A Secret Worth Keeping

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.


A Secret Worth Keeping


Chapter Thirty-eight: Pain and Passion


Poppy didn’t say a word until they arrived at the Headmaster’s gargoyle guard. The password fell from the elder woman’s lips before she turned and realized that, not only had Severus followed, but so had young Mr. Malfoy and the new Mrs. Potter. It was wholly inappropriate for them to be there at such a late hour. All students should have been in their rooms and sleeping by now. An tsking echoed the corridor as she shook her head at the two obviously wayward students. The look in her eyes was none to pleased given the current situation. No student needed to know the affairs that had just recently happened.

"You two need to return to your houses. It is late and I’m sure, Mrs. Potter, that your husband and child will, no doubt, be wanting you." She motioned towards the moving staircase with a hand. "This meeting if strictly for the Slytherin Head of House, myself and the Headmaster."

Both had started to protest, but a look from Severus halted their words from forming. If they were to keep the DaRats a secret, neither of them could seem to interested in the other’s House. With a non-heartfelt glare to her fellow student, Hermione turned on her heels and headed back towards her own House leaving Draco to stare at his Head of House before he, too, walked off grumbling.

Heading back to her own room, Hermione couldn’t stop the horrid thoughts that kept pummeling her. What had happened? Was Pansy all right? The baby? She could nearly feel the pain that Pansy must have endured. The fear of not knowing what was happening to one’s own body had to be frightening. To purposely rid oneself of a infestation of one’s own body was one thing, but when that infestation turned into something more than just an embryo… something more than a mere infestation, then things changed in the psyche. She had a feeling that Pansy was thinking more about keeping the baby than she let on. Not that Hermione would have said anything, but she could see it in the young woman’s face. The secret smile Pansy would have during quiet times. The almost absent way her hand would caress her stomach when she thought no one was watching. Subtle things that she did that spoke volumes in toward her accepting the fact that a baby was growing within her.

Hermione knew that feeling all too well. When she had first discovered her own pregnancy, she'd fought the knowledge, fought the image of her being pregnant. Fought the horror of knowing who the father was and how the baby had come to be. In many ways, she and Pansy had much in common. But…at least Sebastian now had a father that was loving and poor Pansy had no one to help her through this crisis.

"Hey! Hermione!"

Hermione’s head snapped up at the familiar voice and spied Ron coming from the Gryffindor’s common room. His bare feet bringing him closer to her so they didn’t have to shout at each other.

"Whatcha doing here? Visiting?" He grinned his impish grin and cocked his head in curiosity. "A bit late for that, isn’t it?"

Hermione glanced around, realizing her wandering feet had brought her here by mistake instead of taking her back to the dungeons. She didn’t live here anymore. This was a part of her past life.

"Sorry, I was lost in thought and forgot where I was going." She tried to return Ron’s smile, but hers refused to form fully, which caused Ron to frown. After all these years, he could still read her easily.

"What wrong?" He leaned forward and whispered so no one else could hear. "Did you and Snape have a fight?"

"No, nothing like that. It’s just..." She paused, wondering how Ron would react to the news about Pansy. She didn’t know exactly what was going on between the two, but she had a feeling that it was more than either of them was letting on. She reached out and laid a hand on his arm. "Ron, It’s Pansy…something’s happened."

Immediately, Ron straightened up to his full height, which in it self was impressive. The look in his eyes seemed to rain worry and anger down on her. "What happened? Is she all right? Is it the baby? Did she do it? Did she get rid of the baby?"

Hermione gripped his arm tightly, hoping that his words didn’t carry to far. They really didn’t need anyone else to know of Pansy’s business. A quick look around the Common Room showed no one paying any attention to him or her at all. Thank God. "I don’t know. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know anything. Poppy wouldn’t tell us anything. All I know was that she was in pain… a lot of pain…"

Ron dropped his arm, forcing Hermione to lose her grip on him. He stepped around her towards the door. "I’m going to see her…"

"No. Ron… I don’t know how she is. We need to wait and see. Besides, Poppy warded her room. No one can get inside." She reached out and touched his broad back. To her surprise, she felt it tremble under her fingertips.

Ron’s voice quivered slightly as he spoke, still facing the door. "Why would she ward it… unless…"

Hermione sighed deeply, but kept her hand on his back for comfort. "Don’t think that, Ron. We can’t think that. Pansy is fine. She will be fine. I’m sure of it."

"But not the baby…" Ron’s hands fisted and he leaned forward, resting his fists against the wooden door.

"I don’t know, Ron… All we can do is wait."

"I hate waiting." He growled.

"I know." She replied and then cast a look around. They were now starting to gain a curious audience. She turned back to Ron and added, whispering softly. "Why don’t you come back to my rooms and we can wait for Severus there. He will be able to tell us what happened."

Ron nodded silently and followed her out of the Common Room.


~00~


In the headmaster’s office.

Albus sat quietly behind his desk, his hands folded before him on the desktop as he watched his doorway, waiting on his visitors. He knew what was to come and he didn’t like it one bit. It was hard enough to counsel the students through hardships, but to do the same for his staff at the same time was a tad bit… difficult. This upcoming war had its claws into everyone and not everyone was playing by the rules.

He sighed sadly as a knock sounded on his office door. Time to add another chapter to this horrific epic.

"Enter."

Dumbledore’s expression didn’t change as he watched the solemn duo enter and take a seat before him without being invited to. Poppy’s expression seemed put out and nearly irate. Her lips tight with unsuppressed anger.

"How is she?" The Headmaster’s voice seemed quiet and contrary.

Poppy jerked her gaze between the two men and growled aloud. "You both knew of this… this… and you deemed not to tell me?"

"It was not necessary to notify you as of yet, Madam. Miss Parkinson hadn’t yet decide on rather to have the child or not." Severus spoke with a shake of his head. "I was going to counsel her to see you soon if she decided on keeping it."

"A bit late for that now." Poppy glared at him. "If I was told I could have stopped this from happening."

Albus stood and raised a hand for silence before the argument could spiral out of control. "Do you happen to know if she’d decided to keep it?" Albus asked, turning his eyes to the Potion’s Master.

"I have no idea, Albus. Of course, it could be a moot point if Poppy will inform us of what happened with her." He cast his glance to the Mediwitch. "Is Miss Parkinson going to be all right?"

Poppy sighed and shook her head. "Honestly, I don’t know how she will be. Physically, she will be all right, but losing a baby and in such a painful manner. It will be hard on her mentality for the next few weeks. I suggest that you keep you eye on her until she comes to terms with it."

"So, the baby did... in fact… die." Albus voiced to confirm his earlier belief.

Poppy nodded her head silently and pulled, from an inner pocket of her apron, a small bundle of rags. Without showing the two men, they both knew what it contained. The tiny fetus.

"It’s so sad that something so tiny could cause such pain. Miss Parkinson had a ectopic pregnancy, meaning that the egg never fully left the fallopian tube." At the look of the men, she sighed. "The embryo didn’t make it to her uterus. When the baby grew, it…damaged her tube and without removing the fetus, it could have killed her. I had to do it."

Albus shook his head sadly. "Such a loss… such a loss…"

"Perhaps it was for the best that it happened." Severus offered up. "Miss Parkinson couldn’t decide to have the baby or not. Perhaps fate made the decision for her."

"Not quite." Poppy spoke up. "She’s not quite out of trouble yet."


~00~


There wasn’t a sound in the room except for a ticking that emitted from Hermione’s watch. Ron stood silently at the magical window, watching the coming morning ascending on the castle. It was late, or rather, early, and Snape had yet to return to his chambers.

Harry sat quietly in the corner watching his two best friends with concern. He absently toyed with the wedding band on his finger as he contemplated what Hermione had revealed earlier. Ron, his best friend and confidant, was a complete mess. Harry had never seen such raw emotion on the normally friendly face of his friend. The usually docile man that he'd known in the past now seemed slightly dangerous. Ron’s red face was usually due to embarrassment of some sort, but now it was tinged in what appeared to be the redness of anger or despair. Or it could have been both. In the short time span of Pansy’s pregnancy, Ron seemed to have gained a certain amount of affection for the Slytherin. Not that Harry was against such pairings after all; most of the Slytherins had managed to wend their ways into the good side of the upcoming war. At least as far as they could go without compromising their own health and lives.

Sitting on the sofa with Sebastian cradled in her arms, Hermione’s gaze barely wandered from her son. Although she was completely aware as the sun started to rise, shooing the dark shadows from the corners of the dungeons. Morning was coming and classes would start in a few hours.

Without warning the door opened and Severus strode in. Both boys turned to face him and Hermione sat, motionless. Severus frowned at the company but didn’t ask them to leave.

"I assume you wish to be told of Miss Parkinson’s condition?"

Ron’s face creased in worry as he took a step closer. Harry quickly crossed the floor and placed his hand on his friend’s shoulder, offering his own form of comfort.

"How is she, Severus?" Hermione’s voice was low so as not to disturb Sebastian’s feeding. "Is she all right? Is the baby…"

Severus raised a hand to his brow and rubbed at the ache that seemed to have made a home behind his eyes. His voice sounded tired as he forced the words out. "Miss Parkinson will be fine, as for the baby… I’m afraid the news isn’t quite so happy."

"No." A hushed anguish.

Hermione and Severus’s eyes swung to Ron. The young man’s face pale as Harry’s hand tightened on his shoulder.

Severus took a step closer to him. "It was unavoidable, Mr. Weasley. She endured an ectopic pregnancy. If she didn’t rid herself of the lodged object, then she would have died. The pain was merely a symptom. The pain only would have continued to get worse. It was something that Madame Pomfrey had no choice but to do."

Ron turned away and continued to stare out into space. "How is she?"

"I do not know. Physically, Madame Pomfrey assures us that she will be fine in a few days. However… mentally, it could be some time for her to recuperate from this loss."

Ron sighed sadly. "I can’t believe it. After all her worries and concerns… She ends up losing the one thing she could have really loved in this world."

Harry patted his friend’s shoulder. "Perhaps this is for the better, Ron. Her father would have had her… would have done something himself if he found out about the baby. At least this way, she would be spared that."

"I suppose." Ron stepped away from Harry and headed to the door. "I need some time. I’ll talk to you all later."

"All right, Ron, but don’t hesitate to come and talk to us if you need us." Hermione offered.

"I will, don’t worry. I may go and see if I can see Pansy later. She might need someone to talk with. Who know, maybe she will talk with me."

"Who knows." Hermione tried to smile at him but felt the smile only reach half-mast. "Things will be fine, Ron… She will have other chances."

Ron looked over his shoulder to her and nodded, not quite hearing her words of comfort. "Later."

"Later." Both she and Harry returned and watched their friend walk out.

Severus stood silently as the boy walked out, dejected before turning to Hermione. "There is something else. I neglected to mention it before Mr. Weasley. I felt that he would be spared if he didn’t know at this time."

Hermione’s blood seemed to almost stop flowing at the _expression on Severus’s face. "What? Is she not all right?"

"No, she still has one… complication… to deal with."

"Oh no! What now? Hasn’t she endured enough?" She moaned, leaning over the now sleeping baby in her arms.

"I did mention that she lost a baby…" Severus’ voice lowered, which caused Harry to move closer. "I didn’t mention, however, that there is a second fetus."

"Twins?"

"Fraternal, obviously. This embryo had managed to make it to the uterus, but… unfortunately, with the stress of what had happened and the questionable stability of her uterus… It is unclear if she will be able to carry this fetus to term."

"Oh no." Hermione moaned softly.

"Indeed." Severus found himself sinking onto the sofa heavily, as if his legs couldn’t support his sadness. "That is not the worse part of it all. The worst part is that if she decides not to let this fetus go full term then she may not be able to have other children. Her right fallopian tube was severely damaged. Poppy assures me that her other tube is appears to be strong enough, but the chances of it producing a healthy egg dropped to less than fifty percent. It diminishes her chances of having another child."

"You mean that if she doesn’t have this child, then she may never get another chance?"

"Exactly."

Hermione’s gaze flicked to Sebastian, feeling a deep sadness for Pansy. It was one thing to lose a child before one could learn to love it, but to have that opportunity ripped from you before you had that chance… was unthinkable. "It’s not for certain though, right? I mean, no one knows yet if that is the case. Pansy could have more children in her future. There has been a great leap in medical studies. Perhaps…"

"Perhaps." Severus interrupted her thoughts. "It would not be up to us, however. In the morning, I will have a talk with her. I would appreciate it if you would come along, Hermione. She may need your shoulder when she learns of her loss."

"Of course, Severus."

The man simply nodded and looked at the window towards the rising sun.

"Perhaps I meant later today. I had no idea of the time." He stood, suddenly feeling his age. "If you will excuse me, I think I will retire for a while. I need some sleep before the start of classes."

Hermione watched him cross the room and enter his chambers. With a look to Harry, she got to her feet. "I think I will follow. You'll be all right Harry?"

Harry merely nodded. After all, none of this really effected him. It wasn’t his child, his love, or even his friend. However, he did feel for Pansy. How could one not?

"Yeah, I’ll be fine. You go to him. I’ll talk to you later on."

Hermione smiled at him and whispered a belated good night. She crossed into the nursery and placed Sebastian in his crib. Standing silently, staring down at her dark haired son, she wanted to cry for Pansy. She wanted to rail against the unfairness of it all. Damn the War; Damn Pansy’s father and Damn Voldemort! Sooner or later, the Death Eaters would get their just dues and when it happened, Hermione hoped that she would be there to see it all.

She kissed her son good night and crossed to Severus’ door. A light knock was responded to with a short ‘enter." She pushed the door open quietly. Severus lay on the bed fully dressed. His arms crossed behind his head, his gaze firmly on the ceiling.

"Severus?"

His gaze never left the ceiling. "Hum?"

"Are you all right?"

"I was just thinking."

"About?"

"Sebastian and you."

Hermione approached the bed and sat on the edge, her hand resting on his solid chest.

"What about us?"

"I was thinking about what could have happened to you while you were away. What I would have done if something like what happened to Pansy happened to you while out of our world."

"Oh, Severus."

"I have no clue if the Muggle world would have been able to help you if you were in trouble. If something had happened to you while carrying my child." He faltered, but he kept his gaze on the ceiling. "It was bad enough that you disappeared. But if I were to have ever found out that you had died… while trying to carry my child… I wouldn’t have been able to survive it."

Heavy in her heart, Hermione slid onto the bed and sidled up to his side. Her arm wrapped across his chest. He shifted a bit, lowering one arm, wrapping it around her shoulder.

"Don’t think about that, Severus. We are both fine. We are both here, healthy and happy."

"Are you?" He turned dark eyes to meet hers.

"Healthy or happy?"

"Happy mostly."

"Definitely. I couldn’t be more happier than I am with you."

Severus' dark eyes somber as he raised his other hand and caressed her cheek. "Marry me."

Hermione’s breath hitched slightly. "You think that’s wise with this little ruse of Harry and mine going on?"

"No one needs to know the truth until needs be. I just want you and Sebastian to be legally mine."

Hermione rose on her elbow and stared down at him. "You’re just scared, Severus. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m not going anywhere. Neither is our son."

"Then you won’t marry me?" Severus’s tone of voice lowered into a whisper filled with shattered hope that wrenched Hermione’s heart.

"I didn’t say that. I just don’t want you jumping into something without thinking it over first. You’re transferring Severus. You are placing yourself in Pansy’s shoes. Your fears are unfounded. Both Sebastian and I are here, safe and sound… and, yes… happy."

"Do you love me?"

"You know I do. Very much so."

"Then marry me."

Hermione sighed and sat up. "Are you sure you want to marry me? I’m still a mess you know. What if Volde… sorry, the Dark Lord finds out? What about Lucius Malfoy?" She turned to look at the man that she loved. "I don’t want to put you in more danger."

Severus sat up and pulled her into his arms. "I don’t give a flying fuck what those two do. I love you. I want you to be my wife. I don’t want to ever feel like I lost you or Sebastian. I don’t want to be like Pansy Parkinson. To wake up one day and learn that a part of my soul has been torn out of my body."

"Oh Severus…" She leaned forward and kissed his lips. "It won’t happen."

"It could."

Hermione sighed and wrapped her arms around him and kissed him with more conviction. "You’re just worried love. Let it go."

"Say you will marry me and I will."

Hermione tilted her head and looked into his eyes. They were determined, concerned, and very much filled with love for her. She reached up and stroked the worry line between his brows. It was so easy to read his body language. Everything that he felt for her showed in all of his little movements and words. Enough to know that she would be happy with him. He would never let her down if he had any say in it at all. So, she wouldn’t let him down either. In any way. She allowed a smile to form and her fingers slid down from his brow to caress his lips. "All right Severus, if it means that much to you. Then yes, I will marry you."

The smile that lit up his face could have lit the whole dungeon. "You won’t regret it, Hermione. I swear to you that you will never regret marrying me."

"I already know that, Severus." She replied, still wrapped in his embrace. "I couldn’t be in more protective hands."

He grinned down at her and moved her so that she laid back into the mattress. "Truer words were never spoken. Now… Where were we before we were interrupted earlier?"

Hermione grinned and, reaching behind her for her wand, she muttered a few choice words that seemed to melt their clothing from their body. Placing the wand on the side table, she smiled up at him. "I do think we were about… here." She reached down to caress his already hardening member.

"Oh yes, I do remember that." Severus moaned as she stroked him slowly, tenderly. "And I do believe that I was just… here."

Hermione gasped as she felt him lowering himself to between her spread thighs. His tongue, hot and slick and nimble, danced over her until she wanted to scream. If she had known how that tongue could have worked miracles in the past then she wouldn’t have been able to concentrate in classes.

With Hermione’s gentle cries, Severus worked his fingers into her; caressing and taking care to touch all that he could. He was careful with his ministrations, bringing her body temperature up until she felt like she was on fire. It wasn’t long before she was crying out in her orgasm. He loved that sound of purring that emitted from deep in her chest when she came. He could feel her body tightening up, the release of her orgasm then the relief of her relaxing once it ran its path. But he wasn’t through, not by far. This was where he wanted to be. Where he'd dreamt of being for a long, long time. He slithered up her body so that she was forced to open her legs wider to allow him access. Dark eyes met light eyes.

"Hermione…"

"I love you, Severus…it’s all right."

"Thank you." He murmured as he finally slid his way home.

Hermione gasped as she felt him enter her. The feeling that pressed inside of her wasn’t painful as it was more… pressurized. She held her breath until she felt him stop moving.

"Are you all right?"

She opened her eyes to see him looking down at her with such concern on his face. It made her want to cry.

"I’m fine, Love… Just hold still for a moment."

Severus nodded and leaned forward to kiss her, soothing her brow with his fingers and caressing her neck and shoulders. "Does it hurt?"

"No, I just feel… very full." She smiled up at him, letting the honestly flow from her lips. "I forgot how… ah… ample… you are."

He couldn’t stop the chuckle from rocking his body into hers and she gasped.

"I did hurt you." He murmured.

"No, I just… wasn’t expecting that to… feel so good."

"You mean this?" He shifted backwards then moved back inside, very slowly watching Hermione’s _expression.

"Oh yes… just like that. Do it some more."

"As you wish." He leaned down and kissed her lips. "Anything for you."

Hermione’s eyes dropped closed as she concentrated on how he was making her feel. He felt hard, slick, huge and most of all, safe. And that wasn’t the part of him that was inside of her. It was just HIM. He was all of that to her. Although that part of him that WAS inside of her wasn’t that bad, either. It was far more pleasurable than the last time.

Quickly blocking that thought from her mind, she concentrated on the movement that Severus was performing. The gentle rocking of their hips. The light slapping of two bodies. There was a dance to it, a rhythm that came from the soul. One that she was willing to learn more of.

"Tell me what to do." She whispered into his ear.

"Wrap your legs around me." He whispered back and she immediately did as he requested, feeling him go a bit deeper. "Yes, like that… That’s good…Now… rotate your hips a bit… slowly."

Like this?" She grinned up at him and slowly rolled her hips in a clockwise direction. His groan of pleasure told her that whatever she was doing was right. "How about if I go the other way?" She then began to roll the other way.

"Oh Gods…" Severus moaned.

"How about if I do this?" Hermione’s breathless voice whispered into his ear. He was a bit surprised to feel her hands on his ass, pulling him closer. "And this…" Her lips were on his throat kissing and sucking. "And this…" Her fingers left his ass to seek out his nipples, where they gently played. Her fears, though still somewhere on the edges of her mind, were swiftly being replaced with the love and trust she felt for him. His body was driving her up some high mountain, pushing her desires until they were screaming at her that this was where she belonged, with him. In his bed with him buried deep within her. At his side through thick and thin. She knew then that she was, and always had been, some part of him. Together, the two of them made a whole that no person could drive apart.

She found herself being carried away with her feelings and she was soon nibbling at his shoulder blade. Her teeth grated and scraped across his collarbone. Her hands still quested after his nipples, her fingertips easily tweaking the twin peaks. Her hips rose and met his with each of his thrust so that she could take him deeper into her body, deeper into her soul. He was pushing the intellectual part of her to the back and bringing the wanton side of her to the foreground so that she found herself lost in the sensations that rippled out from where they were joined together.

She wanted to give to him precisely what he was giving, so she began clenching her muscles down around him, holding him in place within her. She found she loved the feel of him buried so deeply inside of her. The friction was heavenly, the sounds of their panting breaths stirring the air and only serving to drive them further into their frenzied love making. This moment, with him, was like nothing she had ever imagined. She took one of his earlobes into her mouth and teased it with her teeth while, at the same time, performing that same circular motion with her hips that seemed to make him crazy.

"You like that, don't you?" she breathed in his ear.

"Hermione…."

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

She grinned as he sped up his movement, causing her to gasp in pleasured surprise. Her hands darted around his lean body as he moved faster. The need for him to come inside of her grew greater as his movement grew fiercer. Soon the bed was bouncing from his efforts and Hermione’s screams of pleasure were echoing in the bedchambers.

Severus grit his teeth as he continued to stroke in and out of her body. He'd never thought, after that one fate filled night, that he would be allowed to once again touch her. That he would be granted this moment in time, where he felt he was as close to heaven as a man such as himself could ever get. Her body was tight around his. Her muscles contracted so sharply with each thrust that he found himself held in place for a few moments. She was tight and hot, the feel driving him to distraction. The only thing that made their joining easier was the fact that she was also so wet.

It had been something of a surprise that her body had responded to his assault on it with such intensity. It was very much a reflection of the young woman's nature in his classroom. It thrilled him to know that she was attracted to him so deeply that her body produced such a reaction. It felt good to slide in and out of her clutching channel, the walls slick and tight around him. And it had been so long. The way her body, all parts of it, wrapped around him and turned wanton for him was enough to drive him closer to his climax.

He wanted to hold back, but the friction between them and her hands' constant exploration did him in. He tensed all over, feeling the knot that had been growing at the base of his spine get even tighter. He was on the verge of release. His pace increased and he pounded himself into her, driving so deeply that her pants and moans filled the room over the sound of their flesh slapping against one another. Her body tensed beneath his a moment, then her muscles was fluttering and contracted around his shaft. Hermione's vocalization of her pleasure as a second orgasm hit was enough to send him hurtling over the edge.

"Oh GODS!" Severus bellowed out and, with her orgasm milking him, he finally exploded sending his seed deep inside of her.

Afterward, in the glow of the aftermath, Severus finally found the power to move off of her and pulled her into his arms. She quickly snuggled up against his chest with a small smile of achievement.

"You are all right? I didn’t hurt you, did I?"

"I’m perfect… I never believed that it could be like that. Thank you."

A sudden pounding on the door interrupted their post coital conversation and the voice of Harry called out from beyond.

"Keep it down in there! Jeez. Use a silencing spell next time will ya?"

Hermione’s screech of embarrassment and Severus’s bellow of laughter followed a grinning Harry back into his own room.


~00~

A/N’s and acknowledgments:

Thanks to you all for your kind support and encouragement. It means a lot to me!!!