Tearmann 2

That night, Harry had a tougher time than usual getting to sleep. He was worried about Severus and what might have happened to cause the extreme headache. He couldn\'t help the guilt that kept clawing at him for not having gone straight to the medi-witch after giving the antidote for the Deathweed poison. When he did finally drift into a restless sleep, it was filled with dreams of dark rooms and a screaming voice that was not his own.

Harry awoke to Ron shaking his shoulder, staring worriedly at him. He could feel dampness on his face and realised that he\'d been crying in his sleep. He wiped the tears from his face and sat up slowly. After reassuring his best friend that he was ok, they dressed quickly and headed down for breakfast.

Harry ate quickly then excused himself to go to the infirmary. Ron followed, saying he wanted to check on Draco. Harry set a quick pace that even Ron, with his longer legs, had a hard time matching. Entering the small hospital wing, Harry barely nodded at Draco, not even noticing the lack of quills and made his way straight to the back room.

He stopped outside the door upon hearing loud voices. Severus was obviously awake, because he was yelling at someone. Harry could hear the stress in the man\'s usually calm voice.

\"I will NOT be locked away! You cannot force me, Albus. After everything I did for that damned war, for that boy, this is my reward? To be locked away from the world like a mad dog?\"

Harry stormed into the room. \"NO!\" he shouted. \"I won\'t let you send him away!\" Severus was as white as the night before and shakingriblribly. Harry could plainly see the fear in his eyes. The man looked completely heartbroken as well.

Severus sat in the middle of the bed and pulled his knees to his chest. He dropped his head down, his hair creating a dark curtain, and wrapped his arms around his legs. His shoulders shook in quiet sobs. Harry understood how he felt; defeated, used up, and now his worst fear was coming true. Severus was being asked --no, told-- to leave the only home he\'d known.

Harry glared at Dumbledore. He had thought the matter closed last night. Now he was more determined than ever to take care of Severus. He wouldn\'t let the honourable man be cast aside, forgotten.

\"Severus, dear child,\" Dumbledore pleaded, sounding sorrowful, \"please listen to me. You need help, and Poppy cannot treat you here. St. Mungo\'s has the best care facilities in the world. Please, Severus, just try it.\" The old wizard was near to tears and Harry suddenly understood just how scared he was for Severus.

\"I\'ll take care of him,\" Harry said again.

Dumbledore gave him a sad look. \"No, Harry. It\'s very kind of you to offer, but you are untrained and you have to finish school. Believe me when I say it is for the best that Severus goes to St. Mungo\'s. They can give him the care and supervision he needs.\"

\"Please, Albus,\" his choked sobs were barely audible, \"don\'t send me away. I\'m sorry... so sorry...\" The Potions master was rocking back and forth, head still bent to his knees, arms tight around his legs in a firm ball. To Harry he looked like a child afraid of being punished and his heart broke for the once proud man.

Harry ran from the room in tears. He couldn\'t stand to see the once strong man reduced to such utter debasement. He kept running until he reached the lake, then dropped himself to the ground and cried until he couldn\'t cry anymore. It felt to Harry as though he had let the man down, that he hadn\'t done nearly enough to protect him. For all the times Professor Snape had saved his life, Harry should have been able to do more to help.

Harry didn\'t react at all when he heard someone approach. He turned away when he felt them settle in the grass next to him, not wanting anyone to see his tears.

\"Harry, what\'s wrong?\" Remus Lupin asked softly.

\"They\'re sending him away,\" Harry\'s voice hitched on a sob. He couldn\'t look at Remus. He felt ashamed for his weakness.

\"Who\'s being sent away?\"

\"Professor Snape.\" Harry sighed heavily.

\"Why? Because of a migraine?\" Remus was more than a little shocked and confused. He knew Severus hadn\'t been feeling well lately but couldn\'t understand why Severus would need to be sent away for treatment. Surely Madame Pomfrey could cure him as well as any medi-witch or wizard at St. Mungo\'s.

\"Because...\" Harry paused, not wanting to say the words out loud. \"Because he\'s suicidal.\" He started crying all over again.

Understanding blossomed on Remus\' face. Suddenly, it all made sense: the empty looks, the lack of conviction in Severus\' voice, and the fact that he no longer snarled or sniped at anyone. Remus remembered that just a few weeks ago Severus had been ill. He remembered how worried and upset Albus had been but had passed it off as nothing, because the Headmaster has always been very protective of Severus.

He had never imagined Seve' de' depression ran so deeply, and he felt a fool for not seeing it himself. He had known Severus for so long that he should have recognized the signs.

Remus moved to sit behind Harry, his arms wrapping around the heaving chest and his legs up on either side of him. He held Harry like that for a long time, neither saying anything, lost in their own thoughts.

Once the young man had calmed down, Remus began talking softly. He told Harry what he had witnessed weeks before and his interpretation of it. He explained to Harry that Albus would never send Severus away if he had another choice. When Harry started to protest saying he would take care of Severus, Remus cut him off. Harry couldn\'t take care of him. Severus needed to learn to live again and that would take more than Harry to teach.

They continued to talk well into the day. Remus told Harry things he remembered about Severus from their school days. Realizing as he talked that Severus had been depressed even then. Remus had always known that the man had hid behind his severity and sarcasm to avoid showing his true feelings, but really hadn\'t looked hard enough to see what lay beneath the cold surface.

Harry had noticed though. He told Remus about how he had finally seen through the Potions master\'s mask, that he had finally understood Severus Snape wasn\'t the cold uncaring man he presented to the world. Harry had seen the invincible man hurt, near to death in the final battle but still wouldn\'t give up. He continued to protect Harry no matter the cost to himself.

He had also seen Severus happy. Severus, for all his outrage and ire, had enjoyed the pranks of the Weasley twins before they had graduated and left Hogwarts. Harry had watched the man for signs of amusement and sure enough, when he thought no one was paying attention to him, he\'d allow a small smile to briefly touch his thin lips. Harry had seen the laughter in the man\'s black eyes as well. Severus would never admit it, Harry knew, but he enjoyed seeing the obscure jokes the twins came up with. Harry was sure Severus even liked some that had been played on him.

Harry and Remus returned to the castle, both feeling emotionally and physically exhausted. Harry returned to his dorm and threw himself onto his bed. He really didn\'t feel like talking to his friends right then. He curled up and quickly fell asleep.