All I Ever Wanted

DISCLAIMER: Warning! I make no claim to any property of J.K. Rowling's, and am in no way profiting by this. I do offer her my sincerest thanks for allowing us this garden of the mind in which we play. Further Warning! This story...and likely any I ever write...are dominated by gay themes and characters. That's how it is, if this in any way makes you uncomfortable...do not read further.

"All I Ever Wanted" chap. 37 'Goodbye'

The week descended into chaos. Dumbledore did not return, sending only the briefest of messages regarding a serious delay, and instructing Harry to carefully study the grimoire with the help of others from the Order.

Draco was struggling to function at the best of times, distracted and depressed to a near dangerous degree. Blaise and Pansy took over most of Draco's duties, administering the changes in Slytherin, but the tutoring was placed entirely on hold.

Hermione and Snape took turns helping Harry with the ancient text he was fumbling to decode and learn, but it was slow going by any standard. Ancient languages were difficult at best, even for Hermione, and this wasn't merely foreign, but encrypted as well.

The funeral for Lady Malfoy would be Saturday, and Harry was terrified for Draco's mental health. As the days passed, Draco ate and drank little, and spoke even less. At least they held each other often, but they hadn't been 'intimate' since that horrible morning.

Snape made himself as helpful as he could, coaching Hermione and Harry through the process of deciphering the grimoire, and had noticeably softened his attitude toward Harry, which made Advanced Potions a much less hostile place for Harry to start his day. That may well have been the only bright spot in an otherwise awful string of days.

To make matters worse, the Order had a meeting planned for Saturday night, and Draco was scarcely getting along just going to classes. Harry was torn every which way at once, trying to keep a grip on more problems than he could handle alone. Waking in the middle of the night, with a sobbing lover in his arms, was sapping the last of his strength.

Most privately of all, Harry was terribly ashamed at his own hormonal needs in the middle of all this. His body ached with need for the closeness he just gotten used to. His lover needed his strength and sympathy, and it was all Harry could do to keep a tent from forming in his robes half the day. He'd taken to swiftly wanking in the shower the last couple mornings, then having another one or two off in one of the Prefect bathrooms during the day.

His face burned with shame every time he thought about it. Draco and the entire wizarding world needed him, and all he could do was think with his dick! Harry hated that his body's needs sometimes ruled him in a way that made him terribly uncomfortable.

At least Professor Snape had seen to the funeral details. Blaise, Crabbe, Goyle and Harry would be acting as pallbearers for the Lady Malfoy. The viewing would start at 10 am, and at 2 pm, the casket would be carried to the family mausoleum in the far north gardens and laid to rest.

Announcements had already been made in the Prophet, and letters of condolence were arriving in the owl post every morning. Draco never opened them, just carried them up to the room and left them on the table. Harry watched this pattern continue right up until Saturday morning. The night before had been a stormy one, inside the castle and out, but when day broke, so did Draco's mood.

They rose earlier than normal, and dressed in their best clothes in silence. Draco was quiet, but moved with a certainty that had been missing for days. When they were ready to meet the other students, they left their room, and that was when Draco slipped a hand into Harry's and offered a stiff and bittersweet smile. Harry paused and looked into Draco's eyes. He asked Draco softly, "Are you ready, love?"

"I think so." Draco's voice was still hoarse and raw, but better. "I can do this. Harry...I didn't really feel like saying anything before, but thank you. I couldn't do this if it wasn't for you. I love you, Harry. I just needed to say it before we get there and well, you know, things get busy." Draco's eyes were clearer and more focused than they had been in days.

"Never doubted it, love. You need me, I'm here. I swear you'll never be alone, love. Not now, not ever. Merlin, I can't even tell you how glad I am you're looking better. Just take it easy and we can get through today and come home, and remember, no Order meeting unless you want to come."

"I know. Really, Harry...I feel better. I think I'll be fine. Let's go." Then they were off to the edge of Hogwarts' wards to meet the others and Apparate to Malfoy Manor.

House-elves had prepared much of the house for guests, and the largest sitting room was dominated by the ornate ebony casket of Narcissa Malfoy. Inside it, her body was a pale blond flower at rest in a bed of emerald velvet, utterly peaceful, in stark contrast to the events surrounding her death.

Snape instructed all of them on what was expected of pallbearers and ushers in an 'old family' wizarding funeral. Crabbe and Goyle were somber as could be and more than a little uncomfortable with Harry, but at least they quietly approved of him. Blaise was having a hard time of it, though.

It quickly became evident that he'd never been near a dead body before, and it was giving the normally cheerful and confident boy a round of near fits to stay calm while in the room with one. Eventually, Snape stepped in with a few drops of Soothing Potion in a cup of tea. This sorted things out well for the moment, and soon it was time for the viewing.

Throngs of people walked the path down through the Malfoy gardens, drifting into and out of the sitting room in which the former Lady rested. Draco received endless rounds of handshakes and stiff hugs from the scions of many wizarding families. Even the Weasleys made an appearance, and were thanked kindly by Draco for coming. Old feuds not withstanding, it was considered the worst form to not attend the funeral of another old family.

In the spirit of that tradition, more than a few Aurors came and grimly paid respects, in spite of their deep mistrust of the Malfoy name. It was also true that a number of highly suspect individuals made appearances, but whatever their allegiances, they kept the peace for this occasion, and simply paid their respects and left. A fair portion of Hogwarts' students came, including most of Slytherin and a surprising number of Gryffindors as well, though Ron and Hermione had been expected.

The hours passed with brutal slowness, and even Snape was weary as the viewing drew to a close. Then came the hardest part. Those who wished to join the procession remained and awaited the pallbearers. Snape led the procession through the maze of hedges to the family mausoleum with Draco just behind him. Harry, Blaise, Vincent and Gregory followed with the casket, which had been spelled to a very modest weight.

Behind them came a long host of wizards and witches in black, quiet and dignified in every step, a mournful line of well wishers sending off a lady who was, and would always be, remembered as gentle woman of the highest caliber.

The funeral itself was conducted by Severus Snape, whose eulogy stunned even Harry with its eloquence. Draco smiled, even while tears streamed slowly down his cheeks, to hear his mother so well spoken of by so many.

Inside himself, he railed against what had happened, and it ached to be suddenly aware of her absence, but he was just beginning to accept his new reality. There were people here who cared for him. Harry most obviously, Crabbe and Goyle in their ham-fisted way, Blaise and Pansy, and even Granger and the Weasleys. Severus would soon be just his godfather, no longer his teacher or Head of House. Soon they would speak as equals in the world.

Everywhere he looked, there were people who cared. He still hurt more than he could share, but the host gathered outside the mausoleum took the edge from the blind grief that had almost pulled him under a few days ago.

When all was said and done, Draco asked to be left alone for a moment in the mausoleum in front of him. The others had already begun to depart. Harry nodded quietly and walked away to join the others in the garden. Snape followed in his wake, after giving a piercing glance to Draco that suggested Legilimency being used to determine Draco's safety and state of mind.

Draco stood by the grand iron doors of his family's ancient resting place. He stepped into the imposing marble structure and strolled down the line of crypts and plaques that marked the passing of so many Malfoys long forgotten. When he came to the shining new plaque that was his mother's, he looked back sheepishly, afraid to be seen talking to the dead. Not that he felt bad about it, just that, after his breakdown, he didn't want anyone to draw the wrong conclusions.

He sat upon one of the stone benches that lined the lower hall and thought carefully about what he wanted to say. Some things just needed to be said aloud, not so much for the departed, as for the comfort of the living.

"I know you missed him, mama...but I needed you, too. I wish you could have stayed just a little longer. I know you were tired, but I didn't think you'd go like this. I miss you. I also know you wouldn't want me to leave yet. I won't...don't worry for me, I just...I just couldn't take so much."

He broke down a moment, gasping for breath. "Harry's so good to me, you'd be really proud of him. You know he saved me. I won't let him down again. I think I can make it all right as long as he's with me, but I won't stop missing you." Draco was silent a minute. "Thank you. For everything. You kept me sane when Papa was at his worst. Now Harry keeps me together. I'll see you someday, hopefully a long time from now, but it's a hard time here and I might be earlier than I want. I'll always love you, though. I always did."

Draco stood and walked to the arch that led out of that mausoleum corridor. He looked back one last time. "Goodbye, mama." Then he walked up and out of the mausoleum and quietly closed the iron doors behind him. It was time to find Harry and rejoin the world; they still had so very much to do.