Triumph Out of the Bitter Taste of Ashes

Jessicat -- Thanks! I\'d imagine it would take quite some time before someone could begin to \'move on\' after what she\'s been through, not something to \'get over\' but rather to survive and thrive in spite of.
Rilla -- Oh, me too. I\'m not sure how I\'d handle having kids in a situation like that -- other than brrifrrified out of my mind.
Michelline -- thanks. Sorry, she won\'t be found soon. But not because of that spell. Cecily\'s mom is not powerful, barely more than a squib. Other things are in the way of her returning. Which will become evident as we continue the story.
Shemham -- Well, not sure about her \"going crazy\", I kinda want her sane in this story, but she\'s certainly not going to be \'back to normal\' any time soon. She\'ll appear crazy enough for awhile.
Paprika -- thanks. : ) I will, I promise.
Stratyllis -- Thanks again. It won\'t be overly soon before Hermione is found. They all think she\'s dead.
Deb -- Yes it is very sad, and disturbing even. And yes, soon the pieces will start to come together -- with people surprising us with hidden strength. I personally think we begin to see the first glimmers of it in this chapter. If not for all the readers though, perhaps next chapter will be seen so.
Farfie -- yes, Farfie, you read that right. The DM pairing was up in the air for the longest time. I couldn\'t decide who I wanted him to get together with. First drafting chapter 9 set it in my mind and voila DM/RW was born. : ) Harry seems to be keeping to himself a lot in the story -- the reasons for which will be made known before too long. And for obvious reasons, I couldn\'t very well make this Draco/Hermione.

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Chapter Three
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Severus sighed, scowling out over the remaining Hogwarts students as they gathered for the morning meal. His own breakfast lay largely untouched in front of him. Three weeks it had been since the final conflict with Voldemort . . . and the attack on Hogwarts. A pall still lay over the faculty and student body alike, the only exception being the morbidly excited whispers as eyewitnesses told and retold of what happened that fateful night.

Their losses had been devastating, which he realized was a bloody obvious thing to consider. It had been especially hard on his own house, with Gryffindor coming in second in the death totals. The first and second years had remained virtually untouched -- as far as depleting their numbers was concerned. Protected both by the staff that had remained behind and by the older students, they\'d managed what none of the other years had, to emerge from the battle virtually unscathed . . . physically.

Forcibly shutting away the glaring reminders of lost lives, vividly portrayed by the emptiness of the great hall, Severus turned his attention to his own students. Some of the upper yearst ret remained were a surprise, a welcome surprise. Severus\'d had few enough of that kind of surprise over the years to fully appreciate this one.

Through the last 6 1/2 years he had worked subtly to wean Draco away from his father and the possibility of his becoming a death-eater. He\'d thought he\'d failed in that. He\'d been wrong. From the tales told of the battle he\'d missed, Draco had stood side by side with the likes of Finnegan, and Weasley, to hold off the invaders, to keep them away from the students who couldn\'t protect themselves.

The second years virtually glowed as they retold the tale of how the three boys had stood shoulder to shoulder, physically and magically barricading the entrance to where the young children were hidden. Horror, tinted with tentative pride and overflowing with awe colored their young excited voices as they recounted the tale of how their personal heroes had saved their lives. Young Draco Malfoy now found himself in a position rather new to him. He had awestruck *Gryffindors* that idolized him.

It boggled the mind, really, and he couldn\'t help but wonder whether anything he\'d done had helped the boy make his decision. Part of him hoped so, but another, larger part hoped not. Draco Malfoy\'s decision had carried a hefty price tag for the young man -- which led to Severus\' biggest shock of all.

Of the 7th years, Blaise Zabini, he\'d expected to rem Pa Parkinson and Bulstrode, he hadn\'t been sure about, but hadn\'t been surprised when the former had left and the latter remained. Both were dead, so it was a moot point anyhow. Zabini\'s only remaining parent was the muggle. Parkinson\'s father was dead, as were both Bulstrode\'s parents. No, it wasn\'t them that shocked him to his core, them nor their families, nor the dozens of others who\'d chosen one side other.

It was the young Crabbe and Goyle that had completely defied his logic. They\'d *stayed*. Apparently, their loyalty was to one Draco Malfoy, not the invisible -- to them -- Lord Voldemort, not some ideal that the delusional half-blood had purported. Draco Malfoy. When he had stayed; they had stayed. Shocking.

Unfortunately for Draco Malfoy, both had died as a result. That was something no one could help the young Malfoy heir with. He would have to come to terms with that himself, in the privacy of his own mind. The fact that his two ever-present cronies had been willing to die for him had rocked Draco Malfoy\'s world and ripped the ground from underneath him. The whispers said that Avada had been accurately aimed at Malfoy, a tale confirmed with quiet respect by none other the Ronald Weasley. Crabbe had dived directly into the path of the deadliest of curses, protecting Malfoy\'s body with his own, and in the finest tradition of true bodyguards everywhere, taken the hit himself. Those who told the tale, trembled as they spoke, each wondering if they would *ever* be called on to be so sacrificing.

Goyle, in contrast, had launched himself at the curse thrower, tumbling the death-eater to the ground. He\'d received a dagger to the gut for his troubles. No one had expected anything like it. No one thought that in the middle of the biggest magical battle this century, perhaps ever, that one of their number would die by such mundane means. In the debriefing that followed, Draco had been unable to testify coherently, and had agreed to a pensieve being made. Severus had been one of those who\'d seen it, felt it.

In the privacy of his own mind, Severus would be forever grateful that Lucius Malfoy had been at Voldemort\'s side during the double battle. To have father and son pitted directly against one another had happened too often that night and he was glad that Draco Malfoy, at least, had been spared that. Considering how things had turned out, he was just as glad that Crabbe had not lived long enough to realize that it had been his very own father who had thrown that fatal curse. Draco knew, however, and it was simply one more burden for the young man to bear.

Malfoy was not, of course, the only student haunted by the events of three weeks past. Quite without his approval, Severus\' gaze drifted to the Gryffindor table. \'The Golden Trio\' was a trio no more. The Granger girl had been the first to be lost, a bossy know-it-all that had not had the chance to grow up and be anything more. The two left behind seemed . . . diminished somehow, like they weren\'t quite whole. He didn\'t know why he thought that specifically, because Circe only knew, the duo had as much else weighing them down as everyone present.

His eyes moved to the open space just a few feet down from Ronald Weasley. Ginny Weasley, gone. No one knew how she\'d died, her death unseen by any of the survivors. She had died alone, and probably terrified out of her mind. That alone was enough to weigh down the two Gryffindors . . . if not all of them.

Space after empty space was found by Severus\' keen gaze as he continued scanning the table of each house in turn. He could have told, had he been willing and had anyone asked, full essays on the person who\'s name leapt to mind for each space. He could tell what they had tended to prefer at meals, what aptitude, if any, they had for potions, what friends they kept as well as many of the ones they\'d forsaken over the years they had attended Hogwarts. He could, in fact, probably make fairly accurate estimates on which of the fallen had managed to lose the yoke of virginity. Yes, Severus Sn the the most feared Professor at Hogwarts made it a point to know his students. It was the best kept secret at Hogwarts, simply because he had revealed that fact to absolutely no one. He was Slytherin to the core and held his secrets close to his chest.

One by one, the students trickled out of the Great Hall, and like him, most of them left with easily half the food remaining on their plates. Severus watched as Draco Malfoy rose slowly, the once proud and arrogant boy a shadow of his former self, seemingly lost and alone. For the very first time since beginning his teaching career, he truly wished he was the type of man who could reach out to others, who could grab hold and give comfort where it was both needed and due.

He snorted in disgust at the increasingly sentimental nature of his thoughts and let his fork drop to his plate, giving up on actually eating anything more. Silently striding out of the Great Hall, Severus headed straight for the dungeons. Today, a Saturday, he had the luxury of returning to his chambers and to the privacy the represented. Today had been planned months ago to be a Hogsmeade weekend, which would ordinarily have meant he could have wandered the castle and still been reasonably assured of being left alone. He seriously doubted, however, given past events, that many, if any, of the students would actually go.

He was already in the dungeon, a mere 20 meters from his treasured privacy when a voice stopped him. Draco Malfoy, only the voice wasn\'t directed at him. The blond young man didn\'t even realize he was there.

\"Why?\" he asked.

\"Draco,\" came the reply, which Severus was surprised to realized was Weasley, \"it\'s not your fault. They made their own choices. It wasn\'t like you ordered them to do it.\"

\"I may as well have,\" Draco retorted angrily, \"the result would have been the same.\"

\"No,\" Weasley calmly denied instantly, \"it wouldn\'t have.\"

\"How so?\" Draco demanded. \"They\'d still be dead.\"

\"Maybe so,\" Weasley admitted, \"but in that case, you really *would* be responsible for their deaths.\" There was a short silence, during which Severus eased forward until, still hidden by the shadows, he could see the two speakers. \"Just like any good battle commander.\"

Draco snorted.

\"Or,\" Weasley added, obviously changing tactics, \"any good liege lord.\"

Severus was impressed, despite himself. He hadn\'t thought the youngest surviving Weasley had enough wisdom to make that intuitive jump.

Draco let out a soft, short whimper that had Severus aching to simply wrap the boy in comfort. The concept of liege lords was something that, as an aristocratic pureblood of an ancient line, Draco could not only understand, but embrace.

\"Why did they *do* that?\" Draco asked plaintively.

\"Loyalty,\" Weasley answered simply, firmly; though, his confusion was clear when he continued. \"Do you truly not understand that?\"

Draco shook his head. \"No, I truly do not.\" Draco suddenly sat up straighter, turning to look Weasley directly in the eye. \"What drives people to *that* length, to that kind of self-sacrificing loyalty?\"

Taking a deep breath, Weasley opened his mouth several times before any kind of response emerged. \"I can\'t tell you that, Draco. It\'s not something that can be explained, really, it just . . . is.\"

\"I didn\'t want this,\" Draco admitted suddenly, \"any of it. I just wanted the *choice* to live the way *I* wanted -- that\'s all.\" A resounding silence followed that admission and Severus almost steppedwardward. He was stopped short by Draco\'s next quiet, sorrowful words. Though, he couldn\'t see them, Severus could hear the tears in the blond\'s voice. \"I didn\'t ask to be responsible.\"

\"Most people don\'t,\" Ron said, equally quiet. \"Most people get responsibility whether they want it or not, whether they can handle it or not, even.\"

**So,** Severus thought to himself, **it\'s my day for shocking discoveries.** Apparently, he had *severely* underestimated Ronald Weasley.

Violently wiping the unseen tears from his eyes, Draco\'s convulsive swallow was quite audible. \"You\'re talking about Potter, aren\'t you?\"

\"No,\" Ron denied. \"Well, not entirely, anyway, but he is a prime example.\"

Drawing his knees to his chest, Draco locked his arms around his legs before he spoke again. \"I never really thought about it that way. I only ever saw the fame.\"

Weasley shrugged. \"You\'d never walked the proverbial mile in his shoes before. Why would you think of it that way?\"

\"So, if not Potter, or not *primarily* Potter, who *did* you have in mind when you said that?\"

\"Who said I had anyone in mind?\" Weasley shot back defensively.

Draco tilted his head thoughtfully a moment. \"No one,\" he admitted, \"it just really seemed like it to me.\"

Weasley didn\'t answer right away, and when he finally did, Severus had to strain to hear the words. \"Did you know that my parents blame me for Ginny\'s death?\"

Draco\'s appalled, \"What?!\" echoed the one reverberating silently through Severus\' mind. How could they, he wondered incredulously. The boy was instrumental in saving the lives of more than forty children. **What was he supposed to do,** he silently spat, **leave them all and go chasing after one girl he didn\'t even know the whereabouts of?**

The boy had to be mistaken was the only answer Severus could realistically come up with. While he did not know Arthur Weasley very well, what he knew of Molly told him it was not possible for her to blame her son in this situation. It simply didn\'t fit. Obviously, the boy held himself responsible, and in his grief, projected that onto his equally grieving parents. That would have to be dealt with, he decided firmly, glad, at last, to have *something* he could do to help. Lost to his own shock, he missed part of the conversation, and was surprised to hear the sounds of crying, from *both* boys.

Backing up slowly, he used all his abilities at stealth to move away undetected. To intrude now would be unconscionable.

TBC
Kiristeen
Feedback; craved like air to breathe. : )
Kiristeen@kiristeen.com


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