Love is Blind

Chapter 37

Severus sat numbly at the Head Table as he watched his wife walk out of the Great Hall. His heart ached for her, for them. He thought that she would be happy to have the cure at her fingertips. He was so sure thhe whe would take it. He wondered if he had just hoped that she would take it. Maybe she didn’t want children. But she said she did, didn’t she? Severus could still remember the conversation they had just before he proposed to her. She said she wanted to be a mother. Then why did she react this way to Ginny’s gift.

Ginny looked at her husband’s godfather and saw the conflicting emotions in his eyes. Her heart was breaking. She had just upset her best friend and at the same time put a rift in the girl’s new marriage. Maybe Hermione didn’t want this. Ginny knew that couldn’t be the case. Hermione was always talking about wanting to raise a family when she found the right man. Was it that she didn’t want to have children with rus?rus? No, Hermione loves Severus more than anything. Ginnd ned never seen her so happy.

Tears tugged at Ginny’s eyes. She didn’t mean to mess anything up. This was their wedding day, and what does she do, but go and flub it all up. “Severus, I’m sorry. I didn’t think she would react like that. I can’t believe how stupid I am.” She buried her head in her hands crying. When Draco put his arm around her, she leaned into his embrace. She couldn’t believe that she had ruined her best friend’s day and possibly her whole marriage.

“Virginia, I was under the same impression as you. I don’t know what is going on, but whatever it is, it is not your fault. I asked you to help. I agreed to it. I never consulted Hermione for her opinion. I just took it for granted that this would make her happy.”

Draco could feel the ache in his chest as he heard his godfather speak so softly and downtrodden. “Uncle Severus, go find Hermione. Talk to her. I will take care of Ginny. Hermione needs you.”

Severus nodded and started out the door, but before he could leave he heard a small, “I’m so sorry.” Severus knew that Ginny had meant well. Hell, he’s the one that accepted her offer. He wd oud out onto the snow-covered lawn and followed tiny footprints toward the rose garden. He knew that was where she would go. He slowly turned to corner and saw her. She was sitting on a bench; the same bench where he first kissed her. It seemed ages ago, like they had been together for forty years instead of only four months.

She was beautiful sitting there surrounded by the roses. Her eyes were red and swollen; her cheeks tear stained and rosy from the cold. She was staring up at the starry sky, absently twirling the rose on her necklace between her fingers. He looked up at the sky and remembered the day that he gave it to her. He had kissed her that morning and at the same time opened his heart to her. The door was open, it could never be closed again.

He stepped carefully toward her. With the crunch of the snow under his feet, Hermione looked at him. She had definitely been crying. He wanted to kiss every tear away and make her feel happy again. She scooted over on the bench, silently beckoning him to sit. Severus sat and fought the urge to wrap his arm around her. He wasn’t sure what her reaction would be. Did she want him to? Did she want him there at all?

After a few moments, Hermione broke the silence. “I’m sorry, Severus. I should not have left the way I did.”

“Love, it’s all right. What’s wrong?”

Hermione looked up at him, and instead of the hurt and pain she expected to see there, she saw love, concern and sympathy. “I don’t know.” She shook her head trying to clear her befuddled mind. “I thought that I wanted to have children. But then I got started on my research and... that’s my life. I have lived in a library or lab for so long, I don’t know how to be any other way. I guess I gave up on the idea after the curse and instead of accepting that I wasn’t mother material, I blamed the curse for my lack of wanting a child.”

She leaned into Severus and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her to him. “I do want to be a mother, but not yet. We’re still working on the paper for the lycanthropy cure. I want to publish something about the treatment for my eyes. I want to take time to be me; to find me again, to find us. I want to spend time just being your wife. I’m not ready to add a baby to the mix. Not yet.”

Severus couldn’t help but smile. She still wanted him. She wanted to be his wife. He could understand her hesitancy toward bringing a child into the fray. With both of their explosive tempers and high-strung personas, he didn’t know if the child would make it to be ten years old. He had given up long ago on the idea of becoming a father. The idea of it intrigued him, but he had seen too many children messed up by their parentsat hat he didn’t want to be to blamed for ruining his own child. Hermione on the other hand, would be a wonderful mother, if she would just put her thirst for knowledge aside for a while. She had a nurturing and compassionate side that could rival Florence Nightingale.

He lightly kissed the top of her head. “I understand, my dear.”

“Severus, if you want to have children, I will take the potion. If it means I will have you beside me, I will do anything.”

Severus pulled away and cradled her face in his hands. “Hermione, you are my wife and I am your husband. With or without children, that is not going to change. Like I have told you before, I love you, not your womb. If and when you decide that we are ready for a baby, I will be right here beside you. If that day never comes, I will still be here.”

Tears streamed down Hermione’s cheeks as she looked into her husband’s eyes. “What did I do to deserve you? I love you, Severus,” she said wrapping her arms around him.

His fingers trailed through her hair as he pulled her into his chest. He softly kissed her hairline. “I love you more than anything, Hermione, but I think I am the one who should be asking you that question. I know that I don’t deserve you. You are intelligent and beautiful. You love me for me, despite what I have done. You forgave me when I could not forgive myself. You have given me more than you can imagine.”

Hermione sighed contentedly into Severus’ chest. She was happy in his arms. She felt safe, protected, cherished. She looked up at her husband who waskingking around the garden lost in thought. “Sickle for your thoughts.”

“Since when am I worth a sickle?” he teased.

“Since this afternoon when you became Mr. Hermione Snape.”

He laughed out loud. Hermione smiled at the sound of his laugh. “Well, Mrs. Snape, if you must know. I was just thinking how this garden has been the scene for many turns in our relationship.”

She smiled even more as she nodded and looked around at all the roses. “I never realized how beautiful it was here. I used to come out to collect ingredients and work with Professor Sprout, but now I see a whole other side to it. The aromatic peace from just sitting here is calming. The feel of your lover beside you, makes it romantic. Why I never noticed it before, I don’t know.”

Severus lifted her chin up to meet his gaze. “You had never seen it through your other senses. You only saw it, not smelled it or even felt it.”

“You know, being blind makes you see many things differently. Now that I can see everything again, I appreciate it all that much more.” Her hand came up and caressed his cheek before her lips met his in a loving kiss. “I got to see you in a whole new light while I was blind. Now I can look at you and see the hidden emotions in your eyes. I can feel the love pouring from your heart. I can see the beautiful man you are. I thought you were sexy when I was a student. Now I think you are just plain sex on legs.” Her seductive lift of the eyes, made Severus’ heart jump, along with something else a bit further south.

Severus fought the urge to take her right there on their bench, but instead veered the conversation elsewhere. “Hermione, let me take you back in the castle before you freeze. I think we need to go talk to Virginia. She was quite upset.”

“Oh Gods, Ginny,” Hermione exclaimed before covering her mouth. “I was atrocious. I hope she will forgive me. I know I wouldn’t.” Severus proffered his hand to her and they walked back toward the castle.

“Love, just tell her what you told me and she will be fine. I don’t think you could ever lose any of the Weasley’s, especially Virginia.”

Always the devil’s advocate, Hermione pointed out, “But she is not a Weasley anymore. She is a Malfoy.”

“Hermione, you will be fine. Plus, once a Weasley, always a Weasley. The hair manages to give that away.” He smiled and squeezed her hand reassuring her that everything was going to be all right.

As they walked into the entrance hall, Hermione was attacked by a mass of arms, legs and red hair. Hermione wrapped her arms around her friend, and Ginny cried into her shoulder, “‘Mione, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean...”

Hermione stood back and made Ginny look at her. “Gin, I am the one who needs to apologize. I should not have overreacted. I got scared. I’m not sure if I’m ready yet for the responsibility of motherhood. I thank you for the gift and will gladly take it for the future. Ginny, no one else would have thought of anything so meaningful, so special. I love you, you are my sister. I have seen you as my sister since my sixth year. I know you only wanted to make me happy. Right now, I am happy. I have a wonderfully understanding husband, the love of wonderful friends, a roof over my head and food to fill my belly. What else do I need?”

Ginny looked at her friend, roughly wiping the tears from her eyes. “Hermione, you are one of the most wonderful people I have ever known. You see things so differently than anyone else I know.”

“Gin, after going through the things I have throughout my life, you can’t help but look at the positive. It can’t get any worse than it was.” Hermione pulled her friend into a hug and they stood there many minutes holding each other. Severus and Draco had started to become a bit uncomfortable when the girls finally let go.

After saying their goodbyes, Severus and Hermione retired to their rooms. Many hours had passed and Hermione lay there staring into the night wrapped up in Severus’ arms. She couldn’t sleep, all she could think of was the blue bottle sitting on the bathroom shelf. She carefully slipped out of bed, trying not to awaken Severus, and padded to the loo. She turned on the light, opened the cupboard and stared at the bottle Ginny had given her earlier that day.

Hermione smiled at the thought of Severus playing with a dark-haired baby on the floor. She c see see them pushing a pram around the lake with another dark-haired child walking behind them. They looked so happy, so full, so complete. She eyed the bottle again and looked down at her flat stomach. ‘It’s not guaranteed and it doesn’t mean I will get pregnant right away, right?’ she reasoned with herself.

Hermione couldn’t fight the ache in her heart, at the idea of saying ‘no’ to being a mother. But it felt like someone or something was telling her that it had to be now. That it was time for her child to make his or her debut. It would be a powerful child, a product of her love and devotion to Severus. Severus was the only surviving Snape. There was no one else to carry on his name. Hermione looked out the door to see her husband sleeping so peacefully. Peaceful. He deserved peace. He deserved happiness. He deserved his dreams to come true.

Her brown eyes again focused on the blue bottle on the shelf. She continued justifying things to herself, reasoning the ifs and howd whd whens. If she took the potion, it may not work. If it did work, she may not get pregnant right away. If she did get pregnant she still has nine months before the baby comes. All of her research and publications can be done while waiting for the baby. She wouldn’t be able to brew while pregnant, but all that she wanted to research was already brewed, she would only be working with the results and processes.

She looked again at her husband who had shifted onto his back in his sleep. She loved him more than anything. She really did want to have his chiWhy Why wait? She could do everything pregnant or not. Before she could talk herself out of it, she grabbed the bottle, pulled the stopper and poured it down her throat.


TBC – Are you happy yet? ;-)