The Reason

I\'m not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know



Severus had never thought himself a genius, but he knew that his intellect and capability had always been among the best at Hogwarts. No one had ever surpassed him when it came to potions, and Albus had deferred to his suggestions on many issues on more than one occasion.

Severus was rarely flummoxed, but now he found himself stumped by the conflicting emotions warring inside him.

He leaned backwards upon soft pillows, raising one finger to his lips. He could still feel the imprint of Potter\'s smooth lips upon his own. Ever since the boy appeared at Hogwarts, Severus had only felt the reliable feelings of hatred, scorn and disdain towards him, feelings transferred to him from the boy\'s repulsive father.

But now, a new emotion had found its way into this mixture, and he could not put his finger on it. One thing was certain; a tiny portion of the antipathy he felt towards Potter had disappeared.

What is happening to me?


---


As daylight faded into dusk, another Death Eater turned up with his dinner. No Potter.

Ever since the kiss five days ago, he had not seen the brat again.

Severus raised the spoon to his mouth, finishing the soup methodically. After he had taken his last spoonful, the silent Death Eater brought him the chamber pot and then politely, almost respectfully turned his back.

As the hooded figure turned around, a flash of wood from his robes caught Severus\' eye. He recognized it straightaway.

My wand!

For a moment he stared, baffled, then realization dawned on him in the next heartbeat. Grabbing the wand, he intoned the words that appeared in his mind.

\"Petrificus totalus.\"

The figure fell to the ground with a thump. Severus hesitated, then reached forward and lifted the hood. Miles Bletchley\'s face had a faint, almost glad smile on it.

Severus remembered this once hard, proud Slytherin, who had openly proclaimed his support for Voldemort. He had disappeared from Hogwarts halfway into his last year, and no one did not know where he had gone.

\"Thank you,\" Severus whispered. He cast the spell to remove his collar, put on the Death Eater\'s robes, then left the room he had called prison for the past nine days.

Outside the chamber, the hallway was dark and empty. Severus hid his wand inside his robes and looked around warily. Where should he go? He moved stealthily down the long corridor until he reached a huge, imposing door at its end. After a moment\'s vacillation, he nudged the heavy door so that it opened to a crack. Immediately, Voldemort\'s voice reached his ears, and he stepped back instinctively.

The Dark Lord\'s back was turned to him, seated in a large burgundy armchair. Potter sat facing him, and Severus. His eyes were hooded as he listened wordlessly to Voldemort.

\"... just a few more days... then..\"

Severus strained to catch his words.

\"So, how is my Severus?\"

At that, Potter raised his head, his eyes glinting almost angrily.

Voldemort raised his hand as if to pacify him, and remedied his earlier words.

\"How is your Severus?\" The dark amusement in his tone was apparent. When Potter did not reply, he continued, almost gleefully.

\"Ah, Harry, you might as well stop your foolish attitude towards him. Fancy treating him with such fragility! Do you really think he will accept you? He will only hate you more. To him, you are just a mirror image of your father. If you want him to be yours completely, you will have to take more forceful measures.\"

In the face of Potter\'s silence, his voice grew mocking.

\"Don\'t tell me you did not know he only has room for Dumbledore in his heart? Even I could see that. If you hadn\'t asked for him, I would have fed his traitorous heart to the wolves. Ah, don\'t think I\'m stupid. Of course I knew. And I\'m sure you know by now why I kept him for so long.\"

Eyes centered on Potter\'s like a vulture taking pleasure in his prey\'s pain, he continued conversationally, like one good friend to another.

\"I knew he was the only reason you would submit to me.\"

Severus whipped back his head, heart hammering crazily. His head throbbed at the same rate as his heart. He couldn\'t think. He sank soundlessly to the ground, breathing deeply in a desperate bid to calm himself.

Then a pair of black shoes moved into his line of vision.

His heart seemed to stop for a moment. Then slow, fearfully lifted his head.

Potter stared at him silently. For a split second, black eyes locked tightly onto green ones. For the first time in his life, Severus saw an emotion flicker in those eyes that had always been guarded. Something deep and vulnerable, that reached out to him and wrapped him in its loving, warm embrace.

Then Potter reached out to him. He shrank back instinctively, only to see the young man\'s closed fist open to reveal something. It was a small, silver ring.

Uncomprehending, he stretched out his own hand and touched the ring.

Then the world disappeared.

Before he fell back into velvety blackness, he saw Potter smile. Then Voldemort\'s furious roar filled his ears, fading into blessed silence.

When he next woke up, he was in Hogwarts.