Dearest Harry - Eileen's Story

A/N Hi all! I'm back from holiday and have just about finished this story whilst I was away. Then I read DH! I can safely say that there will be no spoilers for DH in this story it is completely AU. There will probably be about 6- 8 more chapters and then I will get back to Concubine which will also be totally AU!

Thanks Claudia for being your brilliant self

Thirty Nine

Harry opened his eyes slowly, wincing a little, as if the light was too strong for him, and then stared somewhat fuzzily at the room that he was in.

“Hello Harry,” Severus said gently, feeling a now familiar tenderness wash over him at the sight of his nephew’s befuddled green eyes. “Welcome back. How are you feeling?”

Harry turned to him surprised and smiled somewhat shakily. “Hi Sev’rus, m’sore I think. Is everyone okay? How is Draco? Hermione? Ron?”

“They’re fine Harry, everyone is fine, everyone is safe.”

“What about Mr Malfoy? He was in pretty bad shape. Has he gone to St Mungo’s? Is he angry with me and Draco?”

Severus smiled this time. “Draco is fine, all your friends are fine, and Lucius is here at Hogwarts at the infirmary, which is where Poppy wanted to you to be to I might add. No-one is angry with you Harry.”

“Why’m I here then?” Harry asked lifting his head from the pillow. “Why am I at Hogwarts Severus? Why am I,” his voice grew soft with wonder, “Why Gryffindor Tower?”

“Because Hogwarts is the best place to be Harry,” Severus replied. “And I thought you would like being in the tower.

“The school is the safest place that we could think of right now, for all of us, and there are other reasons too. Good ones that we will talk about later.”

“Oh,” said Harry meekly, which told Severus more clearly than anything else would have done, that Harry was really not feeling very well at all. Since when had Harry ever been meek about anything?

“Why am I hurting?” Harry said, which further suggested that Harry was not himself.

“You were tortured Harry, do you not remember? Tortured almost to the point of insanity, at least according to Percy.”

“But I got over it.” Harry didn’t deny that he had been tortured, which Severus thought very significant. Harry tended to play down any injury which meant that he must have been in horrible pain.” “I’m fine Severus,” Harry continued, though his voice was slurred and his eyes still seemed somewhat unfocussed, “my magic made it better.”

“Your magic helped, but you also used it to help the others, to shield you all from the flames at Malfoy Manor, to transform into your Animagus shape, and all without a wand Harry.”

“But…” Harry’s brow was furrowed, he seemed to be struggling to understand something, “Hurts, Sev’rus,” was all that he managed to say before he let himself drift back to sleep.

The next time that Harry awoke, Severus was sleeping. Harry had a vague memory that they had already talked, but it was very fuzzy and he was not sure that it was real. He was at Hogwarts, he remembered that at least. Harry would know this room anywhere, he would know it even in the dark; he had woken many times from nightmares late at night. There was something about this room. The space all around him and the shadows on the walls, the tall leaded windows, the colours, the scents. Harry would always know it, no matter how disorientated he felt.

His body felt completely leaden. Every bit of him ached. It was as if he had gone several rounds with Dudley pounding him into the ground, hurting him, he felt battered and bruised and very tired. He tried to sit up, but that hurt too. Someone was holding his hand, and Harry was shocked to discover it was Severus. Harry’s uncle had pulled an armchair close to his bed and he was sitting in it and holding Harry’s hand, just loosely, as if he cared. It didn’t feel awkward or forced; it felt lovely Harry decided, like something a father might do, or an uncle. If they really cared about you. Harry suddenly had a lump in his throat again. It seemed to have taken up permanent residence these days. He knew all at once that Severus wasn’t going to leave him, not like every one else had. His uncle was fast asleep right now, head resting on one wing of the chair. His face looked completely different in repose, softer somehow, younger. But he still had Harry’s hand in his own, as if reassuring himself that Harry was still there.

“You really do care about me don’t you Severus?” Harry whispered into the darkened room.

“You have no idea Harry, he has been insane with worry, nearly driven us all mad too!”

Harry jumped.

He peered through the darkness to see Draco sitting on the end of his bed, wrapped in a blanket, leaning against the bedpost. It seemed totally bizarre to Harry to see Draco Malfoy, so comfortable, so at home in Gryffindor Tower.

“Hi you,” he said, he suddenly felt enormously happy, and safe. “I’m home Draco,” he said somewhat stupidly he realised, because of course Draco knew where they were, but he couldn’t help himself, he babbled. “They’ve brought me home.”

“Oh do shut up you sappy git!” Draco said, gently nudging Harry’s foot with his own. “Don’t start saying things like that or I’ll end up blubbing like a fucking girl you daft sod!”

Harry could have sworn that Draco was wiping away a tear with the back of his hand, but it was dark in here and he didn’t have his glasses, so he couldn’t really be sure. Then Draco’s familiar superior look was back and Harry thought that maybe he had imagined it after all.

“Severus hasn’t slept for days you know?” Draco continued, “Severus, or Eileen either for that matter, Severus finally tricked her into taking a dreamless sleep potion or she would be here too. It has been downright maudlin round here! For a teenage boy you spend an awful lot of time asleep!”

“Yeah, well I seem to spend an awful lot of time fighting off Voldemort too if you ask me!” Harry said, somewhat snottily, then he felt instantly guilty when he saw Draco wince at the use of Voldemort’s name.

“Sorry,” he said.

“No I’m sorry,” Draco whispered, “I was worried too Harry. It’s awful when you sleep like that, nothing seems to wake you. They tried using spells and potions but you just slept on and each time, it seems like this might be the time that you don’t wake up.

“Percy said, he said that you, that erm, the Dark Lord hurt you so much, he said that you were screaming Harry! And you don’t scream, you are so brave, but he must have hurt you so badly.”

Draco’s voice sounded really strained, like he was trying not to cry.

Harry lifted his free arm, “Come ‘ere,” he said, “I’m fine Draco.” He winced a little as he spoke, but he didn’t think Draco had seen. Seconds later he had an arm full of Draco. A Draco who was tenderly caressing his cheek, as his tears fell freely all over Harry’s face. He was sobbing now, not even trying to hide it. He buried his face in the nape of Harry’s neck and wrapped his arms around him.

“Thank Merlin that you are alright! I can’t lose you Harry, I just can’t!”

Harry’s wince was a bit more obvious this time and he couldn’t hide it and which resulted in Draco sobbing even harder.

“Shit, I’m sorry Harry, I hurt you? Oh fuck!” Draco was patting him now, ineffectually trying to make it better.

“Draco,” Harry said gently. “Shut up and hug me, I won’t break! You should know you tried hard enough to break me yourself in the past!”

“Oh fuckit Harry I’m sorry about that, I’m sorry about sixth year and the nose thing and the fight and oh shit!” he was babbling again, so Harry kissed him.

“Mmmmfff!” Draco said, so Harry kissed him again.

“I’m okay Draco. I’ve been Crucioed before, I’ve survived before. Percy Weasley is a wuss!”

“Harry, you were shaking when you were unconscious, trembling and shivering! Eileen said that it looked like you were suffering from severe Cruciatus damage. ” Draco continued. “Severus was worried too remember and you can’t say that he is a wuss!”

They both looked at the dark haired man who was now snoring gently in the armchair. They had been whispering, so as to not wake him.

Harry wasn’t sure how Draco felt about it, but he loved the fact that it was just the two of them, even if he was flat on his back and feeling like shit. They had had little enough time together recently in Harry’s opinion and he wanted to taste those lips again and feel those firm insistent hands around his body. Harry still felt dreadful, but his cock was stirring ever so slightly, so he kissed Draco again, more firmly this time.

“You are so gorgeous Draco!” He murmured, he was almost sighing his words against Draco’s lips, against his cheek, “so fucking beautiful!”

Gently he wheedled his hand away from Severus’ own.

“Harry be careful!” Severus moaned, “watch out for Quirrill, he wants to give you to the Dark Lord, you foolish boy!”

Harry stilled for a moment. But Severus simply gripped the arm of the chair tightly and whispered, “save him Albus, the broom is cursed!” before falling quiet again.

For a moment Harry felt absurdly touched. Severus was remembering when Harry was a first year; he hadn’t even liked Harry then, and would never have called him by his first name, but had apparently still worried about him anyway.

The other man’s hand relaxed then and his breathing deepened.

Harry felt something silky and very slightly damp brush his cheek. It was Draco’s eyelashes, still wet with his tears and Harry felt a fresh wave of tenderness wash over him, for Draco this time. He brought his now free hand to Draco’s cheek and caressed it.

“Are you alright Dragon?” he asked.

Harry had taken to calling Draco that just a few days earlier, a few days before Voldemort snatched him yet again.

Draco shrugged.

“Not really. Although I’m a lot better since you’ve woken up.

“I really thought that I had lost you this time Harry, and I couldn’t bear that. The Manor has gone, did you know? We have lost everything, absolutely everything.”

Draco had snuggled up against Harry and had his head resting on Harry’s shoulder.

“I shouldn’t be going on about this stuff; you should be resting Harry, not hearing my stupid woes.”

Harry stroked Draco’s cheek again.

“Just tell me love,” he said, “I want to hear your problems, you shouldn’t keep them to yourself.”

So in low tones, Draco continued. He told Harry how worried he was about his father, about Lucius’ bouts of anger and sorrow. He described how frantic Narcissa was, how Amelia Bones had warned them that their assets were about to be frozen and how they now had very little money left. He told Harry that he thought Amelia had warned them so that they would be able to save some funds and that Severus had helped them to squirrel some money away under his name and under Narcissa’s. Draco was crying when he told Harry about the destruction of the Manor and how much he had loved his home, how much it hurt to lose it

He was angry too.

He whispered to Harry as if it was the worst betrayal, how angry he was at his father for getting them all into this mess, how sometimes he could barely bring himself to speak to the man that he used to love and respect. How he thought he could never tell Lucius, because he was worried that the man might fall apart anyway and that he did not need Draco’s anger on top of his own very obvious guilt.

He told of his mother’s tears, her own sorrow at the loss of their home.

Finally his voice grew hoarse and his words trailed away and very slowly he drifted off to sleep.

Harry lay awake for a very long time after that. He was quite thirsty and would have loved a glass of water, but he wasn’t going to move, not for anything. His heart ached for Draco. He still didn’t like Lucius, and whilst he had come to like Narcissa to a certain extent, he thought that he would never feel that way about Draco’s father. The man was just too arrogant in Harry’s opinion. He couldn’t help remembering how Lucius had treated Dobby, had sneered at the Weasleys and had given Ginny Riddle’s diary in order to help discredit Arthur – Harry didn’t think that Lucius had known anything about the fact it was a Horcrux, he had just wanted to hurt a family that he despised. And Harry couldn’t stop thinking about how he had been present at the Ministry when Harry had gone after his godfather, how horrible he had been, how he contributed to Sirius’ death.

If Lucius had not taught Draco to hate in the way that he had, how different things might have been. Harry’s mother and father had died trying to protect him but Draco’s father had led him into danger, given him no option but to follow a dark wizard. Lucius Malfoy had been wealthy enough to avoid Voldemort, he could have protected his family, got them to another country, to safety.

But instead he had been an enthusiastic Death Eater, how frightening Lucius had been, how loyal to Voldemort he had seemed to be. He had probably encouraged many others to support the evil wizard when Harry thought that Lucius could have convinced Fudge that Voldemort was back instead. He had seemed to have had a lot of influence with the erstwhile Minister for Magic. Dumbledore would have hidden the Malfoys and kept them safe, Harry knew that now, Draco could have been safe. The very idea of Draco in danger sent chills through Harry. Lucius should have protected him, put his family first.

But then he thought of the man that he had rescued from the Manor. How broken he had seemed. Harry had told them all that he was going to transform but they had still seemed terrified when he stood before them. Harry had no real idea what he looked like as a lion. He had never seen himself in that form after all, but - he smiled in the dark when he remembered – Percy had screamed and backed away. Ollivander’s eyes had grown even wider and Amelia Bones had sat down on the floor with shock. It had been Lucius who had come over to him, even if he had had to crawl to get there, and buried his hand in Harry’s fur.

That had been really brave in Harry’s opinion, especially as he seemed to feel great pain whenever magic was performed on him and couldn’t have known how close proximity to Harry would affect him.

Then he thought about how Dumbledore had once said that Lucius might have been quite glad to be safely out of harm’s way in Azkaban. Maybe Lucius had really felt he had had to support Voldemort when he returned? That he had had no choice? He obviously knew how evil the other wizard was perhaps he thought he had no other options, that there were no other options?

He had made a lot of wrong choices Harry decided, an awful lot. But he had really suffered for them hadn’t he? The broken man that Harry had seen at the Manor was nothing like the arrogant one that he remembered from when he was younger. Who was Harry to judge after all?

He didn’t think that he would ever have made the choices that Lucius had. He had turned Voldemort down when he was just eleven years old. Of course he had known that Voldemort had killed his parents and Harry had had nothing to lose, he had never had anything to lose had he? So perhaps he couldn’t really judge, perhaps he might have made a different choice if he had had someone to protect? Draco loved his father Harry could feel it and Harry loved Draco. He didn’t need Harry to tell him how stupid Lucius had been, what he had done to his family, they could all see the cost of his mistakes for themselves couldn’t they? Draco had just finished telling him so

Harry wasn’t sure he knew how to be supportive; he had never had a lot of practice at it really. But Harry had been lucky. Look what good friends he had found in Ron and Hermione and now he finally had a family too, with Eileen and Severus and of course with Draco. Harry had felt somewhat in awe of Narcissa, she had seemed so sophisticated, so certain of herself, for some reason her opinion mattered to him. But Lucius did not bother him at all. Harry didn’t know how the senior Malfoy felt about Harry and Draco, but he truly didn’t care. He would not let the other man interfere in their relationship and he didn’t think that Draco would either.

So if he couldn’t stop them being together then as far as Harry was concerned he wasn’t a threat. Lucius Malfoy had been stupid and arrogant but he had paid a terrible price. There was just one man really who had caused all this Harry thought, and that was Voldemort. He was the one that Harry had to stop.

Harry decided that at the Manor he had been weak and stupid. He hadn’t been ready. But next time he met Voldemort he would be.

He wrapped his arms tightly around Draco and rubbed his cheek against Draco’s hair, causing the other boy to sigh gently.

“I won’t let him destroy you Draco,” he whispered, “I am going to stop him and next time we meet I am going to kill him and then it will all be over, for good this time.”

He lay there for a bit longer and listened to Draco’s breathing and Severus’ very gentle snores and Harry thought that he might just succeed in defeating Voldemort after all. That there would be an end to this and slowly, very slowly Harry fell asleep feeling more hopeful than he had felt in a very long time.