Totem

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used here just the devious little mind making them dance.

//blah, blah, blah // - denotes thoughts

Pairing: Snape X Harry, Harry X Snape

Summary: Harry retreats to Hogwarts after his latest battle seeking safety, comfort and something else…

***

Totem


Chapter 4

The Ministry of Magic was not one of Harry’s favorite places. Too many things had happened to him there. Things he preferred to shut out. He felt like he was going to throw up as he walked down the hallways. No one had been sent to great them. The instructions on the summons clearly indicated their destination. Wizards buzzed and whirred about paying them little to no attention. All the movement was making Harry’s stomach queasy.

Snape held his stern facade in place. He could feel Harry’s anxiety mounting. He wished he could touch Harry to calm him but this was not the time or place for people to get an eye full of their new relationship. Snape was suddenly seized with the knowledge of how dangerous their situation had become. Bound to one another, not knowing what that meant or how it would manifest, he was pretending to be a death eater who was pretending to be a professor, and Harry…well, danger just followed him around for fun.

The two silent men found the appropriate door and Snape spied an opportunity. He took Harry by the arm. Tenderness in the guise of coercion, he gripped the arm firmly and guided Harry as if he were a resistant charge. It was all he could risk. “Mr. Potter…” he snarled as he held the door looking at Harry with his old disdain.

The true intention of the grip on his arm was not lost on Harry. His stomach calmed as the hand squeeze around him. Inside the door he put his hand on Snape’s before ‘yanking’ himself free. He could hear titillating whispers; “a death eater? what’s he doing here? of all the nerve…”’

Cornelius Fudge hushed the room and then regarded the unexpected potion’s master evenly. “Severus, thank you for escorting Mr. Potter. You may leave now.”

“Harry, my boy you don’t look well are you sure you should be here?”

It was Authur Weasley. Harry’s heart jumped in his chest. // Are they all right? Tell me they’re all right… //

“Cornelius, perhaps,” Dumbledore intervened, “Professor Snape should stay to escort Harry back. He doesn’t look at all well to me.”

“Nonsense, he looks fine. We don’t need to keep the professor from his work. Can’t you escort Mr. Potter home later if need be?”

Harry pondered Fudge’s attempts to remove Snape from the hall.

“I’m afraid that is not possible, Minister.”

“Fine but he can not stay here during the proceedings.”

“Wonderful he can wait in you office, Arthur will you please show Professor Snape to the Minister’s office?” Fudge was in mid protest as Dumbledore ushered Arthur and Snape out of the room.


Snape grumbled as he made his way back down the maze of hallways to Fudges’ office. It was probably Albus’ subtle ploy to make sure the ‘proceedings’ wouldn’t take too long. Fudge obviously hated the idea of him in his office unguarded and unwatched.

As they arrived a the office Arthur Weasly flashed his usual happy dolted grin as he opened the door. “Professor?”

Snape stopped in mid stride.

“Tell him, they are safe.” Weasly quickly turned away and vanished in the twist of corridors.

Snape tucked the message in the back of his mind and drug himself inside. He dropped onto a large heavy chair. // It’s better this way. Now if anyone threatens Harry I won’t be able to accidentally disembowel them. // His thoughts wandered to Harry. He had no doubt Harry could stand up to Fudge or anyone else in that room but he had seen Harry try to confront what had happened. Through all the terror the man had faced in his life this one incident seamed to tear him to shreds. Snape set his head in his hands and closed his eyes. //Be ok Harry, just be Ok// For a moment he envisioned Dumbledore starring at him mouthing Harry’s name. He saw the long table with a row of old wizards and snotty nosed suck ups. Some one was speaking at him. Snape paused. Was this real? Was this what Harry was seeing? Muffled sounds came to his ears, he concentrated on the sight and sound and they came into focus.

Harry was looking around the room. Keeping up his nonchalant behavior was hard when all he really wanted to do was walk the 2,364 steps it would take to get to Snape. He tried to calm himself. It wouldn’t have been andy easier if Snape had been allowed to stay. Still it wasn’t so bad. After all Snape was only 786 feet away, down the hall to the left then take a right then left again, up three steps and into the office where he sat on the west wall. // That was odd. I wonder how long it would take to get there? 2.5 minutes at a quick walking pace under a minute of he ran. Huh? Seams like I know exactly where my man is and in utterly annoying detail. // He would of laughed if he didn’t feel like total shit.

“Well Mr, Potter?”

“huh?”

“I said if you are ready, we will begin?”

Harry had the sudden urge to call the minister of magic a twit, but instead he simply nodded his head.

Snape listened to the barrage of facts and conclusions read allowed to Harry. Was this meant to bore the man to death? What an unusual concept. He sobered up as the speech began to go into disgusting detail of the state Trelawny had been found in. He felt odd realizing that Harry had expereienced the gruesomeness they were describing. He had actually seen Voldemorte do this thing. It made him shudder. If they knew all this why did they need Harry? What purpose was all this?

Harry was growing more impatient. As he listened he relived terror of his discovery, the despair of knowing he had been too late and anger rose inside him. Why did he have to be here? “What purpose is all this?” he mumbled. The woman reading the account stopped.

“Excuse me?”

“Why are you doing this? You know everything already. Are you just doing this to torture me?”

“Mr. Potter this is an official inquiry in to the murder of a wizard. There is a protocol that must be followed including recounting the event in front of witnesses, should there be any, to confirm said events.”

Snape growled in Fudge’s office. Damn them, damn all of this! He flung open the door and stormed down the hall. // This is impossible! What sheer lunacy!//

Harry felt ill. He rolled his eyes and hung his head, at sat sheer lunacy.” he grumbled. // 1,354 steps, 1350, 1289, 1258…he’s round the first turn and coming down the hall, thank God, I have to leave I can’t stay here. 1115 steps…. //

“We would appreciate it Mr. Potter if you would refrain from your insulting remarks.”

“No problem,” Harry shouted as he turned. // They can’t keep me here. I’m not a child and I’m not under arrest. // He was sweating and breathing hard as he made his way out into the hall. // 20, 15 , 10…. //

Someone grabbed him. “It’s time to go Mr. Potter.” Harry let him self be hurried away by the familiar grip. Again, no one noticed them as the hurried through the halls making their way out.

***

As he appeared in Snape’s study Harry threw off his floo powder covered cloak. Snape was already there, pulling him towards him. Harry felt embarrassed for his weakness as he merged into the professor’s body.

He didn’t know what to say or what to do. He only wanted to hold onto Harry. Snape was surprise how natural it felt holding Harry like this, as if he’d been doing it his whole life instead of only a few days. Everything had been turned upside down. He spent most of his life hiding who he really was. Doing it so well that he hadn’t even realized his love for Harry. He had instead openly reviled the child. As a boy, Harry had been strong willed and so much more valiant than any adult around him. Was it still true now that he was older? Snape looked at Harry. He found the face and body of a man but his heart still so very young, too young for any of this. What can I offer him? How can help him, when all I can give is myself? “How about a bath?” Snape finally asked.

Harry nodded. They made their way to the washroom and each solemnly undressed.

Everything was distant and unclear like Harry was in a fog. He watched Snape turn on the tap and drop in some light purple powder. The room filled with the smell of lavender as the hot water hit it. Snape slid into the tub behind him and again pulled Harry to him. Harry let the warmth of the water and the relaxing scent fill him. Snape’s wet hands stroked his body easing his muscles into rest. There must be something in the lavender helping him relax. He eventually reclined against the older man. He no longer felt like a separate being. It felt like he and Snape were one body, one person. His defenses b to to falter as he heard himself speak, “I feel lost. I feel weak and miserable. It’s not like she was any thing to me but a teacher. I barely knew her and she didn’t know me either. I don’t understand.” Harry felt the slide of Snape’s hands down his wet arms and back again to his shoulders. He felt the man’s thighs around him and the sure rise and fall of his chest. “…how many…. how many people will die to save me?” Harry swore the scent of the room was now inside his mind as he was letting go of all the things he held so tight. “Am I even worth saving? So far I haven’t been able to touch Voldemorte. He just keeps getting stronger and stronger.” Harry felt the world shake and pitch. There was no joy inside him only a dull ache. He leaned forward wrapping himself around his knees and burying his face. “Severus….” he whispered.

Snape trailed his hands along Harry’s back feeling the body quake beneath them. He draped himself around Harry and pressed his cheek against the smooth, wet back. “They didn’t die for you Harry. They died because they fought him. If you were not here they would still fight and they would still die.”

Harry turned in Snape’s arms to look at him. Every secret thought was coming to the surface. “He’s going to kill you. You’ll be taken just like everyone else. I can’t … I have to protect you, but how can I? I haven’t been able to protect anyone else. I can’t loose you. I can’t fight him without you -”

Snape stopped Harry’s urgent plea by taking his lips. He always knew that someday the dark lord would end his life. He would be discovered as a spy or have to make the ultimate choice between his life and Harry’s or Dumbledore’s. He remembered the message. “Arthur said to tell you they’re safe. He didn’t dare say any more but they are safe, Harry.” Harry’s eyes closed and he heaved a heavy sigh, his jaw trembling. “As for us, things are different now. We will never loose each other. You said so yourself, eternally bound. Did you know I could see it this afternoon? I could hear it all?”

“See what?” Harry questioned.

“The inquiry. I believe the spell is revealing itself. If I stop and concentrate I can see and hear what you see and hear. Did you notice anything odd?”

“I knew where you were, how to get to you in excruciating detail. Then, there were these thoughts that I don’t think were mine
St
Stillness fell over the room. Water dripped from Snape’s fingers as he touched Harry’s face. He felt a pull inside him to Harry, a yearning deeper than any he had ever felt.

Harry leaned against Snape’s chest. “If you tell me it’s going to be ok…I’ll believe you.”

Snape put his arms around his young lover. “It’s going to be ok.” // Whether we live or die, it’s going to be ok. //

~TBC~