One wish alone have I

Chapter 25
Something to remember me by

Severus, Eilionoir and I left Hogwarts a week later at night, accompanied by a few Order members and several cainites. At Severus’ request, Remus and Cami had found us a nice cottage in Maam Cross, my hometown, a very nice touch that moved me deeply. That way, we were still close to Hogwarts and London (within Apparating range, anyway), but in a sufficiently discreet and remote place to be well hidden (no known Death Eater or Order member lived there or even near there). Valerica and Albus joined their powers to produce a strong Fidelius Charm to protect our house, and Valerica was designated as the Secret Keeper. Ivantie, Cami, Remus, Albus, Poppy, Minerva, Molly and Arthur were the only people allowed to pass our doorstep. Fortunately, most of them visited us quite often, so we would not suffer from loneliness.

To be honest, we almost appreciated the moments the three of us could spend in private even more than those we spent in the company of others. Those few weeks were quite something to experience! Severus and I learned how to redefine our relationship now that we formed a family and not just a couple anymore. That transformation occurred so fast! No matter how long the pregnancy months seem, the switch takes places in a matter of hours, and one must adapt pretty quickly.

Fortunately, things came easy for me. I fell even more in love with Eilionoir as soon as she let out her first cry and looked back at me, and I think the same happened in Severus’ case. The rest was only a matter of learning how to understand and fulfil her needs and wishes, even if we were both taxed to the very limits of our tolerance at times. After all, we were both human, and as much as we tried to implement a more cainite-like schedule for her, it was not completely achievable. Once she was able to sleep through the entire day, she mostly slept from sunrise to sunset and became more active as soon as the sun disappeared.

Luckily for us, Valerica became an invaluable help during the first two months; she usually dropped by towards two or three in the morning and offered to baby-sit her for the rest of the night until she would finally fall asleep. We were particularly sensitive to her devotion, as she also offered to use her own blood for Eilionoir’s nourishing potions, which gave her a very precious and noble source of power during her growth.

Those hours we spent in our little cottage, shut away from the atrocities of the war that was raging outside our secluded universe, were happy and peaceful nevertheless. I sang many songs to Eilionoir, as much to entertain her than to rock her to sleep, just like my mother and father did for me. After all, when I was young, singing was often the only music we heard in the house, as recorded music obviously did not exist. Severus’ favourite part, I think, was the feeding. I never needed to ask him twice if he wanted to give her the nourishing potion; he sat in a cosy armchair with the baby even before the potion was warm. Countless times I found them, in late evening, sleeping peacefully in the living room. She usually curled up on his bare chest through the loose opening of his white shirt with her adorable little mouth pressed against his neck, while he lay comfortably on the inclined back of the chair with his long legs outstretched in front of him and his hands holding both the baby and the bottle very protectively.

As soon as I felt strong enough to leave our house, which was barely a week after we moved in there, we attended Order meetings again. Eilionoir usually slept calmly in her tiny portable coffin through a good part of the gathering, as I tried to feed her just before we left. However, when she cried and did not seem to calm down, Molly generally gave me her best puppy eyes from across the table until I finally gave in and let her run upstairs to one of the guests’ bedrooms and take care of her.

“If her hair suddenly turns red, Deirdre, I will never forgive you!” Severus jokingly murmured in my ear one evening, just as Molly was walking out yet one more time with a benevolent smile.

“Careful, Severus!” I giggled. “Her hair might not have its final colour yet! Many of my ancestors on my mother’s side were red-heads, and quite proud of it!”

“A Snape with red hair?” he mused, raising an amused eyebrow at the thought. “That would definitely be a blunt break from tradition…”

Without Severus’ reports, however, the Death Eaters were successful in more murderous attacks on private homes, as Ivantie, Niculaie and Marcela were rarely summoned to meetings and were definitely not given any information that was unrelated to their missions. Severus’ betrayal had left quite an impression on the Death Eaters, and they were doubly careful.

The Order members did their best to gather information and prevent the attacks by alerting the targeted people, but the number of deaths increased worrisomely. My poor Severus felt horribly guilty and powerless during those reports and each time we read about a new murder in the Daily Prophet. I tried to comfort him the best I could, but my typical post-delivery whinging and unexpected waves of sadness led me to need his comfort as much as he needed mine.

At the end of June, however, Ivantie raised a general alert through the Order and the Ministry. He had been warned by the Dark Lord himself that the cainite army’s services might be requested at any moment, for he planned to make a massive attack on the Ministry of Magic and take control of the government once and for all.

Tensely, we waited… and we waited… but nothing happened and the reinforced security at the Ministry started to look a bit useless. Until Pettigrew got captured.

Needless to say, the Wizengamot held his trial within days after his arrest, which was exactly what the Dark Lord had planned. All the Elders had gathered in court that day, and the Minister of Magic himself was present, too, along with Harry and Remus, who were summoned as witnesses. Barely a few minutes after the trial began, the Dark Lord communicated with Ivantie and asked him to show up with his army in front of the Ministry, for the attack was to take place shortly after.

Molly contacted us by Floo just before she left to meet the other Order members there. Severus thanked her and turned to me with an expression that showed a mix of resoluteness, anxiety and sorrow.

“I guess there is nothing I can say that will hold you back?” I gravely said, understanding too well what that expression meant.

“Try to understand, Deirdre,” he began, putting both his hands on my shoulders as I felt too familiar tears starting to fill up in my eyes. “This might be the battle. He will probably show up in person and it might very well end today if we are victorious. I have been waiting for this moment for so many years… seeing it with my own eyes… this is so important… and I cannot just let others fight without me after all those years.”

“Oh, I do understand,” I articulated, without any resentment. “I wish I could find it in me to hold you back, but I cannot. I just wish I could go with you and fight at your side…”

“We have discussed this so many times already, Deirdre… only one of us can go,” he said, pressing me against his heart.

“I know…” I sobbed, grabbing his body for a comfort that he could not possibly give me, as the situation rendered my need too great.

He went to Eilionoir’s resting room and lifted the lid of her coffin. He stood there for long minutes and looked at her, smiling tenderly, and finally placed a long kiss on her forehead. He then walked downstairs to the fireplace, holding my hand, and pressed me in his arms again. I do not know how many times my feverish mind prayed for his safety during the long minutes that passed with my senses being invaded by my lover’s manly presence, and me trying desperately to chase away the possibility that I might never feel that way again.

“I will come back soon, I promise,” he murmured, trying to sound reassuring, cupping my face with his hands and riveting his eyes on mine.

“Come back, my love… this is all I ask. Come back,” I replied, before he eagerly pressed his lips against mine and disappeared in the fireplace.

I spent the following hours pacing the living room and listening to the WWN in hope they would give news about the battle. Indeed, they did, but what they described was not reassuring. Voldemort attacked the Ministry with over two thousand followers. They were first stopped by Ivantie and the rest of the army, who fought them bravely at the Ministry gates, but many Death Eaters made their way inside, and soon the battle was going on inside the building as well.

The announcers were not very reassuring. Their tendency to use sensationalistic expressions hammered words like “destruction”, “bloodbath” and “chaos” into my ears, which did nothing to calm down my nerves; they were on the edge of breakdown. I was so absorbed in their alarmist and desperately vague reports that it took a while before I realised that Eilionoir was crying upstairs. Holding her in a crushing embrace against my breasts, I rocked her back to sleep while two panicked wizards she did not know described a horrible battle, in which her father was struggling and risking his life to save his soul, with words she did not understand.

It was a little past seven when Valerica emerged from our fireplace, startling Eilionoir and me violently.

“Is the battle over?” I exclaimed, over my daughter’s renewed screams.

“I do not know for sure, but many of the remaining Death Eaters had run away when I left,” she replied, still a little out of breath. “I came here as soon as I could to tell you the news.”

“Is Severus alive?” I eagerly asked in a trembling voice.

“I saw him engaged in a confrontation with a tall blond wizard and two rather sturdy ones in one of the Ministry corridors,” she explained, crashing into the armchair I pulled for her. “He called the blond man ‘Malfoy’ and, from the look on their faces, the fight looked rather personal. Is he the one who attacked you?”

“Yes. How did the fight end?”

“Not in a very pretty way, I am afraid… Severus managed to Stun the two sturdy wizards and had the blond one magically trapped against a wall. He then stabbed his pocket knife through his heart before he finished him off with a Killing Curse. The man was still screaming insults and threats at him when he did.”

“And after that?” I asked, after closing my eyes in a brief moment of silence.

“I am afraid I lost track of him, my love,” she answered. “Niculaie said he saw him duelling against a group of Death Eaters with other Order members later in the day, but I did not see him after that. You should go and find him, Antanasia,” she added, taking my hand firmly in hers. “The battle has greatly subsided and I know you can defend yourself. I will stay here with your daughter; go and find your lover, dearest.”

I was on my feet in the blink of an eye and passed Eilionoir to her. Holding them both in my arms, I gave them tender kisses and headed towards the door.

“One more thing, Tasia,” she said, holding me back. “Niculaie told me he got injured while fighting that group of Death Eaters. Nothing that seemed life-threatening, but I preferred to warn you.”

“Thank you, my friend,” I replied, before I ran outside and Disapparated to London.

Before my eyes, a most horrible scene unravelled itself. People were running everywhere; some were scared and hysterical, some were ecstatic and jumped excitedly in each other’s arms, and some were Healers and mediwitches who just tried to do their jobs in the commotion. Everywhere, next to the devastated ruins of what had been the Ministry of Magic (which now formed a sinister hole in the ground), dust, blood, tears of joy, tears of pain and fear, death, happiness… all intertwined…. My heart was racing in my chest, for nothing, no one there could tell me what my soul would identify with after I found the man I loved.

I looked around and saw nothing. The sunset was slowly approaching and I feared that the falling of the night would slow down my search considerably. Feeling panic creeping inside of me, I looked frantically everywhere around me, seeing nothing familiar, and was about to head for the Ministry when I saw a dark form appear ahead of me.

It was limping slightly and curiously, that is how I recognized him, figuring that his old injury was probably making him suffer a little more than he admitted. As he walked towards me, I slowly saw him emerge from the turmoil of colours and mist that separated us and his beloved features became clearer. His dark eyes were fiercely set on me; he barely looked at where he was putting his feet and frankly, I think he could not have cared less. His face was stained with dirt, blood and pain, but I could not have found him more luminous and handsome than he was in that very moment. The closer he walked, the better I saw, and I finally understood what produced that unusual expression on his face.

He was crying his heart out.

I ran to him, jumping over several corpses on the way, and landed right into his arms.

“Are you injured, Severus?” I panted, taking his virile face in my hands.

“Nothing serious, Deirdre…” he articulated, before sobbing again, a little more discreetly.

“Why are you crying? Has someone we know died?”

“I cannot know for sure… but I saw several of them on my way here and they were all right, I think!”

“Great!” I sighed, smiling in relief. “But what makes you cry, my darling?”

“This…” he whispered, sliding the sleeves of his coat and shirt up, revealing the skin on his inner arm.

The Dark Mark was gone!

“Voldemort is dead,” he said, pronouncing the feared name with no hesitation, and replacing fear and respect with anger and disgust. “He is dead, Deirdre! Gone! I… I saw it with my own eyes! I could never have believed it would happen one day!” he exclaimed, breaking down in tears and falling back into my open arms, gripping my sides with poorly contained suffering.

I replied nothing, for there was nothing to say… I simply sat with him right where we were and held him tight against my heart, rocking him slowly, letting him pour out so many things that had been held back in pain. He cried so hard that he had trouble breathing and his sobs shook his exhausted body quite mercilessly, but I had been waiting for that moment since so long that I could not help but feel relieved that he was finally letting go of the past… for it was becoming past indeed!

“We are free!” he gasped, breaking from my embrace and grabbing my shoulders. “Free! The thing you called the symbol of shame… gone! Gone! Eilionoir will never see it! I… I can barely believe it!” he added, laughing slightly through his tears this time, while his lips stretched into a very genuine smile.

“I guess we will have to get used to the idea!” I taunted, cupping his face in my hands and wiping his tears with my thumbs the best I could. “I guess we will be a normal family, now! Two witches and a wizard… who came out of this war alive… oh, so alive!”

“You are right,” he said, wiping his face clean on his sleeves while his eyes dried up but still kept the same intense glimmer. “I should not be crying like this when it is time for us to embrace happiness. So I guess there is only one question left for you to answer, now…” he added, bringing me closer and caressing the side of my face with one hand, while the other got buried in my curls.

“Yes?” I replied, my eyes shining intensely with emotion.

“Are you ready to face life with me, my love?” he asked, with a deep voice that vibrated with sincerity.

“Each and every day of it, Severus,” I replied, before the distance between our lips ceased to exist.

He asked for my hand in marriage that very night, saying that he would have never asked me to marry a Death Eater but was worthy of wearing the symbol of our engagement now that the symbol he was so ashamed of had vanished definitely. That gave us one more thing to celebrate when we gathered with the other Order members in the Headquarters. We did not only have things to celebrate, however, for we lost many friends in the battle and Voldemort’s death came with a very high price, given the famous events you surely know of.

Mister Moody and Shacklebolt died bravely in the worst of the battle. It took no less than twelve Death Eaters to make them fall and their courage allowed many Elders to escape the Ministry safely. Tomasz, along with many other cainites I knew, died in the battle, too. Sadly, most of them were not freed from their curse, for the Death Eaters’ rage at their betrayal gave them no mercy. Ivantie organized a splendid funeral for all of them, and a special monument has been erected in Zaharia’s garden in the memory of the fallen. In return for their services, the Minister of Magic changed a few laws that were rather discriminatory towards cainites and thanked Ivantie, Pietr and Andrusha publicly in a special ceremony in their honour. Fortunately, all of my dearest friends came out of this sinisterly famous battle alive.

Severus and I were secretly married by Albus in the Headquarters a few months later, just before we brought Eilionoir on a short trip to Transylvania so she could receive a formal blessing. I chose Valerica to be her godmother and Severus asked Ivantie to be her godfather, adding a very insistent and meaningful request to watch over her with all his heart, which Ivantie solemnly promised.

~*~

It took me a while to pick up my quill again and finish that eventful tale. Our daily schedule was very busy, too, with our little family and a full-time engagement in Hogwarts. We had debated for a while about whether it was a good idea to come out of hiding and teach again, but I hated to see Severus consider giving away his position in such a highly praised establishment. He just did not seem the type of wizard who would be happy doing a simple job in a little village like Maam Cross, such as working as an Apothecary. Oh, he did work as the local Apothecary’s assistant for a few months during the post-war era, but after the Christmas holidays, we decided to reintegrate our quarters at Hogwarts.

Many Death Eaters such as Macnair and the Lestranges had still not been captured, and we suspected that they might still be after Severus to triumph where Lucius had failed, in the memory of their deceased (but still influent influential) master. Tonks, who was at the head of a brilliant operation, finally captured Macnair near Edinburgh in late March 1999. Two Aurors died in the confrontation, but the Death Eater got a life sentence in Azkaban and, with the help of the government\'s best Legilimens, they were able to find the Lestranges in hiding and capture them, too. Therefore, we were still extremely cautious whenever we went outside the school grounds, but we felt secure enough between the castle walls to lead a relatively normal life.

One night, it was in August 2001; I remember very well, Severus and I got a little carried away during a night stroll we took on one of the beaches next to the Black Sea (we have been spending our summers in Zaharia each year since Eilionoir’s birth). Just like before, he grabbed my hand as I was about to cast a contraceptive spell, but his glance glimmered with mischievousness when he turned it to me, and the almost defiant way in which he wiggled his eyebrows made me burst into laughter. Perseus was born nine months later (he even came a bit later than expected), and earned his name from the Perseides that made a breathtaking ballet in the dark sky above our heads the night he was conceived.

That dear child is even the one responsible for what has been labelled as one of the most major discoveries of the century for the cainite kind. Indeed, Severus and I had started yet one more compound experiment for the Counter-photodermatitis potion a few hours before my labour finally began. We dropped Eilionoir at Remus and Cami’s (whom Eilionoir affectionately called “aunt and uncle”, given the countless times they had babysat her) and left for St Mungo’s, forgetting the potion completely.

When we came back to Hogwarts, two nights later, we found that the potion had been left totally undisturbed, given the protective charms that had prevented the smoke from coming out of the lab and alerting someone to what was going on. The compound burned thoroughly but, to our surprise, Severus found a perfectly smooth golden liquid in the bottom of the cauldron instead of the lumpy mess we were used to finding.

When we tested it, we found that the precious liquid was a wonderfully stable compound that had all the qualities we wished for. For years, we had been fighting against the compound’s so fragile flammability when all we had to do was to let it burn completely! We did not find the cure for photodermatitis, but we did find a potion that allowed cainites to stand without any protection in full sun for hours all day long without any other side effect… other than a very pleasant and human-looking suntan.

Bureaucracy being what it is, however, we had to have the potion breveted and the Ministry of Magic is still debating whether the compound should be commercialised or not. I understand them, in a way. They feel threatened by the consequences that potion might have if cainites can move around freely during the day, an advantage that humans have always considered reassuring given the numerous powers cainites possess. The Elders should gather during the upcoming months; hopefully, they will reach a definite conclusion and write the appropriate law that dictates the potion’s use. Needless to say that our daughter… and the Zaharia’s inhabitants are already benefiting from that compound. Indeed, Vasile and Iulian owled us a postcard from Cuba just last week.

~*~

Eilionoir is now four years old and our little Perseus just completed his first year among us. From the way he stands next to the chair Severus is sitting on right now, in front of me, I suspect he will take his first steps very soon. Severus has been training him for a while now, preventing almost all of his falls with a quick and precise flick of his wand. Those two are getting along very well already; I think Perseus has inherited a lot of the good things in his father’s temper. He is usually so very calm and quiet, playing with his toys without annoying any of us for attention but displaying a rare curiosity for new things and skills whenever we interact with him! And at other times, all he wants is to snuggle against one of us and listen to a story… a real angel! He is already tall, has a thick mane of black hair and Mrs Snape’s blue eyes. I am sure he will be quite a heartbreaker in the Ravenclaw house one day (a thing Severus fully agrees with… as long as we switch Ravenclaw for Slytherin, of course).

Eilionoir is still resting; it is only three in the afternoon and she should not be up before seven, at least. That young lady is quite the opposite of her brother! It is as if the fierceness in each of our personalities was passed on to her. Her intelligence is sharp and very refined already, and though she talks a lot, she gets right to the point and often surprises us by nailing very good arguments in our discussions. She has a very imaginative and artistic mind that reminds me of my own and that of my father, which makes her personality even more sparkling… and explosive.

We thought we knew what “trouble” meant when she grew her teeth, but we were far from knowing its real meaning. From the moment she started walking, we could rarely get a rest, as her adorable hands reached for everything that triggered her interest and, contrary to Perseus, that interest tended to fluctuate at the speed of light. She was still very sensitive to sun, of course, and did not seem to care about our countless warnings about it. Like any child of her age, she was even more attracted to it because it was forbidden… not so much unlike her mother, when she belonged to her kind, I must admit! Given her very active and playful personality, I was able to trick her into a game of hide and seek each time she exposed herself to dangerously high levels of sunlight. She usually chose to plunge right under her father’s ample robes whenever he was nearby, which allowed us to shut the window panels and bring her (protesting vigorously that we were cheating) to a safer place.

Things got even worse when she started to Transfigure, a little after she turned three. Severus’ reflexes were indispensable; his sharp eyes could find and hit her with the proper spell in a matter of seconds, even if she happily flew next to the Great Hall’s enchanted ceiling. Even if we were furious at her when she disobeyed us and gave us such a fright, we could not resist her spontaneous exclamation of joy when she Transfigured back into a cainite form and fell from the ceiling, laughing innocently, into our outstretched arms… before she babbled a, “please, let’s do it again!” that was almost irresistible. Even Severus had a discreet smile fleeting on his lips when he brought her back to her coffin, no matter how serious and severe he wanted to appear on those occasions.

Severus has greatly impressed me during the last few years. I did not know I would count on his patience so much. To be honest, I had anticipated with a bit of dread the type of authority he would use on our children, fearing that he might choose the same intimidation methods he used with his students, but fortunately, nothing of the kind happened. His personality is intimidating enough already and curiously, his very good self-control (which holds on even when I reach the last limits of my patience and lose my temper) gives him even more influence, for he only has to slightly raise his voice to quiet them at once.

Even if I usually am the one the children go to when they need to be granted a favor, they do not fear him, which might even be a slight disadvantage in Eilionoir’s case. Last month, for example, she disobeyed the rules and got out of her coffin while I had left our quarters for a quick check on the potions that were simmering in our lab. Being her mother’s little girl, she went to our closet and dressed with her father’s shirt and frock coat over her night robes. She even managed to swing one of his teaching robes over her shoulder, which formed a very pompous and comical train behind her.

I had made a very small detour by the classroom to ask Severus’ advice about a particular compound and saw her just as she ceremonially walked into the classroom with her nose up high and what looked like a firm intention to teach. When a puzzled student in the front row asked her what she was doing there, she placed both her little fists on her hips through the long sleeves and huffed importantly.

“I am a Potions Mistress!” she replied, with such self-conviction that a few students discreetly snorted.

Severus, who first frowned severely at her impertinent behaviour and walked towards her with the probable intention of admonishing her, halted in the middle of the classroom when he acknowledged her peculiar outfit. A slight twitch at the corner of his lips and a faint blush on his pale cheeks told me that he repressed an urge to snort. Eilionoir, however, hearing the students’ giggles and seeing their amused faces, realised that she was not making the impression she wanted and tears of humiliation started to fill her eyes. Severus, particularly sensitive to her pain at being teased, reacted splendidly and got her out of that sticky situation in no time.

“Now, Eilionoir, I am afraid that will not do,” he softly but very seriously replied. “If you want to give a strong impression and earn the privilege of wearing these robes one day, you must first wear them with dignity. Stand straight with your arms down and your shoulders squared, like this,” he demonstrated, as if he were giving a normal lesson. “Now give me your best intimidating glance, a real Snape one, something that would scare a Banshee away… yes, this is more like it!” he commented, as Eilionoir, fascinated by his reaction, did exactly as he demanded and riveted her eyes to his in a way that was incredibly similar to that of her father and grandfather. “And now, I want you to repeat your statement, very clearly and with an attitude.”

“I am a Potions Mistress,” she stated, almost as menacingly as her father would have done… with more lisp, however, given all the “s” sounds that were unfortunately in her choice of words.

“Nice to meet you, Professor,” said the student, playing along and shaking her hand before I gently brought her back to our quarters.

Believe it or not, the Gryffindor house earned ten points for this. They called it an event.

A week later, she broke Severus’ precious jar of unicorn blood while trying to reach a box of sweets on an upper shelf. His reaction was a bit less glorious on that occasion, but nobody is perfect, after all!

I could go on and on with anecdotes like this (as I am sure Perseus will add many more to the lot as he gets older), but they all seem to boil down to one thing that is very simple to explain. We are happy. We are happy as we have never been and the peace that has slowly settled over the Magical world allows me to hope that this happiness is here to last. And happiness, my dearest readers, is something that is better lived than explained with too simple and short words.

I started this book in fear of being forgotten, and now I know I will never be. I will live and taste each and every moment of my life with my beloved Severus and you from now on. Their memory will be trapped in all our hearts and existences, which is even better and richer than the memories I could trap in the traces of ink my quill is leaving on the parchment right now.

I know you will fulfill my life… you already are, my precious treasures. And right now, as Severus is picking up his wand to make Perseus attempt walking once more, I will let you, the three lights of my life, show me just how.

~*~

AUTHOR’S NOTES

As always, thanks for your patience! And remember... reviewing will not hurt you, I promise! Why don\'t you give it a try? ;o)

Still one chapter to post... it\'s not over yet! :o)