Smile Like You Mean It

Chapter 35 - A Father Figure

Aera had no intention of spending the rest of the evening with Harry, Ron and Hermione. She didn’t want to have to pretend that the tear tracks still evident on her face were from her confrontation with Lucius Malfoy. But she also knew that they would go into a frenzy if they couldn’t find her.

So she dutifully returned to the spot that she had abandoned, finding the three of them standing there arguing.

“I told you! Aera asked me to pick up a book for her from the library and when I came back she wasn’t here!” Hermione shouted, waving the said book in Harry’s face. “How was I to know she’d disappear?”

“So where the bloody hell is she?” Harry yelled back. He went suddenly pale as a thought occurred to him. “You don’t think Malfoy came back for her, do you?”

“I’m here, Harry.” Aera spoke quietly but the three rounded on her, surprise and worry mixed on their faces.

“Where have you been?” Harry demanded. The worried expression was quickly being replaced with anger.

Aera glared at him from beneath wet lashes. “That is absolutely none of your business.” she said slowly, dangerously. “I’m going to talk to Sirius. I’ll see you later.”

She hadn’t planned on going to see the DADA professor. The words simply sprung from her and she realised that it was exactly what she wanted to do. Feeling twisted up inside she turned away from them, having allayed their fears by proving she was still in the castle and unharmed. She didn’t have to explain anything more to them.

Harry grabbed her wrist as she walked away. “Hang on, Aera. You can’t just expect me to be happy with no explanation.”

She rounded on him so quickly that he flinched away, releasing her wrist. “You listen to me, Harry Potter! I am sick to death of being told that I have to explain myself, that I have to prove myself to you! For once, let me do what I want. I am going to talk to Sirius. And I have no intention of telling you where I have been because it is nothing to do with you!”

She fled up the corridor, hating herself for having lost her temper with her brother but relieved that none of them followed. She could only imagine the stricken look on Harry’s face, the suspicious glare from Hermione. She didn’t want to listen to her inner voice telling her that she was too hard, too cruel.

She stopped outside Sirius’s classroom, her breathing ragged from running. Glaring at the woodwork she tried to work up the courage to knock. She had no real idea as to why she had come here. At what point had she realised that Sirius might actually be the only confidant she had?

Her hand thumping against the heavy wood was slow, deliberate. She was here now, she needed someone she could be honest with.

Sirius opened the door dressed in ripped jeans and an old shirt. His eyes widened at the sight of her tear stained cheeks and rumpled clothes. Without a word he stepped aside so she could walk past him and into the room. He closed the door behind her.

Her lip began to tremble as she tried to form the words to explain her sudden appearance. But Sirius’s gentle, understanding gaze proved too much. With a wordless sob she collapsed into his arms, clinging to him like a child.

It was some time later before the tears subsided enough for her to talk. During her breakdown Sirius had half-carried her to the couch where she now sat, leaning against him.

“I’m s. . . sorry, Sirius.” she mumbled, her voice cracking after the choked sobs.

“Don’t be.” he murmured, stroking her hair in such a fatherly way that new tears welled up. She gave a shaky laugh, making him smile.

“I’m such an idiot. Thank you.” He shook his head, dismissing the gratitude. Her smile faded as she looked up at him, drops of moisture still clinging to her lashes. “Can I trust you, Sirius?”

Sirius barked out a laugh. “Of course, Aera.”

“I mean really trust you. Will you promise that you won’t tell anyone my secrets? I have so many.” she breathed.

Sirius took her face in both hands, looking into her eyes with a very serious expression. “Aera, I swear that I will never tell a soul what you confide in me. I may be an immature twit at times, but I would never betray your trust.”

Aera searched his eyes for some hint of dishonesty and found nothing but sincerity. She took a deep breath.

“I’ve been seeing Draco Malfoy.” The words came out in a rush, terrifying her with the how simple it sounded.

Sirius stared at her. When he finally spoke it was with slow disbelief. “Did you just say that you have been seeing Draco Malfoy? Harry’s most hated adversary?”

Aera nodded, feeling guilt wrench through her. To hear him say it made it sound like the stupidest thing she had ever done. His eyes turned to look across the room and she could see him fighting the urge to tell her how dumb she had been. After a moment he seemed to get a grip on himself and faced her again.

Before he had a chance to say anything more, Aera decided to make some things clear. “I care about him, Sirius. And he’s been helping me. He’s passing on information from his father to help Harry. He . . . he doesn’t want to be a Death Eater.”

“How can you know that for sure, Aera?” Sirius’s voice was hard. “He could be using you, trying to trap you. What if he found out that you’re Harry’s sister? He could . . .” He trailed off as if the possibilities were to frightening to speak aloud.

Aera swallowed. This would be that hardest thing to convince her parent’s friend. “He already knows.” She held up a hand to forestall Sirius’s outraged berating. “And he hasn’t done anything to put me in danger. He’s going to help us.”

She watched as various emotions played out across Sirius’s face, waiting. She wouldn’t try and rush him into believing her.

“How can you be so sure, Aera?” Sirius asked quietly.

“He warned me that Voldemort might know who I am.” Aera replied. She thought for a moment. “Though he’s probably pretty sure by now.”

“What? How!” Sirius demanded.

Aera explained about Draco’s theory concerning Peter Pettigrew and how Lucius Malfoy had turned up at Hogwarts and attacked her. She even included the part about having revealed that she could use wandless magic to the Death Eater and how Harry had arrived in time to save her.

When she finished, Sirius sat staring at her with wide eyes. She wasn’t at all sure what was going through his head but knew better than to ask. Eventually he spoke.

“That isn’t what you were so upset about though, was it?”

Aera looked at the ground. She felt immensely silly for worrying about something that would seem adolescent and immature to her professor. But he was right, of course.

“Draco’s friend, Blaise, has feelings for me. He seems determined to deny it, but then he kissed me.” She looked up at Sirius, pleading in her eyes. “I don’t understand! I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it!”

There was silence for a moment before Sirius erupted with laughter. She stared at him, confused. He’s gone mad.

“Oh Aera!” Sirius gasped between choked snorts of amusement. “You . . .!” A new gale of laughter prevented him from continuing, bending him over as he tried to stifle it with one hand.

Aera felt irritation well up inside her and she thumped him hard on his shoulder. Rather than remind him of how daft he was being, this instead seemed to send him into another round of hilarity. Standing up, she wondered if she should leave. She was angry that he found her predicament so entertaining. She didn’t want to sit there being mocked.

Sirius held up a hand to stop. “No, wait.” he said breathlessly. “Sorry, it’s just . . . You’re worried about boys when You-Know-Who is probably planning right now on how to kill you? Can’t you see how . . .” he floundered for a word. “Funny that is?”

Aera considered hexing him. She could probably do it. He was so caught up in mirth that he wouldn’t notice her pulling her wand on him. But then his words sank in and she realised he was right. She had so much more to worry about. Draco and Blaise kind of paled in comparison.

For the first time that evening she smiled out of pure amusement. She was still annoyed with Sirius of course, but she could see his point.

Professor Sirius was finally beginning to get a hold of himself. He patted the seat Aera had vacated, inviting her to sit back down. She hesitated, then decided she might as well. If nothing else, Sirius might be willing to give her some insight into male introspection.

“You really have two Slytherins on the go?” Sirius asked, still smiling.

Aera groaned. “No! I’m seeing Draco. Blaise and I are just friends. But he kissed me tonight, so I’m not sure if he’s looking for something more.”

“But you said he denies liking you that way?” Aera nodded, feeling the helpless confusion rise once more. “Well, sounds to me like he’s being noble about it and giving way to his friend. Who do you want to be with?”

“Draco.” Aera replied automatically. Sirius waited, clearly expecting her to think about it properly. She obediently searched her mind. Okay, well she was definitely attracted to Draco in a way that was impossible to deny. She was attracted to Blaise, too, but that was more in the traditional sense. He was tall, tanned, muscular and indisputably gorgeous. Whereas Draco . . .

Draco made her feel like she couldn’t breathe when he looked at her. She was fascinated by the way his eyes changed from grey to blue in sync with his moods. Every time he touched her, her body responded in ways that were totally alien and yet primitively familiar. She missed him when he wasn’t there, and felt a confusing mixture of exhilaration and uncertainty when he was. When he held her in his arms she felt complete. When he listened she felt understood.

“Still Draco.” she said softly.

The realisation made her heart swell with relief and she let out a long, deep sigh. Sirius pulled her into a one-armed hug, smiling at her.

“There you go, then. I can’t say I approve, but I doubt it would make any difference whether I did or not.”

Aera grinned. He was right, of course. Now that she knew how she really felt, it didn’t matter who tried to stop her. “What about Blaise, though? What am I supposed to do about that? I’m fairly certain I should tell Draco but if I did it might destroy their friendship.”

Sirius stood up and poured two glasses of Butterbeer from a jug on one of the low tables. He handed one to her, taking a sip from his own. “I would think carefully about telling Malfoy. Blaise doesn’t seem eager to have his feelings revealed, so maybe he’ll just get over it. It’s probably nothing more than a boyish crush anyway.”

Aera nodded, tasting the Butterbeer. It was slightly warm, sweet and creamy on the tongue. She realised she hadn’t actually had a chance to replace the burnt off sugar levels from her adrenaline surge. Draining the glass she felt her body finally begin to relax for the first time since hearing Lucius Malfoy call her Aera Potter.

She wasn’t that certain about Sirius’s deduction. Blaise didn’t seem like the kind of guy who gave in to adolescent crushes. Then again, who knew? Perhaps all he needed was time, time to realise that she really did want to be with Draco and for himself to meet a girl who would sweep him off his feet. She tried to imagine what kind of girl would achieve such a feat and failed. Not one of the students at Hogwarts seemed worthy of him, just like she didn’t really feel like she measured up to Draco. Giving her head a little shake she corrected herself. Draco and her were different. There was something deeper there, though she was hesitant to put a description to it.

“It’s getting late.” Sirius said softly. Aera looked up, pulled out of her quiet musings.

“Yeah, you’re right. I should go.” She stood and handed him the empty glass which he placed with his own on the tabletop. He reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder, looking into her eyes.

“I’m glad you came to me, Aera. And don’t worry so much. Things have a way of working out.”

Aera smiled at him and nodded. As he let her out, holding the door open as she passed through, she silently thanked her parents for choosing their friend so carefully. Whatever impulsive, childish faults Sirius might have, he was a good man, intent on loyalty and friendship. She knew he would keep their conversation to himself. 

Walking up the corridor she felt nerves twitch in the pit of her stomach. Harry was not going to be very happy with her after her earlier rebuttal. Steeling herself she headed to Gryffindor Tower.

Better get it over with.


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Aera sat in front of the other three, wishing nothing more than that the sofa would suck her in and hide her from their hurt and angry glares. She had arrived at the common room and been met with stoney silence from Harry, Ron and Hermione. They were now waiting for her explanation. Something she wasn’t sure she had.

“Um . . .” Aera mentally rolled her eyes at herself. A great start. “Listen guys, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so nasty. You were trying to help.”

Hermione raised her eyebrows, clearly finding Aera’s explanation wanting. Ron’s face softened. He, out of all three, was the one most likely to let things slide. He didn’t have the patience for long-winded apologies. If someone said sorry, they were sorry.

Harry’s expression didn’t alter an inch. He watched her, his face a blank mask. Aera tried to sort through her confused thoughts, tried to determine what it was that she could say that would fix her emotional outburst earlier.

“Harry,” she said softly, appealing only to her brother. Hermione was bitter because she had been tricked. It was Harry who was actually pissed. “You once told me that you thought I was like you. That I lie out of necessity, that I don’t like deception. I’m asking you to let me keep my secrets, for now. Please, don’t get angry when I tell you to butt out.”

She kept his gaze, willing him to understand that this was something she needed. Finally the fight went out of him and he nodded, reluctantly.

“Okay, Aera.” he said, sighing. “I can’t promise not to speculate, but I’ll try and keep my nose out of whatever it is you’re hiding.”

Aera’s shoulders slumped and she launched forward to hug her twin, who laughed and pulled her closer. She buried her head in his shoulder, silently thanking him for letting it go.

“Your welcome.” he murmured in her ear and she smiled.

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Ok, next chapter is the Masquerade Ball and I promise it's gonna be EXCELLENT!!

So, leave me a review and I'll update very soon, promise.

xxx Aera