How to Save a Life

Harry had still not made his decision by the time he reluctantly dragged himself out of bed the next morning. He had slept fitfully, and that had been plagued by bad dreams. They were not as horrifying as the nightmares he was used to but they were unpleasant nonetheless.

He had spent the night reliving his last visit to Malfoy manor and every time Harry woke in a cold sweat, he could still hear Hermione’s screams as she was tortured by Bellatrix. It had been the first time since his pact with Pansy that he had felt the overwhelming urge to cut, and it took all of his self control to resist.

Just when he thought he had made his mind up that there was no possible way he could spend Christmas in that place, Harry would remember Draco’s nervous expression as he had asked. Harry wasn’t sure what scared him the most, returning to the site of his nightmares, or being the one responsible for hurting his boyfriend.

Draco had said he would understand if he said no and Harry believed him. But there was a world of difference between understanding something and being happy about it

What he really needed, Harry decided, was to talk to someone about it. Someone who could help him get things in perspective.

Ron and Hermione were out for obvious reasons. Pansy had obviously been encouraging Draco to ask him which made her opinions on the matter very clear and hardly unbiased. What he needed was someone calm and level headed, who wouldn’t judge.

For the first time in a while, Harry ached for Remus. Although Sirius had been his Godfather and Harry had loved him dearly, he had almost felt like more of an older brother than a father figure. With Remus, Harry had just known he could talk to him about anything. It was the kind of unconditional love that one usually got from parents.

Harry shook off his maudlin thoughts quickly. He didn’t have time to waste dwelling on the past. It was almost breakfast time and he still didn’t have an answer for Draco. Neville startled him out of his thoughts.

“You ok, Harry?”

“What? Oh yeah, I’m fine, Nev.”

Neville looked at him thoughtfully for a moment and then walked over and perched on the edge of Harry’s bed.

“Are you sure? You look kind of troubled about something.” Neville paused thoughtfully before adding. “Are things ok with Draco? You two seemed really quiet last night. You haven’t had a row or something?”

Harry shook his head. “No, it’s nothing like that. It’s just...”

Neville watched nervously as Harry got up off the bed and began to pace distractedly across the room.

“It’s just what?”

Harry stopped pacing momentarily and turned to face his friend. “He’s asked me to spend the holidays at his house.”

“Oh. And that’s bad because?”

“Well, it’s not really, I suppose.” Harry rubbed at his eyes. “At least, it shouldn’t be.”

“So why is it then?” Neville pressed.

Harry looked at the other boy as if he were all kinds of idiots. “Just the fact that the last time I was at his house, his family were busy trying to turn me over to Voldemort.”

“And what? You thing they are going to do it again?”

Harry could feel his patience wearing thin. Was Neville being deliberately stupid?

“Of course not,” he snapped. “Voldemort’s dead. Besides, I trust Draco.”

“Then I’m sorry, Harry. But I don’t see what the problem is. You came back to Hogwarts, after everything that happened here. If you can do that, I’m sure you can spend a couple of weeks at Draco’s house.”

“It’s not the same,” was Harry’s stubborn reply. “Just forget I said anything. Come on, we’ll be late for breakfast.”

Harry headed to the door without checking to see if Neville was following. Just as he reached out to grab the door handle, his friend spoke again.

“Do you love him?”

Harry span round, shocked at this question. “That’s none of your business,” he snapped.

Neville held up a hand at this, as if to ward off the onset of Harry’s infamous temper. “Ok, don’t answer that. Just let me tell you how I see it.”

Harry took a deep breath and nodded at his friend, indicating for him to continue.

“I think you do love him. I think you both love each other very much.” A quick look at Harry’s face indicated a neutral expression, so Neville ploughed on.

“Draco’s done and said a lot of bad things to us all over the years, but mainly to you. But somehow you managed to see past and fall in love with him.”

“What’s your point, Neville?” Harry asked irritably.

“Just this. You fell for Draco knowing exactly who he was and what he’d done. If you want to have any kind of future with him then you are going to have to deal with his family and any associated bad memories. Besides, what’s worse? Two weeks at Malfoy manor with a few uncomfortable memories, or two weeks on your own with no Draco?”

Harry nodded, “Thanks for that, Nev. You’re right. I should just stop being a baby about it.”

“That wasn’t what I was saying,” Neville protested, but Harry dismissed his words with a wave of his hand.

“Maybe not, but it’s what I’m doing. This place has much worse memories for me than Draco’s house does. If I give in to this, then it’s like I’m giving Voldemort power over my life, even after he’s dead.”

“I guess so,” Neville nodded slowly. “But, Harry, it’s still a natural reaction to have, don’t feel bad about it.”

“I don’t, not really. But I’m not being fair to Draco. I told him that the past didn’t matter, that it was the future that counted. But how can we have a future if I’m only willing to accept parts of his life? Thanks for this, Neville. You’ve been a big help.”

“No problem, mate. Just glad I could help. Now come on, let’s go eat.”

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As he made his way down to breakfast, Harry felt like a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He still hadn’t made his final decision about where to spend the holidays, but he was that much nearer, thanks to his chat with Neville.

As he entered the Great Hall, his eyes automatically scanned the Slytherin table for a familiar golden head. As his gaze fell on Draco, he saw that his boyfriend was already looking at him, a tentative smile on his face. Harry nodded and grinned in return before heading to the Gryffindor table with Neville.

He had barely had time to start his bowl of steaming porridge, before a stately looking Eagle Owl swooped down and dropped a parchment in front of him. Recognising the Owl, Harry picked up the letter and then looked questioningly across the hall at his boyfriend, wondering why on earth he was writing to him.

Draco’s grey eyes were wide in surprise, indicating he knew no more than Harry about what was going on. If Harry had chosen to look a little to the left, he would have noticed a very smug expression on Pansy Parkinson’s face.

His curiosity aroused, Harry swiftly tore into the parchment. He scanned to the bottom to see who was writing to him and his chin almost hit the table in shock.

Dear Mr. Potter,

I am informed that my son intends to invite
you to spend the holidays at our home.
I understand how past events may leave
you disinclined to accept the invitation, but I
would ask that you do not penalise Draco
for the actions of his family.

I realise that you will have been left with
unpleasant memories of our home, but if you
will allow it, I should very much like the
opportunity to help create happier ones.

It may assist you in your decision to know
that my sister and her grandson will be joining
us for Christmas also. We were inspired by
the example that you and Draco set and have
now reconciled our differences. Whilst we
are not yet as close as sisters should be,
I believe that will come with time.
Family is too precious to turn your back on, I
understand that now.

Sadly it has been some years since the manor
has seen a true family Christmas and I hope to
correct that this year. With your relationship to
both my son and my nephew, I consider you to
be a part of that family; it is inconceivable to me
that we should celebrate without you.

I will say no more on the subject; save to ask
that you give our invitation serious consideration
and to assure you that there will be no ill feeling
if you decline.

Yours,

Narcissa Malfoy.


If Harry’s eyes had got any wider they would have been in danger of falling out. He reread the letter several times before he could quite process exactly what it said and couldn’t help but notice that his hands trembled slightly as he held the parchment.

Despite outwardly being 18 years old, deep inside Harry there was still a lonely little boy, starved of love and affection, just aching for acceptance. The idea that Narcissa would not only tolerate him for Draco’s sake, but actually wanted him there, considered him part of their family, brought a lump to Harry’s throat.

The feeling of being wanted caused a wave of emotion to overwhelm Harry and tears began to prickle at his eyes. Not wanting to have to answer the questions that his reaction would inevitably raise, Harry murmured his excuses to Neville and, clutching the letter tightly, he left the Great Hall.

Harry had barely crossed the Entrance Hall before Draco was hot on his heels.

“Harry!”

Harry came to a hold and turned to see Draco hurrying towards him. He blinked forcefully, trying to banish the threat of tears before the blonde noticed them.

Draco came skidding to a halt and looked worriedly into Harry’s face.

“Are you ok?”

A quick look at Harry’s face answered Draco’s question. He could tell that his boyfriend was struggling to master his emotions, so he took hold of Harry’s hand and pulled him into the nearest empty classroom. Harry allowed himself to be manoeuvred without protest and, as Draco closed the door behind them, he perched on the top of one of the desks.

“Your mum sent me a letter,” Harry stated.

Draco walked over to him quickly, concern evident on his face. What the hell had his mother said to make Harry look like this?

“What did it say? If she’s upset you, I’ll...”

“No, it’s nothing like that,” Harry shook his head forcefully. “Here, read it.” He thrust the letter into Draco’s hands and sat back watching his boyfriends face as he read the missive.

As Harry’s had before him, Draco’s eyes widened visibly as he read his mothers letter. When he had finally finished, he placed a tentative hand on Harry’s arm.

“I’m sorry, Harry. She had no right to pressure you like this. I swear I didn’t say anything to her, it must have been Pansy. That girl never could keep her nose out of things.”

“It’s ok, I don’t mind. “

“So you’re not upset by it then?” Draco perched next to Harry on the desk and turned worried eyes to him

Harry slid a hand over and took hold of Draco’s, lacing their fingers together. “No, I’m not upset. I was just...well, I was being silly.”

Draco took his free hand and raised it to Harry’s face. Cupping his cheek, he gently turned his face so that he could stare into those expressive green eyes.

“Harry, you said to me last night that I could tell you anything. Well the same is true in reverse. Tell me what you’re thinking, I promise I won’t think it’s silly.”

Harry lowered his head until it was resting on Draco’s shoulder and let out a soft sigh. He already had only a fragile grip on his emotions and wasn’t sure he could hold onto it if he continued to look into those grey pools of concern.

“I don’t really know if I can explain it,” Harry began uncertainly. “It’s kind of hard to put into words.”

Draco tilted his head until his cheek was resting on Harry’s unruly mop of hair and gave his hand an encouraging squeeze.

“It was just what your mum said in the letter about considering me part of the family. I’ve never really had a proper family. I barely remember my parents and the Dursleys were worse than strangers to me. Then there was the Weasleys...”

Draco snorted in something like disgust at this and received a sharp nudge from Harry in return

“Be nice. The Weasleys were the closest thing to family I had for years. And then with everything that happened this year with Ginny, and Ron not speaking to me, it felt like I was on my own again. I mean, I know I had you but I never looked at our relationship as me being part of a family, you know?”

Harry felt, rather than saw Draco nod in understanding. Thus encouraged, he continued.

“Before you asked me to spend the holidays with you, I was going to spend them alone. I realised for the first time how truly alone I am. And then you asked me and I wasn’t sure if it was just pity because Pansy had told you what I said.”

“No!” Draco sat up at this and placing his hands on Harry’s shoulders, turned his boyfriend to face him fully. “I invited you because what I want more than anything is for us to be together. It has nothing to do with pity and everything to do with the fact that I can’t imagine spending two days without you, never mind two weeks.”
“I knew I was being irrational when I thought it,” Harry admitted.

“And you’re not alone. You have me, and I don’t think you could get rid of Pansy if you tried. Mother can’t wait to meet you properly. Believe it or not, she’s probably more nervous about the prospect than you are.” Draco stopped here and turned beseeching eyes on his boyfriend. “You will come, won’t you? It’s true, what mother said. It wouldn’t be right without you there.”

Harry quickly wrapped his arms around Draco tightly and buried his face in the crook of the blonde’s neck. All he could manage was a muffled, “Yes.”

Draco wisely said nothing when he felt hot tears against his skin. He just sat and held Harry, rubbing soothing patterns on his back and rocking slightly. He was so happy that Harry had said yes, that he struggling to contain his own emotions.

After a few minutes, Harry pulled away from Draco’s embrace, his hands scrubbing fiercely at his eyes.

“Sorry about that,” he said sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to cry on you like a big baby.”

Draco kissed him to stop further protests. “I like it,” he stated firmly. “I mean, I don’t like that you were crying. But I like being the one to comfort you when you’re upset.”

He reached over and brushed his thumbs under Harry’s eyes, wiping away the last traces of tears. “We’d better get going. We only have a couple of minutes before we have to be in Defence.”

Draco hopped off the table and turned round to hold his hand out to Harry. Tucking his hand in his boyfriends, Harry allowed a small smile to light up his face. “I don’t know why you’re in such a hurry to get to that class,” Harry said, a teasing edge to his voice. “You know we’re practising duelling today, and I always kick your arse!”

Draco turned an outraged face to Harry and gave him a playful smack. “Every time you’re mean to me between now and Christmas, is one less present that I’m getting you.”

“Does that mean I have to get you a gift?” Harry enquired in innocent tones, much to Draco’s horror.

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just ask that, Potter.”

Harry grinned to himself and followed his boyfriend out of the room. The smile was swiftly removed from his face when a horrible thought struck him. It had been giving him enough of a headache thinking what to buy for Draco, but now he was spending Christmas at the manor, he had not one, but two Malfoy’s to buy for!

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