Never A Memory

A/N: Happy Halloween Everyone! Don't get too sick on your sugar high!



"No tears please. It is a waste of good suffering." ~Pinhead in "Hellraiser"


~The Markaghirelle~

"You should tell Ron," Hermione had said. "You should tell him."

Harry laid his head in hands from where he sat behind his desk. Merlin, he was tired. He and Ron had been working out their trip to find Griphook. It would take them into Germany, where the goblin was last sighted, and they would have to travel on foot because of the Apparatal Border Closures. Well, 'on foot' was a relative term. Technically, they would commute as Muggles. They would leave tomorrow after the Markaghirelle was finished.

"He's your partner, Harry. He has a right to know."

Hermione's words kept repeating in his mind, like a broken record that never seemed to stop. It was almost time to go home for the day and still her words chanted in his mind. Harry stifled a yawn and groaned as a sweep of utter exhaustion rattled his bones.

"Do you love him?" "Do you love him?" "Do you love him?"

Harry knew he cared for Draco. But love? He had loved Ginny. He would have done anything for Ginny. Until she had introduced Lenor Remuin at the Auror Graduation. Lenor Remuin would never leave her to fight darkness. Lenor Remuin would never place her in danger. Lenor Remuin would never let her go.

But Harry did.

And Cruent? Harry knew he had never been in love with Cruent Mantle. He had been certain, though, that Cruent had loved him. That's why Harry had left him. Don't love me, Harry had thought. I don't want you to get hurt. Don't love me.

"And it may be the only thing that will protect you."

Don't love me.

Harry laid his head down on a pile of paperwork.

It wasn't fair.

And Harry certainly didn't like to think that he may have to force himself to acknowledge falling for Draco in order to get them both out of this whole thing alive.

Too many people he had loved had been taken away from him. Too many. It wasn't fair. It didn't make sense.

Don't love me.

Even Cruent had met a terrible end for caring for Harry Potter.

He couldn't believe Cruent hadn't cared. He couldn't. It was real, in its own way.

He was damned.

Harry closed his eyes.

Don't love me.

~*~

"Harry."

Harry opened his eyes with a start. Ron was there shaking him awake.

"Harry, what on earth--did you sleep here last night?"

Harry sat up, rubbing a terrible ache in his neck. Apparently. It was morning.

Ron stared at him for a long time as Harry caught his bearings and stood.

"Malfoy's asking for you," Ron said at some length. "The Markaghirelle is ready. Snape and 'Mione are waiting for you in Cell Block C."

Harry's mind was obviously elsewhere, but he nodded and followed Ron to the Cell Block.

They were all indeed waiting for him. Harry stepped into Cell Block C behind Ron, rubbing his neck. Four new Aurors stood surrounding Draco's cage and Draco himself stood calmly by his cot. He looked even more exhausted than the last time Harry had seen him. Draco nudged into Harry's mind when the young Auror wouldn't meet his gaze, but Harry pushed him back and shook his head.

"Don't," Harry whispered and Draco looked at him quizzically.

Hermione frowned, looking between Harry's reserved figure and Draco's questioning look. Then she took in her fiancée’s ignorant expression. Hermione sighed. Harry had obviously not told Ron...and he's probably second guessing the hell out of himself in regards to Draco.

No one scares Harry Potter like Harry Potter scares himself.

Too, too true.

Hermione stepped forward, holding up a small purple bottle with an intricate silver stopper. "Ron, Harry," Hermione turned and nodded to Draco," Malfoy. We've arranged the dosage so that there will be no weakening of the amount in Malfoy's system; provided he takes the potion every four hours on the hour."

Draco eyed the bottle, feeling suddenly repulsed by the idea of ingesting it.

Hermione handed the bottle to Harry and Harry approached the cell. "Drink it all, Draco," Harry said, holding it out through the bars.

Draco took the bottle, anger bursting up from somewhere inside of him as he unstopped the bottle and stared at the clear, bubbling elixir that frothed vapor out from the top; and he was visited by a brutal urge to fling it away from himself, to smash the bottle into a million glittering pieces.

You don't need it.

Quiet.

You don't need it, Maul repeated, his voice like honey in his mind. Look how you've suppressed me on your own.

I can't sleep.

I'll let you sleep, Draco. Laughter echoed inside of him. I'll let you sleep forever.

Be quiet.

Why would you let them drug you? Even your lover wants you drugged and out of the way.

No.

Oh, yes. See how distant he is?

Be quiet.

See how he won't meet your eyes? See how he's closed his very thoughts to you?

Be quiet!

He despises you now. Like he always has.

No.

"Take the Markaghirelle, Draco," Snape said from somewhere in the room.

He despises you for murdering Cruent Mantle.

No! He said--

"Drink the potion, Malfoy."

He said that to shut you up. He said it to keep you docile. We both know you are not docile.

Quiet! He would have let them send me to Azkaban if--

The laughter rolled and crashed like thunder. The bushy-haired one knows. I can see it in her eyes.

"Drink it, Malfoy!"

What?

She knows. Do you think you are really worth his job? Do you think he would really let you take that from him? He is casting you away. Look at him.

No.

"Malfoy!"

Look at him!

No! Draco raised the bottle to his lips and tossed his head back, draining the elixir in one draught.

Then everyone jumped nearly out of their skin when Draco let out a blood-curdling scream. Harry's hand shot out and grabbed Draco's shirt collar, keeping the tormented Slytherin upright as his knees buckled and gave out beneath him. "I thought you said it wouldn't hurt him!" Harry shouted over Draco's errant screaming.

"It's not hurting Malfoy!" Hermione protested, her hands tight over her ears.

"It's hurting *it*," Snape said, coming closer to the cage as Draco writhed and veins bulged in his neck.

"Draco!" Harry yelled, shaking him. "Draco! Snap out of it!"

Then, quicker than the eye could follow, Draco's hands wrapped around Harry's throat, squeezing as hard as the fingers could. Harry stared, mesmerized as those long, slender digits attempted to strangle him, into a pair of bottomless black eyes that shifted and swirled with malice and hate.

Around them, everyone had drawn their wands and hesitated when Harry gasped: "No! Don't!"

The color drained from Draco's face, giving him a stark grey pallor, blue veins popping out everywhere on his face and neck. Maul squeezed his fingers harder, enjoying the sound of this man struggling for air. "He. Is. Mine." Three words. Then Draco gasped, his color returning and his hands coming abruptly away from Harry's throat. Those bottomless black eyes faded to Draco's cold, cold gray and Harry stumbled back, breath coming in ragged gulps.

Draco pressed against the bars, gripping them with both hands. "Merlin, Harry! Fuck, I'm so sorry--are you okay?!"

Harry sucked in a few ragged breaths and finally straightened, jerking his head in an informal nod. "I'm fine." Harry turned to Hermione and Snape. Snape shrugged.

"So, you see now why we must keep the dosage accurate to the minute," Snape said seriously. "We didn't think Maul would like being subdued."

Ron shifted, watching Draco out of the corner of his eye. "Conduct regular tests on him while we're away. Make sure your estimates are correct."

Hermione nodded and Draco gripped the bars tighter. "Away? Where are you going?"

Ron opened his mouth to answer but Harry shook his head at him. "I don't think you should know." Harry rubbed his bruised throat gingerly. "At least until we're sure the Tulpa's completely subdued. That was way too close."

Draco looked hard at Harry and tried to push back into his mind using their connection through the Horcrux Scar. Harry narrowed his eyes and pushed back so hard with his own mind that Draco was physically forced back a few steps. "What you know, he knows, Draco. Stay out of my head." The words were delivered so coldly that everyone in the room felt that they were certain the temperature had dropped a few degrees.

Draco lifted his chin, refusing to look hurt and opted to look dignified and reserved instead. A wall came crashing down between them as Draco's gaze turned icy and his features quite stony. Then he looked away, turning so his back faced Harry until he, Ron, Hermione, and Snape quietly left the room.

~*~

"I'm sure there was better way to handle that," Hermione said the second they had emerged from the Cell Block.

Harry whirled on her, his green eyes blazing. "I've had quite enough of your input, Hermione!"

"Hey!" Ron protested, stepping between them. "I'm sure she's only saying that it wasn't really Malfoy who tried to throttle you, mate. It was that thing."

"I know what she's saying," Harry grated, glaring past Ron at Hermione. Abruptly, Harry sighed, running his hands roughly through his hair. Hermione kept her gaze level with his, lifting her chin as she watched Harry's anger melt away, leaving only a weary frustration that burned in his eyes like hot coals in a windstorm.

"You overreacted," Hermione stated simply.

"I overreacted," Harry conceded with a nod, leaning against a nearby wall and letting his head droop. Harry stuffed his hands in his pants pockets. "I want him out of there as soon as the tests are concluded," Harry murmured, his unruly black locks falling into his eyes and casting his features into shadow. "I don't like seeing him in there."

Hermione nodded, her eyes full of understanding. Ron looked strangely between the two of them and scratched at his chin. "I've got the strangest feeling I'm missing something here."

Harry's shoulders began to shake as he started to laugh silently, a quiet black humor swelling inside of him. Harry pushed off of the wall. "Come on, Ron; let's get going. I'll tell you later." Harry paused only to point back at Hermione. "I want him out of there."

Satisfied knowing that Harry would inform Ron of his affair with Malfoy, Hermione only nodded again and watched them disappear down the hall. Snape coughed and Hermione jumped. She had almost forgotten he was there.

~*~

"You'll both be traveling as Muggles," Trisha Knockwood informed them, handing Ron and Harry their papers. "Everything's there; you're new identities, travel papers, times and dates." Trisha Knockwood from Muggle Affairs had been appointed to help the two Auror's with planning their mission to finding Griphook and retrieving the Sword of Godric Gryffindor because Hermione had been busy with the Markaghirelle.

"Thank you, Trisha," Ron said, frowning in concentration as he shuffled through the papers of his new identity--a man named John Doe. Clever.

Harry barely glanced at his. He would be traveling under the name James Pieratt. The corner of his mouth lifted in a half-smile. James had been his father's name. And for the first time since this whole thing began, Harry wondered what his parents would think of his part to play in this madness.

"You're welcome," Trisha said with red-lipsticked smile. "I've put two tickets in there for your train that'll take you to the harbor. From there, you'll take the 'Marie' across the Straights. The..."

Trisha--bless her heart--droned on and Harry listened with half an ear. His mind, as usual, was elsewhere; and concentrated on a certain blond-haired Slytherin who had pointedly turned his back on him only moments before. Harry no longer felt the constant presence in his mind that was inherently *Draco*. He had become used to it. When had that happened? And now he felt his absence like a block of ice in his gut.

Harry couldn't explain why he didn't want Draco to know about his internal struggle with sorting his feelings for him. He just knew that it terrified him to think that if he looked too closely at what Harry felt for Draco, it would leave the young Auror feeling way too vulnerable for comfort. And Harry knew he didn't like feeling vulnerable. He didn't like it one bit.

~*~

The next day found Hermione crouched down beside Draco, fingers pressed against the Slytherin's wrist as she timed his heartbeat through the bars that caged him. She had nearly concluded her first round of tests on the Malfoy heir who bore her impersonal poking and prodding by barely acknowledging she was even there, staring above her bushy head at some fascinating speck on the far wall. After confiscating Hermione's wand, Draco's four-man guard had vacated Cell Block C to give them some semblance of privacy. Severus Snape had returned to Hogwarts, claiming he felt he could better aid his students than his godson now that the Markaghirelle was complete, leaving Hermione to perform the diagnostic on her own.

When Hermione had finished checking his vitals, she wrote a few neat-handed notes in Draco's file and snapped it shut. Draco withdrew from the bars and rolled down the sleeve of his shirt, propping up one foot onto the cot he sat on. Hermione stood, gathering her equipment and Draco's file and propping them under one arm. Hermione gazed down at Draco, whose face was averted, until he had the urge to scratch the back of his neck.

"Is this where you ask what my intentions are?" Draco asked in a bored voice. "Is this when you threaten me to stay away from him, to break it off with him so I'm the bad guy and he can crawl into a dark corner to nurse his wounded heart? Is this where you warn me against causing trouble for your precious Harry Potter?"

Hermione frowned, her gaze morphing into a glare. "You really enjoy fucking with people, don't you Malfoy?"

"I see you haven't lost the knack of poking your nose into other people's business, Granger." Draco let his head rest back against the bars. "No; just one."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I couldn't be bothered to explain it to you, Granger." Draco sighed. "Really, what do you take me for?"

Hermione balled her hands into fists. "I can't imagine what he sees in you."

Draco laughed softly. "You know something, Granger? I never thought I'd see the day when we would agree on something."

"Why Harry? Of all the people--"

"All of what people, Granger?" Draco interrupted, turning his head to look at her for the first time since she had appeared in Cell Block C. "Who else was there? I can only remember Harry being there when the Inversion Enchantratem sought to rip my magic from my body. I can only remember Harry giving me back my memories. I can only remember Harry being there when I burned my father's body or pulling me away from the window when Maul listened for the Song of Summoning. I can only remember Harry facing down a small army of Death Eaters at my defense and doing everything in his power to keep the Unbreakable Vow I forced him to swear inactive."

Something softened in Hermione's gaze and Draco hated the sight of it.

"I have no sodding clue what he sees--or saw--in me, Granger." Draco laughed again, this time a tad more darkly. "I'm not exactly reformed, you know."

"Harry wouldn't have involved himself with you if you hadn't changed somehow--"

Draco's disbelieving snort cut her short once again. "Are you kidding me? That man was starved for affection when I showed up. It wouldn't have taken much regardless."

"How dare you?" Hermione spat, suddenly angry.

Draco tossed his head infuriatingly. "Who do you think you're talking to? Hello! Slytherin!"

Hermione took a step towards the cage. "I can't believe he would go for the selfish, spoiled slime ball brat from Hogwarts."

"What do you want me to tell you, Granger? That I'm actually all good? That I'm somehow pure sunshine that wore a cloak of darkness to fool everyone? Merlin! I thought you were practical!"

"No, but--"

"Mudblood."

"Godamn you, Malfoy!"

Draco suddenly stood, approaching the bars so quickly that Hermione actually took a step back. "There!" Draco said, pointing at her. "You see? That's how I feel every time someone looks at me and thinks--what was it?--'selfish, spoiled slime ball brat from Hogwarts'! That's how Harry feels every time someone looks at him and whispers, 'Boy-Who-Lived', under his breath! It's not that I'm light smothered in darkness, Granger! It's not that I've changed or reformed. It's just that there's...there's..." Draco searched for the word. "More," he said finally. "Harry's got the stuff of a hero, but there's more to him than that. You know this and I did too. Just like there's more to you than being a Muggle-born witch. It's true, I'm a Pureblood snob...but Harry saw *more*." Draco sat back down the cot. "And I guess I needed that. I just wish I knew what the 'more' was." Harry had never actually said these things to him, but Draco had sensed it in him when the connection through the Horcrux Scar had been wide open between them. It upset him more than he could express that it wasn't now. No wonder he had lost some of his reserve with Hermione just now.

Hermione took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "And your connection through the Horcrux Scar?"

Draco thought of swirling, exploding energy that engulfed them every time they shagged. The corner of his mouth lifted in a private smile. "That's definitely a factor."

Hermione chewed on the inside of her cheek. "Well, I just hope that whatever this 'more' of yours is...that it's worth all this hassle."

Draco thought of the night he had slit his wrist in an attempt to fix the 'mistake' of him returning the night Voldemort died. "I would miss you," Harry had said.

"Me too, Granger," Draco murmured, his voice so soft Hermione barely heard him. Draco wasn't entirely convinced that it was; but she didn't need to know that.

A few moments of silence passed between them before Hermione spoke again. "Well, I'm concluding the analysis with a full statement declaring that the Markaghirelle is working perfectly."

"How nice."

"Which means," Hermione continued, doing her best to ignore his tone, "that you'll be moved to your new quarters."

His interest piqued, Draco turned back around to face her. "What new quarters?"

~*~

Draco turned in a full circle, taking in the luxurious accommodations of the Minister of Magic's own suite. A hot bath was being drawn for him in the sinfully large bathroom down the hall and Draco was anticipating the long soak more than words could describe. There was also a well-appointed bedroom with a massive, four-posted bed, a living room with lavish, gilded couches and fluffed, fresh-smelling pillows, a dining room, and a foyer--where his four-man guard restricted themselves to provided Draco remained within the suite at all times. A cage still, but a gilded, most comfortable one nonetheless.

"Who can I thank for this?" Draco asked Grasse, who had been part of the entourage that escorted him here.

Grasse regarded him with a look that said he should already know. "Auror Harry Potter, Mr. Malfoy. He was quite insistent that you be subjected to treatment more befitting your stature."

Draco loosed a laugh of sheer delight, knowing, of course, that Grasse probably didn't mean it as a joke. Ah, well. He was what he was. And he was quite shameless.

Draco concentrated, taking down the wall he had constructed to shield Harry's presence from his mind brick by brick. When he felt he was finished, Draco sent thoughts of gratitude and felt his lightning bolt scar tingle. Draco didn't feel a response, but he knew in his gut that Harry had heard him.

Not quite paradise.

But it would do.

~*~

A/N:


thrnbrooke: Thank you for your review! You rock!



hp_bcn: I dug into Draco's feelings a little more than I had originally intended during his conversation with Hermione just for you. Harry won't be back for a few chapters so I wanted to give you a little something to hold you over. :P Thanx for your review and I hope you enjoyed the update!




Lilith: Thank you! Yeah, good ol' Harry. I hope you enjoyed the update! *huggles*



Mangacat: I had anticipated that readers may have forgotten about the Prophecy which was why I dug into it so intimately with these last two chapters. It's actually pretty central to the entire story--even Draco's Death Warrant from the beginning. I'm glad you enjoyed how I went about refreshing it.

*Grins* It's good that you're keeping in mind what a Horcrux actually is. It's important that people remember that its ripped parts of a soul stored into another object. But what kind of a mystery would it be if they figured it all out in one go? The whole "weapon of love" thing was just to sow doubt in Draco and Harry's characters and to add a little more strain to their relationship. It must be hard to keep something like that alive with all that's going on. Don't worry, I'll get into the soul-thing before the end of it. I have something really special planned. Thanks for your reviews!



Jan: LOL, well, yeah. I hope you liked the little extension of her putting her two cents in! Thank you for your review and I hope you enjoyed the update!



omnni: Thanx for your review!



Timothy the Paperclip: Ha ha, thank you very much! I hope you enjoyed the review!