Mein Herz Brennt (My Heart is on Fire)
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
4
Views:
2,936
Reviews:
3
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
4
Views:
2,936
Reviews:
3
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Neue Richtung (A New Direction)
For Notes and disclamers see Ch 1-3
A/N I\'m in the process of moving into a new house, so due to lack of time, CH 5 and 6 (which
are in mixed POV) are still sitting on my hardrive. Those chapters are longer and start to
get get more into the heart of the story. I\'ve been trying to keep the \'set-up\' chapters short
so they don\'t drag on. Any questions, comments or help are appreciated! : )
Ch4 Neue Richtung (A New Direction)
The first school week was drawing to a close and Harry thought he had never had so much homework. It had taken him the better part of two hours to finish Transfiguration, and he had yet to start on his Charms essay. God only knew what Snape would dump on them tomorrow in double Potions.
Harry’s stomach had done a filp-flop when he got his schedule and saw that he would indeed be taking Advanced Potions. It was rumored Snape would accept no sixth year student who had not achieved an E Level O.W.L.. If true, Harry thought Dumbledore must have intervened on his and Ron’s behalf (they had both received an Outstanding), knowing they would never be accepted into the Auror program without Advanced Potions.
Harry didn’t need Trelawney’s crystal ball to know that Snape would have not only taken great pleasure in denying him the course, but he was going to be more caustic than ever at having had that pleasure denied him by the Headmaster. It wasn’t hard to guess who would, once again, have to bear the brunt of the Potion Master’s venom.
Harry sighed and pushed back the emotions that threatened to crawl up and swallow him. He dropped his quill and leaned back in his chair arching his shoulders and stretching his legs under the table. As he felt the tension slowly leave his body he glanced around the library. It was much less crowded than the last time he looked up from his work, the scratching of quills and shuffling of paper had receeded greatly. Ron was still intently bent over what appeared to be his Astronomy homework. Harry stood up quietly and intercepted Hermione who was walking back from the stacks.
“Hey, Hermione,” he whispered. “Can you give me a shove in the right direction? I need something on meditation….and I think….something about Occlumency.”
“Sure Harry.” she nodded in an approving manner.
“There are some extensive volumes here.” She motioned for him to follow. “I’m sure Professor Dumbledore would give you permission to check out anything else you need from the restricted section.”
They wandered through towering shelves, until they reached a seculded section of the stacks way in the back of the library that Harry had never visited. The silence was eerie and Harry had the odd sensation that the books were marking their passage.
“Have you started your lessons up again?” Hermione whispered looking nervously around. “Or…Oh God Harry, you-know-who isn’t sending you visions again….”
“No more than the usual Hermione.” Harry smiled at her horrified look, but didn’t try to qualify his answer further. He was fully aware that what was normal for him was.…..well…not normal.
“No one has talked to me about starting Occlumency again, but…erm….try not to be too shocked, okay?” He glanced at her sideways, somewhat embarrased at what he was about to say. “I…..er…just gave what Snape said last year a lot of thought over the summer and decided he was right about my lack of effort.”
Hermione didn’t look fazed at all, she actually nodded in understanding. “He really is a git, especially toward you, but if Dumbledore made him teach you, then only because his instruction is valuable. That you’ve been able to absorb the importance of his lessons, despite his attitude toward you, is a great sign of maturity Harry.”
“Yeah, well, he made good points about controlling my emotions and the need to practice guarding my thoughts……” He shrugged and turned to look at the volumes on the shelf. This far back in the stacks there was a heavier scent of age and disuse that made the air unpleasant to breathe. He was quite sure the books in this section were not frequently disturbed. “I should have taken it all more seriously,” he said quietly.
This was the closest Harry had come to touching on the subject of the last school year. Hermione hoped it was a good sign.
“Well, no time like the present,” she said energetically as she glanced over the shelves with an expert eye. Without hesitation she pulled down ‘Magical Meditation for the Beginner’, ‘The Wizard’s Soul’, and ‘Understanding Occlumency’, placing them on an empty stretch of shelf between them. “Those should give you a good start. You’ll also need to find a quiet place to meditate, at least once a day.” Hermione frowned slightly and began to shake off a light layer of dust that now clung to her robe sleeve. “A relaxing atmosphere will make it easier in the beginning. I use the Arboretum on the first floor, it’s usually empty before dinner and early morning.”
Harry gaped. “You meditate every day? I had no idea…”
“It’s not a disease Harry,” she sounded a bit waspish. “Any well trained witch or wizard should learn to intergrate it into their life. For those of us who were raised in muggle famlies, meditation is a priceless tool.”
“I didn’t mean to knock it Hermione, I was just surprised, that’s all,” he gave her an inqusitive look. “Why is it more important for kids raised like us?”
“Children from magical famlies are born and raised with magic humming all around them. We have to learn everything they take for granted,” Hermione said in an oddly suppressed tone. “It’s just something we have to work harder at, and meditation helps to focus the mind and facillitate the magic.”
“Oh,” Harry said. “I never really thought about it before.”
“Well, you should,” she replied. “Meditation will help you to not only be more in touch with your magic, but it will also help you to controll it.”
Harry nodded. “Well, It sounds rational to me Hermione. If it’s so useful though, I don’t understand why it’s not taught here, I mean, until last year no one ever even mentioned it to me.”
Hermione shrugged and cast a quick glance around to be sure they were still alone. “Languages are also an integral part of Magical Education, but we don’t have extra classes for those either,” she lowered her voice, as though afraid she might be caught in the act of blasphamy. “The system here is prejudiced toward children from magical families, Harry. It’s not intentional I’m sure, but that doesn’t change the fact that children from muggle families have an inherent disadvantage. We know nothing but the muggle world during the most influential years of our lives. During those important developmental years, children from Wizarding famlies have been absorbing the entire specturm of sights, sounds, tastes, languages and culture of the Wizarding World. Muggle born children get their Hogwarts letters and are just thrown into the fray. We are totally ignorant about what will be waiting for us behind the Castle doors, not to mention day to day Wizarding life.” Hermione shook her head slightly and muttered: “eleven wasted years.”
Harry was taken back at the sudden bitter tone in her voice. “Hermione, why haven’t you talked to me about this before? All of what you said is true, I just don’t understand why none of this has been mentioned before.” Harry leaned against the bookshelf and began to massage his brow. He felt a headache coming on, and it had nothing to do with Voldemort.
“Harry, I just assumed that….well considering who you are…..” Hermione moved closer, studying his face carefully. “Hasn’t the Headmaster been giving you special instruction?”
“No.” Definitely a headache Harry thought as he watched Hermione’s mouth fall softly open in surprise. “Nothing except that disasterous attempt at Occlumency last year.”
“I’m sorry Harry, but Ron and I always thought that you were getting private lessons from the Headmaster, and that you just weren’t allowed to tell us about it.” Hermione actually blushed at Harry’s incredulous look. “Well, I guess that’s the only thing that made sense to me, and I suppose I just wanted it to be true.”
“Why would you want it to be true, why would that make sense?” Harry was totally confused. There was an such an intense look on her face that he knew she was weighing her words carefully, and he was suddenly afraid to hear what she would say.
“You’re. Harry. Potter. The hope of the wizarding world. How does it make any sense that you were left in the dark until you came to Hogwarts? How does it make any sense that you have not been prepared, for the place you have held in the wizarding world, since defeating Voldemort as a baby? How does it make any sense that you are being left to go through Hogwarts like every other ‘typical’ wizard—with no one attempting to teach you how to fully utilize the potential of your power? My God Harry, Voldemort keeps going after you and your training here remains unchanged…” Hermione’s heavy whisper broke off suddenly and she reached out and touched Harry’s hand. “I’m sorry, I can see I’m upsetting you, but it just doesn’t add up for me Harry—it’s just not logical and I don’t understand the decisions that have been made with regard to you,” she groaned at the distressed look on Harry’s face and gave his hand a squeeze. “I’m really, really, sorry. Stupid of me actually, to talk about this here. And you’re right, I should have talked to you about my feelings sooner.”
“No,” Harry let go of Hermione’s hand and rubbed his tired eyes, with the futile hope that it would help his headache. “It’s okay, I’ve been having wn….wn….misgivings lately as well, and as for talking to me sooner……well I haven’t exactly been too logical or approachable myself during the last year, have I?” Harry shook his head and began to pick up the chosen volumes from the shelf. “But you’re right, we shouldn’t continue this conversation here.”
“Right then,” Hermione said a bit sheepishly as she pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “I think those books will give you a good, solid start. Why don’t you go check them out and meet me back at the table? Ron will be wondering where we’ve gotten off to.”
As Harry followed Hermione back to the front of the library, his thoughts were in turmoil. What was actually going on in that curly head of hers? If Hermione Granger, the smartest, most logical person he had ever known, was having doubts about how he was being mentored—and let’s be clear here, since Dumbledore had always been the one calling the shots where Harry wascgncerned, it was him she was doubting—he was in more trouble than even he had imagined:
A/N I\'m in the process of moving into a new house, so due to lack of time, CH 5 and 6 (which
are in mixed POV) are still sitting on my hardrive. Those chapters are longer and start to
get get more into the heart of the story. I\'ve been trying to keep the \'set-up\' chapters short
so they don\'t drag on. Any questions, comments or help are appreciated! : )
Ch4 Neue Richtung (A New Direction)
The first school week was drawing to a close and Harry thought he had never had so much homework. It had taken him the better part of two hours to finish Transfiguration, and he had yet to start on his Charms essay. God only knew what Snape would dump on them tomorrow in double Potions.
Harry’s stomach had done a filp-flop when he got his schedule and saw that he would indeed be taking Advanced Potions. It was rumored Snape would accept no sixth year student who had not achieved an E Level O.W.L.. If true, Harry thought Dumbledore must have intervened on his and Ron’s behalf (they had both received an Outstanding), knowing they would never be accepted into the Auror program without Advanced Potions.
Harry didn’t need Trelawney’s crystal ball to know that Snape would have not only taken great pleasure in denying him the course, but he was going to be more caustic than ever at having had that pleasure denied him by the Headmaster. It wasn’t hard to guess who would, once again, have to bear the brunt of the Potion Master’s venom.
Harry sighed and pushed back the emotions that threatened to crawl up and swallow him. He dropped his quill and leaned back in his chair arching his shoulders and stretching his legs under the table. As he felt the tension slowly leave his body he glanced around the library. It was much less crowded than the last time he looked up from his work, the scratching of quills and shuffling of paper had receeded greatly. Ron was still intently bent over what appeared to be his Astronomy homework. Harry stood up quietly and intercepted Hermione who was walking back from the stacks.
“Hey, Hermione,” he whispered. “Can you give me a shove in the right direction? I need something on meditation….and I think….something about Occlumency.”
“Sure Harry.” she nodded in an approving manner.
“There are some extensive volumes here.” She motioned for him to follow. “I’m sure Professor Dumbledore would give you permission to check out anything else you need from the restricted section.”
They wandered through towering shelves, until they reached a seculded section of the stacks way in the back of the library that Harry had never visited. The silence was eerie and Harry had the odd sensation that the books were marking their passage.
“Have you started your lessons up again?” Hermione whispered looking nervously around. “Or…Oh God Harry, you-know-who isn’t sending you visions again….”
“No more than the usual Hermione.” Harry smiled at her horrified look, but didn’t try to qualify his answer further. He was fully aware that what was normal for him was.…..well…not normal.
“No one has talked to me about starting Occlumency again, but…erm….try not to be too shocked, okay?” He glanced at her sideways, somewhat embarrased at what he was about to say. “I…..er…just gave what Snape said last year a lot of thought over the summer and decided he was right about my lack of effort.”
Hermione didn’t look fazed at all, she actually nodded in understanding. “He really is a git, especially toward you, but if Dumbledore made him teach you, then only because his instruction is valuable. That you’ve been able to absorb the importance of his lessons, despite his attitude toward you, is a great sign of maturity Harry.”
“Yeah, well, he made good points about controlling my emotions and the need to practice guarding my thoughts……” He shrugged and turned to look at the volumes on the shelf. This far back in the stacks there was a heavier scent of age and disuse that made the air unpleasant to breathe. He was quite sure the books in this section were not frequently disturbed. “I should have taken it all more seriously,” he said quietly.
This was the closest Harry had come to touching on the subject of the last school year. Hermione hoped it was a good sign.
“Well, no time like the present,” she said energetically as she glanced over the shelves with an expert eye. Without hesitation she pulled down ‘Magical Meditation for the Beginner’, ‘The Wizard’s Soul’, and ‘Understanding Occlumency’, placing them on an empty stretch of shelf between them. “Those should give you a good start. You’ll also need to find a quiet place to meditate, at least once a day.” Hermione frowned slightly and began to shake off a light layer of dust that now clung to her robe sleeve. “A relaxing atmosphere will make it easier in the beginning. I use the Arboretum on the first floor, it’s usually empty before dinner and early morning.”
Harry gaped. “You meditate every day? I had no idea…”
“It’s not a disease Harry,” she sounded a bit waspish. “Any well trained witch or wizard should learn to intergrate it into their life. For those of us who were raised in muggle famlies, meditation is a priceless tool.”
“I didn’t mean to knock it Hermione, I was just surprised, that’s all,” he gave her an inqusitive look. “Why is it more important for kids raised like us?”
“Children from magical famlies are born and raised with magic humming all around them. We have to learn everything they take for granted,” Hermione said in an oddly suppressed tone. “It’s just something we have to work harder at, and meditation helps to focus the mind and facillitate the magic.”
“Oh,” Harry said. “I never really thought about it before.”
“Well, you should,” she replied. “Meditation will help you to not only be more in touch with your magic, but it will also help you to controll it.”
Harry nodded. “Well, It sounds rational to me Hermione. If it’s so useful though, I don’t understand why it’s not taught here, I mean, until last year no one ever even mentioned it to me.”
Hermione shrugged and cast a quick glance around to be sure they were still alone. “Languages are also an integral part of Magical Education, but we don’t have extra classes for those either,” she lowered her voice, as though afraid she might be caught in the act of blasphamy. “The system here is prejudiced toward children from magical families, Harry. It’s not intentional I’m sure, but that doesn’t change the fact that children from muggle families have an inherent disadvantage. We know nothing but the muggle world during the most influential years of our lives. During those important developmental years, children from Wizarding famlies have been absorbing the entire specturm of sights, sounds, tastes, languages and culture of the Wizarding World. Muggle born children get their Hogwarts letters and are just thrown into the fray. We are totally ignorant about what will be waiting for us behind the Castle doors, not to mention day to day Wizarding life.” Hermione shook her head slightly and muttered: “eleven wasted years.”
Harry was taken back at the sudden bitter tone in her voice. “Hermione, why haven’t you talked to me about this before? All of what you said is true, I just don’t understand why none of this has been mentioned before.” Harry leaned against the bookshelf and began to massage his brow. He felt a headache coming on, and it had nothing to do with Voldemort.
“Harry, I just assumed that….well considering who you are…..” Hermione moved closer, studying his face carefully. “Hasn’t the Headmaster been giving you special instruction?”
“No.” Definitely a headache Harry thought as he watched Hermione’s mouth fall softly open in surprise. “Nothing except that disasterous attempt at Occlumency last year.”
“I’m sorry Harry, but Ron and I always thought that you were getting private lessons from the Headmaster, and that you just weren’t allowed to tell us about it.” Hermione actually blushed at Harry’s incredulous look. “Well, I guess that’s the only thing that made sense to me, and I suppose I just wanted it to be true.”
“Why would you want it to be true, why would that make sense?” Harry was totally confused. There was an such an intense look on her face that he knew she was weighing her words carefully, and he was suddenly afraid to hear what she would say.
“You’re. Harry. Potter. The hope of the wizarding world. How does it make any sense that you were left in the dark until you came to Hogwarts? How does it make any sense that you have not been prepared, for the place you have held in the wizarding world, since defeating Voldemort as a baby? How does it make any sense that you are being left to go through Hogwarts like every other ‘typical’ wizard—with no one attempting to teach you how to fully utilize the potential of your power? My God Harry, Voldemort keeps going after you and your training here remains unchanged…” Hermione’s heavy whisper broke off suddenly and she reached out and touched Harry’s hand. “I’m sorry, I can see I’m upsetting you, but it just doesn’t add up for me Harry—it’s just not logical and I don’t understand the decisions that have been made with regard to you,” she groaned at the distressed look on Harry’s face and gave his hand a squeeze. “I’m really, really, sorry. Stupid of me actually, to talk about this here. And you’re right, I should have talked to you about my feelings sooner.”
“No,” Harry let go of Hermione’s hand and rubbed his tired eyes, with the futile hope that it would help his headache. “It’s okay, I’ve been having wn….wn….misgivings lately as well, and as for talking to me sooner……well I haven’t exactly been too logical or approachable myself during the last year, have I?” Harry shook his head and began to pick up the chosen volumes from the shelf. “But you’re right, we shouldn’t continue this conversation here.”
“Right then,” Hermione said a bit sheepishly as she pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “I think those books will give you a good, solid start. Why don’t you go check them out and meet me back at the table? Ron will be wondering where we’ve gotten off to.”
As Harry followed Hermione back to the front of the library, his thoughts were in turmoil. What was actually going on in that curly head of hers? If Hermione Granger, the smartest, most logical person he had ever known, was having doubts about how he was being mentored—and let’s be clear here, since Dumbledore had always been the one calling the shots where Harry wascgncerned, it was him she was doubting—he was in more trouble than even he had imagined: