Once in a Blue Moon (COMPLETE)

A/N: iGlow's comment on the previous chapter has made me realise that I have not been keeping readers here informed about the progression of this story like I do at my other archive. Oops. Didn't mean to leave you all out of the loop, especially when I know that many people (like myself) read WIPs with the lingering dread that they might be abandoned due to writer's block or something similar.

So, to clarify, the current position on this story is that I am estimating it to be between 70 and 75 chapters long (excluding the prologue and epilogue). Current word count for what is written so far is a little over 300k. Currently I have everything up to chapter 50 written, and am sending new chapters to my beta immediately she sends a checked one to me. After those chapters a further 12 from various stages of the story are complete, plus 5 partially written. I then have another 8 that are still in note form, which could morph into more chapters or get combined into fewer.

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Take a Chance on Me
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Sirius sat at the table and forced himself to eat his breakfast. Remus was sitting next to him as always, but at the other side of him was Charlene, who was talking animatedly about Quidditch.

Remus was laughing and joking, and Sirius wanted nothing more than to run from the room.

“What’s your problem?” James asked after Sirius had failed to answer his question for the third time.

“I’ve not got a problem,” Sirius replied, forcing a cheerful, and entirely fake, smile onto his face. He tried to concentrate on what James was saying to him, but he couldn’t seem to focus on his words, instead all he could hear was Remus and Charlene as they discussed the varying tactics of the professional Quidditch teams.

He had fully intended to speak with Remus this morning, but so far he had not had the chance to say much more than a hurried ‘morning’. First it was James and Peter hanging around and getting in the way, then Charlene had appeared as well. Was it too much to ask for a few minutes alone with his best friend?

“Are you coming to class, Remus?” Charlene asked as she gathered her books together and stood up.

“I’ll catch you up,” Remus promised.

Charlene nodded and headed on her way.

“Come on, Sirius,” Remus said, tugging on his arm. “We’ve got a few minutes before class.”

Sirius nodded and followed after Remus. They didn’t speak until they were out of the way of the rest of the students in a deserted corridor.

“Well?” Remus asked. “You said you wanted to talk this morning.”

Sirius studied his shoes. Now that he was finally alone with Remus he had no idea what he was going to say.

“I thought you liked Charlie?” Remus asked. “You always got along okay with her.”

“I do.”

“Then why couldn’t you even manage to say a polite good morning to her this morning?” Remus snapped.

“I doubt she noticed,” Sirius muttered. “She was too busy fawning all over you to see anyone else in the room.”

“She would have spoken to you if you’d bothered to open your mouth.”

“If she wanted to speak to me, all she had to do was say something.”

“Don’t be so childish,” Remus snapped. “You were sitting there sulking and glaring at everyone – of course she wouldn’t want to speak to you.”

“Well, what do you expect?” Sirius snapped back. “I finally pluck up the courage to tell you how I feel and within twenty four hours you suddenly produce a girlfriend. Forgive me for not being as thrilled as you are.”

“I’m sorry,” Remus replied. “I didn’t do it like that on purpose.”

“Didn’t you?” Sirius asked, his tone making it clear that he didn’t believe him.

“I didn’t!”

“You kissed me, too; you can deny it all you like, but we both know its true.”

“I’m sorry, Sirius.” Remus turned away as he spoke. “I’m not like that.”

Sirius didn’t reply. After all, what could he say that he hadn’t already said? Remus had Charlene now and would only continue to deny that he had any feelings for Sirius that went beyond friendship.

-o-xXx-o-

Sirius tried not to be jealous of Charlene, but the green-eyed monster had reared its ugly head and had made itself permanently at home at Sirius’s side.

“Don’t they talk about anything other than Quidditch?” Peter asked after he, James and Sirius had escaped to the dormitory, away from the young lovebirds, as James had dubbed them.

Sirius pulled out his textbook and started to read. He felt a coolness that he had long since realised was Romulus close by.

“Remus downstairs?” he asked.

“Yeah,” James replied. “With his new girlfriend.”

Peter snickered, and Romulus shot a glance at Sirius, who steadily refused to take his eyes from his book.

“I’d better grab my broom and head to practice,” James said. “You coming to watch, Peter?”

“Sure.”

Sirius mumbled something appropriate as the two boys left him alone with Romulus.

“You okay?” Romulus asked quietly.

Sirius shrugged his shoulders and looked up briefly. “Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you fancy my brother,” Romulus stated calmly. “Did you think I’d forgotten what you told me?”

“Hoped,” Sirius replied with a wry smile. “I should never have said anything to Remus at all. Should have kept my stupid mouth shut.”

“No, you did the right thing telling him how you felt.”

“If that’s the case, why do I feel so miserable?”

“Because he’s with someone else.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Sirius muttered. “I was stupid to think he’d ever like me back like that.”

Romulus reached out his hand as though to pat Sirius consolingly on the arm, before he remembered that he couldn’t do so.

Sirius smiled at him weakly. “I thought ghosts could touch and move things.”

“With a lot of practice, they can.”

“They?”

“We. It’s so easy to forget.”

“Even with Myrtle reminding you?” Sirius asked with a grin. Although the ghost of the young girl was still lingering around, she had not managed to persuade Romulus to take her up on her offer, despite all the fifth year Gryffindor boys encouraging her at every given opportunity.

Romulus shook his head. “You’re not changing the subject that easily. Now, what are you going to do about Remus?”

“What can I do? He rejected me and… and…”

“Oh, Sirius.”

“I’m okay,” Sirius insisted as he dashed the back of his hand across his face, trying to hide the treacherous tears that were determined to sneak out of his eyes when he least wanted them to do so. “No wonder he doesn’t want to be with me,” he muttered dejectedly. “He probably thinks I’m a right girl, crying all the time.”

Romulus laughed. “I’m sure he thinks nothing of the sort. He’s cried enough himself over the years, and if he said anything to you about you being upset, all you’d have to do is remind him of that fact. Everyone cries sometimes.”

“You don’t.”

Romulus shook his head and snorted with laughter again. “You think that, do you?”

“I’ve never seen you.”

“How short is the memory of youth,” Romulus said with a sigh. “You’ve forgotten the last time you saw me in the flesh so easily?”

Sirius frowned as he cast his mind back. “The Wizengamot,” he said. “After you spoke to Remus through the mirrors. Oh…”

Romulus nodded.

“I’d forgotten,” Sirius admitted, feeling slightly better about things as he recalled that Romulus had indeed been tearful on that particular day. Of course, his circumstances had been entirely different, but it still cheered him a little.

“Now, what about Remus and this Charlie?”

“They’re going to Hogsmeade together.”

“I know that,” Romulus replied. “The Friar and Sir Nicholas were practically falling over each other in their eagerness to fill me in on that bit of gossip. I want to know what you’re going to do?”

“You’re going to help me split them up?” Sirius suggested with a grin.

“Certainly not,” Romulus told him with a stern look. “I want to know that you’re going to be all right with them.”

“It’ll take some time to get used to,” Sirius admitted. “But I’ll be okay with it eventually.”

“You want a bit of advice?”

“Depends what it is.”

“Well, I’ll give it to you anyway. Get used to it real quick, unless you want the whole school to know about your crush on Remus. The ghosts are already gossiping – they haven’t much else to do with their time – and it’s only a matter of time before the other students pick up on it, too.”

“So, unless I want to be outed as a queer in front of the whole school, I’d better smile and offer them my congratulations?”

“I wouldn’t have put it quite like that, but yes.”

Sirius groaned and threw himself back down on the bed. “Maybe they’ll break up soon?”

“Maybe they will, but if they don’t you’ll only do more damage to your friendship if you don’t try to accept them.”

Sirius knew that Romulus was right, and when he went back down to the common room later that evening he made a real effort to act as though everything was normal, and as though he was thrilled that Remus and Charlene were now an item.

Charlene seemed to accept what he said at face value, but he could tell that Remus wasn’t entirely convinced. Of course, it would probably help his cause if he could stop growling every time he saw the couple brush hands, or even look at each other in a certain way.

That night, back in the dormitory, Sirius was disappointed to find that Remus was once again back in his own bed, instead of curled up at his side.

“Sirius?” Remus called in a loud whisper.

“Yes?”

“Thanks for making an effort to like Charlie.”

“I liked her already,” Sirius pointed out.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“It means a lot to me,” Remus whispered. “I know it can’t be easy for you to see me with her.”

“You can say that again,” Sirius muttered under his breath.

“It’s better this way.”

“Is it? Is it really?” Sirius asked, the bitterness creeping into his voice, despite his best efforts to stop it. “Better for who?”

“Everyone,” Remus replied. “You can’t tell me that your parents would be happy about you being with a boy instead of a girl. You’re the Black heir, the eldest son. Your family has plans for you, plans that involve girls and marriage to one of them. You’ll have a family and forget all about me, and this silly idea you have about being gay.”

Sirius snarled as he climbed out of bed and stalked across the room. “I don’t give a toss what my family wants me to do,” he hissed. “I’m not marrying any of those girls. Even if I can’t have you, it won’t change how I feel about you. It won’t change the fact that I fancy other boys and not girls.”

Remus shrank back on his bed as Sirius loomed over him. “Maybe it’s just a phase?” he suggested.

Sirius climbed onto the bed and took Remus’s face between his hands. “Or maybe it’s not,” he whispered as he drew closer. He stopped when his lips were barely an inch from Remus’s own, waiting for the other boy to move towards him.

His breathing grew heavy and he was sure that Remus must be able to hear his heart pounding in his chest, but he didn’t move any closer.

“Sirius, don’t,” Remus whispered.

“I like you, Remus,” Sirius replied, making no effort to pull back. “I like you, I fancy you, I think I might even be in-”

“No!” Remus pushed Sirius back slightly. “Don’t say it. You’re not! You can’t be.”

“Why not?”

“Because you just can’t,” Remus insisted.

“You might have stopped me saying it, but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel it,” whispered Sirius, before climbing off of the bed and moving back to his own.

He heard Remus swear quietly to himself, and silently echoed that sentiment.

-o-xXx-o-

Things were still rather tenuous between them when the next full moon came around.

It didn’t make things any easier when Charlene insisted on walking Remus to the entrance to the tunnel, and making it clear that she was as genuinely worried about Remus as the rest of his friends were.

“Take care of him for me,” Charlene whispered just before Sirius followed Remus into the tunnel.

“I always do,” Sirius told her honestly.

As they walked down the tunnel and through Hogsmeade, still closely chaperoned by Aberforth Dumbledore, Sirius began to think that maybe things between them could go back to normal.

They laughed and joked and tried to make light of things, just as they had always done when facing the approaching full moon.

They were still laughing about the disastrous results of Remus’s recent Transfiguration test when they arrived in the basement.

“I’d better get ready,” Remus said. “Only got ten minutes or so before it starts.”

“It’s not my fault we’re late,” Sirius pointed out. He didn’t add that it was Remus and Charlene saying goodbye that had made them later than usual, even though that had been the case.

“I know it’s not,” Remus replied. “You going to turn round so I can get undressed.”

“What?” Sirius asked, wondering for a moment if he had misheard.

“Turn round,” Remus repeated, gesturing with his hand. “Hurry up, I don’t want to have to waste tomorrow mending my robes.”

“But…” Sirius faltered as he realised what Remus was asking. The young werewolf had long since lost his shyness in his presence. Long gone were the nights when he had been too self-conscious about his self-inflicted scars to undress in front of his best friend.

At least Sirius had thought those days had passed. Apparently he was wrong.

“Do I have to spell it out for you?” Remus muttered.

“No, it’s okay,” Sirius replied stiffly. “I understand. You don’t want me checking you out. I’ll go wait upstairs.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Remus told him. “Just turn round.”

“I’ll wait upstairs,” Sirius repeated, dashing for the stairs and hoping that Remus could not see the hurt in his eyes or hear it in his voice.

“Sirius?” Remus called a few minutes later. “You can come back down now.”

Sirius sat at the top of the stairs. He made no effort to move back down them and instead waited for the sun to go down.

“Sirius, don’t be bloody childish!” Remus yelled up at him.

“I’ll be down once you’ve transformed,” Sirius called, adding under his breath, “Wouldn’t want you to risk me seeing a bit of flesh and jumping your bones.”

Sirius remained stubbornly at the top of the stairs until he heard Moony’s first howl of the night. Once he was sure that Remus was no longer human, he crept down the basement stairs once more and looked into the cage.

Moony was pacing the basement, snarling in a manner that Sirius hadn’t seen since back in Remus’s second year, when he had first ventured into the Lupins’ basement on the night of the full moon.

“Moony,” he whispered. “Come on, calm down. It’s only me. It’s Sirius.”

Sirius approached as close to the cage as he could, but was startled when the wolf charged at the barrier, his jaws snapping as he tried to leap at him.

Sirius stumbled backwards, leaning against the wall, his heart pounding in fear.

“Sirius?” Romulus asked as he appeared in the basement as he always did.

“Something’s wrong,” Sirius replied. “Moony’s angry.”

Even as he spoke, the wolf charged at the barrier again, snarling and howling when he was unable to break through.

“Maybe I should wait upstairs?” Sirius suggested. “It seems to be me that Moony’s mad at.”

“It’s not Moony that’s angry,” Romulus told him. “It’s Remus. I know it’s easy to forget, but the wolf is merely a part of Remus, not a totally separate entity.”

“But, Remus talks like they’re two separate beings.”

“Remus hates the wolf; it’s easier to think of it as apart from him. But, I’ve been researching werewolves ever since we went on the run, and the wolf is as much a part of him as any of his limbs. We might call the wolf Moony, but it’s still a part of Remus. We only gave the wolf a separate name to make it easier for Remus to understand what was happening to him after he was bitten. It was easier for a six year old to think of the wolf as something separate, but it isn’t really true. Remus is angry and conflicted, and we can both take a pretty good guess as to why.”

“But, I’ve been trying to get on with Charlie, really I have.”

“I know, but that doesn’t change the fact that things aren’t entirely right between the two of you. If he were human right now, Remus would be bottling things up, or arguing and fighting with you. But the wolf part of him doesn’t have that option. The wolf is dominant tonight, and all it understands is that things have changed between the two of you. As your friendship’s grown stronger, so has the bond between you and Moony. Now the wolf can sense the change, even though it doesn’t understand it. It isn’t that the wolf is angry with you, it’s that the wolf is a part of Remus and he is angry at you, and probably at himself, too.”

“You mean the wolf doesn’t like the idea of me and Remus being… you know… like that?”

“I doubt the wolf would even understand the complexities of the situation,” Romulus said with a shake of his head. “The wolf doesn’t care if you fancy Remus. But until things are completely right between you and Remus, Remus’s anger will be coming out through Moony. As a human, he can bottle up his feelings all the time, but not as a wolf.”

“Moony’s going to punish Remus for my mistake,” Sirius whispered regretfully.

“Don’t beat yourself up over it,” Romulus advised. “Look, he’s calming down a little now.”

“Not much,” replied Sirius, not moving from his place near the wall in case his movement caused the wolf to attack the barrier again.

“You might as well take a seat,” Romulus commented. “It’s going to be a long night.”

“The full moon nights always are.”

-o-xXx-o-

The next morning Sirius waited for the moment when he knew that the change was about to take place before he bolted for the stairs.

He knew that Remus, despite the difficult night, wasn’t so badly injured he needed assistance in getting up the stairs.

He put the kettle over the stove in order to brew them a couple of hot drinks before they set out for Hogwart’s, in what was promising to be a rainy and miserable day.

“Sirius?” Remus called from the basement. “Are you still here?”

Sirius was tempted to pretend not to hear him, but he knew that not only would it be rather childish, but that Romulus was still lurking around and would tell Remus he was there anyway. “I’m in the kitchen,” he called.

He kept his back to the basement door as he pulled mugs from the cupboard and spoons from the cutlery drawer.

“I thought maybe you’d left me here,” Remus said as he appeared in the kitchen.

Sirius shook his head. “You want tea or coffee?”

“Tea,” Remus replied. “But, I need you to patch my back up a bit first, if you don’t mind.”

“You sure you don’t want to wait until we get back to school, and have Madam Pomfrey sort it out?” Sirius turned round just in time to see Remus flinch at his words.

“I guess I deserved that,” Remus said as he sat down at the table and hung his head.

Sirius sighed and opened up his kit of potions. “Turn round and let me take a look at it.”

Remus gave him a small smile as he complied with the request. “I don’t think it’s too bad, but I can’t see for myself. It doesn’t hurt too much.”

“It’s pretty shallow,” Sirius agreed, quickly performing the charm to clean the wound, and knit the skin back together.

“All done?” Remus asked after Sirius had stepped away and turned back towards the now boiling kettle.

“Yeah,” Sirius replied shortly. “You can cover yourself up now.”

From the corner of his eye he saw Remus flinch again. “I said I was sorry about that.”

“Did you?” Sirius asked. “I didn’t hear you apologise.”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Romulus stated as he glided into the room. Both boys hung their heads in shame. “Last night was bad, and we all know why. Now unless you want every full moon from now on to be a replay of this one – and, if my guess is right, getting steadily worse – I suggest you two sort things out… and quickly.”

Romulus disappeared, leaving the two boys to stare at the tabletop as they each waited for the other to make the first move.

“Sorry,” Remus finally whispered. “When I asked you not to watch me undress, I guess it was a bit thoughtless. It’s not like you’ve not seen me naked before.”

Sirius poured them two cups of tea and sat down opposite Remus. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, and I’m sorry I ran off like that.”

Remus sipped at the hot tea, his gaze fixed firmly on the beverage. “I don’t want the next full moon to be like last night.”

“It won’t be,” Sirius assured him. “We’ll have things back to normal by then and it’ll be just like before.”

“Will it?”

Sirius nodded, though he didn’t believe it any more than Remus did.

-o-xXx-o-

By the end of the week Sirius had come to the conclusion that the way to fix things was to pretend that nothing had happened. All he had to do was convince Remus that he was fine with the idea of him dating Charlene, and hope that by fooling Remus, he could avoid any more full moons like the last one.

Unfortunately for him, whilst Remus had been annoyingly oblivious to his feelings before, now he had become far more observant and fooling him was not going to be easy. Especially when Remus was spending more and more time with Charlene, but watching Sirius’s every move when they were all in the room together.

“I’ve got to say,” James commented one afternoon after Quidditch practice, “Charlie is looking quite hot.”

“You mean you’ve finally given up on Lily?” Peter teased.

“Never,” James declared. “But, you’ve got to admit, Remus has got himself a good one. Don’t you agree, Sirius?”

Sirius nodded silently, not daring to do anything else, lest he give away his secret.

“What about you, Sirius?” Peter asked. “Got your eye on anyone? The next Hogsmeade weekend isn’t that far away.”

“I’ll probably stay here, or just go with you guys,” Sirius replied with a casual shrug. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to risk seeing Remus and Charlene on their date, but the thought of sitting around in the castle, wondering what they were doing, was just as untenable.

-o-xXx-o-

Remus tried to ignore the smirks of his friends, and most particularly James, as he picked out his clothes for his first real date, scheduled the day before the next full moon.

“You’re not wearing that, are you?” James commented with a grin.

Remus looked at the plain blue shirt and frowned. “Why not?”

“It’s just a bit boring,” James replied. “You should pick something that makes you stand out from the crowd.”

Remus looked through his wardrobe doubtfully. “Most of my stuff is all similar to this.”

“It can’t be!”

Remus shrugged. “It is. I’ve not got loads of weird stuff like you have.”

“You can borrow something of mine, if you like,” James offered, ignoring comment about the weirdness of his clothes. “We’re about the same size.”

Remus chewed on his lip, reluctant to have James’s input into his clothing choices, after all, this was the boy who didn’t even seem able to find two matching socks.

James wasn’t taking no for an answer though, and was rummaging through his own wardrobe. “This will look good on you,” he said with a grin, tossing a gaudy purple shirt with a flowery pattern across the room.

Remus picked it up gingerly. “I’m not sure. The colour’s a bit…er…loud.”

“That’s the whole point,” James pointed out with a laugh. “You want to be noticed if you’re out with a girl.”

Remus scowled. He didn’t want to be noticed at all, but for some reason James was determined that he should be. “This isn’t a wind up is it?” he asked cautiously. “Some way to make me look like an idiot in front of the whole of Hogsmeade?”

James shook his head and looked insulted at the idea. “Just try it on and see how it looks. You can wear it down to the common room and see what the reactions of everyone are like. You’ve plenty of time to change if you don’t like it.”

It sounded perfectly reasonable when he put it like that, so Remus reluctantly tugged on the shirt. It was a little bit too short in the sleeves, but other than that it was okay.

James disappeared down to the common room whilst Remus set about fixing his hair. He was just finishing up when the door of the dormitory burst open, and Sirius walked into the room.

Remus couldn’t really say what it was that Sirius said when he saw him, but his reaction was certainly something he had never seen from anyone before. “James loaned me the shirt,” he explained, absentmindedly smoothing down the front. “I’m not sure it’s really suitable.”

Sirius nodded mutely.

“You think I should change?”

Sirius shook his head.

“So, I look okay?”

Sirius sat down on the edge of his bed, the books he had been holding resting on his lap. “You look great,” he finally said.

“Really? You think Charlie will like it?”

Sirius nodded again. “She’d have to be blind not to. You look…amazing.”

Remus grinned widely. “I guess I’d better get going,” he said. “I’ll see you in the village later?”

“I don’t know.” Sirius looked out of the window. “I might just stay here and catch up on my homework. I’ve still got that Potions essay to do.”

Remus nodded and promised to fill him in on all the details later.

“Can hardly wait,” Sirius replied with a grin.

Remus was momentarily startled by Sirius’s enthusiastic reply, but quickly realised that Sirius was merely lying to cover up his own feelings again. “You sure you’re okay with this?”

Sirius turned to face him with a sharp glare. “Would it make any difference if I said I wasn’t?” he asked.

“No. I’m sorry. I really like her.”

“And I really like you,” Sirius countered.

Remus sat down beside him and studied his hands for several minutes.

“I can’t help the way I feel,” Sirius continued. “I’ve tried not to let you see how jealous I am, but we both know I’m rubbish at hiding my feelings.”

Remus snorted. “I wouldn’t say that,” he commented wryly. “You kept them hidden for quite some time.”

Sirius gave a snort of his own and peeked at Remus out of the corner of his eye. “All I’m asking for is a chance, is that too much to ask?”

“I guess not.”

Sirius, who had clearly been expecting a different answer, looked Remus in the eyes. “Really?”

Remus nodded.

“Can I… erm… would you mind if I… you know…?”

Remus twisted round so that he was facing Sirius properly. “Okay.”

Sirius looked hesitant as he slowly inched his way closer. “Remus,” he whispered, right before his lips touched those of the other boy.

Remus closed his eyes as Sirius kissed him. He heard the sound of a faint whimper and realised he had made it. He reached out and placed his hands on Sirius’s shoulders; he could feel Sirius’s own hands on his waist, drawing him closer. He heard Sirius moan and wrapped his arms tight around his neck.

He could feel Sirius’s tongue brushing against his lips and he opened his mouth a little wider. This was wrong, a small voice at the back of his mind warned him. Boys were supposed to kiss girls, not other boys. He nipped at Sirius’s lower lip, and felt his pulse quicken when Sirius deepened the kiss in response.

He didn’t remember the shirt becoming untucked, but suddenly he felt one of Sirius’s hands creeping beneath the hem at the back of the shirt, and he felt warm fingers stroking his back, sending shivers down his spine. Despite his reservations about what they were doing, it felt good, and he reached round to unbutton Sirius’s own shirt, pushing it back off his shoulders as his hands searched for bare skin.

He could feel Sirius’s heartbeat, pounding beneath his palm, and knew his own was matching it beat for beat.

He shouldn’t be enjoying this so much.

He shouldn’t be getting so excited at the feel of another boy’s hands on his skin, or his own hands caressing that same boy’s bare chest.

He wasn’t sure when they went from sitting up to lying down, but there was no denying the fact that Sirius was stretched out beneath him when they finally pulled their lips apart.

“Damn,” Sirius whispered, his mouth stretching into a grin, a genuine one this time.

Remus was still having difficulty catching his breath and could only gaze down at Sirius silently. He certainly echoed the sentiment though.

“Your shirt’s undone,” Sirius said.

“Yours, too.”

“I’d not noticed.”

Remus climbed off of Sirius and sat back down on the bed. “I’m supposed to be meeting Charlie down in the Entrance Hall,” he said quietly.

“Do you have to?”

“I can’t just stand her up,” Remus pointed out. “She doesn’t deserve that.”

“You’ll explain things to her though?”

Remus nodded as he buttoned up his shirt once more. His hair was now a rumpled mess, but it would have to do. “I’ll be back later,” he said, his hand on the door handle.

“Wait a minute,” Sirius called, scrambling off of the bed and moving towards him.

The kiss was brief, a soft brushing of lips against his own, and Remus didn’t have time to respond at all. “Good luck,” Sirius whispered.

Remus ducked out of the door, hoping that no one could tell, just by looking at his face, what he had been doing a few minutes before.

Charlene was waiting for him, just as they had planned, and Remus felt his heart jump at the sight of the pretty young Quidditch player. Surely that wasn’t right? If he liked boys and not girls, then why did his heart start racing when he saw her, too?

“Hi, Remus,” Charlene called. “Is that a new shirt?”

Remus shook his head. “I borrowed it.”

“From Sirius?”

Remus shook his head. “No, from James.”

“Are they going into Hogsmeade today?”

“James and Peter are.”

“And Sirius?”

“I think he’s staying here,” Remus replied.

Charlene shrugged and smiled. “Shall we go?”

Remus knew that he should call things to a halt now, but he’d actually been looking forward to the date ever since they had begun planning it. Now he was finally there, he didn’t want to turn back. He felt a twinge of guilt when he recalled that Sirius was waiting for him to return, but he pushed it aside as he smiled at his date. “You look very nice today,” he offered, his face flushing a little with embarrassment.

Charlene blushed, hooked her arm through his and steered him out of the doors.

As dates went, Remus had nothing to compare it to, but he enjoyed the time he spent wandering through Hogsmeade with Charlene at his side. The village was crowded with students and he tried his best to ignore all the stares they were getting.

They were walking towards Remus’s house when the rain began to fall. “Come on!” Remus ordered, grabbing Charlene’s hand and taking off for the house at a run. They made it inside just as the downpour began in earnest.

They were laughing as they shut the door behind them and Remus realised that this was the first time they had ever actually been alone together. “You want to see the house?” he asked.

Charlene nodded and he gave her a quick tour of the main rooms, carefully avoiding the basement.

Once the tour was over, Remus sat with Charlene in the living room, where they chatted about lessons and homework and other trivial topics.

The conversation came easily, and there were only a few awkward pauses. It was in one of these pauses that Charlene asked a question that took Remus by surprise.

“What?” he asked.

“Have you ever kissed anyone?” Charlene repeated.

Remus felt his cheeks reddening as he recalled the heated kiss he had shared with Sirius shortly before leaving the castle. He knew that should he answer ‘yes’ to the question, the next one would be ‘who?’ and the last thing he wanted to do was confess to anyone that he had kissed another boy.

He knew Sirius wanted a relationship with him. He also knew that he liked kissing Sirius, far more than he should. But he could not bring himself to tell Charlene about the kiss.

Thankfully, Charlene took his silence as embarrassment over lack of experience. “Me neither,” she said with a smile. “You want to?”

Remus knew what answer she was expecting and he nodded slowly.

The kiss was different to the one he had shared with Sirius; it was softer and there was a lot less touching involved. The only parts of their bodies that were touching were their lips and there were no tongues or teeth involved, not like earlier.

“How was it?” Charlene asked after they had sat back from each other.

Remus smiled. It hadn’t been as passionate as the one he had shared with Sirius earlier that afternoon, but his pulse had quickened slightly. He hadn’t felt repulsed by the idea of kissing Charlene, and the kiss had been quite pleasant. He wasn’t sure what that meant with regard to Sirius, but when he kissed Charlene a second time he knew the choice had been made.

The kiss with Sirius had been a momentary lapse of judgement, and that was all. He wasn’t gay; he couldn’t be, not when he enjoyed kissing Charlene, too.

As they made their way back to Hogwart’s, Remus wondered how he was going to tell Sirius about his decision. It was a conversation that he wasn’t looking forward to at all. The full moon was the following night and he dreaded the outcome of that if the two of them had had another fight. He wondered if he might be able to put off the discussion until after the full moon had passed. He knew it wasn’t fair on Sirius, but it was the only thing he could think of to do.

--

A/N: In case anyone hadn't guessed already - yes, this fic has a different sort of Remus to the usual one you find in fics. The shy, bookish, prefect who wouldn't say boo to a goose, is not going to be appearing in this story. This Remus is tactless, thoughtless and rather selfish (the latter traits being just as much a part of canon as the others). He also has a bit of a manipulative streak. Basically, this Remus is going to be a bit of a git, until he learns (the hard way, naturally) his lesson. That isn't to say that Sirius is going to just put up with it, though - who would like to see a bit of that famous Black temper?