Goodnight, Demon Slayer

All of the Potterverse belongs to JK Rowling. I own nothing ('xcept GrrArrg- she'ill ill mine). Also, if you see anything that looks familiar, I probably lifted it. I memorize lines from movies without knowing it, and they become part of my lexicon. Apologies to anyone whose work I've stolen. Most likely from Bring It On!, South Park, Reno 911!, Legally Blonde, anything with Chris Farley, David Spade, or Adam Sandler, Dude, Where's My Car?, etc... Sorry. Your genius engulfs my brain.

Goodnight, Demon Slayer
Chapter Two:
Tall, Dark, and Greasy

For several minutes Hermione and the two boys stood slack-jawed and gaping at each other. She had known she'd have to explain to her best friends, but she'd hoped she would have a BIT more time to prepare. Composing herself and smiling unconvincingly, she left the doorway and pulled it closed behind her. She would protect the Potions Master as long as physically possible. She couldn't imagine either side's reaction when they realized the and and Hermione already had plans for over the summer. Week-long plans. That Severus would have to be part ow. ow. She was not looking forward to that contatitation. I mean, conversation. No, wait. It was more accurate the other way.

"Hello, Harry. Ron. Ready to go to dinner?" Her face was a mask of calm and confidence, but the boys both looked as if they'd seen ghosts. Apparently finding their best friend in Snape's rooms was more than enough proof for them. Maybe convincing them wouldn't be so hard after all. As she turned to make her way to the Great Hall, Harry regained posession of his faculties and grabbed her arm.

"Hermione, hang on!" Harry began doggedly, as if talking out a particularly complex theory of astrophysics or cellular molecular chemistry. "It's true, then?" he asked, the want for it not to be true evident in his voice.

"What's true?"

Don't play dumb, Hermione. There are others who are much better at it than you.

"You... you and Snape?" Harry stammered.

"Uh-huh," she answered nonchalantly. "Come on. Aren't you guys hungry?" Quickly turning away, she passed the boys and made her way to the Great Hall, ignoring the stares, whispers, and laughs of the students and, regrettably, teachers she passed.

Back in the dungeons, Ron Weasley was still gaping and staring blankly at the Potions Master's door, unable and unwilling to believe any of it.

Going to dinner turned out to be absolute hell for Hermione. As she entered the hall every single student turned to gawk at her as if she'd suddenly sprouted a second head. Head (just one, right? Hermione checked) held high and chin up, Hermione bravely made her way to the Gryffindor table where the students scattered like rats from a sinking ship trying to avoid her. Even those who had been her friends an hour ago backed away and muttered barely-hidden insults. For God's sake, Neville Longbottom and the Creeveys wouldn't even sit with her! Smiling at them, she calmly took her seat and began to eat even though she really would have preferred to vomit or be sucked into the ground and disappear. Voldemort was looking better and better... At least she knew he's kill her and put her out of her misery.

It was half-way through the meal when Harry and Ron silently sat down, one on either side of Hermione, both looking like their favorite pet had died. She greeted them as if nothing had changed, but they immediately began questioning her.

"Hermioare are you okay?" asked a rather concerned-looking Harry. Ron, however, looked as if he was about to be sick. He was paler than usual, and his eyes were expressionless and blank. He continued mouthing silent words as if he didn't trust himself to speak them yet. In reality, he just looked like a fish begging for food at the top of its bowl. Suddenly, the fish found his voice, though he never made eye contact with Hermione nor changed his expression.

"Why Snape?" he muttered, sounding more defeated and hurt than Hermione had ever heard him. She knew Ron liked her, and, actually, she'd liked him more than a little bit, but she couldn't let any of that come into play now. She was in love with Snape- SEVERUS, she reminded herself. She was in love with Severus, and there was nothing Ron could do about it. But it truly did hurt Hermione to think about what Ron was feeling now. She wanted to be able to tell him that it was all an act and that she really really liked him and would like to make out some time, but she couldn't. Her life depended on it, but more importantly, Severus' life did, too.

"I'm very well. Thank you, Harry," she answered flippantly while continuing to eat.

"Why Snape?"

"How long have you and... Professor Snape... I mean... Erm..."

"Since the beginnin ter term. Can you pass the peas, please, Ron?" The redhead absentmindedly reached for the dish and handed it to her while continuing his own line of disenchanted questioning.

"Why Snape?"

"Are you happy, Hermione?" Harry asked earnestly. The boys were beginning to annoy her, but at the honest, intense look on Harry's face Hermione's snarky response was caught in her throat. Her friends loved her, and she should be glad of that fact. They were only trying to protect her. They couldn't help the fact that they were boys and, therefore, emotionally retarded. Smiling and covering Harry's hands with her own, Hermione responded.

"Very happy, Harry. Really."

"Why Snape?"

Closing her eyes and praying for patience, Hermione turned to face Ron.

"I know this is a shock, but, Ron, I assure you I have my reasons."

"Why Snape?" The poor boy had not comprehended anything that had been said since catching Hermione in Snape's quarters.

"Listen to me. Severus is a good man, and I love him."

"Why Snape?"

Patience, Hermione. He HAS been through a pretty big shock.

"I told you, Ron. I love him."

"Why Snape?"

"Ron, you know I love you, but you're really fucking getting on my nerves," she began sweetly. She was rapidly losing her composure. How was she supposed to explain something she didn't understand herself? "I am going to snap if you ask me that one more time."

Ron sat staring blankly at her for several moments, dead eyes finally meeting hers. Smiling, Hermione took his hands. Finally, the battle was over. He said nothing more, and she hugged him tightly. Turning back to face forward and converse with both boys, Hermione thought she was safe.

For a minute at most...

"Why Snape?"

Throwing her utensils down and whipping wildly around to face Ron once again, she screamed, face red with annoyance.

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE HIS DICK, RON?"

Conversation on all sides of her stopped, and at the head table, a suddenly paler-than-normal Potions Master spit his pumpkin juice halfway across the Great Hall.

She guessed everyone had heard her, then.

Every pair of eyes in the hall was focused either on Hermione or Snape. The students pointing lau laughing at Hermione, and the teachers murmurring in their own very adult way of gossipping while shooting indiscreet glances at Snape. The hall was completely silent except for the whispers and giggles, and Hermione, who had stood while telling off Ron, was now completely red with fury.

"Oh, what the fuck are you lot looking at?" she roared before storming out of the room.

Still stone-faced and completely oblivious of everything around him, Ron Weasley continued staring at the spot where Hermione had just stood.

"Why Snape?"

*************A/N**************
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