Scarred Souls

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Title: Scarred Souls



Author: Misty Moonlight/Co-author: QueenBoadicea



Beta: QueenBoadicea



Pairings: Severus/Harry



Published: 12/10/2008



Summary: A widowed Harry must bond with Snape in order to save his daughter’s life. Sev gains a family, for better or worse, and the hearts of two scarred souls will be changed forever.



Warnings: Romance, Drama, Angst, Alternate Universe, Sexual Situations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slash, Anal, Language, Humor, possible MPreg, Bonding, Original Characters, Family, OOC-ness,

non-canon, WIP



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Chapter 39: Can You Forgive Me?





He had known awkward moments in his past: accosting the young Lily Evans for the first time; the trembling anticipation of introduction to Lord Voldemort and the attendant worry that he might not be chosen to join the elite; confronting his former Headmaster again after learning the true depths of the Dark Lord’s plans; his very first return to the fold of Death Eaters as a double agent. They had all brought emotions of fear, terror, nervousness, even churning nausea. This one could be added to them.



Harry’s face was stern, forbidding in its anger. He stood with his fists clenched as if he dearly wanted to punch Severus in the face again.



Faced with the possibility of violence, Severus smoothed his features and tried for a mild tone. “Harry…what are you doing back so early?”



“Just in time to catch you planning something nasty, no doubt.” Harry slammed the door. “Were you going to drop a potion in my bed? Smear my sheets with an aphrodisiac?” The green eyes flashed and a wave of magic washed through the spacious chamber. Severus could sense the diagnostic nature of the spells, as Harry sought to detect any foreign magic practiced in his room. It was a most impressive display and Severus was reminded all over again just what a puissant wizard he’d made his mate for life.



“Harry, listen. I’m actually glad to see you.”



“Really? That’s a first. You’ve never been happy to see me in your life,” Harry spat.



“But it’s true. I wanted to show you…”



“Show me what?” Harry leaned against his dresser and folded his arms. He never took his eyes off Severus.



Severus paused. What exactly could he tell Harry? That he wanted to make amends? That he’d seen his awful past and understood? Harry wouldn’t want pity any more than Severus would. “I wanted to show you that we needn’t be enemies. That we could be friends.”



Harry let out a harsh bark. “Oh, god, not this speech again! Wait, how does it go? ‘Harry, let’s be friends.’ ‘Harry, let’s have dinner together, just the two of us.’ ‘Harry, more, oh god, more!’” The laughter this time had a distinct mocking tone and Severus flushed hotly.



The man finally stopped and smirked at him. “Severus, I’m beginning to think there’s more than pregnant hormones going wild here. Nagini’s bite must have driven you absolutely barkers. All this extreme swinging back and forth is just too crazed; Ginny was never like this even when she was nine months gone.”



“Pregnancy affects everyone differently, Harry,” Severus responded, hearing the defensiveness in his voice. “But that’s not what this is about.”



“What is this about then? And you still haven’t told me what you’re doing in my room.”



Severus stepped forward only to see Harry tense and shift backward ever so slightly. “Don’t come near me,” he said quietly. “Just tell me what you want and get out.”



The rejection hurt. Severus struggled not to show it. He couldn’t allow his wounded sensibilities to get in the way. It was Harry’s feelings that were important not his. “I meant what I said. I want to start over. I want to become part of your family.”



“And I should believe you why? Come on, Snape. Your track record with me isn’t exactly stellar, is it? Why should this be any different from the other times?”



Severus stood silent. He honestly didn’t know what he could say to show Harry he was sincere. Harry was right; he had played the role of the penitent too often to be convincing now.



Very well. He had to offer up something to demonstrate his newfound conviction. This could be a grave mistake that he was making. It put a weapon into Harry’s hands but it would prove that he meant what he said.



He had hesitated too long. Harry sighed in impatience and ran his hands through his hair, leaving it even more rumpled than usual.



“Look, Severus. Let’s get a few things straight, shall we? The only reason I don’t ditch you right now and take the children back to the cottage is that it would leave you alone with your predicament. I swore to help you through with this pregnancy and to love the child no matter what. So there’s no way I’m leaving it alone to your tender clutches.”



Harry shifted from the dresser, still keeping Severus in sight. “I’m following the letter of the Vow. But nowhere in it does it state that I have to put up with your shite. It’s not a condition that we have to get along or even like each other. This act of yours is getting old and I can’t be bothered to go along with it any more. From now on, you can keep to your side of the fence and I’ll keep to mine. Everybody will be much happier that way.”



The man meant it. Harry was fully prepared to live the rest of the bonding as a distant stranger.



This wasn’t what Severus wanted. It remained to him to convince Harry of his true feelings. Swallowing his pride, Severus murmured, “I was in your room because I kept thinking about what we did here…after the restaurant dinner and two nights ago.”



A flush turned Harry’s face bright as a sunset. “Don’t remind me. I’m trying to forget it—both times.”



Severus bowed his head. “I understand if that’s how you feel. Both times I overcame your emotions, your body, without any concern to your own desires. It was heinous thing to do and I—apologize.”



Harry stared at him, the emerald eyes flat and cold. “You think that makes up for it?”



“No. But I have a confession to make.”



“You can save it, Snape. I saw your Pensieve memories. Remember?” Harry asked, sounding weary now.



“I find Parseltongue incredibly…arousing.”



The green eyes snapped up to his. “Uh…excuse me? What did you say?”



“When you speak Parseltongue, I am overcome. It happened when we were intimate and two days ago, when you were hissing at me in anger.”



“But I wasn’t speaking Parseltongue then!” Harry protested.



“I know. But the noise was so reminiscent of the first time we were…together that I couldn’t control myself.” Severus could feel his cheeks warming. He was an intensely private man; it was unnerving to bare his soul like this.



“Really? I didn’t know. I’m so sorry,” Harry fretted. “I won’t do it again.”



Was the man going to misunderstand just as Severus was trying to make amends? “That’s not what I wish. I merely wanted to explain the reason for my loss of control. Such pleasure caught me unaware.” He went on, letting his voice get deeper. “It is a sensation I wouldn’t mind experiencing again.”



“Oh. Well.” Harry sat down on a plain wooden chair. Severus finally noticed how Harry eschewed the more elaborate furnishings found in the rest of Black’s manor. Even the original four poster this room undoubtedly had contained had been Transfigured into an ordinary king-size bed. Severus didn’t quite understand that mindset. The boy had grown up with dire poverty. Shouldn’t he want the best that life had to offer?



He certainly hadn’t gotten that by marrying Severus, had he? So far, Severus had given him nothing in this marriage save his evil moods. No wonder Harry was so bitter and untrusting.



His bond mate hadn’t spoken in several moments. His face was so blank; Severus had no idea what he was thinking. “I just thought you should know—for the future.”



Harry nodded but didn’t answer.



He had tried, hadn’t he? Well, no, he hadn’t, not really. Did Severus really think one little confession about his sexual proclivities would win over the stubborn Gryffindor? It was a pathetic attempt, certainly not up to his usual standards of brilliance.



“I know—I know I’m not what you would have chosen in a spouse. You had a wonderful wife, a lovely home and three beautiful children. I tricked you into accepting me and you did so with uncommon grace and fortitude. I want acceptance from you, even if you can’t desire me. And if you can’t bring yourself to forgive me, then…”



Then what? This was it; he was out of options or offers. Severus couldn’t do the noble thing and remove himself from Harry’s life. He was tired of being alone and didn’t want to rear a child by himself. That’s what he would have to do if he absented himself from Harry’s world, from the man’s warmth and solicitude that he displayed so easily to others.



Perhaps he should consult Hermione. She knew Harry so well. If anyone would have a clue how to win his affections—



“Sssshhhhhiiissssha.”



Severus froze. “Harry?” he whispered.



The man was staring at him intently. “Hssshhhharrrsshhaaalllliiaaa.”



The blood moved south so quickly Severus was almost light headed. He took a trembling step towards Harry. The Gryffindor stood up but made no move to approach.



So. He would have to prove himself. Severus crossed the space swiftly, his confidence wavering with every step.



“Ssshhakkkkllllisssshhiillltttttsshshshshs.”



He was reluctant to speak and break the spell hovering in the air. But the harshness of this sibilance made him pause. “What did that mean, Harry?”



Harry smiled and it was mischievous, innocent and naughty all at once. “It means ‘tall, dark one with the sinful tongue.’”



“Ah.” Severus told himself that the heat he felt now had nothing to do with mortification. It was sheer lust, pure and simple. Though why it bloomed in his cheeks instead of his trousers didn’t bear close examination.



Hissing noises continued to come out of Harry’s mouth until Severus closed the space between them and kissed him.



He kept the kiss light, tentative. The last thing he wanted to do was force Harry, not now, not after all the mistakes that had been made. He sensed an equal hesitance in his mate. After all, he was not the one Harry would choose under normal circumstances.



But when had circumstances ever been normal between them?



Hands inched up to Severus’ shoulders like creeping vines. The shorter man was leaning into him now; Severus could feel the Gryffindor’s heart pounding against his. Merlin, it throbbed rather fast, didn’t it? Perhaps it was his own heartbeat he felt. Even more exciting was the answering erection that was making itself felt.



But he had to be certain. He’d made too many errors as it was. “Harry, is this what you want?” Severus whispered.



Those emerald eyes turned sharp and the chin lifted. “Sshshiiiissshhhttt!!”



Well, that sounded resolute enough. Severus lapped at Harry’s mouth, bolder now after this show of acceptance. Sinful tongue, eh? He hadn’t shown Harry just what this wicked little bit of muscle could do.



The mouth, with its soft lips, opened beneath his. Harry’s breath smelled of eggs, jam, pumpkin juice—it hadn’t been so long since breakfast, after all. There was a darker undertone to it, flavorsome and indefinable. Whatever it was, it went to Severus’s head like old wine.



The texture of soft velvet welcomed him as their tongues met, explored each other. Harry truly was a superb kisser, a technique that translated well, whether kissing a woman or a man. He hummed, sighed and hissed, the breath puffing into Severus.



Harry’s fists were tugging at his robe. What? Oh, yes. Too much clothing in the way. Severus waved his wand and muttered, “Divestio.”



He had to part from Harry as their clothing flowed from their bodies. It took only a few seconds but it felt entirely too long for Severus’s liking. When they were finally naked, they nearly flew into each other’s arms.



The sensation of skin on skin was bliss. After so many nights of frustration, dreaming this touch, it was here at last and all at once Severus was impatient to taste its pleasure.



So he licked down Harry’s cheek to his ear, suckling it between his lips. The lithe body shook and more hissing buzzed into his own ear. Severus groaned. Spurred by that voice, he lapped and nipped at the golden column of neck. Harry gasped when he felt his teeth but he didn’t back away.



The smaller man was shaking in his arms now. “Knees a little weak?” Severus murmured, smiling against Harry’s lips.



Harry pulled back to glare at him. He let out a stream of Parseltongue, his eyes glowing with challenge.



Severus just barely managed to hold back a groan. He picked up the Gryffindor—really, how convenient to be with a partner so much smaller and lighter than himself—and carried him over to the bed. He wanted to drop the man but the muscular arms locked around his neck and he was forced to lower them both onto the bed, kneeling on the mattress.



It was Harry’s turn to nuzzle Severus’s neck. Severus went cold and jerked away.



Confusion showed in those changeable eyes. “Severus? What is it?”



“Nothing.” His voice sounded tight, even to him.



“Are you sure? Did I—did I do something wrong?”



“No. But my scars—the skin is unpleasantly rough.”



“Oh? I didn’t notice,” Harry murmured. Suiting action to word, he swept his fingertips over the raised flesh. There was more Parseltongue, soft as a seductive whisper. Then Harry was kissing him there, trailing his tongue over the ruined skin, tracing the ridged scars. Where he didn’t lick, he kissed. Where he didn’t kiss, he lipped. When he didn’t lip, he hissed, the skin burning at the brush of air.



“Sshhhhahhaheeehhhhsshh.”



“Yesss,” Severus moaned.



He rolled on to his back so Harry straddled him. It would be easier for the man to move and he wanted to prove the strength of his feelings. He wanted to give to Harry not take.



But the way Harry touched him felt like giving, too…



Harry tilted his head and laid his hand on Severus’ stomach. His look was inquiring, a touch worried. “Don’t worry, Harry. You won’t hurt me. Sex is possible all during the first trimester,” Severus purred. Harry flushed and ducked his head. He was embarrassed; how cute.



Emboldened now that he had permission, Harry began rocking back and forth on Severus’s lap. He gazed down at Severus’s cock where it lay on his stomach. “SSsshhhhoooohshshshllllliisshhh.” The tone sounded admiring. When Harry reached down to wrap his hand around the pulsing length, Severus couldn’t help the gasp that ripped out of him.



Harry leaned back a little and hissed. “SSshhhahee?”



It was like he’d forgotten that he wasn’t speaking English. What was the man saying now? Good? More? Severus hazarded a guess. “More.” Harry smiled, happiness lighting up his features.



Harry reached down and gathered up Severus’s prick and his in one hand. Biting his lip, he began thrusting back and forth, watching with lidded eyes as both heads appeared and disappeared in his fist. Severus panted too, caught by the same erotic spectacle.



Harry’s weight should have been too much, lying across his thighs, but he was a lightweight and the pressure was good in all the right ways. Harry evidently knew it as he squirmed harder while his head went lower, biting and sucking the skin on Severus’ shoulders and chest, even as he released Severus’s cock from its warm, fleshy prison.



Now the tongue was at his nipple, bursts of Parseltongue causing the flesh to flick out at his sensitive nubs again and again. “God, Harry!”



Harry closed his eyes. Again there was that sweep of magic in the air. What was he…?



Severus’s eyes widened and he let out a cry of shock. A tingling sensation enveloped his arse and he bucked his hips, startled at the flood of moisture in his anal passage.



Fuck! Where had Harry learned that? Severus certainly hadn’t taught it to him. He was damned certain his wife hadn’t taught him that, either.



“Ssshhhillllahhhsshhaaahaha.” The Gryffindor looked unbearably smug now, delighted at having taken Severus by surprise. Then he lent down and breathed on Severus’s cock. His tongue came out in one swift lick from root to head.



“AHH!” Severus’s fists curled into the sheets as he bucked towards that knowing mouth. He couldn’t believe such an intensity of sensation could come from such a delicate act.



Harry didn’t take him in his mouth. He seemed content to lick at the column only. Evidently, his boldness went only so far, not that Severus cared. He was on the verge of begging Harry to get on with it and forget the preliminaries.



Fortunately, his partner seemed to divine his mood. Harry pushed at his legs until he was bent nearly in two. This time the indecorous position didn’t bother Severus in the slightest. He was prepared to start singing if it would bring the relief he so desperately sought. He didn’t care if his pride was cast to the winds in the process so long as Harry fucked him RIGHT NOW!!



When the man thrust at last, Severus swiftly brought down his legs, wrapping them firmly around his bond mate’s waist. He never wanted to let Harry go; he wanted this to last forever. It wasn’t possible but here and now he would do everything to make this good for Harry, to make certain the man came back to him again and again.



Severus didn’t know if it was his pregnancy or the endless stream of sibilant sounds spurting from Harry’s tongue. But this felt even more intense than their previous time together.



Severus cried out as Harry slid over his prostate. Those green eyes widened and the slender body shifted over his, trying to find the proper angle.



“Sshhhheeheeeehhshshsh…” The sound accompanied a cautious push. In spite of Severus’s urgent need, Harry seemed damnably determined to take this slowly. Clucking his teeth in vexation, Severus grabbed Harry and jerked him by the hips so that the man was suddenly bollocks deep inside him.



Harry let out a startled yelp and his eyes bulged. Severus grinned and squeezed his arse. This time the sound from his partner was a garbled hiss and Harry began fucking him properly, lost to the rising tide of sensation gripping them both.



The man let out another hiss and lapped at Severus’s neck, the side where the scars lay. It should have sickened him. The hissing and licking in that spot should have brought horrific memories of that creature’s attack. But when Harry licked him there, fire streaked from his tongue down Severus’s body. He sobbed and clutched Harry tightly enough to make his bones creak.



“More, oh fuck, Harry,” he gasped. “Wanted this, yes, want more. Please…”



The man was rocking over him, into him, bringing a warmth Severus hadn’t realized he’d needed until now. But it wasn’t just that. Harry was looking at him, meeting his eyes with an unnerving concentration. The hissing was ebbing and peaking with each move and there was that softness in it, the one he’d heard previously.



Severus was caught in a dual dilemma. All of this—the unlooked for tenderness, the heat, the touch, that tongue, that acceptance of his scars, the sizzling snake tongue that managed to crash against his senses again and again—was threatening to sweep him under and he wanted that. He craved that oblivion, that loss of control.



But what did Harry want? He wasn’t under a drug; Severus wasn’t forcing him to do this. He had hissed at Severus, knowing how it stirred his older mate. It was like a woman wearing a subtle perfume or a certain shade that she knew her lover preferred.



Lover.



Oh god, was Harry that? Severus stared into the man’s eyes. He could perform Legilimency and learn what he wanted to know. But somehow…it seemed so wrong and a betrayal of trust, especially now, considering what they were doing. He was on thin ice with Harry as it was and…



A burst of Parseltongue, unbelievably guttural, nothing like Harry’s normal voice, came from the man above him and Severus’s thoughts scattered like startled doxies. From then on, he could do nothing but pant, groan, sweat and scream as Harry plowed him, kissed him and sent that sweet sibilance flying over his skin.



“Harry…god…Harry.” The man was fucking him with abandon and Severus was doing his best to match his pace. Their hips thrust against each other as their rhythms meshed. Severus’s eyelids fluttered, all the muscles in his body quivering, his toes curling, his legs locking around Harry’s waist.



Those lovely eyes blurred into a dark forest green. Harry hissed and bit Severus in the shoulder, where it joined with his neck. Severus howled and came, spurting on to his stomach. It was like his body seized up in an unending spasm, one that left him coiled around his lover like an unwound spring.



Harry, it seemed, was not finished with him yet, bucking as though riding the crest of Severus’s climax. When he came, Severus swore he could feel the man spurting deep inside him.



Merlin, no wonder the man had got three brats on his wife and another on his bond mate. Harry was disgustingly potent. Molly Weasley had every right to be proud of him; Harry seemed bound and determined to take after her husband, Arthur.



The Gryffindor collapsed, panting hard. Then the firm weight on Severus’s chest pushed off almost at once and both men sighed as Harry slipped out. For several heartbeats of time, there was no sound save the mutter of Cleaning Charms and no movement except the careful repositioning of limbs.



Severus feared this, the moment of separation. Would Harry suffer from remorse or regret? Would he kick Severus out of his bed?



No, the man was peppering his face with slow kisses. Even though Severus was tired, he could still make out sleepy torrents of Parseltongue. “Harry, either shut up or speak English. I’m too fatigued for guessing games,” he muttered.



The eyes unfogged. Harry mumbled, “Ss…I mean, Severus. Did you want to get something to eat later? It’s still early. We can rest a few hours and call on Kreacher to bring us food.”



“That would be fine—later.” He paused, fighting against sleep. “Harry, you still haven’t told me why you were home so early.”



“Hmm? Oh, there was an outbreak of Dragon Pox at the orphanage—it’s really making the rounds this year—and they sent me home.”



“WHAT?!” Severus sat bolt upright in bed, scrambling away from Harry. “You imbecile! And you came home and exposed me to it? How could you be so careless?! Don’t you realize the danger you pose to our unborn child?” he roared.



“Oh, relax, Severus. I never made it inside. There was a note outside the orphanage door warning people away because the outbreak. Remembering what happened with the twins, I came home straight away—which is when I caught you here,” he added meaningfully.



“Ah. That’s good, then.” Severus gradually relaxed on to the bed again.



Harry grinned and nestled his chin on Severus’s shoulder. “You know that’s the first time you called it that?”



“Called what?”



“You’ve always called the baby ‘my unborn’ or ‘my child’. This is the first time you’ve called it ours,” Harry whispered.



“Well, whose else is it?” Severus asked gruffly.



The harsh tone didn’t fool Harry. His answering smile lit up his eyes and he bent down and kissed Severus softly, giving a teasing nibble to his lips. When he laid his hand on Severus’s abdomen, a foolish warmth bloomed under his fingers until it swept over Severus’s entire body.



Severus realized something at last. Such kindness was in Harry’s nature. The man wanted to care for him, not out of duty, but because it was an innate part of whom he was. Severus could have had this all along, if he’d only let go of his hatred.



Vowing not to push away his bond mate again, no matter how difficult things got in the coming months, Severus pulled up the covers over them both. He kissed Harry on his brow and sank into blissful slumber.





TBC