Redeem Me

DISCLAIMER: Warning! I make no claim to any property of J.K. Rowling's, and am in no way profiting by this. I do offer her my sincerest thanks for allowing us this garden of the mind in which we play. Further Warning! This story...and likely any I ever write…are dominated by gay themes and characters. That's how it is, if this in any way makes you uncomfortable...do not read further.

Redeem Me…by Samayel

Chapter 39: It’s Just Life


“What…what do you mean…you were afraid of as much? You…you know about-”

Dula interrupted Draco with a calmly raised hand, and sighed before he spoke, looking at Draco with a pained wince.

“I know nothing, but I suspected…from the moment you said that word in front of me. I have prayed that it was only an accident, but a word such as that…it always heralds evil times. Since you first spoke it, I have dreaded that it would be voiced again. There is no smoke without fire, and magic of that kind is never practiced without lasting harm. I did not want to be involved, but if there is something I can tell you that will speed you through your troubles, I will help. I am only hoping that matters are not as terrible as I have feared.”

Draco calmed himself, still shaken by the fear that Dula had known more than he’d said. He launched into what he knew quickly, hoping that Dula wouldn’t think ill of Harry when he heard what had happened.

“You’ve probably heard the rumors about Harry…in the wizarding press…before now.”

Dula nodded soberly.

“I have, but I did not believe them. Harry is very good, and he is our dear friend, though we do not see him enough. I did not think there was any truth to those tales. Are you saying that they are true?”

Draco shivered a little, disliking the sobering knowledge that the rumors were far less terrible than what he knew.

“It’s true. Molly told me at first, then I saw some things with my own eyes. He leaves at night, armed to the teeth, and kills former Death Eaters that are still in hiding. I’m pretty sure the Ministry knows it’s him too, but they don’t have solid proof, and they don’t really feel any sympathy for the people he’s killing…so they cover up as much as they can. Harry and Ron got drunk one night, and they talked about the war. I only heard it because I couldn’t sleep and I was just down the hall. That’s how I heard about Horcruxes. They had to destroy seven of them to defeat Voldemort.”

Dula’s eyes widened at the mention of seven Horcuxes.

“Merlin’s Beard! Seven? Your Dark Lord was far worse than Grindelwald. In my grandfather’s time, Grindelwald sought the Philosopher’s Stone, and was defeated by Albus Dumbledore and Nicholas Flamel. That was far different from this Voldemort, who dared to shred his soul seven times, all for immortality! Seven people died to give him longer life. This is why I told you that magic of that kind is an abomination. You think this affected Harry in some way?”

“Yes. I went to Hogwarts…to see the portrait of Albus Dumbledore that remains. It was the only way I could get more information about what Harry and Ron did during the war…without asking Harry. I knew that if Harry had gone after powerful magic, Dumbledore must have advised him. Well, I learned about the Horcruxes from him, and he told me that Harry failed to kill Voldemort the right way. Dula, he said that a part of the Dark Lord survived, the last piece of his soul, and that’s what makes Harry so violent…sometimes. He’s still Harry, but it’s like he has a compulsion…a need to kill. He has headaches and nightmares, and when he gets angry, you can feel it from a distance. I’ve felt it when I’m near him sometimes.

Albus Dumbledore gave me a mission. He wanted me to save Harry, and help him expel the last part of Voldemort’s soul. The problem is, I don’t know where it is. The knife Harry uses when he hunts Death Eaters could be a kind of Horcrux, allowing Voldemort to stay close to him, or it could be possible that Harry IS a Horcrux. It might still be possible that there is no Horcrux, and Harry is just…tainted…from exposure to Dark magic, and from handling so many pieces of Voldemort’s soul.

I need help, and I swore not to reveal the secret of Horcruxes to anyone who didn’t already know about them. That’s why I have to ask you. Only Ron and Harry know about them, and I can’t risk Harry thinking that we’re against him. He’s volatile, and powerful. If he thought that people were working against him, there’s no telling what he might do. I…I think I love him. I can’t let this go. I have to help him. Do you understand?”

Draco had grown a bit desperate by the time he’d finished, but followed as Dula walked to a stone bench, taking a seat and wringing his hands. Dula shook his head silently.

“It is so much…my head reels. Draco…I can help you but little. I know almost nothing of Horcruxes but the name, and that they are evil. I cannot be involved closely in such a matter, for if it were known, and the wrong conclusions drawn, my father’s reputation would suffer for it. He and I often differ, but I do not wish to hurt him. I can tell you this though. There are spells of divination, legal spells, which will allow you to seek out the truth.

A Horcrux is a thing of enormous evil, even if it can be made from a common item. With the right spell, you could see it for what it is. Since a Horcrux is a piece of a person’s soul, the aura would be very clear, and from this you would know where it lies. As for how to expel such a thing, I do not know anything. You say that Dumbledore told you much, and that Ron and Harry are all who remain that knew of these matters. Who did Dumbledore trust most? Surely he had an aide or a lieutenant during the war…one who would know what to do if anything happened to Albus himself.”

‘Oh, Merlin! Snape! Snape was his closest friend for a decade! Albus let Snape kill him…he must have trusted Snape with everything! I have to find him…somehow.’

“You’re right. There is somebody he trusted…but he might be hard to find, and I’m pretty sure he hates me. I can still try. Can you look for the divination spells for me? You’ve already been a big help to me, and I hate to ask for more, but it’s for Harry, and I have some things I really need to work on. Please?”

“Of course, of course. I would not have offered if I had not intended to help in every way that I could. You should not have to bear this alone. Harry is our friend, and we love him dearly. I would not let him fall into ruin so callously. Had we known, we might have tried to stop him from doing such things. It is small wonder he does not speak of it. I shall seek out the spells, while you find the one who knew Albus Dumbledore best. I will contact you as soon as I have the spells written down and ready for you. Will that do?”

Draco sighed with relief, thanking the powers that be for his newfound ally. His worst fear had been that Dula would not believe him, or would refuse outright to be involved in anything that peripherally dealt with a Horcrux.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this means to me. All I want is for Harry to be okay. I’ll do anything I have to…anything…if it means he’ll make it through this and be healthy again. Thank you, Dula.”

“Let us go indoors. The night is colder here than it is where you live. Also, we should not worry Harry and Charlie for our long absence. You are very welcome, Draco. Do not be afraid to speak to me again. I am glad that my words have given you some small comfort. If you have need of me, you should know that I am here.”

They made their way back to Charlie and Dula’s small house, listening to the sounds of sleeping dragons as they walked.

----------------------------------------------------

Charlie and Harry had cleaned the kitchen quickly and efficiently, chatting all the while.

“Tell me honestly, Harry. How are things between you and our ‘little dragon’. He looks better, but the way you made it sound, his problems aren’t the kind of thing you can see up front.”

Harry dried a few of the last dishes, stacking them neatly while Charlie cleaned the counters with a few quick swipes of his wand.

“They are better…at least I think they are. It’s so hard to tell. He still hates being touched, but he’s sleeping through the night with only a couple interruptions now. Once Molly stopped giving him Dreamless Sleep, he started having regular nightmares, the kind he can just wake up from, and the warding spells Dula showed me can deal with most of that. He seems like he’s getting better, but I…I just get nervous sometimes.”

“How so? You don’t think he’d hurt himself again do you?”

“NO. Nothing like that! He just seems like he has things on his mind, and he’s worried over them. I’m almost afraid to ask about it. I never know if something I say or do will frighten him, or make him happy. I think the only thing I’m sure of is that, at least for now, he really likes me…I think he’s…I think he wants me…the way I want him. I’m sure of it…but Charlie…he has problems. Big ones. I’m not sure it’s right for me to even think about being with him…and not just because I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I already hurt him…several times, a couple of them on purpose, the rest by accident. I don’t want to hurt him. Not again. Not for any reason. If he still wants me after the things I did…can you honestly tell me he’s making decisions that are healthy?”

Charlie let a low whistle go.

“Damn, mate, you really have got it bad for him, haven’t you? Stop second guessing everything you do, Harry. That kind of thing will drive you nuts. And what do you mean you hurt him? If I find out you went after him like our Ron, I’ll drag you out in the snow and pin your ass down ‘til you make some sense.”

Harry blushed and sat down at the kitchen counter, running his hands through his hair.

“Not like that…except when he first showed up. I almost killed him before Molly stopped me. I’m glad she did…now. I just scared him a few times. Once to make sure he’d behave in the house, just after he arrived, then again because I tried to pull his blankets up while he was asleep. He went into a panic. Last time…I was mad about a Prophet article and the Ministry and some other things…and…I…I yelled at him. He ran off like I’d had him at wand point. I hate it. I keep trying to show that I like him, and that I care about him, but I keep fucking up over and over again. I feel like I can’t control myself anymore. I mean look at him! He’s beautiful, but he’s no threat to anyone. I don’t know what the hell my problem is! He deserves better than that, doesn’t he?”

“Whoa, whoa…easy there, champ. Stop going so hard on yourself. You act like, just ’cause you offed a Dark Lord, you’re supposed to be perfect and know everything. Bullshit. That’s my job!”

Harry couldn’t help but chuckle at that.

“Harry, what I’m trying to say is, aside from needing to think just a little before you act, the best thing you can do here is stop working yourself into a fit and just kick back let things happen as they happen. Deal with what’s happening at the moment, don’t panic over the future. Draco has every right to like you. You’re a great kid, and a fit looking bloke on top of that! You like him, and you want to see him well again, so just work on that. Get him well, then deal with the rest as it happens. Maybe he’ll want more in the way of a relationship, and be ready for it, after he’s on his feet. Hell, mate…it’s only been a few weeks, and he’s sleeping better, eating more, able to come here tonight, with you, he’s got a job starting in a few days, and a wand on the way after they finish it up for him. I’d say that’s some bloody great progress! You’re just too close to see it clearly. Now cheer up…or I’ll park a boot in your ass.”

“Hey! I’m cheered! I’m cheered. I’m a bloody wall of cheer, okay? I’m practically rolling in puppies and bunnies! Got one other problem, though. Don’t…don’t tell this to anyone, alright?”

Charlie’s brow creased with concern, and he sat down across from Harry.

“Okay. I’ll bite. What’s wrong?”

“Charlie…even if he said he wanted to go out with me…even if he wanted to…do more…if I could touch him…I still wouldn’t know what to do! I mean…fuck all! Charlie…I had a war to fight, and I didn’t have time to mingle. I’m…I never...”

“A virgin?”

Harry let his head drop onto the countertop while his face flamed in humiliation.

“Well, shite. Nothing wrong with that, Harry. You’re nineteen, not twenty-nine. You look like you think there’s something wrong with waiting ’til the time is right. I mean, bloody hell, if I’d known how I’d eventually feel about Dula, back when I was in school, I wouldn’t have been such a randy little bastard back then. If you need technical advice, it isn’t like I can’t help, but a lot of it’s self-explanatory…you’ll figure it out as it goes. That’s how everyone else learns. Besides, I’m pretty sure the last thing Draco needs is a knowledgeable lover. What he needs is a good friend he trusts, and you’re already that.”

Harry breathed out explosively, then looked up at Charlie with exasperation.

“You’re killing me with the common sense here, mate. Don’t you have any advice that would at least make me feel like I know what I’m doing?”

Charlie scratched his jaw and looked thoughtful for a moment.

“Be patient. If you feel angry, take a break before you speak. Use lots of lubricant and go as slow as you can, and don’t plan on playing Quidditch the next day if you’re the one on bottom that night…I lost two games back at Hogwarts ‘cause of that little mistake.”

Harry’s ears were burning, and his face went beet red while Charlie belly-laughed at the stunned look on Harry’s face.

“Hey…you asked for advice, that’s what I’ve got, and I swear it’s all good too! You’re doing fine, Harry. Relax, mate…it’s just life.”

Dula and Draco returned, looking red-cheeked from the bitter winter chill, and peeled away their furs. Conversation drifted a little longer into the evening, but Charlie and Dula needed to wake early, so an end was called while the hour was still early by some standards.

Harry and Draco Flooed home, dusting themselves off and making their way upstairs. Molly and Arthur had already gone off to bed, and they headed for their respective rooms, changing into pajamas in comparative silence, hoping not to disturb Molly or Arthur’s rest.

Harry returned to Draco’s room just a few minutes later, and with no pretense of any kind, simply slipped into place and made himself comfortable. There wasn’t much room on the smallish bed that had once been Percy‘s, but Harry tended to sleep on his back, and that worked out well for Draco, who tended to curl up and take up a great deal more space.

Draco cursed his own silent tongue, which felt heavier than ever, as if the things he wanted to say were great weights that pulled him down. Harry’s demeanor had been quiet, and wonderfully familiar, all night. Dula’s words were ringing hot in Draco’s ears, and Draco turned closer to Harry in the dark of the room.

He placed a fingertip just above Harry’s mouth, imploring silence until he could manage to say what he was thinking. Harry simply remained still, looking at Draco intently through the gloom, while Draco remained still, blushing furiously, just a few inches from Harry’s left ear. His voice was a nervous whisper, and Harry could feel each breath from Draco puff lightly against his cheek and neck.

“Harry. I…I’m not well yet. Not the way I wish I could be. But…but if I were…Harry…I’d want you. You don’t have to say anything. I can’t…I couldn’t give you the things someone else could. It isn’t much, but all I have is me. Harry…I think…I think I’m falling in love with you. I won’t ask this of you again, if you don’t want to, but…I…I’m nineteen years old, I think… I think I’m gay, and I’ve never kissed someone I wanted to be with. If I never get well, if I never find a way to make things right…I just want…to be able to remember having kissed someone who cared about me. I want it to be you. Can I kiss you?”

Harry turned slowly, lining his face up with Draco’s, trying not to seem hurried, or betray his own racing and fluttering heart, and softness brushed against his cheek, then delicately fumbled its way to his mouth, pulling gently and insistently at his lower lip, and then his upper.

It was not a perfect kiss. They were nervous, each of them, and hesitant at every breath, lingering too long here, or hurrying too long there. Their breath was marred only slightly by hints of coffee, wine sauce, spices and more. There were small gasps that were as beautiful as they were disruptive, and their necks craned to meet each other while keeping their bodies safely separate. It was too warm, and sudden, and the apprehension and ’real-ness’ of the moment made it all dizzying and hard to cope with. It was a perfect kiss, and it was understood without words that nothing…nothing would ever be the same as it was before.

Draco slept the night through, still and peaceful by Harry’s side, and even the ugly things, the dangers of memory and imagination that haunted the edge of his mind, were distant shadows whose threats seemed hollow…just for a short while.

It was not a perfect kiss. It was a perfect kiss. It was life.


TBC!!! (Yule blessings to all! Redeem Me will continue after Dec. 26 Love, Samayel)