Darkness Shadows Light 2

Chapter Four - I Am Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe

Harry looked around the room anxiously, trying to see if he had
forgotten anything.

\'Balloons, presents, cards, cake…\' he recited far far as he could
tell, everything was ready for Matthew\'s birthday party. He looked
over at his husband. \'Is there anything we\'ve forgotten?\' he asked
pleadingly.

Snape looked up from the book he was reading on the couch and smiled
at Harry\'s worried face. \'I\'m sure you\'ve remembered everything,\' he
said soothingly.

\'I just want it all to be perfect,\' said Harry. \'I\'m still worried
about him and I want today to remind him how much we love him.\'

Snape frowned at the reminder of their son\'s peculiar behaviour. He
seemed to have finally settled in, but had yet to make any other real
friends besides Ashanti. Another discrepancy of Matthew\'s behaviour
was that all his classwork and homework was distinctly average.
Snape expected better from his son because he *knew* he was capable
of achieving more. They had tried talking to him. His responses
were a dozen \'I\'m fine\'s\' and the occasional \'I\'m doing my best\',
which they both knew was a lie.

\'Matthew knows we love him,\' Snape replied

\'Does he?\' asked Harrtaritaring at Snape. \'Sometimes, I think we got
so wrapped up in our own problems that we\'ve ended up taking him for
granted. He\'s always seemed so well adjusted until now, that it
makes me think maybe we\'ve missed something. Then we dumped him on
Hermione and Sirius for the entire summer. We didn\'t even go with
him to buy his first wand! I\'d say as being parents go, we\'ve been
pretty pathetic recently.\'

Snape shook his head, even though he had to accept the fact what
Harry was saying was true. \'One party won\'t make up for it,\' he said
eventually.

\'It\'s a start,\' Harry replied determinedly. \'From now on, Matthew
comes first.\'

\'Even before us?\' Snape asked, his face clouding. Over the past few
weeks they had slowly begun to rebuild their relationship, though
there had been no kissing in fear of a repeat response from their
last kiss. They spent time together talking, working, going out to
Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley. However, each night they went their
separate ways. Snape went back to the dungeons and Harry to the
rooms they used to share. Things were still so strained between them
that they didn\'t even dare argue, afraid that a few heated words
would spoil everything.

Harry looked stricken at the way his words had been
interpreted. \'No! I didn\'t mean it like that. I meant that what
happens between us shouldn\'t effect the time we spend with our son.\'

\'I understand,\' Snape said, his face clearing. \'Nevertheless, you
need to remember he is in school now. None of the other students
have their parents here and I don\'t think Matthew would thank you if
you started to mollycoddle him now. After all, he is a Slytherin.\'

\'I wished he wasn\'t,\' Harry whispered, feeling ashamed for admitting
it. \'I was always happy in Gryffindor…perhaps he would have been as
well.\'

\'Perhaps. Or perhaps he would have been left with no friends, as his
only one is in Slytherin as well.\' Snape reminded Harry.

\'I guess so.\' This took his mind to another problem. \'Do you think
Sirius will remember to keep off the derogatory Slytherin remarks in
front of Ashanti?\'

\'I doubt it,\' Snape replied with a snort. \'It\'s as much part of him
as breathing. Luckily for him, Ashanti isn\'t the type to take any
notice.\'

\'Yes, she really is a very well adjusted girl,\' agreed Harry. \'I
have no idea where she got it from. Hermione was a nightmare at her
age!\'

\'And no one could ever accuse Ron Weasley of ever thinking anything
through.\' Snape said dryly.

Harry shot him a dirty look. \'I wish you wouldn\'t say things like
that. One day, you might say it in front of wro wrong people.\'

\'Harry, I\'m perfectly capable of guarding my tongue. Believe me,
I\'ve had plenty of practice.\'

\'Still, it\'s best if we don\'t talk about it even in private. Not
until Hermione actually tells Ashanti about her real parentage.\'

\'She ought to have told her by now,\' said Snape. \'She\'s old enough
to accept it. Leaving it so long only gives more chances for her to
find out the wrong way.\'

Harry sighed. \'I kno kee keep on saying so to them both. I think
Sirius is a bit scared that she won\'t love him as much when she finds
out he isn\'t her real father.\'

\'The man\'s an idiot!\' declared Snape. \'Anyone can see the girl dotes
on that mutt.\'

\'Maybe you should speak with him,\' Harry suggested. \'He might listen
to you as you\'re a lot more impartial than me.\'

Snape looked thoughtful. \'You could be right.\'

Any more conversation was cut off by a knock at the door.

\'Ah, the first guest,\' commented Harry, strolling over to open the
door. \'They\'re a bit early…\' He stopped dead as he saw who it
was. \'Remus,\' he acknowledged, his voice a little unsteady. He had
not seen him since that day he and Snape had gone off for
a \'friendly\' drink. Harry had known he was coming today - had even
been the one to invite him - and yet it was still a shock to see him.

\'Harry…Severus,\' Remus said, looking apprehensive. Behind him, Harry
was vaguely aware that his husband had stood up and made his way over
to them. Driven by the sudden urge to stake his claim, y wry wrapped
a possessive arm around his waist.

\'Remus,\' Snape said levelly, refusing to show any surprise at Harry\'s
sudden gesture. \'You\'re early.\'

\'I-I thought it might be for the best,\' the werewolf said, his cheeks
turning red. \'I knew this wouldn\'t be the easiest situation in the
world. I thought it would be best if we didn\'t have to do this in
front of Matthew…or anyone else. Also, if Harry couldn\'t stand me
being here, you could tell me now and I\'d go.\'

Any anger that Harry had been feeling towards Remus quickly faded in
the face of his obvious embarrassment and contrition. \'You\'re
Matthew\'s godfather,\' he said. \'You should be here.\' That was as
much as he could give at this stage.

\'Thank you,\' said Remus, looking relieved.

A stilted few minutes followed. Gradually, there seemed to be less
tension in the air. When they had moved to sit down, Harry had let
his arm drop, only to entwine his fingers with those of his husband.
He found he desperately needed the contact whilst being in the same
room with the man who his husband had cheated on him with.

When Harry reluctantly left the two of them alone whilst he went to
the bathroom, Remus said, \'I\'m glad the two of you have worked out
your problems.\'

\'Things are far from alright between us,\' said Snape coldly. He
couldn\'t help it, but he *did* blame Remus for what had happened that
night. No matter that his common sense told him it was just as much
his fault. \'Harry\'s nervous and that\'s why he\'s acting so…
affectionate. Don\'t think I\'m going to salve your conscience by
pretending everything\'s fine.\'

Remus frowned. \'I thought Harry would be the problem today. I was
obviously mistaken,\' he said stiffly. \'If you want me to go, just
say so.\'

Snape shook his head in disgust. \'And how would that look? If Harry
can cope with your being here, then I must do the same.\'

\'Is that all you can do? *Cope*?\' Remus said quietly. \'We used to
be friends.\'

Any reply was cut off with Harry re-entering the room. Hr stopped
dead at the atmosphere he could sense between them. His eyes
narrowed in suspicion he would have given anything not to feel.
Snape stood up and qui wal walked over to him, wrapping his arms
around him.

\'Relax,\' Snape murmured. \'Everything\'s fine.\'

Harry instinctively nuzzled into his husband\'s neck and accepted the
love that he felt surrounding him through their bond.

\'I\'m sorry,\' Harry whispered. \'I can\'t help feeling…\'

\'I know,\' reassured his lover. They broke apart and turned to face
Remus, who looked distinctly uncomfortable.

\'I think I should go…\' he began to say. However, a knock at the door
stopped him. It was Sirius and Hermione and their two younger
children, Elliot and Seleny.

\'Where\'s Matthew?\' asked Hermione after the initial greetings. She
sensed they had walked in on something by the way the three were
looking uneasy. She made up her mind to speak to Harry later about
it.

\'He and Ashanti should be here any minute,\' replied Harry, looking at
his watch. \'Their last lesson should have just finished.\'

On cue, there was the sound of laughter in the corridor and two small
figures burst into the room. Both Harry and Snape were slightly
taken aback to see a wide smile on their son\'s face.

\'Hi everyone!\' Matthew said happily, hugging his parents whilst
Ashanti threw herself at her parents and siblings.

\'Happy birthday, love,\' said Harry. \'Have you had a nice day?\'

\'Great!\' enthused the young wizard. \'Everyone\'s been really nice and
Ashanti played this great trick on Flitwick…\' he trailed off as he
caught a dirty look from Ashanti. \'Oops, sorry,\' he said
apologetically.

\'Didn\'t hear a thing,\' declared Harry with a grin. Just seeing
Matthew this happy was enough to make him forgive and forget anything
at the moment.

Once the greetings were over and Matthew had been wished a happy
birthday by those present, it was time to open the presents. He
received a virtual treasure trove of books, clothes, sweets and
jokes. Eventually, he came to the suspiciously broom-shaped package
from his parents. Enthusiastically, he ripped off the wrapping paper.
\'A Lightening Bolt 3000!\' gasped Matthew in awe and delight as he
stroked the broomstick reverently. \'Thank you so much.\'

\'Perhaps you could try out for the Quidditch team,\' suggested Harry,
trying to keep his tone as light and casual as possible. Instantly,
Matthew\'s features tightened into a scowl that was pure Snape.

\'If that\'s what this is about, then you can keep it,\' he said
shortly, snatching his hand away from the gift. For a moment, there
was a shocked silence. Sirius and Hermione exchanged concerned
glances.

\'It was just a suggestion,\' Snape said, breaking the silence, his
voice dangerously low. \'And never use that tone of voic you your
father again.\'

Matthew looked slightly shame-faced, but still defiant. \'I just
don\'t want to be forced into being something I\'m not,\' he mumbled.

\'That\'s not what we\'re trying to do,\' protested Harry. \'You\'re a
good flyer and we thought it might be something you\'d enjoy. We just
want you to be happy…to be what you are. Not to hide yourself.\'

Matthew frowned. \'I don\'t understand. I\'m not hiding anything.\'

Snape raised an eyebrow and gave his son a penetrating stare. \'We
both know that\'s not true,\' he said. \'However, I don\'t think this is
the time or the place to discuss it.\'

Matthew tried to outstare his father, but the dark eyes seemed to
bore straight into his brain. He found himself looking away, aware
that his cheeks must be red.

After that, Matthew was a little quieter, though he eventually
regained his spirits a little. Ashanti was so thrilled to see her
parents that she was loud enough for two.

After the presents came the traditional birthday cake with Matthew
blowing out the candles. It was whilst they were eating that there
was another unpleasant moment.

`Of course we mustn\'t forget it\'s not only Matthew\'s birthday today
that we\'re celebrating, but the anniversary of Voldemort\'s death,\'
Sirius said, looking proudly at his godson and his godson\'s husband
and their son. `Without you three who knows what the world would be
like now.\'

`I didn\'t do anything,\' protested Matthew heatedly. `I wasn\'t even
born!\'

`You were there,\' Harry replied softly, ignoring the forbidding look
Snape was giving him. `Your father\'s strength and mine would not
have been enough to defeat Voldemort alone. We needed you. You were
the deciding factor.\'

Matthew shook his head violently, his whole body suddenly
shaking. `I didn\'t do anything,\' he repeated in a trembling
voice. `I\'m just ordinary…just ordinary.\'

Even as he said the words, he knew it wasn\'t true. It was always
there, just under the surface. He could feel the power. Yet, he
refused to use it. For as long as he could remember, he had been
aware that there was a darkness over him, a shadow. It had all
become clear a couple of years previously when he had overheard his
parents arguing about him with his grandparents. They had mentioned
a witch and a wizard of whom he had never heard. The next day, he
had `borrowed\' his father\'s invisibility cloak and gone to the
restricted section of the library. There, he had learnt far more
about his heritage than he ever wanted to know. He was the product
of two wizards and therefore should have more power than any other
witch or wizard alive. A good thing, he had at first thought. Then,
as he had read further, he learnt at a tender age a valuable lesson:
Power corrupts. He read of those who were born from two wizards with
growing distress. He read of all the terrible things they had done
with no one to stop them. It was at that moment that he had resolved
never to use his the deep well of magic he knew was inside him. He
locked it away, leaving only the surface. Enough to get him by.
Enough to make him *ordinary*.

He was forced out of his reverie by the feel of strong arms around
him. He looked up and was surprised to see it was his godfather.

`You can be whatever you want,\' Remus said, his voice comforting.
Yet Matthew frowned, he felt there was far more to those words than
just face-value.

Gradually, the party got back to normal again. Sirius, though, was
unusually quiet. He kept giving Matthew strange glances whenever he
thought he wasn\'t looking.

Hermione helped Harry carry the dirty plates into the kitchen. She
stoppim bim before he could re-enter the living room. `Harry, what\'s
going on?\' she asked, her tone quiet. However, her face showing that
she would not be fobbed off.

`What do you mean?\' he asked, feigning ignorance.

`Don\'t give me that! When we arrived, you could practically cut the
air with a knife. Remus has spent the entire afternoon looking like
he would like to be anywhere else. You haven\'t spoken a word to him
and Severus just keeps on glaring at him! And don\'t get me started
on your son!\'

Harry winced, cursing the fact that nothing escaped Hermione\'s
attention.

`You\'re right,\' he said slowly. `Things are a little tense with
Remus, but I really don\'t want to talk about it.\'

Hermione\'s face softened, seeing a haunted look on Harry\'s face that
she hadn\'t seen since Voldemort\'s death. `Sometimes, it helps to
talk to someone not involved,\' she offered. `I take it Remus did
something that upset you?\'

Harry nodded. `Not just Remus,\' he replied, his voice trembling just
like Matthew\'s had earlier. `Remus and Severus.\'

`Remus and Severus?\' she asked puzzled. Then as she looked into
Harry\'s white face, her own face drained of colour. `Remus and
Severus,\' she repeated, comprehension dawning. `You mean they…?\'
Words failed her.

Harry nodded again. `Just before the summer holidays. That\'s why I
was so relieved you offered to take Matthew. It was all too much and
I didn\'t want him to find out…to be caught in the middle.\'

`So how are things between you and Severus now?\' Hermione asked
tentatively. `Are you still together?\'

Harry shrugged his shoulders. `We\'re working things through,\' he
answered eventually. `He isn\'t living here at the moment, but we are
spending time together. We still love each other despite everything.\'

`I\'m so sorry, Harry. If there\'s anything I can do, please don\'t
hesitate to ask. We could take Matthew for Christmas if it would
help.\'

`No, thanks for the offer. As you\'ve noticed, Matthew\'s got problems
of his own. At the moment, he needs us to be there, to know that we
love him.\'

Hermione nodded thoughtfully. `I really think you need to get him to
talk about what\'s bothering him. He\'s always been a quiet child, but
those outbursts today are worrying.\'

`I know,\' said Harry, looking sad and anxious. Impulsively, Hermione
smothered him in a hug.

`I\'m sure you\'ll work it all out,\' she whispered comfortingly in his
ear. `You and Severus are too stubborn to just give up and Matthew
is your son. Whatever\'s troubling him is probably nothing in the big
scheme of things and I\'m sure he\'ll talk to you when he\'s ready.\'

`Thanks `Mione,\' Harry said gratefully. `Though I have one favour to
ask you?\'

`What?\'

`Please, don\'t tell Sirius about Remus. I don\'t think he\'d
understand. He and Severus get on so much better now and I don\'t
want to jeopardise that along with everything else.\'

Hermione looked torn. `He\'s my husband, Harry. I won\'t lie to him.\'

`I\'m not asking you to lie to him. All I\'m asking is that you don\'t
tell him. If he does ask, tell him that I\'ve asked you not to say
anything.\'

`I\'ll try,\' she promised. `I don\'t like keeping secrets though and
Sirius can be somewhat persistent.\'

`Just do your best.\'

Hermione nodded and, by unspoken agreement they headed back to the
main room.

`You were gone a long time!\' said Sirius, a smile on his face. `For
a moment, I thought you might have run away together!\'

Everyone laughed and Harry said quickly. `We were just catching up.
It has been a long time since we last saw each other.\'

Sirius shrugged his shoulders and did not pursue the subject. Harry
hoped he would not remember later.

Slowly, the party broke up. Hermione and Sirius left first with
their two younger children. Remus swiftly followed, obviously not
wanting to chance being left alone with Harry and Snape again.
Lastly, Ashanti headed to the library with the excuse that she had
some studying to do.

`Did you enjoy your birthday?\' Harry asked his son, who was staring
out the window at the darkening landscape.

`It was good,\' replied Matthew absently, his mind obviously somewhere
else.

`Is there something the matter?\' Harry probed gently.

Matthew turned around to look at Harry. `Dad?\' he said tentatively.

`Yes, love?\'

`Can I stay here tonight? In my own room?\' Matthew looked anxiously
at his parents.

Harry saw his anxious expression and smiled. `I guess one night
won\'t hurt,\' he replied, looking towards Snape for confirmation.
Snape frowned – not because he didn\'t want his son there – but
because it would be difficult for Matthew not to realise that Snape
wasn\'t living there as well.

`I\'m not sure that\'s a good idea,\' he began to say, only to be
interrupted by Harry.

`It\'s his birthday,\' Harry said firmly. `He should be here…with us.\'

Snape wondered if he was reading more into the words than was there.
Never the less, he found himself nodding his acquiescence and being
rewarded by a hug from his son and a small, slightly mysterious,
smile from Harry.

It did not take long before Matthew\'s eyes were drooping in tiredness
and he was ordered off to bed. Then, it was just Snape and Harry
sitting at opposite ends of the couch. Snape looked uncertainly at
Harry, not sure whether he should stay or go.

`Hermione knows,\' Harry said.

`Knows what?\' asked Snape, puzzled.

`I had to tell her that you and Remus…slept together. She noticed
the tension when she arrived. I also told her we weren\'t living
together. Hermione thought it might help to talk about it to someone
who wasn\'t immediately involved.\'

Snape regarded Harry with his black, unreadable eyes. `Did it help?\'
he asked quietly.

`It did actually,\' Harry replied. `It made me see things more
clearly.\'

`That\'s good then,\' was all Snape said. He stood up. `I guess I
should be going. It\'s getting late.\'

Harry stood up also. Hesitatingly, he stepped forward and laid his
head on Snape\'s shoulder with a sigh. For a moment, the older wizard
tensed at the unexpected contact, before relaxing and slipping his
arms around Harry\'s waist.

`I\'ve missed this,\' Harry admitted in a low voice.

`As have I,\' Snape replied, pulling Harry a little closer. Almost
without thought, their lips found each other\'s. Harry tensed,
expecting any moment for the memories of Remus to resurface.
However, all he felt was contentment and love and he gradually
relaxed. He opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, letting the feeling
of lust overtake him. Pressing his body hard against his partner\'s,
knowing that his hardness would be mirrored. Panting, they broke
apart for air.

`What do you want, Harry?\' asked Snape urgently.

`I want you,\' Harry replied, his green eyes darkened with desire. `I
need you.\'

Snape pulled him in for another heated kiss before taking his hand
and leading him to the bedroom they used to share.

Neither of them had noticed that Matthew\'s door was slightly ajar.
Nor did they see the small white face peering through it or the
shocked expression on his face…

TBC.