Love Letters

All Love Letters are from Draco to Harry.

Chapter Four

class=GramE>mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>oOolang=EN-GB style=\'font-size:16.0pt;font-family:\"Viner Hand ITC\";mso-ansi-language:
EN-GB\'>

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

style=\'font-size:16.0pt;font-family:\"Viner Hand ITC\";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>Ilang=EN-GB style=\'font-size:16.0pt;font-family:\"Viner Hand ITC\";mso-ansi-language:
EN-GB\'> didn’t want to know this, what it feels like when you touch her.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> I want to cut the knowledge out of my brain
with an athame so sharp it won’t even bleed at first.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> But all I can do is lay here on my bed with
the tiny ball she charmed for me in my fist while I feel your mouth on hers,
your fingers on her skin.

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>The hurt in my chest is a dull ache I can almost
ignore most of the time, but when you touch her it flares into a throb to match
the one in my cock. I can’t stop either
pain; all I can do is wait it out, feeling your body bearing down on hers just
as if you were here, lying on top of me and biting my throat and grinding
yourself against me and not her at all.

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>I have to hide in here with the curtains closed when
you’re with her. I can’t stand the brush
of my robes against my skin with all the sensations coming from her, it’s too
confusing and too much and so I’m lying in the dark, naked and moaning while
tears stream down my face.

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>I can’t touch myself anymore.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> It doesn’t make it stop, not until it stops
for her, and anyway I don’t need to touch myself for it to happen anymore,
either. I can just lay here and feel you
kissing me, touching me, making desperate sounds in my ear and sliding in and
out of me until I want to cry out with the intensity of it.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'>

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>Just as long as I keep my eyes shut and forget that
I’m really alone.

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

lang=EN-GB style=\'font-size:16.0pt;font-family:\"Viner Hand ITC\";mso-ansi-language:
EN-GB\'>oOolang=EN-GB style=\'font-size:16.0pt;font-family:\"Viner Hand ITC\";mso-ansi-language:
EN-GB\'>

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

style=\'font-size:16.0pt;font-family:\"Viner Hand ITC\";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>Dlang=EN-GB style=\'font-size:16.0pt;font-family:\"Viner Hand ITC\";mso-ansi-language:
EN-GB\'>o you know who just sat down next to me and put his arm around me to
console me? Ronald Fucking Weasley.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> The Weasel feels sorry for me and it’s class=GramE>all your bloody fault.
I don’t want *anyone* to feel sorry for me, but I really don’t want
*Weasley* comforting *me* in “my time of need.” I don’t even believe this is
really happening.

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>I told everyone I was fine.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> I don’t know what else to do.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> I haven’t picked a fight.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> I haven’t been crying in the girls’ bathroom
with that insufferable Myrtle. I haven’t
done anything to deserve this.

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>Snape is the only one in the whole school being decent
about all this. He asked me if I was
okay and I said yes and that was it.
That’s how it’s supposed to be. I
don’t need all this *concern*. I liked
it better when I was Voldemort, Jr. and everyone wanted to hex me into
oblivion. You can hide from that.

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>How do you hide from people who you barely know, or
worse, that you hate, touching you and telling you that if you need anything
they’re there for you?! Touching me, Potter! Hugging me! I do not want
this. I do not want to be pitied.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> I am not pitiful, I am not hurt, I am *fine*
and the next person who suggests otherwise is going to the hospital wing.

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>You are meant to be the tragic hero, carrying on in
the face of adversity and I am meant to be the villain.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> This is all wrong.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> Ron practically hexed you in the hallway! If
I hadn’t stopped him you would have spent the night with Madame Pomfrey instead
of the lovely Miss Granger.

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>Besides, I’m not some simpering victim on the side of
right here. I told her to stay with
you. I told her to make you happy, and
she’s buggering it all up. If you were
happy, you wouldn’t be looking at me like that from your table at dinner while
she sits in your lap feeding you like an infant.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> If you were happy, you wouldn’t look as
broken as I feel. If you were happy, I
wouldn’t feel your tears on her skin at night.

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>But I suppose she’s gotten what’s coming to her.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> Hogwarts’ own Jezebel.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> I think they hate her more than they ever
hated me, because they want to hate you, too, but can’t.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> So she gets it all.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> I tell her it isn’t true, that she is the
right one for you and everything will be fine, but she doesn’t believe me.

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>Ron hates her now, even more than he hates you.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> He was in love with her, you know.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> He was in love with her and you knew it and
you took her anyway. And now he has more
in common with a pureblood prat like me than either of you.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> He needs me to hate you both, and I can’t,
but he needs me to be angry so he can be angry on my behalf.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'>

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>But I’m not angry.
And I don’t want to lose whatever small part of you the talented Jezebel
has left me with.

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

lang=EN-GB style=\'font-size:16.0pt;font-family:\"Viner Hand ITC\";mso-ansi-language:
EN-GB\'>oOolang=EN-GB style=\'font-size:16.0pt;font-family:\"Viner Hand ITC\";mso-ansi-language:
EN-GB\'>

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

style=\'font-size:16.0pt;font-family:\"Viner Hand ITC\";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>Hlang=EN-GB style=\'font-size:16.0pt;font-family:\"Viner Hand ITC\";mso-ansi-language:
EN-GB\'>arry, you have to believe that I didn’t want this.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> I never, but my father, and well, it’s not
like I had a choice! But it doesn’t mean anything.style=\'mso-spacerun:yes\'> I still, that is to say, I’ve always…I’d
never hurt you, not on purpose, and I know that I have, but I’d take it back if
I could because I…

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>It doesn’t matter now.
You’ll never look at me again once you see it, and I can’t live with
seeing betrayal in your eyes. I just
wish… I wish I could tell you and you’d understand, but it’s been too long
since I could’ve said anything to you to start with this.

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'> 

mso-ansi-language:EN-GB\'>I…