The Secret Diary of Severus Snape

21/12/1975
It’s so quiet! I love that about Christmas! Lucius came to my bed last night. We could be as loud as we wanted. The Bloody Baron paid us a visit and caught us in flagrante. He said that if he weren’t already dead we’d give him a heart attack. Lucius told him to sod off and continued riding me hard.

22/12/1975
I haven’t seen Lucius at all today. He was with a boy in his year, Stefan Delacour. One of those snotty, inbred rich boys that Lucius is so fond of. Stefan treats me like something he scraped off his sole most of the time. He and Lucius usually speak French. Very rapid and using slang that I don’t always get. Lucius has known Stefan for very long. Lucius’ father interceded and had Stefan come to Hogwarts after he’d been kicked out of Beauxbatons. Dumbledore is always willing to take on a lost case but I’m not sure he made the right choice in accepting Stefan. I don’t like him. He tried his veela charms on me to get me to make him some “pick me up” potion. The kind that could have me end up in Azkaban. I told him to forget about it and turn off the fuck-me vibes because they’re not working. He then offered to pay me a “vewy laz sum” which I also declined.

It is odd that Lucius should have me running after him while Stefan, who is more traditionally handsome than Lucius, not to mention half-veela, should leave me cold. I have no explanation.

I was sitting in the Common Room, curled up in one of the armchairs, pretending to be reading a book and stealing glances at them. Lucius seemed not to have noticed me. He was touching the other boy at times as they talked animatedly about something I didn’t catch.

I didn’t go to dinner. Lucius would probably ignore me there too and I can’t take that now that there so few students around. I don’t understand this. He is supposed to have stayed during the holidays so we could be together. The other night was wonderful, what is wrong with him?

23/12/1975
Lucius ambushed me on my way to the library. I tried to be cold to him but that’s not easy to do when he is nibbling on my earlobe and touching me all over. He dragged me in a cupboard. His hands were all over my body, pinching my nipples, stroking me and finding their way in my pants.

“Lucius, couldn’t you wait until tonight?” I whined.

He was too busy nibbling on my chin to answer. He started wanking me as he pressed his prick against my thigh. One hand reached back and cupped my arse. He continued rubbing against me.

“You little bastard,” he murmured. “You drive me crazy. I woke up hard this morning. I tried everything, you know? I turned around and started humping my sheets but it didn’t work. I wanked in the shower, nothing. I’ve been going around with this, looking for you. And I can’t fuck you. I’d come right away.”

His harsh voice against my ear was enough to get me to the edge. I pressed against him and let go. He was still wanking me savagely. He also came a second later, all over my thighs and stomach. I cleaned us up with a rag. Lucius wasn’t looking at me. I tried to kiss him but he pulled back. He arranged his robes to hide the mess on his trousers and left me.

He gets me so high I feel like I’m flying and then brings me crashing down. He wasn’t like that at first. I don’t understand what I’ve done that has made him so angry with me.

24/12/1975
I waited for Lucius all night yesterday but he didn’t come. I’m in a bad mood today. Lack of sleep is not the only thing that’s to blame. I don’t have anyone to whom I’d show my bad mood. No one cares how I feel. Even Jigger who usually notices when I’m missing meals and checks up on me hasn’t paid me any attention.

An owl from Evan cheered me up a little. He sent me my Christmas present. Dark green dress robes that fit like a glove. He took into account my request that they should be modest priced. I hope his mother is going to like the face cream I made her. I’ve no idea whether it will really work but it smells nice and I think that’s what women mostly care about. Evan and his father also got potions… what else could they expect from me? Evan’s present came along with an account on the developments in his family. As usual, he said, his brother stuck on him like a leech. An utterly infatuated with him, five year, red-headed, leech. Cousin Amaltheia (what were her parents thinking, naming her after a mythical goat? Evan says the name fits considering her excess facial hair) was everywhere he turned his head. He has a terrible feeling that his parents are trying to get the two of them together. I sat and wrote Evan a long letter detailing Lucius’ treatment of me. I then tore it up and wrote to him that I’m having a great time and wish Hogwarts could always be this empty. Though I wouldn’t mind having him here. Perhaps also Lestrange and Avery. But no one else.

Almost all Gryffindors have gone home. Only Remus Lupin is here from my year. There is also Frank Longbottom from sixth year and a couple of second years I don’t know.

25/12/1975
Christmas dinner. One big, happy family celebrating that Muggle nonsense. I retired early. I couldn’t take the singing anymore.

I talked to father. He said the new robes look very nice on me. The robes Evan sent me, of course. Apparently dear papa forgot that the ones he sent me were black. He wished me Merry Christmas. Dumbledore came in as I was wishing my father goodnight then screamed “You fucking git!” to the fire, after his face had disappeared. Just the perfect time to have the Headmaster walk in! He told me that if there’s anything I want to talk to him about his door is always open to me. I shook my head and thanked him for letting me use his fire.

Lucius didn’t come to my bed. I guess I could go to his but I don’t dare.

26/12/1975
Jigger dragged me out of bed and got me to go to breakfast. He said that if I missed another meal he’d send me to my father. I sat by myself. Lucius was with Stefan and his clique. Why do I delude myself? I thought Lucius cared about me. It is a little late to bemoan my lost honour. I laughed out loud in the table at this thought. Just what I needed… Everyone looking at me as though I’ve finally gone over the edge.

I hid in the library after breakfast. As long as I stay away from the Herbology section and my memories there I’ll be all right. Remus Lupin was in the library. He needed a book I had. He was surprised I had it since it is a very temperamental tome on Defence against the Dark Arts. It normally screams its head off when someone without a permission slip touches it but it doesn’t make a sound when I take it. I showed some goodwill and let him sit with me. He seemed to appreciate it. He tried to make conversation but I didn’t talk to him much. He is a Gryffindor after all. I have certain standards.

27/12/1975
Once more my silver-haired spider lays his net and catches me.

He found me in the Common Room. He sat on the arm of the chair I was sitting in. I pretended not to notice him.

“Are you mad at me, little Snape?”

“Don’t call me that,” I said edgily.

“Oh, but you are little,” he whispered in my hair and kissed it.

“I’m not your fucktoy, Lucius.”

He got up and sat in the armchair opposite me. “It talks back,” he said sarcastically.

I buried my nose back in my book. “Oh, come on, Sevvie,” he said, nudging at my leg with his foot.

“Fuck off, Luci” I said, without raising my head.

“Se-ve-rus,” he singsonged, “there’s no use in pretending. Come on!”

“I’m not in a mood.”

There was a rustling noise. I snuck a peak over my book. My jaw fell. Lucius was quite casually taking his prick out of his trousers.

“What am I supposed to do with that, then?” he pouted.

“Shove it up your arse.”

“Hmmm, not big enough.” He stroked once, slowly. He was almost fully hard.

I put down my book, all pretence of reading it gone. “Lucius, put that back in, we’re in public.”

“There’s no one here,” he answered me, treating himself to another long, torturous stroke. He raised his leg and draped it over the arm of the chair to give me a better view. I shifted on my seat. My prick was rock hard. I guess I do go for visual stimulation. Not to mention that Lucius wanking has been a very favourite fantasy of mine for a while. His fist moved slowly, one moment the shiny pink head visible, the next hiding under his closed fingers. Those very white, very delicate fingers that I have felt on me so many times.

I was staring openly. I was also drooling until I shut my mouth with a snap. I pressed my palm on my erection over my clothes.

“Take it out too,” he said breathlessly.

I couldn’t do it. I was too embarrassed at the thought of anyone walking in. Lucius increased his pace, looking at me under his thick eyelashes from time to time. A trickle of white fluid smeared his thumb and forefinger. He licked it off slowly then went back to what he was doing. He picked up speed, straining, starting to sweat.

“Do you like what you see?”

I nodded, still shifting in my seat, my prick was so hard it hurt. I could feel moisture seep through my underwear to my trousers.

A few more strokes and he breathed in deeply as jets of white fluid soiled his expensive clothes. He casually picked up his wand and cleaned the mess. I don’t trust myself with cleaning charms right after an orgasm but he’s much better at wandwork.

It was an odd thought to be having, staring at my hardly dishevelled lover as he casually got up and dusted off an imaginary speck of dust from his trousers. He then kissed me, a quick, harsh kiss that left me wanting. I was very close, all it would have taken was a touch.

He didn’t give me that touch. He didn’t come to my bedroom with me as I timidly suggested.

28/12/1975
I had an owl from Evan. He asked me what’s wrong with me. He said he had a strange dream. I need to have a talk with him about his belief in Divination.

Why couldn’t I love Evan? We’d be best friends who also have sex. Very useful and uncomplicated. Nothing like what Lucius is doto mto me.

29/12/1975
I dragged myself out of bed and went to breakfast. I couldn’t eat but I had to nibble on something every time Jigger looked at me. Which was often.

I asked Jigger for the password to the Potions student lab. He’s in the habit of changing it every week. He looked a little embarrassed and told me that I didn’t need the password. The gargoyle on the door has gotten so used to me it is now giving a hard time to anyone else who wants to use that lab, including Jigger.

I discovered he’d been telling the truth when the gargoyle scolded me over how long it’s been since the last time I went to visit. It was acting like an overeager house elf, asking me if everything is to my liking and telling me proudly how it had not let other people in my lab. Namely, a young Hufflepuff girl who had been reduced to tears after she had tried all passwords she could remember and had fled.

I’m no good at this but I did manage to explain to the doorkeeper that I don’t consider this to be my personal lab and that other students are to be treated as my guests and shown the same courtesy as me. I felt more than stupid explaining all that to a door handle.

I worked until my eyes started to water and I realised I’d been there for 8 hours, non stop. My stomach growled reminding me that I’d had no lunch, or dinner. I cleaned up at the lab, petted the gargoyle on the way out and reminded it of our agreement, then went to bed. Hungry for more than food.

30/12/1975
I’m not sure I know the Lucius who came to my bed yesterday. He’d noticed my absence at lunch and dinner and brought over some samples of the two meals I’d missed. My hunger was stronger than my pride.

“Are you making some sort of point? Starving yourself?”

“Why, Lucius, I didn’t know you cared,” I thought. I told him that I’d been too busy working and didn’t notice the time. Nice, neutral, bollocks answer.

He propped my pillows on the headboard then sat behind me on my bed, drawing him to his arms. I leaned back against him taking in his smell, his heat. He was hotter than the rest of him down there and I squirmed against him to feel that heat against my backside. He whispered to me that there would be time for that later and started to feed me.

I was like a pet eating off its master’s hand. I didn’t care. It was late, I was tired, I was hungry, I didn’t want to think of all the implications.

With a full stomach my mood improved considerably. I brushed against Lucius and found him still hard. I turned to kiss him but he didn’t let me, his fingers sinking in my hair and pushing insistently forward until I was on all fours in front of him on the bed. He started to stroke me all over, my hair, the nape of my neck, my shoulderblades. I knew what he wanted and I was aching for him, pushing back shamelessly. I’m way beyond shame now. Or pride.

He brought a hand forward to tweak on my nipples and took a hold of it and pressed it against my mouth. I wanted to see some, any part of him and his lily-white hand was good enough. He didn’t let me have it for long, though. He used it to start wanking me and I started moving slowly backwards and forwards, meeting his fast rhythm. With his other hand he fumbled for the lubricant in my bedside drawer. His rhythm on me slowed down as he searched blindly. There was a crash followed by an exasperated “Accio lubricant” as he resorted to using his wand. I chuckled.

He slapped my arse hard. “Laughing at me, are you?” he said menacingly.

I gave out another chuckle. “Punish me,” I said playfully.

He squeezed my prick so hard I thought I might end up in the Infirmary with a very embarrassing tale to share.

“No! You like it too much!” However he did bring down his palm hard against my skinny haunches once more before sticking a finger in me up to the knuckle. No lubricant so it felt like more than just one but I could handle it. He took it out as quickly as he’d stuck it in and when it entered me again it was slick. Soon two more joined it, stretching me slowly, plunging in me in time with his strokes on my prick.

He undoes me completely. I was moaning something but I have no idea what it was. I was rocking against him, back to his fingers, forward to his palm… it was exquisite. He replaced his fingers with his prick. He entered me in one continuous stroke. I backed against him until I was feeling him so deep in me… it was as though I would soon feel him at the back of my throat. A bit of a crude image there…

He went on. Picking up speed, yanking at my prick with increasing urgency. I think he wanted me to come before he would, to feel me clench against him, then my body relax and open to him even more. He has told me that he loves how I feel against him when that happens. It didn’t happen this time. He came inside me, whisper-screaming in my ear. I also came a few seconds later. He was nibbling on my throat in a rather vampiric show of post-coital affection. At least he didn’t bite me while he was coming. That can get nasty.

He cleaned us up with a charm. I prefer cleaning up the traditional way, a shower, a wet rag… anything that would involve touching him more. I lay on my side and watched him as he started looking for his clothes with very slow, reluctant movements.

You don’t have to leave. I felt the words rise up to my lips but kept them back. I wanted to ask him whether I would see him tomorrow, instead but I didn’t trust my voice to come out right. I wanted to be casual about it but that’s not how I feel.

He turned to look at me before getting up and leaving. He reached a hand and trailed it down my side. I was uneasy, suspecting that he was probably counting my ribs. He looked like he wanted to say something but thought better of it. He gave me a smile, patted my buttocks affectionately and left me.