The First Enochian Key
folder
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
11
Views:
5,202
Reviews:
47
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
11
Views:
5,202
Reviews:
47
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Hogwarts, my name is Severus
WOW!!! 3 chapters in 3 days...Yay for me!!!
************************************************************************
\"You make this all go away
I’m down to just one thing
And I’m starting to scare myself…
I just want something I can never have.\"—T. Reznor
~*~
Severus sat cowering behind one of the ancient oak trees that boarded the lake at Hogwarts, silently praying that his pursuers would pass him by. He couldn’t tolerate another beating. More taunting. More shame. He cursed himself as thoughts of helplessness and failure at his predicament raped his conscience, causing tears of loneliness and rejection to stream down his pale face.
The shadow cast upon him by the illumination of the moon was the only betrayal of his position. But they did not notice. As their footsteps pounded and vanished deep into the Forbidden Forest, chasing the faux scent trail he spelled the ground to permeate, he breathed a sigh of relief before admonishing himself for his fearfulness.
He shook his head to clear his mind and free his conscience from the all too familiar emotions that were again surfacing within him. It was not supposed to be like this. Boarding the train and attending school away from the disturbances of his kin, was supposed to remedy the melancholy, the desire and obligation he to had to prove himself. Not make him more vulnerable. More susceptible. Not to make him suffer more at han hands of lesser beings. He knew that they were indeed lives below his status. But he was the one recoiling from their attentions. He felt bile rise from his empty stomach at the thought of what his father, or perhaps most accurately, what his mother would say to him if she would happen across him now.
Hiding.
Scared.
Alone.
He had failed them. By lacking to assert his authority and social standing amongst his peers he had failed everything his parents had instilled within him. For three years he had been at the mercy of their ridicule, their snide and callous remarks to him. About him. The four Gryffindors making his life such a living hell that he, on more than one occasion owled his parents, begging them to allow him to return home. That he was above everyone and everything Hogwarts stood for. That he loved them and needed to be with them. He never received a reply though, and to be truthful, he had never really expected to.
Apart from his academic achievements, Severus’ life was a shambles. He was sitting alone and crying in the middle of the night, during the depths of winter cowering from those who should not have had the effect on him that they did. He was suffering and it was all due to an act of kindness on his part, the day he first boarded the train. The promise of a new world and new life, teasing his insecurities, always present, forever untouchable now. All because he had said hello.
Severus.
Lily.
It was all because of her.
~*~
The old steam train rocked along the carriageway, the scenery blurring past the windows as Severus gazed in unfocused concentration at the hillsides and rivers that passed by so hurriedly. Had he not been so consumed by his own personal fantasies about the hopes he held that within Hogwarts he would find a sanctuary, a reason to believe that he would be able to grow and expand himself into more than the soul that had existed within torment his his whole life thus far, he probably would have appreciated the beauty of the outside world. The world beyond the stone walls of the Snape family mansion he had been confined to, only released on short leash for what his father considered proper social gatherings. The type that would promote and rally support and allegiances for his father’s political motives. A world he had been shut off to, but always longed to experience.
The sound of the door to the compartment he was isolated in opening, slowly brought him from his musings.
As he raised his head to the intruder and cleared his mind from its haze, all of his senses became overwhelmed at the sight before him. Luscious auburn locks cascading over a petite frame, enchanting emerald eyes beholding an intoxicating depth of innocence, a creamy white face highlighted by fresh strawberry colored lips and rose hued cheeks, her whole being emanating majesty. She smelled of gardenia and early spring dew. Her voice when she spoke granted him incomprehensible peace, her warm smile of greeting captivating his soul. She was perfect. She sat opposite Severus, looking curiously through her eyelashes at him, the only deception to her true shy nature, and introduced herself.
Lily.
Even her name was beautiful. He introduced himself in return.
Severus.
Both blushing as intensely as the other, they had attempted polite conversation. And it came smoothly. They continued on for hours, Severus believing that indeed Hogwarts and this girl, the one he had known for an afternoon, but now never being able to imagine his life without, so desperate for affection and companionship was he, would offer him the chance of redemption. That he would be saved from the expectations of his lineage and status. The intrusion of four others into Severus and Lily’s ambient conversation, as the two stepped off the train together, more quickly and effectively erased these hopes than his mother’s attentions could ever have hoped to.
Lily had rolled her eyes as the boys came towards her, and she had moved closer to him to reassure him. One of the boys had smiled radiantly at her and enquired after her new companion. She had proceeded then to introduce Severus to those who would be the tormenting figureheads of his new life.
Remus Lupin. The boy who had a secret Severus would learn to fear.
Peter Pettigrehe bhe boy who he would pity and be disgusted by as an a.
.
James Potter. The one who Severus would live his life in envy of.
Sirius Black. The boy who would turn into the man that Severus would despise more than his father. The one he would want to kill.
Severus.
Severus Snape.
Black had turned his nose up and snorted in response to their introduction. Severus listened to the boy, who through no provocation, began to recite to his companions the dubious fame and position of the Snape family. Black’s line was actually as ancient as Severus’ but because of his fathers sheltering and denial of information about anything he felt unworthy of his attention, Severus knew nothing about the boy who apparently knew so much about him. Severus felt exposed. He was unprepared for the looks of distain that rapidly spread across the faces of his new peers. He was broken when Lily allowed herself to be dragged from him by the boys she was familiar with, and kept from him the next three years.
Where he sat with tears running down his face, in the snow, by the lake of the home that had never welcomed him.
\'The Gryffindor 4\' as Severus mentally referred to them, seemed to go out of their way to cause him humiliation and pain. Taunting him seemed to be their favorite hobby, and try as she might to dissuade them; his sweet Lily could not aid him in is plight. She had become untouchable to him. As much as the light in her eyes imitated the desire for friendship or maybe something more in his, she was far beyond his reach. Protected by the four who ridiculed him in classes, shadowed him through the halls, humiliated his intelligence publicly and eventually broke is protective shell.
The day he saw Lily kissing Potter was the day his spirit died and he unleashed his pent up frustrations on them.
This night. But they had known who it had been. And Lily had left in her own desperate tears. This night, breaking him. Their pursuit of him following her departure. On this night when Severus realized she would never be his.
Where he sat with tears running down his face, in the snow, by the lake of the home that had never welcomed him. Hiding from their latest pursuit of him.
~*~
And then he decided that he no longer wanted to play their games. His tears evaporating with his decision. His silent prayer for her forgiveness of his actions now, not even acknowledged by the Gods.
As he rolled back the cuffs of his robes and transfigured his wand into a blade his mothers face flashed in his mind.
I am sorry.
As he placed the cool steel against his wrist his fathers voice echoed through his head.
I am sorry.
As he breathed deeply and began to apply the pressure that would be necessary to cut through his pain and anguish forever, a new shadow appeared amongst the trees in which he was hiding.
The voice cut through Severus, echoing every mocking and hurtful emotion ever cast towards him, but this time he sensed something deeper. He listened to them questioning the current judgment of one of the greatest minds the wizarding world had seen. And it wasn’t superciliousness. And Severus found himself believing in himself for the first time in his life as the shadow mused to him.
As they stepped from the shadows to allow their identity to be known, Severus drew in a sharp breath. Never would have he believed that this individual would willingly become Severus’ angel of hope.
****************************************************
Acknowledgements...
Rilla:- *smirk* Get in the queue Honey, but don\'t hold your breath, you will suffocate before your turn arrives (even if it is directly behind me)...Thank you in any case...I do try...
Yawning:- a valid statement with which I agree...Thank you and I hope you continue to feel this way.
Fish:- Thank you, and as a side note, Daya would like to know if she can borrow your wok and spoon...personal reasons...no, she didn\'t elaborate...
Daya:- have requested the use of Fish\'s wok and spoon on your behalf...am intrigued by your need for them...as for the rest of your comments *blushes* thank you as always...
Nesscafe:- hmmmm...coffee...ahem... sorry... I hope this chapter will suffice in your eyes and placate you until the next...*does that make any logical sense?*
************************************************************************
\"You make this all go away
I’m down to just one thing
And I’m starting to scare myself…
I just want something I can never have.\"—T. Reznor
~*~
Severus sat cowering behind one of the ancient oak trees that boarded the lake at Hogwarts, silently praying that his pursuers would pass him by. He couldn’t tolerate another beating. More taunting. More shame. He cursed himself as thoughts of helplessness and failure at his predicament raped his conscience, causing tears of loneliness and rejection to stream down his pale face.
The shadow cast upon him by the illumination of the moon was the only betrayal of his position. But they did not notice. As their footsteps pounded and vanished deep into the Forbidden Forest, chasing the faux scent trail he spelled the ground to permeate, he breathed a sigh of relief before admonishing himself for his fearfulness.
He shook his head to clear his mind and free his conscience from the all too familiar emotions that were again surfacing within him. It was not supposed to be like this. Boarding the train and attending school away from the disturbances of his kin, was supposed to remedy the melancholy, the desire and obligation he to had to prove himself. Not make him more vulnerable. More susceptible. Not to make him suffer more at han hands of lesser beings. He knew that they were indeed lives below his status. But he was the one recoiling from their attentions. He felt bile rise from his empty stomach at the thought of what his father, or perhaps most accurately, what his mother would say to him if she would happen across him now.
Hiding.
Scared.
Alone.
He had failed them. By lacking to assert his authority and social standing amongst his peers he had failed everything his parents had instilled within him. For three years he had been at the mercy of their ridicule, their snide and callous remarks to him. About him. The four Gryffindors making his life such a living hell that he, on more than one occasion owled his parents, begging them to allow him to return home. That he was above everyone and everything Hogwarts stood for. That he loved them and needed to be with them. He never received a reply though, and to be truthful, he had never really expected to.
Apart from his academic achievements, Severus’ life was a shambles. He was sitting alone and crying in the middle of the night, during the depths of winter cowering from those who should not have had the effect on him that they did. He was suffering and it was all due to an act of kindness on his part, the day he first boarded the train. The promise of a new world and new life, teasing his insecurities, always present, forever untouchable now. All because he had said hello.
Severus.
Lily.
It was all because of her.
~*~
The old steam train rocked along the carriageway, the scenery blurring past the windows as Severus gazed in unfocused concentration at the hillsides and rivers that passed by so hurriedly. Had he not been so consumed by his own personal fantasies about the hopes he held that within Hogwarts he would find a sanctuary, a reason to believe that he would be able to grow and expand himself into more than the soul that had existed within torment his his whole life thus far, he probably would have appreciated the beauty of the outside world. The world beyond the stone walls of the Snape family mansion he had been confined to, only released on short leash for what his father considered proper social gatherings. The type that would promote and rally support and allegiances for his father’s political motives. A world he had been shut off to, but always longed to experience.
The sound of the door to the compartment he was isolated in opening, slowly brought him from his musings.
As he raised his head to the intruder and cleared his mind from its haze, all of his senses became overwhelmed at the sight before him. Luscious auburn locks cascading over a petite frame, enchanting emerald eyes beholding an intoxicating depth of innocence, a creamy white face highlighted by fresh strawberry colored lips and rose hued cheeks, her whole being emanating majesty. She smelled of gardenia and early spring dew. Her voice when she spoke granted him incomprehensible peace, her warm smile of greeting captivating his soul. She was perfect. She sat opposite Severus, looking curiously through her eyelashes at him, the only deception to her true shy nature, and introduced herself.
Lily.
Even her name was beautiful. He introduced himself in return.
Severus.
Both blushing as intensely as the other, they had attempted polite conversation. And it came smoothly. They continued on for hours, Severus believing that indeed Hogwarts and this girl, the one he had known for an afternoon, but now never being able to imagine his life without, so desperate for affection and companionship was he, would offer him the chance of redemption. That he would be saved from the expectations of his lineage and status. The intrusion of four others into Severus and Lily’s ambient conversation, as the two stepped off the train together, more quickly and effectively erased these hopes than his mother’s attentions could ever have hoped to.
Lily had rolled her eyes as the boys came towards her, and she had moved closer to him to reassure him. One of the boys had smiled radiantly at her and enquired after her new companion. She had proceeded then to introduce Severus to those who would be the tormenting figureheads of his new life.
Remus Lupin. The boy who had a secret Severus would learn to fear.
Peter Pettigrehe bhe boy who he would pity and be disgusted by as an a.
.
James Potter. The one who Severus would live his life in envy of.
Sirius Black. The boy who would turn into the man that Severus would despise more than his father. The one he would want to kill.
Severus.
Severus Snape.
Black had turned his nose up and snorted in response to their introduction. Severus listened to the boy, who through no provocation, began to recite to his companions the dubious fame and position of the Snape family. Black’s line was actually as ancient as Severus’ but because of his fathers sheltering and denial of information about anything he felt unworthy of his attention, Severus knew nothing about the boy who apparently knew so much about him. Severus felt exposed. He was unprepared for the looks of distain that rapidly spread across the faces of his new peers. He was broken when Lily allowed herself to be dragged from him by the boys she was familiar with, and kept from him the next three years.
Where he sat with tears running down his face, in the snow, by the lake of the home that had never welcomed him.
\'The Gryffindor 4\' as Severus mentally referred to them, seemed to go out of their way to cause him humiliation and pain. Taunting him seemed to be their favorite hobby, and try as she might to dissuade them; his sweet Lily could not aid him in is plight. She had become untouchable to him. As much as the light in her eyes imitated the desire for friendship or maybe something more in his, she was far beyond his reach. Protected by the four who ridiculed him in classes, shadowed him through the halls, humiliated his intelligence publicly and eventually broke is protective shell.
The day he saw Lily kissing Potter was the day his spirit died and he unleashed his pent up frustrations on them.
This night. But they had known who it had been. And Lily had left in her own desperate tears. This night, breaking him. Their pursuit of him following her departure. On this night when Severus realized she would never be his.
Where he sat with tears running down his face, in the snow, by the lake of the home that had never welcomed him. Hiding from their latest pursuit of him.
~*~
And then he decided that he no longer wanted to play their games. His tears evaporating with his decision. His silent prayer for her forgiveness of his actions now, not even acknowledged by the Gods.
As he rolled back the cuffs of his robes and transfigured his wand into a blade his mothers face flashed in his mind.
I am sorry.
As he placed the cool steel against his wrist his fathers voice echoed through his head.
I am sorry.
As he breathed deeply and began to apply the pressure that would be necessary to cut through his pain and anguish forever, a new shadow appeared amongst the trees in which he was hiding.
The voice cut through Severus, echoing every mocking and hurtful emotion ever cast towards him, but this time he sensed something deeper. He listened to them questioning the current judgment of one of the greatest minds the wizarding world had seen. And it wasn’t superciliousness. And Severus found himself believing in himself for the first time in his life as the shadow mused to him.
As they stepped from the shadows to allow their identity to be known, Severus drew in a sharp breath. Never would have he believed that this individual would willingly become Severus’ angel of hope.
****************************************************
Acknowledgements...
Rilla:- *smirk* Get in the queue Honey, but don\'t hold your breath, you will suffocate before your turn arrives (even if it is directly behind me)...Thank you in any case...I do try...
Yawning:- a valid statement with which I agree...Thank you and I hope you continue to feel this way.
Fish:- Thank you, and as a side note, Daya would like to know if she can borrow your wok and spoon...personal reasons...no, she didn\'t elaborate...
Daya:- have requested the use of Fish\'s wok and spoon on your behalf...am intrigued by your need for them...as for the rest of your comments *blushes* thank you as always...
Nesscafe:- hmmmm...coffee...ahem... sorry... I hope this chapter will suffice in your eyes and placate you until the next...*does that make any logical sense?*