Jaded

JADED

For Summery, warnings, spoilers and disclaimers see chapter one.

As always to my betas who make each and every episode so much more enjoyable for you.

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Chapter Thirty-six: I'm going back to the ones that I know, with whom I can be what I want to be
(Title from ‘With you there to help me’, by Jethro Tull, album ‘Benefit’)

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Harry woke up slowly, refusing to open his eyes as of yet. He just wanted to bask in the warmth of the covers, or was it the sunlight, a moment longer. His hand grabbed the sheets next to him, looking for the warm and solid body of Remus, only to touch cool cotton. Harry frowned, he didn’t remember moving back to his own bed last night… Somewhat disappointed he opened his eyes, only to find the big grey eyes and Draco’s face, inches from his own. Harry bucked and squeaked in shocked surprise, his heart going three times faster than normal and his whole body feeling feint,

“Merlin, Draco, are you trying to kill me?” He whizzed, his breath coming out in short gasps. Draco, now that Harry was sufficiently awake and coherent sat back on the bed and smiled,

“No, I just wanted to be the first to give you your gift.”

“A cardiac arrest?” Harry asked weakly as he dragged himself backwards to rest his back against the headboard.

“Funny.” Draco drawled, “Here.” He handed Harry a squared present, wrapped in a cheerfully patterned paper. As Harry started to remove the tape holding the wrapping together Draco started babbling, “Well, this is actually from both Hermione and me. It took a little research but I think you’d like it…” The last of the paper was cleared to reveal two books. Harry looked at the books in puzzlement, they seemed familiar, but he couldn’t exactly put his finger to the elusive feeling.

“We asked Remus, and he said that these were your favourites when you were a baby. One is magical and the other is muggle… Potter, are you crying?” Harry lifted his moist eyes to meet with Draco’s startled ones,

“You guys are so… Thank you…” He sniffed softly and launch himself at Draco with a forceful hug. He simply couldn’t believe that his friends went to such trouble as to research what had been his favourite children’s books and then getting first editions of them. Draco patted Harry’s back awkwardly, not used to this side of the boy,

“That’s quite alright. Happy birthday.” Harry sniffed again, wiping his eyes and looking at the books. One was the muggle book “Winnie the Pooh”, and the other was “Kneazle, Mizzle, Chizzle”, a book that Harry once saw in “Flourish and Blotts” children section and felt a strange attraction to, which he now understood. After what felt to Draco like a year in which Harry leafed through the books and made little happy noises he suggested that they went down to breakfast so that Harry could thank Hermione as well.

As soon as they entered the kitchen, still clad in their pyjamas, Harry zoomed in on Hermione and swept her up in a bear hug, catching the startled girl and spinning her around. Hermione gave out a nervous giggle, obviously surprised by the intensity of Harry’s reaction to his present.

“Hermione, thank you so much, I absolutely love it!” He whispered to her and she smiled softly, fighting back the mist in her eyes,

“I’m glad you do.” Before Harry could say anything else, Neville piped in from the table,

“I’ve got something for you too!” He cried out excitedly and Harry released Hermione and joined Neville at the table,

“I got you something too.” He said cheerfully and pushed forward the square present he'd brought down with him. Neville squealed happily like a little boy and tore at the wrapping paper.

“Ooh, Thank you Harry, I’ve been wanting this book for ages!” Neville said beaming, holding the large tome in front of him, admiring the beautiful and colourful picture on the front cover. Harry laughed easily at his friend’s excitement,

“I know, you’ve been going on and on about it for ages. It’s from Remus and I, Happy Birthday.” Gods, it felt good to say stuff like ‘It’s from Remus and I’. It made Harry feel more like a proper couple, and he just loved the thought of them being a ‘proper couple’.

“Thank you… Here.” Neville pushed a small potted plant at Harry’s direction. Harry looked at the green foliage in puzzlement,

“Er, thanks Nev… What is it?” Neville chuckled when he noticed the leaves drooping slightly at Harry’s confused expression,

“It’s a Lilium gauisus, a Happy Lily. It’s from the mood plants family,” Neville started explaining. Everyone around the table smiled when they saw Neville’s shining eyes. There was nothing that made Neville happier than talking about his favourite subject- and if people actually listened, well that sent him over the moon. “It will grow when it feels happy and bloom into a multitude of colours if it feels especially cared for and loved.”

“Wow, that’s brilliant, thanks mate.” Harry said and gave his friend a one armed hug while watching his little happy lily.

“It’s only a sapling, but they’re fairly easy to deal with. Just water it every other day and keep it away from direct sunlight,” Neville instructed and Harry nodded, his eyes still fixed on the plant as if he was expecting it to bloom at any second. “Oh, and you should probably name it, it’ll make it feel more cherished.”

“Got it.” Harry said firmly and leaned over to run a finger over the plant’s foliage. “Hello there little one.” The plant’s leaves gave a small shudder and turned just slightly greener, much to Harry’s delight.

“Open mine now!” Ginny cried and Harry’s head snapped up to look at her. She handed him a small gift with a huge smile complete with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. Harry peeled back the wrapping paper and took a moment to look at the gift before he burst out laughing. Hermione and Draco craned their necks to see what Harry had received and he lifted a small diary to them, a big white snake-fang embossed on the front. Draco’s brow creased in a slight frown but Hermione gave a little giggle.

“It’s just a little something for old times’ sake.” Ginny said with a broad smile and Harry gave her a hug.

“Thanks Gin.”

With that Ginny and the others exited the room, going about their daily chores leaving Harry to finish his breakfast in peace. Only, Harry wasn’t hungry anymore. He was grateful to his friends, he really was and the presents they gave him were absolutely fabulous, each given with so much thought and caring behind it. But he still couldn’t be wholeheartedly happy, not when Ron was still not speaking to him, and didn’t even bother to congratulate Harry on his birthday. Not when Molly was still giving him the cold shoulder and didn’t even bother to make him a special breakfast like she did every year since he was twelve. Harry really hated being shunned out by his adoptive family, well parts of it. He sometimes felt like a leper.

With a sigh he collected his diary and his Happy Lily, who didn’t look all that happy at the moment and went in search of Remus. He found his boyfriend lounging in the drawing room, his room out of room so to speak, since Draco and Hermione all but called dibs on the library. As soon as Harry saw Remus sitting there, reading a book he felt the smile tugging at his lips. No matter how much he was suffering from Ron and Molly’s attitude, one look at his beautiful werewolf was enough to make his heart soar. Harry carefully put his plant and his book on the table before he went over to his anticipating boyfriend, plopping himself comfortably in his lap.

“Morning Pookybear.” Remus shook his head fondly, he had been pretty sure Harry would have grown tired of this little nickname by now. Carefully he put his book aside and turned his full attention to Harry, enfolding him in a tight hug.

“Good morning, Cailean, Happy birthday.” Remus greeted him with a big sloppy kiss, that made Harry giggle and return it vigorously,

“Thank you, what did you get me?” Remus smiled. Eighteen or not, Harry was acting like he’d never received presents before. Regret clutched at his heart for a moment, when he thought of Harry’s loveless childhood, but he forced his smile wider, not wanting to upset the boy on his birthday,

“It’s a surprise.” Harry pouted,

“Ohhh, tell me…” He begged, calling in all his fail-proof tricks to get Remus to do what he wanted, from the doe eyes to the little frotting motions he made with his pelvis, but Remus proved much more resilient,

“Nope. You’re just going to have to sit tight and wait.”

“Until when?”

“Until after the dinner party tonight.” Molly had declared she will throw a big party in honour of ‘Poor Neville’ who had been through so much and needed a little pick-me-up for his birthday. and of course for Harry. Remus had to hold Harry back that meal, since the latter seemed rather determined on hexing Molly for that.

“Hmm, a sex present.” Harry said with satisfaction. Secretly he was hoping for something a little more substantial than a shag but the thought of a ‘sex present’ from Remus was giving him little shivers of joy,

“Not necessarily, but sex is definitely on the menu.” Remus said with a chuckle, reading his lover’s expression with amusement. Taking a lover 20 years younger than you certainly did wonders to Remus’ libido, not to mention, kept him on his toes and made him feel much younger than he was.

“Come on…” Harry pleaded, “Can’t you just give me a hint?” Remus pretended to think about Harry’s offer for a little bit,

“Alright, you may guess.” He said generously and Harry’s shoulders slumped,

“What kind of a hint is that?” Harry objected loudly but sobered up when he saw Remus’ expression, knowing he wasn’t going to get anything more than what he was already given, “Ok, let’s see…” He mused, trying to think of what he wanted most, “Ooh, I know! What about that special dildo I wanted, the one with all the extra spells and charms?” Remus gave him a calculated look,

“You mean the one that we got by owl-order three days ago?” Harry’s posture deflated a little,

“Right, yeah. How about… sexy silk lingerie?” He offered hopefully and Remus looked rather impressed,

“Never knew you had a kink for women’s knickers… That certainly demands future exploration.” Harry chuckled, pretty much out of ideas,

“Tell meeee…” He whined and pleaded and bounced on Remus’ lap, causing his boyfriend to close his eyes and take a deep breath before his hands stilled the impatient teenager with some difficulty.

“No!” He said in a tone of finality, refusing to let Harry get the better of him, “You need to learn some patience, young man.” He chided and Harry gave him the most crestfallen expression he could summon. Remus bit the inside of his cheek and all but shoved Harry off his lap, “Go do something useful.” He instructed with a smile. Harry rose to his feet, doing his best to look as dejected as possible and gathered his little happy lily and his diary before stepping out of the door.

Once back in his attic room Harry slumped on the bed and let himself sink in self-pity for a whole minute. He was never good with patience. He tapped his feet impatiently against each other while lying on his back and let his eyes drift around the room to find something to do. His gaze landed on his happy lily, who was looking ready to shed its leaves at any second, they’re tips were yellowing already. Harry got up and brought the plant to his bed, placing it on his stomach and stroking the leaves tenderly.

“Neville said I should name you…” He started, feeling a little strange talking to a plant but the lily immediately perked up and its foliage turned just a bit more green so Harry decided he didn’t care much if he looked like a fool, “How am I suppose to name you if I don’t even know if you’re a boy or a girl?” He wondered aloud, “Hmm, you look like a boy to me. I think I’ll call you… Jonah.” The lily gave a stronger shudder and it’s leaves turned a brilliant emerald. Harry laughed merrily, glad that his little plant was taking well to its new name. “You like it don’t you? Jonah. Yes, you do like it, you’re so pretty…” Harry cooed happily and Jonah grew greener and more lush by the second. Harry kept on cooing to his plant, telling him all sorts of nonsense in the hopes that Jonah would be happy enough to bloom.

“Talking to plants now?” Came a drawling voice from the doorway. Harry lifted his head and smiled at Draco,

“Stop being such a snob and come say hello.” He chided his friend and Draco rolled his eyes exasperatedly before he came to sit on the edge of Harry’s bed. “Jonah, this is Draco, he’s going to be here a lot. Draco, this is my happy lily, Jonah.” Draco shook his head,

“Mad as hatters, the lot of you…” He murmured under his breath. Harry sent him a sharp look and Draco sighed before he looked down at the plant perched on Harry’s stomach, “Hello Jonah, try not to shed leaves all around the room.” Harry rose and covered Jonah with his hand, hiding him from Draco,

“Don’t yell at him!” He snapped and Draco gave him a narrow-eyed gaze before he slumped on the bed. Harry gave Jonah one last caress and placed him carefully on the nightstand. Draco watched Harry, he was quite amused to see how tenderly Harry was taking care of the little plant. For the love of Merlin, Draco thought, it’s only a vegetable of sorts! He briefly wondered what Harry would do if he got a real pet, but on the other hand he was mightily glad that he didn’t. It was bad enough that Harry’s rowdy owl was leaving her droppings all over the place, he certainly didn’t need something shedding fur as well.

“So, what is your wolf getting you for your birthday?” He asked and Harry whined pitifully,

“I don’t know! He won’t tell me!”

“What did you give him for his eighteenth birthday?” Harry’s lips curved into a smile and his eyes shone,

“That pendant he’s wearing and my animagus transformation.” And lots of chocolate and some brilliant sex, he added to himself, reminiscing one of the most important nights of his life,

“Well, he’s already had his transformation two weeks ago,” Draco said levelly, and Harry gave him a lope-sided grin, “But maybe you’ll get some jewellery.”

“But I don’t wear any jewellery.” Harry protested,

“Don’t be thicker than you must, Harry.” Draco snapped, “I meant one specific piece of jewellery, small, round… made to fit your finger…” Harry’s jaw dropped as soon as the knut did,

“You think he’s going to give me a ring?” He asked incredulously. If Harry was truly honest with himself (and Draco), a ring from Remus sounded perfect, beyond perfect even, but somehow he doubted Remus would want to take that step so soon.

“Why not?”

“Because…” Harry muttered, rubbing his face, “Because we never talked about it before, because we’re stuck in this gods-awful house and I don’t think Remus would like to stir things too much at the moment.”

“No one has to know.” Draco reasoned,

“They’re bound to see the ring!”

“Glamours, Potter!” Harry looked at his vexed friend and smiled devilishly,

“You really think that if Remus would give me a ring and ask me to marry him I won’t be shouting it from the roof top?” Draco looked at his friend for a full ten seconds before his face crumbled and he slumped backwards, sprawling himself on the bed and let out a gut-wrenching sigh,

“Are you alright?” Harry asked, a little worried by the quick change of pace,

“I’m fine, just… lonely I guess.” Harry bit his lip and looked away. He’s been so consumed in his happiness over Remus’ love and his anger over Ron and Molly’s attitude that he never took the time to appreciate how hard it must have been on Draco. All alone in a house where practically no one wanted him, after betraying and turning his back to his parents, his friends and his life. He contemplated putting a comforting hand on Draco’s shoulder, but he had a feeling the blond would sneer at him and call him something rude so instead he laid back next to Draco and fixed his gaze on the ceiling,

“Do you miss her?” Draco frowned, gazing side-long at Harry,

“Who?”

“Pansy.” From all the names that Harry could come up with Draco honestly didn’t think Pansy’s name would be the one,

“Why would I miss that stupid cow?” He snorted and Harry turned over to rest on his elbow, his expression confused,

“Oh, I don’t know, because you were head over heels in love with her when we were out of time…” He said slowly, feeling a little bereft that he wasn’t informed of Draco’s change of heart before.

“Yes. But I sobered up since then.” Draco answered curtly. He really didn’t feel like talking about Pansy ‘I’m so dumb I couldn’t even be a blond’ Parkinson. But Harry’s expression of pity drove him to explain himself lest there be confusion here, “I think I thought I loved her because I knew I had to marry her. It just made things easier; otherwise I’d have to say there was a spell cast on me because she’s the stupidest, most annoying creature in the world! And besides, she dumped me.” He added in a nonchalant tone, shrugging,

“She dumped you? Why?” Draco refused to look at Harry, staring stubbornly at the ceiling,

“We had one remotely serious conversation and she accused me of fancying you.” Harry’s jaw dropped,

“Me? What on earth did you talk about?”

“I only said that I think that green eyes are pretty.” Draco answered matter-of-factly. Harry, on his part, looked far too amused,

“So you do fancy me…” He said smugly, and Draco rolled his eyes in annoyance,

“Don’t flatter yourself Potter! You’re hardly the only one around with green eyes!” Draco snapped. It took Harry a moment to get his brain to read between the lines of what Draco was saying, but when he did he jumped on the blond and started tickling him,

“You are not allowed to fancy my mother!” He cried and Draco did his best to catch the flailing hands that were causing him to giggle rather uncontrollably and in a very undignified way,

“Stop it, you brute! I do not fancy your mother!” He cried and managed to catch the hands only to have Harry straddle him and trap him under his body, “I already told you, I was drawn to her intellect!”

“Intellect my arse.” Harry grumbled but tried to hide his smile all the same. A tousled, tittering Draco was not something one got to see every day after all,

“And even if I did fancy Lily,” Draco continued, completely ignoring Harry, “Which I don’t! A lot of good it’ll do me, she’s dead!” He snarled, “Now, unhand me you savage homo!” Harry let out a snort of laughter and released his captive, dropping on the bed beside him,

“Blond fag-hag.” He retorted happily. As soon as Draco was free he jumped from the bed and stuck his pointed nose in the air, straightening his rumpled clothes,

“I’m off to seek more refined company,” He sighed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling, “Merlin forbid I'll ever find one in this house.” He muttered darkly and made his way to the door, followed by Harry’s snorted laughter quickly turned into a cough that sounded suspiciously like ‘snob’.

As soon as Draco left the room Harry was feeling bored again. He knew that no matter how much he tried he wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything. Not when the promise of Remus’ gift was still lingering in the air. He tried his best not to think of what Draco suggested, lest he would be disappointed when it didn’t happen. Harry glanced at Jonah who was swaying softly in his pot, looking like he was dancing to music only he could hear.

By the life of him Harry couldn’t fathom how the time zipped by while he was just staring at the ceiling and talking to Jonah. None of the others came by and Harry suspected they were all busy preparing for the party. The entire order was scheduled to arrive and yet Harry didn’t feel the slightest bit excited about the idea. After all, the party was hardly in his honour… But before he knew it Remus’ head popped behind the door frame,

“Hey there. I came to fetch you for the party.” Harry snorted and looked pointedly at the wall,

“Can’t we just skip the party?” He asked with a slight whine in his voice, and Remus sighed and walked into the room, sitting on the edge of Harry’s bed, “I just don’t feel like having Ron and Molly ignore me all night. Molly is throwing this party for Neville anyway.” He said bitterly and Remus rubbed his calf in a comforting manner,

“That’s not true. This party is for you just as much as it is for Neville and Molly is trying to do right by you.” He said in his most reassuring voice even though he was having a hard time believing his own words,

“She still doesn’t accept us, that’s hypocrisy!” Harry argued and Remus tried to hold on to every last scrap of his adult attitude, recognizing that Harry needed some sort of outlet for his feelings,

“That’s putting her issues aside so that you’ll have a proper birthday party. Look, we don’t have to be the life of the party, just smile and accept people’s best wishes and we’ll sneak out of there as soon as no-one's looking.” Harry perked up at the mention of slipping out of the party,

“Promise?”

“Promise. I still need to give you your birthday present…” Harry’s smile grew wider and he jumped up and wrapped his arms around Remus’ neck, bringing their faces close for a heated kiss. When he pulled back a glimpse of colour caught his attention at the corner of his eye and he turned his head to see that Jonah had sprouted in full bloom, his flowers big and multicoloured,

“You bloomed! Remus, look, Jonah is blooming!” He cried happily and went over to his plant, completely forgetting about Remus. Remus looked amused as Harry fussed over the blossoming pot, well at least something could still bring that radiant smile to Harry’s face now-a-days. “I’m so proud of you, Jonah, yes I am, you’re the best Happy Lily ever! I have to go now, but I promise I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

“You know, you can move it to our room.” Remus offered and Harry turned to him, a completely scandalized expression on his face,

“He’s only a sapling!” He cried and put his hands on both sides of Jonah, as if clamping them over his ears, “He’ll be damaged for life.” He chided Remus for even daring to suggest something like that. Remus tried to school his features blank, and nodded gravely.

“Let’s just head downstairs.” He said in a slightly chocked voice, hoping the bubbling laughter could be contained for a little longer, not wanting to offend his lover, “The sooner we’re there the sooner we can leave.”
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A/N: “Kneazle, Mizzle, Chizzle”, surprisingly enough, is not a book about kneazles. I still haven’t decided what it is about so don’t look for it in the shops as of yet.

I had a plant named Jonah once, a Pothos (Epipremnum aureum). Jonah was a good plant, very obedient. But then I moved out of my flat and I brought it over to my mum’s to stay. And I came back two weeks later only to find out that the little blighter was blooming! And my mum never water her plants! So unfair…

This chapter was running a bit long, and if I was going to write all I wanted for Harry’s present it’ll be at least as twice longer if not more, so I had to break it down to two parts. Sorry.