Pranksters In Love

Lucius slowly became aware of a soft woman’s voice talking in the room. He opened his eyes and looked around. He had no idea where he was. He looked at the woman softly singing to herself and wondered who she was. She was on the short side, and a few pounds heavier than he usually cared for. She had thick long blond hair that was pulled back from her face and clipped at her neck. She wore strange clothing and he thought perhaps she might be a Muggle.

“Well hello there!” she exclaimed. “You are awake now!” she smiled as she leaned over him and fluffed his pillow. “Can I get you anything? You must be thirsty!” she said reaching for a glass of water that sat on the table next to the bed.

“Where am I, and who are you?” he demanded arrogantly.

“Well Mr. Malfoy, has anyone ever told you that you would catch more flies with honey than venom?” she asked still smiling.

“Why would I ever want to catch flies, Madame?”

She shook her head at him and offered another smile. “I suppose a man like you wouldn’t now, would he?”

“A man like me? What do you mean by that? And who are you?” he demanded.

“Oh, I am sorry, where are my manners! I am Alabaster Thayer. You are in my cottage. I found you in my front yard unconscious.”

Lucius knew the name. Thayer was a Wizarding name so she must be a witch, but she was strange. He wondered if the hovel he fell in front of was this cottage. The family must be very poor indeed. “If you would send for my son, I can assure you that I will be out of your home immediately.” He said.

“I have had a healer around to look at you and have contacted your son. The healer has stated that you should not be moved for the next five days and your son will be here later to speak with you. I am afraid that you are stuck here.”

“What! No, that is not possible! I demand that you contact another healer. I must leave at once.”

“I am sorry to say, Mr. Malfoy, that you can not leave. That giant really did a number on your ars… umm…bottom, and you have suffered a lot of internal damage that could not be magically corrected. You must remain still so that you do not open any of your wounds back up,” she tried to say this matter of fact without blushing, but it was hard to talk to a man of Lucius Malfoy’s stature about anal bleeding.

Lucius was horrified that this stranger would know of his injuries. “I demand that you keep this information to yourself, Madame, or there will be consequences!” he shouted.

“Are you threatening me, Mr. Malfoy?” she shouted back. “How dare you! I mean how dare you! I have taken you into my home and cared for you and treated your injuries out of the goodness of my heart. You have the nerve and the audacity to sit here and threaten me for my efforts!”

“I am a Malfoy! We all have nerve and audacity! You are one step above a peasant if this hovel has any indication of your status, witch!”

Alabaster looked at the rude wizard for a moment and then grinned. “And you know what else I am, Mr. Malfoy? I am a Muggleborn! A lowly Muggleborn has been caring for you and touching you! You might wither away from all of the germs and contamination that is floating around in this “hovel”! Careful what you eat, Lucius” she sneered, “I just might feed you disgusting Muggle food as well!” she shrieked as she walked out of the room and slammed the door.

Lucius stared at the door she had just slammed. “Get back here Mudblood!” he shouted. “I am not done with this conversation!” Bloody hell, he thought to himself. Stuck in the home of a Mudblood, and he couldn’t even leave the bed. He was stuck here, and he desperately needed to use the loo.


Draco stood in front of the cottage listening to the shouting. He debated on turning back but knew that if he didn’t show up soon his father would be livid. He could just imagine what was going through his father’s head after he found out that a Muggle born owned the house he was staying in and that said Muggle born had touched him. He took a deep breath of air and gathered up his courage and gently knocked on the door.

“I suppose you heard?” Alabaster demanded without even saying hello.

“I would like to offer you my most sincerest apologies for his behavior. I know that he would do so himself if he was in his right mind.”

Alabaster snorted. “Who are you trying to fool, young man? I know your fathers type. He would never lower himself to apologize to someone he felt was beneath him, and I am definitely beneath him in his eyes. Not only am I poor, but I am a Muggleborn.”

Draco tried to think of something to say to refute her point, but he couldn’t. “I am sorry, then, because I truly believe that his behavior is wrong. I want you to know how much I appreciate what you have done for my father.”

Alabaster sniffed back the tears. “You are a good man, Draco Malfoy.”

He smiled at her and awkwardly pattered her shoulder as he walked to the door where his father was. He didn’t bother to knock, but just walked right in. “Father,” he said.

“Draco!” Lucius said in relief. “You must get me out of this bed immediately!” he said throwing the blankets back and ignoring the pain that shot through him as he tried to move.

“Father! No! You must stay still! The healer said no movements for a week.”

“Draco, I need to piss! I know this filthy hovel is overrun with Mudbloods who no doubt urinate daily upon themselves, but I am a Malfoy, and I will not piss the bed!”

A bowl came flying at Lucius’ head and he almost didn’t duck in time. “You disgusting, vile, evil man! How dare you talk about my family that way!” she shrieked.

“Well if you would help me to the loo I wouldn’t need to speak that way!”

“If you would have asked, I would have helped you! How the bloody hell did I know that you needed to piss if you didn’t tell me!” she shouted.

“Malfoy’s do not use the word piss in front of a lady!” he bellowed.

“Well according to you, I am no lady so you shouldn’t have any problems telling me now, should you!”

Draco watched the bi-play between the two with both shock and amusement. He didn’t remember anyone ever talking to his father this way. As far as he knew, everyone backed down to his demanding father.

“You are definitely no lady!” he shouted. “Fine, I need to piss! I have to pee! My damn bladder is full and I am about to Piss all over your floor!” he yelled.

“You piss on my floors and I’ll wipe your nose in it like the filthy dog that you are!” she screamed.

Draco watched as she grabbed her father under the shoulder and gently pulled his weight onto her. They kept arguing as he walked into the door a few feet from the bed. “And don’t piss on my toilet seat either!” he heard.

“Like I would! Get the hell out you viper!”

“Viper am I? Just wait and see how evil I can really be, you bastard!”

“I am a Malfoy, Malfoy’s are not bastards!” he yelled. Draco could hear the water of the flushing toilet.

“I am so sick and tired of hearing about what a Malfoy is or isn’t you impotent toad! Just shut up and finish your business!”

“Impotent! How dare you! I will show you how impotent I am!” he said grabbing the shrew and pushing her against the wall. He pushed his pelvis into her middle and crushed his lips down onto hers into a demanding kiss.

Draco almost fell to the floor in shock. Did his father really just kiss a Mudblood? If he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes he never would have believed it. He waited for a few seconds for the screaming to start again and when it didn’t he peeked in the room.

Lucius was crushing his lips against hers in a bruising kiss. He felt a shock of desire run through his body. He felt Alabaster wrap her arms around his neck and pull him closer. He reached one hand down and squeezed the ample flesh of her behind. He heard her moan and then felt as she ground her hips into his throbbing erection. Groaning he pulled her tighter into his arms.

“Uh, dad?” he barely heard through the fog.

“Mum?” a little girls voice called.

Both jumped back and turned as one to the doorway. Their stood Draco and several other younger children. Lucius looked at the witch he had just snogged in a bathroom and shuddered. “Bloody hell!”

Alabaster looked from the children to Lucius and then back to Draco. Did she really just kiss this vile man in the bathroom? One minute they were fighting and the next second she was thinking about how he would feel buried deep inside of her. “Oh bloody hell!” she echoed.

I hope that this chapter was more interesting than the last! I would hate to put out more boring work! Please read and review!