pages.

“Professor,” she said finally. “Some of these books have no dates.”

Snape looked up and raised his eyebrows. “Well, that’s unfortunate for you, isn’t it?”

Hermione’s mouth opened, ready to retort with something along the lines of ‘eat my cunt, you bastard’. However, she closed it again and instead turned her anger on the books themselves. “Why the hell do you have these old things anyway?”

“You, Miss Granger, should appreciate the value of a book of any age, especially these...” He sneered to himself, glad to be getting to her.

“These? Ha!” As an afterthought, she tossed on onto the ground with such force that it caused a stack nearby to topple and spill everywhere. Pages floating through the air, Hermione paused and closed her eyes, waiting for Snape to start yelling.

When a yell never came, she looked over at him. He was smiling. Snape. Smiling. Something was wrong.

“Whoa.” She mumbled as she looked at him. “Er, I’m sorry... Sir? Professor Snape?... You’re scaring me... Stop!”

“What? I was just smiling.” The smile fell from his face. “Oh, I guess you thought the greasy git wasn’t capable of that.” He rolled his eyes, picked up the book and closed it as he stood. “I’m retiring now, Miss Granger. You may leave when all of these books are sorted through. The ones without dates can be placed on the lower shelves.”

“Fine,” she replied shortly.

Snape had heard her say it once before that night. “Excuse me?”

“I said ‘fine’, sir.”

“Then say, ‘fine, sir.’”

“Fine, sir.” Hermione turned and rolled her eyes, wondering how the hell she would be able to put up with his unbearable arse for another detention.

As he was leaving, he casually added. “No magic, Miss Granger.”

Snape left the classroom, leaving the tired and worn Hermione alone to finish the huge task in front of her. The silence echoed throughout the room, making Hermione even more melancholy. She wondered when her mother would Owl her the headphones and cd’s she had asked for. No doubt they would be a great way for her to escape from this cruel, cold world that she had recently discovered with eyes wide open.

Hermione fought the urge to stop every book or so and take a rest, but the clock that was charmed on the back wall read 12:17 AM, and she was damned if she were going to stay here until breakfast.

Having sorted through most of the books by one o’clock, Hermione began lifting them one by one back onto the top shelf. To do this repetitively meant that she had to stand up on the stool with a heavy volume, reach far above her head and place it on the top shelf. Then, she’d get back down on the floor and grab another book and haul it to the top shelf.

It was hell, and after a while her head began to get dizzy from the constant change in height. On top of that, she hadn’t eaten a decent meal in days and she had gotten probably a total of three hours of sleep.

Book after book Hermione climbed up and off of the stool. In front of her eyes, the room began to swirl a bit and the books’ titles became blurred. She was ten books from finishing when she felt her knees give out from under her when she was on the stool, sending her toppling hard onto the ground. Her head smashed onto the hard, dungeon floor and the book she had been holding was littered beside her limp body. She was out.

{--------------------------------------------}

Professor Snape was sitting in his private study when he saw the familiar spark of green light being emitted from the fireplace in the corner. He waited for Albus’s head to pop through and annoy him like usual.

“Good evening, Professor Snape.” The Headmaster’s head and head alone was visible in the fire. “How did detention go with Miss Granger?”

“It went... fine, sir. Actually, she’s probably still in there organizing the ancient bookshelf.” Snape smirked to himself and mentally patted himself on the back for giving her such a tedious job.

Dumbledore ignored the smirk. “Did you find anything out?”

“I might be your spy for the Order, Headmaster, but not for that insufferable child, Granger,” Snape spat, slamming his book shut. “In any case, nothing unusual happened.

“Good, boy. I’ll see you in the morning. Oh, and Severus, do check on Miss Granger before you retire to your beds. I don’t much like the idea of her being there alone.”

“Goodnight, sir.” Snape tossed the heavy volume onto the table beside his chair and stood, stretching his long arms high above his head.

He had found something unusual in Hermione’s head. Something most unusual that he’d want to figure it out before he told the Headmaster about it. Whatever was the cause of the diminution of Hermione Granger, he would figure it out.

You aren’t helping her, he told himself. Just figuring out a riddle... that’s all.

Placated with the thought of not helping her, Snape started out of his rooms and into the dungeon classroom that wasn’t too far away. He entered the classroom through the main set of doors and was greeted with the image of an unconscious Hermione with books scattered around her.

Snape, surprised at first, stood in the doorway wide-eyed, but when his instinct finally kicked in, he ran over to her. Moving the limp hair from her face, Snape leant down and checked for a pulse. It was there, he found, but faint.

Snape picked her up into his arms, and from there he half-ran, half-walked to the infirmary where Madam Pomfrey was tiredly looking after a student who had managed to get a cutting curse thrown at him.

Madam Pomfrey’s eyes widened when she saw Snape caring Hermione, and she ran over to them.

“What happened?”

“She collapsed in my classroom. She was serving her first detention. She hasn’t looked to well in the past couple of days.” Snape placed her on the bed Madam Pomfrey had motioned to.

“Yes, I know. She came in the other day asking for–“ she stopped in mid sentence and shook her head. “Nevermind you, Severus. Go get some rest– I’ll take good care of her.”

Instead of going back to his rooms, he asked, “She asked for what, Poppy?”

“That is no concern of yours, Professor. Please, I need to get to work on her.” Madam Pomfrey didn’t look him in the eyes. She knew how powerful he could be especially when he wanted information. She hadn’t meant to say anything revealing, but it had accidentally slipped. She looked down at the unconscious form of Hermione Granger and sighed.

“Extremely dehydrated. What was she doing for detention, Professor?”

“Cleaning out the large bookshelf in the back of my classroom.”

“Oh! And she hasn’t been attending meals has she?” She lifted up the bottom of Hermione’s shirt where her already thin middle was sunken it a bit. “Oh dear. Severus, I think it would be best if you left now.”

Snape nodded and slowly retreated out of the infirmary, glancing back at Madam Pomfrey who was hovering over Hermione’s almost lifeless body. He shook his head and reminded himself that he didn’t give a damn, and then made a hasty retreat back to his dungeon apartment. Grabbing a bottle of firewhiskey on his way to his bedroom, he told himself silently that he would be paying in the morning.

{--------------------------------------------}

The edges of Hermione’s vision were blurred when she awoke the next morning around 10 AM. Her head was pounding, and all she wanted the moment that her eyes open, was to be shot.

She laid her head back down onto the pillow and closed her eyes, inwardly groaning. She tried to remember how she got in the infirmary in the first place, but nothing came to mind. The rain outside was beating down on the long window panels and Hermione could see the trees in the background sway with the wind.

She faintly heard footsteps approach as the blurriness at the edges of her vision began to close in. She could feel that familiar tug in the back of her mind, and then she was out again.

Moments later, her eyes popped back open and she saw Madam Pomfrey feeling her head with the back of her hand, Professor Dumbledore at the end of her bed smiling down at her, and then Professor Snape standing back behind the Headmaster mumbling something and biting his nails.

Hermione’s voice was dry with not speaking, but she managed to ask, “What happened?”

“Oh, dear, you fainted last night in Professor Snape’s classroom while you were serving detention. You’ve got yourself a pretty little goose egg on your forehead. Do you remember anything?”

Detention in Snape’s classroom? Yes, she remembered now. She remembered hauling each of those heavy volumes to their proper places on the shelves. She remembered being a centimeter from crying when she pulled the muscle in her neck. And then she remembered her knees giving out... Everything after that was... nonexistent.

“Yes, yes...” She said hoarsely. “I remember everything. I got weak from carrying that many books.”

“Hermione, dear, you haven’t been seen at meals. Have you been eating?”

Hermione, who had been watching the other witch as she spoke, looked away with embarrassment. “No, ma’am.”

“And why not? Does it... Does it have to do with you coming to see me the other morning?” Madam Pomfrey laid a caring hand on the younger witch’s forearm.

Hermione’s head snapped up and she looked up, terrified at Dumbledore and Snape. She refused to tell. She couldn’t. Everything inside of her ached just to be... purged of Draco Malfoy. She wanted to leave- now. She wanted to jump on a broomstick and make a hasty exit like George and Fred.

“I want to go home,” she stated shortly as tears formed in her eyes. “I don’t want to be a witch anymore.”

There. She had said it. Never in her life since she arrived at Hogwarts had she ever fathomed of saying such a thing. But because of recent events, she knew that she just needed some rest.

“Miss Granger, don’t be silly.” It wasn’t Professor Dumbledore’s voice that made her head snap up again for the second time. It was Snape, in all his Slytherin glory, the bastard. Cruel, as always, not considering that the young witch’s mind had been soiled by his little Ferret.

“Get the hell away from me! Professor Dumbledore, please make him leave!” Hermione through her arms over her face, shielding her vision of the Slytherin Head-of-House. Then it hit her. “Where’s Professor McGonagall?”

Snape, not moving from her bedside, looked down at Hermione lying there. She had forgotten that he was standing there for a brief moment while she inquired about her Head-of-House. His curiosity was sparked when she told him to get away from him.

“She is looking over Professor Snape’s classes at the moment, Hermione.” Professor Dumbledore walked around to the side of Hermione’s bed and took on of her hands in his. His eyes were not twinkling today, but where shiny with seriousness. “Miss Granger, we are all worried about you. I understand that you need time to come forth with whatever burden is currently lying on your heart, but please know that any of us is here and can be reached in a moments notice.”

He then gently placed her hand back down onto the bed and then swiftly turned on his heel to leave. Hermione looked after him, and then sighed, being a little comforted that she wasn’t being pressured into telling anybody anything.

She glanced up and caught Professor Snape’s eye for a brief second before he turned on his heel and followed the Headmaster out.

{--------------------------------------------}

Snape caught up with him in the hallway. “Professor Dumbledore, you are not going to try to figure out what is wrong with Miss Granger?”

Albus stopped in mid stride and turned to look at the potions professor. “You’re already doing that, I trust, Severus?”

And with that, Professor Dumbledore left, leaving Snape standing in the middle of the hall with his mouth opening and closing.

It was the first time Severus Snape had ever been at a loss for words.


End of Chapter Three / To Be Continued

A/N: I want to thank all of you for reviewing! I reallllllly appreciate your kind words of encouragement, as well as the recommendations. I’d appreciate your thoughts on this chapter as well. Thanks! :)
<3 Bella