Deserving (Final Chapter)

Chapter 36

Weeks had passed and Severus and Neville had set into a routine. Severus would work all morning with Poppy, making sure the population of the camp kept healthy. Then in the afternoons he would work with Neville trying to understand why the children of the Marked Ones did not have magic and how to restore it. This is why the conversation of their tea dates was so predictable.

“The fact that their magic was bound does not explain why their children do not have magic.”

“Severus, do you really think there is no correlation? I know you may argue that muggle borns have no genetic…”

“Neville,” halted Severus. “That is far from being my argument. I know magic in not only genetic. In fact our history clearly shows that all humans are capable of magic. We as wizards have chosen to protect this legacy while others prefer to think it does not exist.”

“But this brings us back to square one: how were they able to suppress the magic of all the Marked One’s children?”

“But they did not. May I remind you that there are two who do show evidence of magic,” said Severus with an arched eyebrow that showed knowledge.

“Richard and Nicky,” said Neville, understanding where the Professor was going. “Yes Professor but you have to admit, it would have been a great feat to suppress the magic of two powerful wizards as you and Harry.”

“Flattering as that may be, it still leaves us with Nicky, and I do not recall Draco Malfoy as being a particularly powerful wizard.”

Neville knew that Severus had a point. He took a deep breath and slumped in defeat. “I have no idea. I surrender. I can’t figure it out.”

Severus looked at him and felt his heart warm up. He had seen Neville wake up each morning and make sure that everyone in the camp was alright. Work hours and hours on finding a cure. Take time from his busy schedule to play Quiddich with the children and then be the last one to go to sleep after checking on each. He really cared about the Marked Ones. In fact to Neville Longbottome these people were not the “Marked Ones.” they were people.

“You will find a cure. We are simply not looking in the right places,” said Severus, taking Neville’s hand in his.

Neville looked down at his hand and could not believe it. This was the first time that Severus had touched him. He wanted the moment to last forever but when Severus realized what he was doing he casually let go. Neville smiled as he left the tent. On his way to the communal tent he found Poppy who was never there that late.

“Neville, I was hoping you could spear a minute,” said a matriarch obviously uncomfortable with what she had to say.

“Sure, Madam Pomfrey, this way,” he said leading her to his office. “Is there something wrong? You seam upset.”

“No, nothing is really wrong; it’s just that… well…”

“Madam Pomfrey you are scaring me. You are not one to trip on your words.”

She realized what she was doing and straightened up to her full height. “You are right Neville I am being silly. I only have your and Severus’ best interest at hand.”

“So this has to do with Severus?”

“Yes, it does. I know that what I am going to tell you might seem strange but I feel it necessary after seeing that your relationship is going nowhere. It to be honest with you Neville I was hoping that you and Severus would be married by now.”

“Madame Pomfrey, I don’t know if Severus has told you but our engagement is off.”

“I was afraid of that, may I ask why?”

“Severus doesn’t care for me or my feelings. In fact I think he is in a way afraid of me.”

“That would be good,” said the witch absentmindedly.

“What?”

“Neville, what I am about to tell you is in the strictest confidentiality. I trust you know how much I love Severus and wish to see him happy?”

Neville nodded his head.

“Severus needs control,” she said as if dropping a bomb.

Neville looked as if he was expecting more.

“Do you understand? He craves to be controlled,” she tried again.

“To be controlled… What do you mean ‘to be controlled’?”

“Look, I do not know the extent of his need but I do know that Dumbledore would allow him to kneel before him as a reward for accomplishing missions.”

“What? That is insane. Dumbledore! Why didn’t he help Severus overcome this … this …?”

“That was my feelings exactly but Severus would get very cross with me every time I tried to intervene. He would give me murderous looks and the one time I did get him to try to talk to me about it he claimed it soothed his soul every time he knelt before a powerful wizard.”

Neville tried to digest this information. “Did he and Severus…?”

“No, not as far as I could tell. Dumbledore’s heart belonged to one wizard and one wizard only. He never got over him.”

Neville looked as if he would go crazy with the knowledge given to him. He was pulling at his hair, cheeks, and hands. “So what are you trying to say?”

“Neville you are a powerful Wizard and Severus knows this but when it comes to him you are too… too weak and in all honesty that isn’t what he craves. He needs for you to be strong if this relationship is ever going to happen,” said the witch, relieved that she had finally said it out loud.

“Strong! As in dominating strong?”

“Neville, you love him, you can give him what he needs without hurting him and little by little you will be able to wean him from this behavior. I know it might seem barbaric now but once you have achieved your goal you will see that the outcome sometimes does justify the means,” argued the medi-witch, desperately wanting to get her point across.

“But he needs love,” protested Neville.

“And what good will it do him if he won’t accept that love? I know this won’t be easy for you, but if you truly love him you will give him what he needs or what he believes he needs.”

Neville left the office thinking about the matriarch’s words. He so wanted to love and be loved by Severus.


***

It took three days to build his courage but he was determined to meet Severus’ needs. He had the elves arrange everything in a nearby clearing. He had rehearsed what he was to say a hundred times in his mind, all of them sounding way too weak. He had to be strong. That morning when he came face to face with Severus he squared his shoulders and said: “I am taking you on a one day holiday. Be ready at noon. Make all the necessary arrangements with Richard,” he said and kept on walking, leaving Severus with a muted face that did not want to show his puzzlement at Neville’s attitude. But he did make all necessary arrangements and was waiting for Neville near the entrance of the cave.

“Neville, I assume we are going on some kind of a mission. I am flattered that you think me useful.”
Neville simply approached him and took him in his arms. “Hold on Severus,” he said as he apparated them away.

They apparated a couple of yards away from the camp site where Severus could not hide his puzzlement. He followed Neville’s vision and noticed for the first time the white tall tent sitting in the clearing. Neville motioned for them to enter.


Once inside: “Neville, I must confess I am very confused. Why are we here? What are we going to achieve just a couple of yards away from the camp?”

“We are in no mission, Severus. I think it is time we stop playing children’s games. Today you will learn what love really feels like,” he said capturing Severus in his arms as soon as they walked into the tent.

Pop! Pop! Pop! Went the three little elves as they popped into the tent.

“Lunch is served,” they announced scurrying to get and serve everything. Neville guided the stunned Professor to the table where they ate and drank the finest delicacies known to the Wizarding world. Then Neville guided Severus to a plush sheepskin rug in front of the fireplace where he guided him to his knees.

Severus had to struggle with his emotions. Neville had changed his mind and wanted what was owed to him, and so he should. Severus was determined to do good on his word. He closed his eyes as Neville worked his way with a trail of kisses to his forehead, eye, cheek and earlobe. Severus tried to think of something else. His whole body threatened to betray him. He had to do this for Neville who had kept his word. Neville who had saved his little snakes. Neville who would not stop at anything until he found a way to give the children back their magic. He took calming breathes.

“Relax,” murmured Neville into his ear.

Severus tried to obey, but he knew he could not let himself relax too much or he would end up thinking about… No! He could not. He could not do that to Neville. Stay focused! He ordered himself. He couldn’t just kneel there without participating. Neville deserved better, so he reached for the hem of his robe and pulled it up over his head. He was left in his shirt and trousers, but when he began to unbutton his shirt Neville whipped out his wand and freed them of all their garments. Severus felt a moment of panic; they had reached the point of no return. He was naked with a man that desired him.

“Relax,” came the murmur again as Neville laid him back on the plush rug. “I assure you, you will enjoy everything I do to you, love,” while kissing his chin and neck.

‘Stay calm, relax, you can do this’ was Snape’s mental mantra. Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath and exhale. Neville is a good man. He loves me, my son and my little snakes. He…

“No!” escaped his mouth as he lept up to a standing position, trying to catch his breath and attempting to calm every fiber in his soul. When he was finally able to get a grip on himself he looked down at a naked and stunned Neville.

“Forgive me,” he said as he attempted to get back to his original position.

“You hate this, don’t you?” asked Neville, hugging his legs close to his body and placing his head on his knees. “You can’t stand the idea of me touching you.”

“Neville, I do not know what came over me. I was enjoying your ministrations…”

“No Severus, you were tolerating my caresses.”

He could not lie to Neville. “Perhaps if you use your wand,” Severus suggested.

Neville’s head snapped up. “And do what, Severus, stupefy you?” asked a very hurt Longbottom.

Severus couldn’t believe how much he had hurt a man that had been nothing but decent to him and those he cared for. “I am so sorry, but if you give me a second chance, I can assure you this will never happen again.”

“No, I am sure it won’t. Not now that you are conscious of the feelings you have to keep tucked away in order to deal with my affection,” he said bending over to grab his wand and dressing them both with only one curt wave.

Neville was refusing to face him speaking with his back turned to Severus.

“I think it best if you leave the camp for a while. I really can’t deal with this right now. I need to focus on the needs of my friends and their children.”

This is why Severus knew he didn’t deserve someone as decent as Neville. He had a knack for hurting good people like Lily and Neville.


***

“But you owe us two stories, Papa,” Richard reminded him.

Severus looked at Draco.

“You did promise to read to them two stories when you got back from your holiday,” said Draco looking at his Professor with pity.

Severus took a deep breath. “So I did,” and sat between Nicky and his son. “If you give a mouse a cookie…”


***

Severus and Draco left the children’s nursery and walked towards the guest room.

“Why so gloom, Professor? I thought your separation from Neville was voluntary,” asked Draco breaking the silence in the hallway.

Severus nodded. “It was, I just have so much to figure out. It is a bit overwhelming.”

“Professor, don’t fret about anything, Kings and I are here for you,” Draco said giving his professor a squeeze in the arm as a good night hug.

“Good night, Draco,” said Severus disappearing into the guest room. The guest room, he was once again in the Shacklebolt’s debt. Subjected to their charity. He sat by the fire to think. He had no magic but he did have some money and a property. Granted it needed some work. It was not a proper place to raise his son, but with some alterations that would change. He went to the writing desk and began to make plans.

The next morning after breakfast he asked Draco to please take care of Richard while he ran some errands and it wasn’t until the third day of this routine that Draco decided to ask some questions.

“Professor, you know I don’t mind taking care of Richard, but for the life of me I can’t imagine what you are doing once you leave these doors. On foot no less. How do you get around? What are you doing that you can’t have the elves help you? At least with the transportation.”

Severus knew he owed Draco and explanation, so he let him in on his plan. He was miles away from his house but he found he could do some things using the computers at the public library. Camilla, one of the librarians had been very helpful. He and Richard would leave the following Monday. He had already purchased the train tickets.

“Train tickets? Professor! Why are you wasting your money like that? And if you think Kings and I are going to let you go without making sure that this place is in liveable conditions you’re mad,” protested Draco.

His words were prophetic because not only the Shacklebolts were there, but also the Weasley clan who all got to work as soon as they saw the great need of Spinner’s End. Severus had paid for a new roof that should have been in place by the time they got there but was not. The roofers were still working when they arrived and Bill and Charlie had to Obliviate them a couple of times because the wizards kept forgetting about the roofers and performed magic in clear view. At the end of the day the house was ready and Richard’s room, although not as big as his nursery, had all the comforts and toys that he was used to.


Severus was pleased to see that he no longer was a burden on anyone, his Hogwarts pension would see to that. But he was not going to be idle, he began a mail order business suggested by the twins. Apparently they had started their business like this. His brewing ability would sustain him yet again.


Days went by and he and Richard were settling into their new home. Camilla had suggested he look into the neighborhood library for educational activities that he could do with Richard. His son had absolutely loved Story time at the library and it was great to see with what ease Richard interacted with the other children there. Between that and the play dates with Nicky, Richard seemed to be adjusting to their new life.

One Friday night Severus was getting ready to settle in with a good book that Poppy had loaned him when he heard the muggle doorbell ring. He opened it and found a delivery boy with a flower bouquet. Severus tipped the kid and took the flowers and read the card that was nestled in between the colorful petals.

Dear Severus,
I hope that you will accept these flowers as a house warming present. I have been informed that you are determined to retain you newly found independence and for this I applaud you. Best of luck and know that if you need anything, anything at all you have but to call out my name.
Yours always,
Neville

Severus tucked the card back into its envelope and went into the kitchen to put them in water when he came back to the sitting room he found Harry sitting in front of the fire. How did he get in?

“Nice flowers, I am guessing they are from Neville,” said Harry, looking into Severus’ eyes.

Severus had no other option but to nod his affirmation. He would have loved to explain why he was getting flowers but he didn’t think Harry would be interested in any details.

“I am also dating, you know?”

“Yes, Richard really enjoys Izzy’s company. He has only good things to say about your outings,” said Severus, feeling as if the flowers weighed a ton.

“Yeah, he is great with Richard,” Harry said, bringing the conversation to a standstill.

After a minute of awkward silence: “the place is nice, but what do you eat? Last I knew you are bullocks in the kitchen,” said Harry just to have something to say.

“I obtained a cook book from the public library. Cooking, I have found, is much like brewing,” answered Severus, knowing that Harry had little interest in the answer to his question.

More awkward silence.

“He is a great kid, you know?” said Harry out of the blue.

Severus was lost. Was Harry talking about Richard or Dennis?

“Dennis?” Severus asked tentatively.

Harry didn’t even get the fact that he was not being clear. “Yeah, he is the first bloke I have ever found attractive. Although in all honesty he would make any man take a second look. He is very sexy.”

Why was Harry telling him these things? “Yes, he is very handsome,” agreed Severus.

“And good,” added Harry, “and pure… Do you know that he is pure? He has never been with anyone. He told me he was waiting for me.”

‘And you are telling me this why?’ How many men do you think I was with before you? Severus wanted to ask, but did not.

“He hasn’t even… You know… well he says that,” but the right words eluded Harry. “He says he has always dreamed of me being his first,” he said letting out a nervous chuckle. “Me!”

‘Again, why are you giving me this information?’ thought Severus, feeling like a fool with a vase and flowers in his hand.

“You like him, don’t you?” asked Harry again out of context.

“He has always been kind to my child and I,” answered Severus, wanting to smash the vase against any surface that would make a defining noise.

“He has, hasn’t he?”

Deafening silence occupied the room for some long seconds.

“I need your help.”

Help? Harry needed his help. Was he ill?

“Sir?”

“You can decide to ridicule me once I have given you this information, but somehow I think you will help. If not for me then for Dennis.”

“Sir, I will do anything to help you, anything,” said Severus finally putting down the flowers and approaching Harry yet leaving a comfortable space between them.

Harry seemed to consider his words, took a deep ‘here goes nothing’ breath. “I am impotent”

Severus blinked, trying to assimilate the information.

“When did this happen?”

“Final battle”

“Sir, I have a child upstairs that proves this statement false,” said Severus, convinced that Harry had used the wrong word.

Harry reached into his pocket and took out three blue, oval shape pills on the palm of his hand.

“Muggle medicine? But that is insane. Do you not know the adverse effects that muggle medicine has on magical people?”

“I do now,” said Harry putting the pills away.


“Then why? Why not seek our potions?”

“I had just saved the Magical World. I couldn’t take a piss without it making the front page of the Prophet. I had no other choice.”

“So you poison your body with this…” Severus was lost for words. “You must have had some kind of adverse reaction.”

Harry went back in his memories to the first time he took it:

“Ginny began to think that I was not attracted to her when my body didn’t react to her caresses. That was when I decided to seek help. It was awful, I became a monster, and luckily I was able to keep myself from hurting her. She chocked it up to stress from the final battle. Soon after I had the opportunity to seek my revenge so the pills came in handy. They allow me to go into that room and do what I had to do,” said Harry, sounding strangely regretful.

Severus remembered hearing Kreacher mumble something about muggle medicine the first night he got to Harry’s house. “But at one point you stopped reacting as described,” said Severus not wanting to use the ‘m’ word.

“When we got married, you became family, someone I was bound to protect, so I decided to take only half the pill.”

“And that worked?” asked Severus as if he were not there to know the answer.

“Yeah, it worked. Only it made me come shamefully fast.”

Severus could remember both doses having the same effect. He deducted that with the full doses Harry was too gone to realize it.

“So now I have the opportunity to be with a person I really like and I can’t be with him because of my condition. Will you help me?”

Severus turned on his heels grateful to have the opportunity to hide his hurt. He disappeared through the kitchen door and came back with two vials and placed them in Harry’s hands.


“The blue one will clean your body of all residue left by the muggle medicine. The purple one will cure your condition,” he said in straight forward sentences, not wanting to show any emotions.

“How much do I owe you?”

“Please do not insult me,” said Severus looking at a point on the wall behind Harry’s head in an attempt to keep his calm.

“But I will need more of this potion and I can’t have you just brewing them for me without any remuneration.”

Severus looked puzzled and then realized what Harry was talking about.

“No Sir you will only need this one bottle to be cured. Unlike muggle medicine you will not need to retake it every time you wish to perform.”

Harry could not believe his ears. Could it really be this easy?

A/N
So I had a week off and I was able to give you 3 chapters. This is to make up for all the times I couldn’t give you a chapter on time. Monday I am back to work and my dreadful training (I love my new position but I don’t think my Instructor thinks I am good at it). So life will slow me down again.
By the way: Happy New Years!
Moon of the Sea