What Good is a Heart

Two Months Later: The Wedding.

When Hermione was seven years old, she imagined that a dashing young prince would rescue her from the evil dragon that locked her in wer wer and sweep her off her feet, carrying her into the sunset as they rode on a beautiful white stallion.

When Hermione was thirteen, she dreamt that her wedding would be held in a large church packed with all her friends and families, as she wore a beautiful white wedding gown with a flowing skirt and a long floral train like a princess, walking towards tove ove of her life.

When Hermione was eighteen, she was standing inside a very large church with the organ music resonating against the white marble walls in a beautiful white wedding gown that had a high laced collar and long-sleeved laced bodice wrapping conservatively around her slender figure. Her hair was ornately tied in a chignon interlaced with white lilies and a long white veil draped onto the floor where it met the shiny satin floral train trailing far behind her. The church was bustling with her friends and relatives, and the Weasley male siblings were standing happily in the other end of their hall in their best suits, recently discovered in their great-grandparents’ trunks in the attic at the Burrow. The summer sun seeped its way into the church through the rose window, giving the inside of the church a tinted glowing pinkish hue as if it was a magical wedding blessed with happiness by all the fairies and angels from heaven. It should have been the happiest day of her life, the long-awaited wedding of her dreams. As Ginny grabbed her arm and led her to the walkway leading towards the altar, Hermione looked up and saw fiery red hair and bright blue eyes smiling at her from across the distance. Hermione was his virgin princess, pure and virtuous as she was led towards him. Except she was not a virgin. In fact, she was anything but pure and virtuous. Her heart was calling out to be corrupted and violated again and again, as the sins within her were slowly burning her alive. And though the dashing young prince had come to rescue the princess, she had fallen in love with the dragon.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…”

As the wizard priest began to declare the wedding vows, Hermione thought she was going to faint any time soon as she was being led slowly down the carpet walkway leading towards the altar. She was hot and sticky inside her laced bodice, irritated with an itch she wanted to scratch but couldn’t. As she moved, the lace would rub against her soft skin which was now red, sensitive and itching under the summer heat in the crowded church. The organ music was too loud, giving her an intense, pounding headache as she walked passed the rows of guests. Her eyes swept quickly through the room looking for the familiar glow of platinum blonde hair she wanted and hated to see at the same time. Hermione felt nauseous as she stepped up in front of the altar with all her insides twig ang and turning, as she forged a smile beneath her veil. She looked up to see the blinding stream of sun rays shining through the glass ceiling of the church onto the altar and she longed for her salvation.

“Are you nervous?” Ginny, her bridesmaid, asked as she leant closer to whisper to her friend, seeing how uneasy Hermione looked.

“No, Ginny, I’m just --” Hermione paused to take a deep sigh and looked askance over to Ron who was fidgeting with the edge of his black blazer. “Have you ever wondered if you’re making the right choice?”

Ginny looked at her with wide opened eyes then smiled sweetly as she placed a warm hand over Hermione’s arms reassuringly.

“Hermione, trust me,” Ginny whispered as she leant forward and whispered, her gentle lips brushing against Hermione’s, “Y, “You’re the luckiest girl in the world.”

Hermione stepped upwards before the altar where Ron waited for her, facing the priest before them. But she did not turn to look at him. She could not bear to look at his face and see the happiness in his eyes. She felt as though she was in a whirlpool that was quickly plunging her to her death, and there was no escape. The high laced collar of her wedding gown seemed to suffocate her.

“Should there be anyone here today that has just cause as to why this couple should not marry …” the priest began his ceremony.

Hermione felt unbearably hot as her heart palpitated madly within her, racing with the pounding headache. She could feel every drop of hot sweat oozing through her laced bodice from her sweating sticky arms. Her heart beat even faster and louder as the audience simmered down to absolute silence.

“…Speak now or forever hold their peace.”

Silence.

The church was so still she heard the faint creaking of the wooden benches in the back row when a guest shifted his weight.

But she could not hear his voice. She could not hear his footsteps.

He had not come.

Why should he come?

And Hermione felt this great pang of pain pierce through her heart, as if ripping her painfully piece by piece, until there was nothing left to tear apart.

{What good is a heart, if you’re not gonna use it?}

“Ronald Weasley,” the wizard priest continued in his firm voice as he turned to look at Ron, “do you take Hermione Granger to be your wife?”

Ron looked at her and took her hand, replying steadily, “I do.”

She looked back at him, unwavering in her gaze as her heart beat faster. She had never seen how deep blue his eyes actually were, like the color of the deep ocean from a cliff on a clear afternoon.

“Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect her, forsaking all others and holding only unto her?”

“I do.” For a brief second, Hermione thought she saw him look beyond her eyes and through her.

“Hermione Granger,” the ceremonial wedding vows continued as she turned to look at the priest, “do you take Ronald Weasley to be your husband?”

She did not look at the groom but kept her eyes on the ornate priest before her, as her throat felt unusually dry. Say it! Say it! Just say it!

“I do.” Her voice was unsurprisingly calm, even cold, although her heart was aching with unimaginable pain.

“Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect him, forsaking all others and holding only unto him?”

Her mind suddenly drifted off to him. Hermione turned red as she remembered how she screwed her face in exquisite pain and pleasure when he had thrust hard and fast into her…How he kissed her neck and sucked out all the blood in them until she was powerless to his whims…How she moaned out his name again and again when their bodies released their desire onto one another…

Hermione found her heart becoming heavier, as if with regret, rapidly sinking into the floor, as someone chainer eer every movement. She envied the little sparrow that flew past the glass ceiling, casting its shadow onto the marble floor across the hall.


“I do,” she finally replied as her heart skipped a beat at her very own words.

Her hand felt uncomfortably hot and sticky against Ron’s sweating palm.

“I, Ronald Weasley,” the groom began to profess, “take thee, Hermione Granger, to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health…”

Why dddindding ceremonies take such a long time? Hermione found herself suddenly thinking in irritation as the heat got to her. She wondered how everyone would react if she suddenly threw her veil in the air and ran through the church door, never looking back. But she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t do it to her parents. She couldn’t do it to Ron. Of course, she couldn’t do it…And she fought hard to stop her tears from flowing out into the world with the unspeakable sorrows she carried alone.

“…For richer and poorer,” Ron continued, “…And I promise to love you forever.”

And she knew right then that she loved him.

She could no longer fight the tears as they gathered beneath her eyes, hidden from the world. All that separated her from doing what is right and doing what her heart cried out for was a thin layer of translucent white chiffon veil.

“I, Hermione Granger, take thee, Ronald Weasley, to be my wedded husband,” reperepeated, her voice sounding so cold and foreign to her, as if watching someone else’s wedding. Tears amassed heavily under her eyes until she could no longer hold them there, and they began to trickle slowly down her face, the pain in her heart so excruciating as if strangling her at that very moment, as her lips continued to profess words of undying devotion for another. “…To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, and I promise to love you forever…”

She had crossed the bridge of no return and carried with her a baggage full of painful memories.

The priest stepped forward towards them and placed his hand over both their hands. He was so close to her she wondered if he saw the sins beneath her veil.

“I now declare you to be husband and wife,” the priest announced. “Congratulations! You may now kiss your bride.”

Ron bent down to flip over her veil and kissed her, and his lips pressed tenderly against her, prying them open gently with his tongue. Hermione had never known a greater sadness than the one that was drowning her now. She closed her eyes and let the cool wind blowing through the church sweep out the tears that carried her sadness. But the cool wind that reached her seemed to turn instantly hot as if scorched by the hidden aching desire burning within her. With her lips locked in a passionate kiss with Ron, Hermione stopped believing in miracles at that point.

“Weasley, I believe you’ve got the wrong girl!”

As always, Draco Malfoy made a grand entrance in his long black coat and his platinum blonde hair neatly combed back, as the church door that had been suddenly swung open slammed shut loudly against the terrified shock of gue guests.

It had snowed in summer that year after all.

{What good is your love, if you’re too scared to choose it?}

“What are you doing here, Malfoy?” Ron asked furiously, breaking their kiss, agitated that their wedding had been rudely interrupted by an uninvited enemy.

“Just paying some old high school friends a visit,” Draco answered smugly as he took a leisurely stroll down the aisle towards them. “…And to make a few minor corrections.”

“There’s a reason why you’re not invited!” Ron yelled back angrily. “For once in your life, why don’t you do the right thing?”

“Actually, Weasley, you stole the words right out of my mouth,” he replied cockily as he approached them.

“What are you talking about?” Ron asked loudly, as his face turned as red as his hair from all the anger rushing through his veins.

The whole church sat in silence, literally shocked and frozen at the intrusion. Hermione was iffeifferent when she saw the painfully familiar dashing blonde walking towards her with his smirk across his face. She quickly turned her back against him, her heart pounding madly with the sound of his footsteps walking closer towards the altar. Panic swept through her as her eyes searched frantically for an answer, finally ending their gaze at the stream of sunlight streaking over her. She had never felt this nervous or this scared before. And for the first time in her life, she wished harm upon others as she prayed for an earthquake at that moment which would send everyone in the church plunging to their doom.

“I just want to inform you, Weasley,” Draco continued in his nonchalant seductive voice, “…Since it’s obvious that you’re too ignorant to notice, that that’s my girlfriend you’re attempting to marry.” Somebody had suddenly shot her straight through the heart when his words ended.

“What the fuck are you saying?” Ron cried out, raising the tone of his voice. “I always knew you to be stupid, but not blind, Malfoy! Everyone knows I’ve been going steady with Hermione for the past two years.”

Draco laughed so loudly the entire church seemed to shake with the echoes of his laughter.

“I don’t really I think I should be telling you this, but…“ Draco drawled arrogantly as he walked closer towards the altar, although she kept her back towards him, shuddering with each step he took closing the distance between them. “I don’t think I’m the blind one here.”

Hermione felt her cheeks flush suddenly with the heat rapidly rising within her as she held her breath.

“YOU INFURIATING GIT!” Ron screamed furiously as he pounced ontaco aco and pulled him by the collar.

“Ron, don’t!” Harry interrupted, stepping in to hold Ron’s arms which were now strategically placed in front of Draco’s calm and perfect features. “What do you want, Malfoy? I don’t think today is a good day for any of your antics.”

“I just want what’s mine, Potter,” Draco spat back sternly, brushing Ron’s arm away from his face. “So stay out of it, if you’re smart enough!”

“Why do you keep on ruining someone else’s happiness, Malfoy?” Harry asked as he stretched his arms across Ron to prevent his furious best friend from attacking the Malfoy heir. “Is it because you have a serious complex?”

Draco raised one eyebrow and let out a series of cynical laughter.

“I am surrounded by fools!” He declared exasperatedly as he pushed Harry aside, turning to Ron. “Weasley, you should really get out of this habit of using other people’s hand-me-downs!”

“Take that back!” Ron screamed madly, jumping furiously onto Draco so that the two men were punching the blood out each other on the altar steps. Ron exploded as he threw a series of punch after punch towards Draco, who adeptly avoided each and every one of them. “How dare you say that to her! Who do you think you are?”

“Someone who deserves her more than you!” He shouted back so loud the walls of the church seemed to reverberate with his force, as he pinned Ron down on the floor with one quick powerful whip of his arm and pressed his weight hard to lock Ron under him.

From the floor, Ron was panting loudly with a thin trail of blood seeping on his face, staring hatefully back at Draco who pushed himself off Ron and wiped the sweat from his face with his arm, his platinum blonde hair now disheveled and dripping with sweat.

“What’s this all about?” Arthur Weasley asked in annoyance with the sound of his own angry footsteps thumping loudly towards them.

“Why don’t you ask her?” Draco asked back in his firm voice, as he spun Hermione around to face him, her own heart beating fast with his force. When his steely grey eyes locked against hers again, which were now blurred with messy trails of tears streaming down her face, Hermione realized that she had never wanted anything so much before.

{If your heart is beating, then it\'s for a reason}

“Malfoy, let go of her!” Harry shouted protectively, sweat beading madly under his brows. “Please don’t ruin this big day for her and for everyone else.”

“Oh yes, Potter the savior, Potter the hero,” Draco mocked as he pulled Hermione into his embrace so that her back was pressed hard against his chest and her tear-strained face stared out into the rows of guests who gasped out in horror, many of whom had got up from their seats and were rushing to the front of the church towards them.

“…Will Potter save the day again?” Draco asked sarcastically as he breathlessly whispered into her ears, bringing his strong firm hands up to ravish her breasts which remembered his touch so well. The warmth of his breathe and his lips as they caressed her ears sent warm shivers all throughout her body, hardening her breasts under his tight grasps, as he brutally grounded them with his hands, squeezing them at their tips so that her hidden desire were now awakened as if oozing out of her erected nipples. As his hot lips moved down her neck, her eyes closed in exquisite pleasure her friends had never seen before, twisting her neck to allow him better access, the heat inside her quickly spread like molten lava that just erupted. Draco kept his eyes cold as he looked smugly at Ron and Harry and many of the audience now watching agape, his fingers continuing to move savagely against all her tender curves.

“LET HER GO NOW!” Ron screamed out, drawing out his wand and pointing it hatefully directly at Draco’s face. “If you don’t let her go, I’m going to send you to Azkaban!”

“Drop your wand, Weasley,” Draco answered keeping his cold gaze out towards his audience, moving his lips lower and lower down her arching neck as his fingers traced the curves of her hard breasts which were now dying to explode under her tight laced bodice. “…And save it for something useful like satisfying your girlfriend.”

“I never thought a Malfoy would stoop as low as stealing other people’s wives,” Ron commented, raising his voice angrily, the wand trembling in his angry hand. “What do you really want? Voldemort needs a Mudblood to mother his heir this time?”

Draco raised one eyebrow mockingly.

“Really, Weasley, such vulgarity! I would never have expected that from you,” Draco retorted as he moved one hand slowly down Hermione’s slender curves. She almost died of the excruciating shame of turning red in front her friends and families, of falling weak in the arms of her known hated nemesis when, at the same time, her entire body was quivering with his every touch.

“Let her go, Malfoy!” Harry called out, stepping in to help his best friend. “She doesn’t want you touching her.”

“How do you know what she wants?” Draco snapped back. “Do you know who she is?”

“Yes!” Ron answered unhesitatingly.

“Do you know who she really is?” Draco repeated as he stopped for a moment to look at the crowd of shocked faces re hre him. “I do.”

And the entire room watched helplessly as he kissed her ravenously. He pulled the veil from her hair and threw it furiously behind, as his tongue thrust deep and hard into her warmth, his hands ripping away at the collar of her laced bodice so that the tear revealed the cleavage of her hard firm breasts hidden beneath. His lips moved furiously against hers, sucking every drop of sweetness that emanated from her, as a soft moan escaped from the back of her throat and she closed her eyes against the world, opening them only to the fiery sin burning on her lips. Hermione felt every curve in her body whimpered under his hard touch, as if she was a molten iron waiting to be cast by the firm strong hands of her master. She opened her legs slightly under her full skirt to allow some air to come between hegs ags and the dripping hot wetness that was blazing between them. Only he can light her heart her on fire, burning her painfully on the spot. Yet she had never felt more alive.

{If you’re not even willing to start, what good is a heart?}

“Draco…” she moaned his name breathlessly on him, as he arched her back and pressed his lips further against her. “…Let me go, please,” she pleaded in his arms.

He dropped her at her words and she stepped back away from him to catch her breath. Ron and Harry were still in shock upon hearing his name escaped from her lips.

“I’m a married woman now,” she continued, covering her ripped dress with her arms across her chest, “…So please respect t”
”

“You don’t love him!” Draco called out angrily across the distance to her.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your concern, Malfoy!” Ron shouted loudly, stepping up towards them.

“Shut up, Weasley!” Draco yelled back, turning around to look hatefully at Ron. “I’m doing you a favor. Why would you want to marry a girl who’s been lying to you?”

“What are you saying?” Ron asked, feeling his blood boiling just beneath the surface of his skin now.

“Why don’t you tell him, Granger?” Draco directed the inevitable question towards her.

The walls of the church began to spin as if she was losing conscious. Except she wasn’t that fortunate. Draco’s words replayed in her mind, ringing like the resonating church bell that should have happily announced their marriage to the world. The church was silent as if waiting for her response. And she took a deep breathe.

“Ron…” she called out softly, turning to face him with melancholic eyes. “…I’m sorry,” she finally said with a soft sigh. It was like someone had suddenly ripped her heart from her body and at the same time she felt strangely released.

“Why are you sorry?” Ron asked, stepping up to grab her wrist fiercely as he pulled her towards him.

“Because – ” She hesitated to search for the right words. “Because it’s true.”

“What’s true?” Ron asked her, his eyes widening with rage.

“He’s right,” Hermione continued then paused to take a deep breath. “I lied to you, Ron. I lied to everyone.”

The whole church seemed to erupt in a series of gasp and loud chatters despite the sudden unbearable silence between them. Hermione bit her own lips as hard as she cou If If only the stinging pain on her lips would take away the pain in her heart.

“If you could turn back time, would you do it again?” Ron asked, keeping his intense gaze towards her, fighting hard to stop his voice from breaking with the great rage trembling through his veins at that moment.

Hermione turned to look at Draco and her heart still skipped a beat.

“Yes.”

“Hermione, you can’t let him play you for a fool like this!” Ron protested as he shook her, choking to keep his own tears down. “I don’t care what he’s done to you. I’m not going to sit still and watch you make the biggest mistake of your life!”

Tears streamed down Hermione’s face when she could no longer hold them back.

“You will be the biggest mistake of her life, Weasley!” Draco added angrily.

“Stop it, Malfoy!” She screamed back at him. “I don’t need your comments! It’s too late now! You had your chance and you missed it. I told you before I don’t want ee yee you ever again!”

“You can’t live without me!” Draco cried out to her.

“Why? Why are you telling me this now?” Hermione yelled hysterically back at him, tears rushing down her face.

“I had an epiphany,” he answered her.

“What? You expect me to believe that one day Draco Malfoy woke up and decided to forgo his rights as the Malfoy heir to join Dumbledore’s crusade against Voldemort?”

“I never planned it! I never planned any of this! But I do know one thing… I’m not going to let you walk out of my life for anyone!” Draco proclaimed loudly, not caring hoeryoeryone was reacting, sweat beading intensely on faceface as he kept his gaze intensely at her.

“You just don’t want to lose me to Ron!” Hermione cried back exasperatedly. It was as if time had stood still and entire congregation seemed to have faded into darkness. Even Ron was paralyzed with all the anger and shock.

“I don’t want to be scared anymore!” Draco shouted vehemently with such intense determination she has never seen in his eyes before.

“Are you saying you’re willing to give up everything for me?” Hermione screamed back so loud that her voice broke with the tears that never seemed to end.

“No! I don’t know what I’m saying!” He answered her forcefully, stepping up towards her. “I don’t know how it’s going to be! I don’t know what tomorrow will bring! And I don’t really care! Because right now...you’re everything to me!”

“Nothing you say will change anything now!” Hermione screamed out, the pain inside her so unbearable as if strangling her alive. The uncontrollable tears that flowed out of her were like tainted blood on her beautiful white wedding gown.

“Hermione, I love you.”

{Come on, babe, you know it, girl
Anyone who looks can see that I\'m right}

“HOW DARE YOU!” Ron shouted furiously as he jumped on Draco and pulled him to the floor, hitting him madly with all his force with such hatred in his eyes. The volcano in Ron had erupted as he hardened his fists, bit his lower lips and threw punch after punch at Draco who was wrestling to free himself from Ron’s grasp.

“Ron!” Ginny called out as she ran noisily through the crowd. Hermione had opened her mouth but Ginny’s voice had been faster.

“Get off me, you filth!” Draco protested, shoving his hands into Ron’s face to push him off, as he tried to use his force to overthrow Ron to the ground.

“Don’t ever…” Ron called out as he punched Draco straight in the face, “…ever…” he punched Draco again as his own face turn bright red with all the hot blood shooting inside of him, “…ever…” he punched again, as hard as he could, sweat glistening bright on Ron’s hot face dripping all over Draco, “…come near Hermione again!”

“Ron, stop!” Hermione called out, panting breathlessly as she rushed down the steps by the altar towards the two vicious men fighting over her.

“Why, Hermione? Why do you go on protecting this asshole?” Ron asked as he lifted himself to look at her, thin pools of tears gathering under his red eyes. “Why?”

Hermione’s heart was beating so fast she thought she would explode any minute. She was clutching onto her chest, covering the rip through her dress with her arm. She could feel every movement of the bare flesh of her breast heaving, pressed against her hot sweating arm. Why, Hermione? Why? His words resounded in her madly like a ba dru drum that warned of an impending enemy troop.

“I said get off me, you git!” Draco repeated, gritting his teeth angrily as he elbowed Ron from under his chin. Ron’s jaw turned bright red as he felt the impact of Draco’s elbow against him.

“Shut up!” Ron called out loudly, pulling Draco buy the collar so forcefully so that red chafed marks appeared on Draco’s flawless skin. Ron’s eyes were as red as all the fiery blood that shot through them.

Why? Hermione thought as she stood motionless, watching the chaotic brawl in front of her, unable to move as if someone had performed a paralyzing spell on her.

“You can’t make me!” Draco yelled back breathlessly as he brought his knee up to kick Ron powerfully on his stomach.

Ron released a loud groan as he felt the strong force of the kick in his stomach choking. He flew backwards knocking himself on the wall with the sound of the velvet wedding ring box that had fallen out of his suit pocket crashing on to the floor beneath. The velvet box swung open with the loud sound of the golden ring rolling on the hard marble floor, echoing in the silence as everyone watched the ring rolled off until its final flat vibration against the cold hard floor.

Hermione watched the golden ring that should have been on her finger lie motionless against the white marble floor.

Why, Hermione?

“If you have enough decency, Malfoy, which I believe you actually do, then this would be an appropriate time to leave,” Harry said sternly, stepping in front of Draco who was lying messily on the floor. Harry gripped his wand tightly with fierce determination, pointing the wand straight at Draco’s steely grey eyes.

Draco watched Ron got up breathlessly to pick up his wedding ring lying on the floor.

“Have you ever been in love, Potter?” Draco asked as he turned back to face Harry and he got up from the floor, not caring that a wand was pointed a breath away from his face, dusting the dust off his long black coat.

“What kind of a question is that?” Harry asked, taken aback slightly as he raised his wand higher to follow Draco’s eyes as Draco now stood tall and graceful before him.

“Have you ever been so in love that nothing else matters anymore?” Draco continued asking as he took a dauntless step towards Hermione, brushing Harry’s wands aside and disregarding the fact that it was pointing at his head as he walked.

Draco’s determined silver grey eyes locked against her limpid dark brown eyes as he took large confident steps towards her. Her heart was beating faster with every step he took closer to her. His eyes were so mesmerizing that she could not see anything else but the perseverance and power in them as he kept his intense gaze at her.

Why, Hermione?

Why?

“Malfoy, if you don’t leave her alone, I will – ” Harry called out after Draco, his wand trembling slightly as his hand radiated with sweat.

“So in love that nothing else scares you…” Draco continued willfully, walking unwaveringly towards her, his eyes never having left hers.

Why?

Why?

“…I will make sure you never leave out of here alive!” Harry threatened exasperatedly, his voice rising loudly to match the anger seething within him.

“…Except for the fear of losing her,” Draco finished his sentence firmly as he continued his resolute step towards her, his gaze piercing so deep into her that it hurt.

Why?

“Expelliarmus!” Harry shouted out the disarming spell as a flash of light escaped from his wand.

I love you.

And the whole church broke out in gasps of horror as they watched the green beam hit the wooden altar tablncinncinerating it on the spot until all that was left were scattered piles of charred remains against the red carpet. Hermione Granger, in her beautiful white wedding gown, had jumped in front of the ray of the curse, without any hesitation, not knowing – or caring – whether the curse could be fatal and pushed Draco Malfoy away from its path. She fell onto him, kissing him ravenously as the world watched their declaration of love for one another. Her lips moved forcefully and viciously against his, closing their eyes to the world, as all the desire and passion between them spilt out to the witnesses before them. Her hair was disheveled and spread all over his face when her tight chignon had come undone, as the white lilies in her hair now laid trampled and torn apart on the floor.

There was a loud clink against the white marble floor. Ron Weasley had dropped his wedding ring back onto the floor, watching helplessly as his wife kissed his worst enemy desirously and hungrily against one another.

He had never seen her with so much passion, so much desire, so much thrust to feel alive. So much that she was willing to jump in the line of the spell to save him.

Ron wondered if losing his first game of Wizard Chess would ever hurt as much.

This was one game he had never intended to play - and had lost.

{There\'s a chance here, we could take it
Or regret it for the rest of our lives}