Sub Rosa

In recompense for the previous chapter, here are many many lemons for youall.

Chapter 34 – Recovery

Kathryn paced the room, frightened and nervous. Her concern for Severus was overwhelming her. She knew the price of spying, she knew the costs to the soul and had always been willing to do it. It was the cost to him that she found herself unwilling to pay. Love was both strength and weakness and right now she was feeling very weak.

There were days when he looked at her and she felt like she could kill Voldemort with her bare hands and then there were these moments, when she was helpless to defend him, that tore her heart to shreds.

Hours passed and she wondered if he would come to her after all. Perhaps he was lying in the forest ill and injured, perhaps he would go straight to his chambers, unable to face her. Perhaps he was in the hospital wing, hurting and in pain. These thoughts chased each other through her mind, followed by images of him broken or dead somewhere.

The sound of her wards chiming to alert her that someone was entering, broke into her thoughts. The door swung open and Severus, pale and ill looking, walked in.

She was across the room in a flash, her arms around him and her body against his. He was icy cold and she quickly cast a warming charm on him as she clung to him.

“Kathryn.” There was a wealth of meaning in the words and she knew he had fallen for her too, even if neither of them had spoken the words.

“Severus.” She returned his name to him, her voice rough with emotion and relief.

“I need a shower.” His words were tinged with desperation and she moved away from him, letting him past her and then following him into the bathroom.

“How are you?” She asked with great gentleness.

“Congratulate me, I’m going to be a father.” Disgust twisted the syllables into a mockery. Kathryn felt ice clutch her heart, but she simply nodded.

“He was there.” How she kept her voice so steady she would never know. She thanked her training.

Severus simply nodded and dropped his clothes on the floor. He looked at them in a heap for a long moment, as if contemplating destroying them. Finally, he stepped into her shower and turned the water on scalding hot. He began to scrub himself harshly, seemingly trying to scrub his skin off. She stepped in, fully clothed, behind him and took the sponge away. Her hands were gentle and she washed him lovingly.

He sank down to sit on the bottom of the shower, his shoulders shaking. She pretended she didn’t notice the sobs and washed his hair with tender care. She kept her touch asexual and light, giving him both space and consideration. She still didn’t know what had happened, but except for some bruises on his hips, he didn’t seem harmed.

She was relieved he wasn’t hurt, but was deeply concerned by his silence and bitterness. When he was clean she led him from the shower, cast drying charms on both of them and gently guided him to bed. He crawled under the covers, naked, and clutched the pillow. She changed into a nightgown, still not sure how much intimacy he could take and slipped into the bed with him, waving out the lights.

He turned his head and his eyes were so dark they seemed part of the shadows.

“Do you hate me?” His voice was rough and hard.

“No.” She replied and stroked a hand across his hair. It lay silky-smooth across the pillow around him.

“I do.” His words made her feel chilled to the bone and she wrapped herself around him, trying to absorb his pain into her.

“I love you, Severus.” She whispered the words into the darkness, knowing that they changed everything between them, but that he needed this honesty from her.

He made a sobbing sound and pulled her into his arms, kissing her hard. His mouth was demanding and hungry and there was no gentleness in it. She responded with light caresses and soft kisses, returning sweetness to his bitter need.

He pulled the nightgown off of her with one sharp jerk, tearing the fabric away and tossing it aside. She would wake with bruises, but the anguish in his eyes called to her. He needed this and she gave it without a second thought.

His hands on her were harsh, almost impersonal, as he cupped her breasts and fondled them. She felt a fire ignite in her as he rubbed his thumb across her nipple and then as he swooped down and began to suckle with a quiet desperation.

There was nothing in his eyes, but anger and need and then she knew where he was, she knew what had happened. He had gone so far inside himself to escape what he had to do, that he couldn’t find the way back.
She grabbed his hair and pulled him up to kiss her. Her lips were bruising in their plundering of his mouth.
She needed to make him feel again, to lead him back to her. He growled, his hands tugging at her panties and she lifted her hips to let him pull them down. His fingers ran across her belly and then began to rub along her slit. His mouth on hers was slowing, gentling and she could feel his bitterness receding.

The desire he was stoking in her began to rise and she whimpered and writhed under him as he first stroked and then plunged his fingers into her.

“Yes, oh please, Severus!” She cried, running her fingers along his cock, desperate to feel him inside her, to know he was back and safe and with her again and desperate to erase the feel of Bellatrix on his body. He pumped his fingers inside of her bringing her so close to the edge that her vision was starting to recede. Then with a quick movement he removed his fingers and plunged himself into her fully. She came hard and fast, screaming his name.

“Again.” He commanded, working her clit with his fingers and sheathing himself deep in her warmth. She complied far more quickly than she had thought possible, shaking and slick with sweat. He brought her over the edge two more times before he finally allowed himself his release with a scream that contained as much pain as pleasure. He collapsed on top of her, tears mingling with his sweat, the walls broken down and the release of emotions leaving him trembling in her arms.

She wrapped her aching body around him as tightly as she could, wanting to hold every part of him. He clung to her and she stroked his back as he began to slowly relax into sleep. She lay awake, fighting Morpheus for long moments, listening to his breathing and feeling his heart beating. Someday, Voldemort would die and she would dance on his grave.

Morning came and she awoke to an empty bed and the sound of running water. Dragging herself carefully from the tangles sheets, her body sore and her leg cramping, she walked to the bathroom. He was standing under the spray, eyes closed, face a mask of pain. She slipped up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her check against his back. His arms came up and folded over hers, where they rested on his stomach.

They stood there for long moments, the water hot and cleansing as it washed over them. Her turned finally and pulled her close, burying his face in her hair.

“Thank you.” The words were so quietly spoken that she almost missed them.

“Anytime.” She returned, hugging him back.

He pulled away and looked her in the eyes, searching for something. She stayed still under his scrutiny, watching the expressions flit across his face, memorizing the moment. She had always thought him intriguing with his chiseled features, but she hadn’t realized that he was truly beautiful until that moment. His rich dark eyes with the arched brows above them, the sensual mouth, the sharp cheekbones and strong chin. He was really quite magnificent.

“What are you thinking?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

“That you are quite the handsomest man I have ever known.” She answered with her heart in her eyes.
He was looking at her as if she were mad, then a smile started curling his lips. He leaned down and kissed her and it was like no kiss they had ever shared. There was such tenderness, such sweetness, that she felt tears welling in her eyes.

“I love you too.” He whispered against her lips, sealing both their dooms.

“We’ll find a way.” Her heart was soaring even as her logical side was busy enumerating problems.

He was too wise to give her assurances he wasn’t sure he could keep, nor was she able to promise forever to him, but it was the closest either of them could come to a commitment in the middle of this war.

“I need to report to Albus.” He sighed against her hair.

“Would you like me there?” He still hadn’t told her what had happened and she wasn’t sure he wanted her to know.

“Please.” He kissed her again and then ran his hands along her body in sudden need. “Please.” He repeated, but this time with different meaning. She leaned back against the tile wall and looked up at him from under her lashes, letting him see how attractive he was to her. He ran his tongue across his lips and his eyes lit with passion. Her name on his lips was enough to cause a rush of wetness between her legs.

His pale skin, with the fine dusting of black hair made darker by the water that ran over his body, was flushing with excitement and the sight of his cock rising between them made her moan with desire.

“Gods yes, Severus.” She had never had a lover who could arouse her so much with just his voice and a look. His eyes were burning now as they roamed over her, more intimate than his touch. He took the bath gel down and poured some into his palms. He slowly began tracing her curves with his soapy fingers, teasing and caressing her, keeping his distance, watching her response, like a scientist in a lab or rather like she was a potion he was experimenting on.

There was something so erotic about his dispassionate appraisal that she found herself squirming against the wall, desperate for the heat of his body against hers. He dipped his head down to her breasts and lipped them gently, pulling ragged groans from her. His fingers found her nub and began softly soaping her, flicking his fingertips ever so lightly against her sensitive core.

She was flushed and panting, her eyes never leaving his, watching him as he studied her reactions. She held herself still, letting herself respond to his touches, but not making any move towards him. She let him have the power in the situation, sensing that he still needed to feel that the initiative was his.

The pressure in her belly was growing and she was whimpering and begging him, but still he kept their contact limited to his hands and occasionally his mouth. When she reached for him, finally unable to stand it any longer, he evaded her and then pinned both hands above her with one of his own. She cried out in frustration, his fingers still working her into frenzy.

“Come for me.” His voice was seductive, velvety and she complied as he thrust his fingers deep inside her. She screamed, her inarticulate cry bouncing off the tile and echoing around the room. Her climax triggered some animal part of him and he pushed into her at last. She groaned at the relief of being able to hold him combining with the incredible feeling of his hard length pressed against her.

He gave into his need and began pounding into her with wild abandon. He released all control and his panting and cries mingling with hers was music to her soul. He came screaming into her and she milked every last ounce of pleasure from him. He leaned against her, pressing her between his form and the hard wall and she melted against him, boneless in the aftermath.

“Have I mentioned lately that you are incredible?” She murmured into his ear. His chuckle was seductive and the trembling in her body wasn’t due merely to exhaustion.

“We better get dressed and see Dumbledore and then get to class.” She could feel his voice vibrate in her body as he spoke, as well as in her ear.

She nodded against him and then reached out, unable to resist stroking him just once more. Despite their exertions, he was growing hard against her hand and she decided that they had had enough time for her to get her revenge.