One wish alone have I

Chapter 24 (part 1)
How it ended… and began

You are probably wondering why, turning what you thought to be the last page of my tale, you found more of my handwriting! I am as amazed and relieved as you are, believe me, at the marvellous and incredible chance the great Cerridwen gave me to be able to write again! But here… let me tell you how it all happened, for that part of the tale is certainly the most astonishing.

The morning of the 12th of April came as I dreaded and Severus, though exhausted after the very short night’s sleep he had gotten, woke up at 7:00 as on every Saturday morning, and left my tender embrace to prepare himself for the day. I insisted on shaving him before he went into the shower, a last treat that I offered myself.

“There is a game of Quidditch this morning,” he reminded me, as he buttoned his shirt some fifteen minutes later.

“I know…” I replied thoughtfully.

When Severus had indeed informed me that Slytherin would be playing against Hufflepuff that day, I told myself that Voldemort had prepared his plan very well. What better moment, really, than a Quidditch match to orchestrate a discreet attack within the castle walls? Most, if not all of the students would be outside with their teachers, and the surveillance on the castle, though still present of course, would probably be somewhat less strict. After all, the main targets to protect were the students and the staff, so many of the guards who usually patrolled the castle were dispatched around the pitch.

Severus finished getting dressed and came back to his bed, where I was still sitting and observing his familiar routine. Giving me a teasing little hit with my poetry book on the top of my head, he kissed my forehead, then my nose, and then landed his lips on mine, which greedily gave him back every one of his kisses.

“Are you sure you feel well enough for me to go see the match?” he asked, leaning his forehead against mine. “You have been very nervous lately… are false contractions bothering you again?”

“Do not worry, Severus, I am fine,” I replied, forcing myself to smile. “You cannot miss the match…”

“I will not be far away. If there is anything, you just send me an owl or a Legilimency message. I will be at your side in a matter of minutes.”

“I know… see you later, my love,” I said, unnecessarily adjusting his robes on his shoulders.

“See you very soon.”

And after a last kiss, he walked out of the bedroom. Each step that took him further away from me pained my heart a little more, but I clenched my teeth and looked at him avidly, enjoying the lines and masculine grace of his imposing silhouette.

I looked at my watch; it was 7:30. Two hours left.

I knew I would not be able to sleep, and I did not want to risk it either, so I simply took a shower and dressed in the maternity robe that would be the most comfortable for the fight. Valerica had offered it to me a few months before. It was made of a deep green and Horatiu’s armouries were discreetly embroidered with gold threads all along the edges of the collar and the sleeves. The latter were very sober, just like the rest of the robe; they fit tightly around my arms and the rest of the fabric hugged all my curves, making them display my motherhood with sensuality and pride. I took long minutes to brush my hair before I magically secured it in a firm chignon at the base of my neck.

Taking my wand and my sword (which Niculaie had brought with him when he came to England last fall), I Transfigured one of our armchairs into a rocking chair and took my place in it, facing the bedroom door at a reasonable distance. Placing my hands on my belly, which was of quite an impressive size by then, I started rocking us slowly and tried to relax, feeling your wonderful presence so close to me.

The Goddess Mother granted me one of my deepest wishes shortly after I started rocking us in that chair. To my surprise, I soon saw a small cloud of luminous mist that appeared a few feet in front of me, very close to the ground. It remained shapeless for a moment during which I felt a strange sensation in my belly, just as if mighty but friendly eyes were probing it. As that sensation intensified, the small cloud became more definite and started showing colours, until I started discerning the silhouette of… a baby!

Oh, my dearest treasure, I needed no one to tell me who that baby was… it was you! Before my astonished and softened glance, you started growing. From lying on your back, you soon pushed yourself in a sitting position… and you smiled at me! A moment later, you were standing… and walking on your unsteady little legs. Within minutes, I saw you become a toddler, then a child, an adolescent… and then, the loveliest young woman I had ever seen. You were as tall as we are, barely a little smaller than your father. Your eyes were as black as his, but they permanently had that warmth and jolliness he uses with so much parsimony! Your hair was pretty much like mine… as was your nose. Your lower lip had the voluptuous curves of Severus’. Your chin showed a very determined temper, but your smile betrayed far more than just a touch of mischievousness and your forehead was large and spiritual. The rest of your features were a charming blend of your parents’; your eyebrows, for example, rather had the shape of mine, but had the elegant curves of your father’s. They rose in a suspicious and self-confident manner at my thorough observation, in a way that was so comically similar to Severus that I could not help but smile.

Smiling at me again, you took a few steps forward and came closer to the chair I was sitting in. My eyes got trapped in yours and, though I frantically strove to memorize as many details as I could, they told me to calm down and live in the moment. You extended a very delicate and feminine hand with long, agile fingers and reached for my belly. As soon as you touched it, a soft white light wrapped around my waist and the sensations I felt increased even more.

“Have no fear, my little one,” I spontaneously said, in the most heartening voice I could find within me. “I swear to protect you no matter what happens.”

Still smiling, you nodded your understanding and bent forward to place a kiss on my forehead. Your long curls fell all around my face and I closed my eyes just as your lips were touching my skin, but curiously, though you seemed so real I felt I could simply reach out and embrace you, your kiss left no sensation for me to perceive. When I opened my eyes, you were gone.

To this night, I do not really know if I only dreamed about you or if Cerridwen allowed me to see the future so I would have the chance to witness the growth of my daughter, a thing I believed to be denied to me.

I did not bother to make that distinction at the time. What I saw filled me with joy and excitement and, though I could not help but cry, I soon chased away my tears by singing you a song that was very dear to my heart. Arnaud often sang it to me, and it is a French song that was beautifully interpreted (and immortalized) by a Muggle French singer named Edith Piaf. It is called Hymne à l’amour, and I remember I sang it often during the previous months, even more so during the previous twenty-three nights. Severus was deeply moved when I translated the lyrics to him and, sometimes, when I was sitting by the fireplace and he was still grading parchment rolls, I saw out of the corner of my eye that he put down his quill and secretly listened to it. Here are the lyrics; I have translated them for you so you can figure out what rocked you to sleep when you were still such an intimate part of me. To be honest… I sang it as much for your father as I sang it for you that particular morning, dearest.

The blue sky can tumble down upon us
And the earth can also collapse
It doesn\'t matter, if you love me
I don\'t care about the entire world

As long as love floods my mornings
As long as my body shivers beneath your hands
These problems don\'t matter
My love, since you love me
I would go to the end of the earth
I would dye my hair blonde
If you asked it of me

I would go take down the moon
I would go steal a fortune
If you asked it of me

I would disown my country
I would disown my friends
If you asked it of me

People can have a good laugh at me
I would do anything
If you asked it of me

If one day life tears you from me
If you die that you be far from me
It doesn\'t matter, if you love me
Because I will die, too

We will have eternity for ourselves
In the great blue immensity
In the sky, no more problems
My love, do you believe we love each other?

God reunites those who love each other

And I kept singing, for indeed it gave me courage and reassured you, as the sound of my voice was loving and comforting for you, too. I also sang old Celtic songs in Gaelic that my mother used to sing when I was young… it made the waiting much more endurable.

When my watch indicated 9:00, however, I took my wand in one hand and my sword in the other and remained completely still and silent, my eyes fixed on the bedroom door and my ears pricked for the faintest sound that might reach me from the other room. Some twenty minutes later, indeed, I heard the soft creaking of one of the office’s windows, and then a very, very subtle swishing sound. The subsequent muffled thud of a few pairs of feet landing on the floor suggested that my adveraries had flown to Hogwarts by broom. For a moment, I wondered how they got past the protective wards surrounding the castle, then realized it did not matter, for clearly they had. I heard a few hurried whispers and rose to my feet, bracing myself for any form of attack, my wand aiming at the door. Sharpening my ears, I discerned the words “sleeping” and “coffin”. The fools believed I was still resting peacefully… and I was about to show them that it was quite the contrary. If they were in for a quick and easy kill, they were wrong. Very wrong.

Sure enough, the door started moving and I saw the outline of a face through the opening. Not wasting a second, I threw a Stunning Spell at it and I hit the desired target: the wizard fell unconscious onto the floor. Before his comrades pulled him out of danger back in the office, however, I had enough time to observe my attacker and saw that it was not Lucius… but one of his acolytes. Lucius himself, rather irritated to find me awake and ready for the fight, shouted a strong spell that made the door explode and forced me to dive behind the bed to protect myself.

Even before I could see something in the room, I started throwing a variety of offensive spells across the room at the approximate location of the doorframe. I only heard them hit the walls or reverberate against them, and started wondering if Lucius was still there or not. He let me waste my energy for a while, until I finally gave in and completely stopped throwing hexes, understanding that what I was doing was completely useless.

Long tense seconds passed before anything happened. My opponents were so silent that I could not even hear them breathe! Any doubt about their presence vanished soon enough, however. Lucius’ voice resounded again, and the bed I was hiding behind was magically lifted and practically glued to the ceiling, robbing me of my only physical protection and leaving a virtually open field between Lucius and me.

I barely had the time to Apparate and stand on the ceiling before his spell zoomed through the room and hit the dresser. Finally, he walked in and I found myself measuring my magical skills on a surprisingly resourceful wizard. A part of me had believed that his reliance on his two acolytes concealed his own magical weakness, but a few exchanges of hexes soon proved me wrong. Not only was he skilled, he was also very mean. His fighting tactics lacked the intelligence of Severus’, but the pure cruelty that fuelled each spell he cast gave him enough power to represent a very serious threat.

We fought for long minutes, and though he successfully protected himself from my jinxes, I was able to injure him a couple of times with my sword between two simultaneous Apparating-Disapparating switches. My prominent belly was definitely a disadvantage for me. I could still Transfigure, of course, but that advanced pregnancy stage also appeared in all the forms I adopted, which rendered my mobility limited and much slower than I wanted, and I was soon out of breath.

“You stand no chance against me, Antanasia!” shouted Lucius between two spells. “You should surrender instead of making me waste my time! Expilliarmus!”

“Never!” I forcefully replied. “I can keep fighting longer than you think! Long enough for one of the guards to find you here!”

“That would be very unlikely, my dear,” he sneered, blocking my curse with a protecting magical shield. “I have cast a Silencing Charm on both the office and this room. Admit it, you have no chance! We are three against one!”

“Yes, how very brave of you indeed!” I retorted, as derisively as my anxiety would let me. “Are you that weak a wizard that you really needed your two gorillas to fight an eight-months pregnant cainite?”

“Crucio!” he replied, making his way slowly to the wall that was opposite of the bedroom door. “I am fighting you here alone, and it seems I have given you plenty of trouble, on the contrary!”

He was right… he was the only one fighting me and my hands were already full. When the two other wizards entered the room and added their magical skills to those of Lucius when he called them, however, the situation did not change much. The increased wave of stress and fear that seized me also seemed to energize me, and I fought them with renewed strength. The wizard I had Stunned (who had been revived by his comrade, obviously) seemed to still feel its after effects and with time, I even gained a certain advantage in the fight… until Lucius brutally changed his tactics from magical to physical.

He relentlessly threw Unforgivable Curses at me with a particular insistence, forcing me to focus my attention almost solely on him to defend myself. During that time, his men slithered their way closer to me and, right after I ducked to avoid one of Lucius’ spells, they grabbed me by the arms and brutally slammed my back against the nearest wall.

When I raised my head, it was already too late.

Lucius, who was standing on the opposite side of the room, took an object out of his pocket and threw it towards me with an impressive power and rapidity. A brief moment of pain later, I lowered my eyes and saw, in complete horror, that a long dagger with a serpent-shaped handle was planted in my chest… right through my heart. I tried to move, but soon realized that the dagger had completely gone through my body and was firmly planted in the wall. He had probably thrown it with the help of magic, in addition to his own strength.

I raised my head again and looked at him wide-eyed, still astonished at the suddenness of the blow and feeling my eyes burning with tears of powerlessness and despair. My wand and my sword slipped from the feeble grip of my hands and fell onto the floor with a sinister sound. The two men holding me prisoner magically tied my wrists to the wall on each side of my waist and exited the room, sniggering stupidly, after Lucius ordered them to leave.

He took an awful lot of time to dust his elegant robes and arrange them before he walked closer to me, each of his steps resounding menacingly in the silent room. All I could think of, as I saw him staring at me with his pitiless blue eyes, was that I did not want him to touch the baby. I begged, with all my might, everything I believed in to prevent him from harming her and only feast his eyes on the way he had condemned me instead.

When he reached my level, I was trembling like a leaf. He first put a hand on my belly and I powerfully gasped in terror, my eyes in place of my lips imploring him to cast no spell, which were incapable of articulating a word. To my relative relief, no incantation slipped through his mouth when he finally decided to speak, in that cruel and hardhearted purr of his.

“I told you long ago, my dearest mademoiselle, that you and I could spend unforgettable moments together… I had something far more pleasant in mind at the time,” he said, running his hands up my waist to cup my breasts, making me hold my breath in horror and loathing. “Given your flagrant lack of cooperation and very foolish betrayal, however, I guess I will become unforgettable for very different reasons,” he added, pinching my nipples very hard until the pain made me yelp and tears filled up my eyes. “It is only a shame that you shall die in so very little time; I wish I could remain unforgettable rather longer. Ah! Well… make sure you consign me to Snape’s good memory when he finds you in your pitiable state; that will be a feeble consolation for me.”

“You can be sure he will keep you in mind, Lucius Malfoy!” I growled in a trembling voice, my anger and humiliation putting an abrupt end to the flow of my tears. “And if I were you, I would not sleep so well at night as long as he does! I warn you, my lover is a very tenacious wizard!”

“No doubt he is!” he derisively chuckled. “In fact, this is exactly what I expect him to do, and I anticipate the pleasure of meeting him again with much impatience. It should not be long before he joins you in whatever place your kind believes you will end up in after your death. I will personally make sure he does… and I will not be alone having that endeavour in mind; even the Dark Lord has his heart set on it.”

His expression then softened unexpectedly; he came back to me and leaned even closer to my face. He removed his gloves and pushed a few curls away from my face with a slowness and a softness that were almost more terrible to endure than the pain he had inflicted me with.

“I really hate to have to leave you now,” he murmured, leaning his forehead against mine and caressing my cheeks with his bare hands, “but we really have to get going before anybody finds us. Farewell, my dearest Antanasia…”

His lips landed on mine and trapped them in a languorous kiss. I simply shut my eyes tightly and held my breath again, praying for it to end soon. His tongue brushed against my lips and tried to part my teeth, but my jaws were powerfully clenched and he did not violate my intimacy any further. He lingered on my lips for a few more excruciating seconds and finally pulled back, his eyes shining fiercely with an undeserved feeling of victory.

“Here is my last gift to you,” he sneered, taking a few steps back so he would be out of my reach and ending the spells that held my hands tied to the wall. “That way, you can try to pull the dagger out and quicken your death, though I sincerely doubt you will succeed. I rather believe Snape should have the privilege of finishing my noble work himself; that will please the Dark Lord very much…”

With a last look and a snigger, he exited the room. I heard him exchange a few words with his two acolytes, asking them if they were ready to fly out of the window on their brooms, and then he pronounced the ominous spell.

“Morsmordre!”

Just as the Dark Mark appeared above the school roof, they all zoomed through an open window. It seemed that all that was left to surround me then was a complete and deadly stillness. Montserrat Caballe, a famous Muggle opera singer, once said that the power revealed in a woman’s singing voice is that of a mother’s cry. All I can say, from experience, is that the cry of a dying mother is completely silent, for she fears she will wake the child she cradles tenderly in her womb or in her arms.

The Prophecy was almost accomplished. All I needed was to bravely wait just a little longer.

The Dark Mark did not shine above the school for long before it was seen, and Severus was the first to notice it, as you can imagine. Minerva and Poppy told me that when he saw it, he precipitately rose from his seat and searched the sky with crazed eyes, trying to find the culprits responsible for the ill-omened apparition while the students started screaming and panicking in the tiers all around the Quidditch pit. The Headmaster did not waste a second; he took out his wand and aimed at his throat.

“Quiet!” boomed his voice above the pit, which shook the students enough to make them obey at once. “You will remain exactly where you are until we determine what caused this to appear in the sky. Nobody approach the school under any pretext; I will be back shortly and teachers will remain with you in the meantime.”

“Malfoy!” screamed Severus with uncontained rage, still looking at the sky and panting loudly. “Malfoy!”

Draco, who was Seeker in the match that had just been interrupted, flew closer to Severus, thinking that his teacher was calling him. The poor lad barely had the time to realise that he had gotten the wrong impression before Severus snapped his head towards him and grabbed him by the throat. He brutally pulled him off his broom and Draco landed on the tiers, hitting his side and head painfully on the seats. Severus did not hear the sinister crack that followed the young man’s fall; he mounted the broom and flew towards the school before anybody could do anything to hold him back.

When Severus found me in the bedroom, I was still powerlessly stabbed through the chest and trapped against the wall. He stood before me open-mouthed, still panting from his wild run in the dungeons’ corridors, and an expression of profound distress soon interlaced with the dismay I saw on his beloved face. He stumbled towards me and grabbed one of my hands, his glance quivering frantically between my face and the dagger in my chest. I saw his eyes search mine, desperate to find something to cling to, a hope that the horrifying conclusions he was forced to make were erroneous. Alas! He found none!

“I am sorry, my love,” I whispered in a strangled voice, squeezing his hand feebly.

He shook his head violently and brought my hand to his lips. Kissing them feverishly, he muttered words that were rendered almost inaudible by his distress.

“Oh, no! This cannot be! No, no, no! This cannot be!” he articulated, before he let out a pained gasp and intensely riveted his dark eyes to mine.

They were filled with tears… the first tears I saw him truly shed. They started flowing down his pale cheeks to fall silently on my hands and merged with me through my skin like a burning testimony of a suffering he could not endure with his usual stoicism.

“I will avenge you, my love, I will destroy his family, I swear!” he cried. “And then, I will kill the bastard! He will pay for what he did! He will pay with his life for what he did to us!”

“You will do no such thing!” I forcefully exclaimed, with the last remains of afterlife that still lay inside me. “My love, promise me that you will become no murderer for me! Swear, on the contrary, that you will not kill innocent people in my name! Do not soil the memory of me that way!”

“But he must pay for what he did! I cannot let him get away with it!” he protested.

“You are about to welcome your daughter into this world, Severus… she will need her father… do you want to cradle her with the Malfoys’ blood on your hands? Do you really?”

“No,” he finally articulated, barely able to speak through his deep and strangled sobs. “I do not…”

“Swear it, my love… please…”

“I swear,” he said, kissing my hand again.

“My strength is leaving me, Severus… we must say goodbye, now,” I whispered, fighting against an overwhelming exhaustion that seized my limbs and was slowly creeping towards my heart. “You must break the curse and take our daughter out…. I am asking a formidable and terrible gesture from you, I know… but I want to leave this world as the human I once was. Can you do this for me, my dear beloved?”

“Oh, Gods, Antanasia! You are asking me to… oh…” he moaned, falling helplessly on his knees.

“Please… this will be a serene death, for me… this is the death I wished for.”

“I am sure Poppy will be here any minute,” he pleaded, “she will do something! She must be able to try something!”

“Lucius was very accurate, I am afraid… the blade went right through my heart… my curse is already half broken, Severus… I am condemned! Do not deny me the other half… I beg you!”

“This is really what you want?” he said, raising a tear-stained face to me.

“Yes,” I unequivocally replied. “I dropped my sword on the floor… take it… and everything will be over in a matter of seconds.”

Severus’ eyes searched the floor with a panicked expression for a while before they could locate the weapon. He picked it up with trembling hands, and then he stood back before me. I looked at him with a serenity that I did not believe I could be capable of, and silently wiped off the tears on his cheeks and chin. I would have wished to remove the pain, too, but that was, alas, impossible.

“I love you so much, Severus,” I said, smiling through my own tears.

“I love you, too,” he whispered, giving me a long kiss.

His lips trembled hard against mine, but they gradually stopped trembling as I transmitted him a bit of the calmness and peacefulness I felt. When he drew back from me, I felt the urge to scream and beg him to kiss me again, but no sound parted my lips.

“Are you ready?” he asked, in a much steadier voice.

“I am. Goodbye, Severus… take care of yourself… and take care of her. I am not going far; I am sure you will be able to feel my presence around you whenever you need it… like in the first star that pierces through the sky each night,” I softly said, before I gave him a genuine smile.

“I will do my best,” he articulated, with a painfully narrow throat.

“I know you will…”

He looked at me with an infinite tenderness for a long minute, taking deep breaths to give him courage. I did the same. At long last, he raised my sword and, as he plunged his eyes into mine, his breathing became raucous and irregular. I heard him take a deep breath and hold it; all his features contracted and so did my muscles as he let out a thunderous, pained scream and gave a powerful thrust with the sword, right into my throat.

AUTHOR’S NOTES

As always, thanks for your patience! And remember... reviewing will not hurt you, I promise! Why don\'t you give it a try? ;o)

I am profoundly touched by the reviews you posted for chapter 23... thank you, and I hope the last few chapters (I still have three posts to make, which are ready and just have to go through the queue on Occlumency) will please you!