Strong Enough

CHAPTER 34 STRONG ENOUGH

For Zephyr
A great friend and an amazing beta
Couldn’t have done it without you babe!!

Thanks at the bottom

Not mine, hers.

“When I\'ve shown you that I just don\'t care
When I\'m throwing punches in the air
When I\'m broken down and I can\'t stand
Will you be man enough to be my man?”

Strong Enough - Sheryl Crow

The emotional aftershocks from the final battle were rippling through the magical community in waves of despair and heartbreak. They had done what needed to be done and had taken back what was theirs, but, as in all wars the casualties had been high and devastating to families and friends.

Severus sat by the window of the infirmary, drinking a cup of tea and smoking, a habit he had picked up from Hermione. Madame Pomfrey had given up telling him off for it hours ago. He looked out across the grounds. The sun was shining brightly and it was a hot and steamy day. He surveyed the carnage that was still being cleared away. There were still bodies scattered across the length and breadth of the sprawling lawns and hills and he felt numb with the grief of the last week. He finished the cigarette and went back to his bedside vigil of the woman who was his whole world. Hermione had not regained consciousness again since the brief moment in the grounds and it was tearing Severus apart. She was pale and thin and without her make up on and her hair loose she looked a lot younger than her twenty-two years. He grasped her hand and squeezed it then bringing it to his lips he planted a tender kiss there.

\"Where are you Hermione, why won’t you come back to me?\" he asked, resting his head on the side of her bed, still holding her hand.


Hermione was walking across the school grounds. It was warm and she closed her eyes and lifted her head to the sun. She felt totally relaxed, apart from the fact that there was something missing that she couldn’t put her finger on.

\"Hey Hermione, what are you doing here?\" said a familiar voice. She turned to see Harry and Ron sitting under a tree by the lake. \"Bloody hell I’ve been looking for somebody, anybody for ages,\" she said flopping down next to them. \"I think I’ve lost someone but I’m not sure who it is, any ideas?\"

\"You can’t stay here Hermione,\" said Ron sadly, \"You have to go back.\"

\"Back where?\" she asked confused, \"Why would I want to go anywhere? It’s lovely here.\"

\"Back to your life,\" said Harry. \"There are people there who need you. Severus needs you.\"

\"That‘s it. That‘s who I‘ve lost, He’s alive?\" She asked as she rose to her feet. Ron nodded, \"But has he lost me too?\" As she said it the memories of her relationship with the potions master and spy came to her in flashes as if she were watching a film on fast forward.

Him with his wand tip pressed to her throat. Her taunting him into the fight in his office. Finding him battered on the grounds. Their silent apologies as they healed each other. The talk by the sea. The month of intense phone calls. The sex on the school grounds. The fights over Lucius. Him coming to her with apologies and an offer of a new start. Her complete breakdown at Christmas. The first DA class. Standing up to Harry and Ron with him by her side. Finding her way back to him after her capture and the following declarations of love. Catching Draco and Ginny in the forest and finding out the truth about them. Leaving him standing in the room of requirements as she left. Their last words to each other as they prepared to fight.

She had given him such a hard time and put him through such a lot and he had never left her. They were a team and teams didn’t give up on each other. They were strong for each other.

She turned to the two young men. \"Aren’t you coming with me?\" Even as the words came out, she knew that they couldn’t and the reason why. They smiled at her and she felt herself being pulled back into the darkness.

The curtains that had been pulled around Hermione, pulled back to reveal Draco Malfoy, looking as distraught as Severus felt.

\"Any change?\" asked Draco quietly.

Severus shook his head and looked up at the younger man. \"Nothing, and I am out of ideas,\" he said tiredly. \"How is Virginia?\"

\"Still crying. I don’t know what to say or do to make it better for her. She idolized Ron.\" Draco said as he ran his fingers through his hair. \"I tried to tell her that he died a hero but that just made her cry harder.\"

\"Well,\" Severus began, \"would you feel any better if Virginia had died and someone told you ‘but she died a hero’?\" Severus finished, his gaze falling on the unconscious woman in front of him

\"No,\" said Draco dejectedly, his voice then dropped to a whisper. \"There’s something else too.\"

\"What is it?\" Severus asked, his already aching heart braced itself for another blow

\"Someone cast the Sterilis curse on her,\" whispered Draco, furiously rubbing his eyes with his fists. \"We both wanted children, it’s why we fought so hard, to make our world a better place, for our kids,\" he paused as his voice cracked with a half choked sob and Severus was glad that Draco was staring off into space and couldn’t see the look on his face, which would have told have told him in no uncertain terms just who was responsible for the curse.

\"I need to get back to Ginny\" He said, rising suddenly and leaving Severus alone with Hermione.

\"Please come back to me darling,” Severus said desperately to the unconscious woman who laid still as death, \"I cannot do this without you. I need you in my life--I love you.\"

\"I love you too Severus,\" said a voice, rusty from lack of use, but still unmistakably the voice of an angel. Hermione.

Severus jumped up, knocking the chair over and stared down at her. Her eyes were open and she was looking at him like he was the most precious thing in the world.

\"Hermione,\" he croaked as he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. He thought that he had no more tears to shed, but as he held her body in his arms and heard her soft reassuring words, he began to sob. \"I thought I had lost you, I thought you were not coming back, I couldn’t bear it Hermione.”

She felt her own tears come at his words and they lay there together for some time crying with relief at the fact that they still had each other, no matter what.

After she had been checked out by Poppy and released into Severus‘s care, she walked over to where Ginny and Draco were sleeping. She kissed Ginny’s cheek and the top of Draco’s head, which was resting on her chest, then returned to Severus’s quarters. She undressed and climbed into the bed looking over at Severus who had done the same and was now propped up next to her

\"Who else?\" she asked quietly

\"Who else what?\" he asked in return.

\"Who else died, apart from Harry and Ron?\" She willed herself not to cry as she asked the question. At Severus’s surprised look she explained, \"I saw them while I was unconscious.\"

He pulled her into his arms as he began to reel off a list of names. She looked away, wondering why the price of war had to be so high. When he paused she looked back at him.

\"Minerva,\" he said softly and paused, waiting for it to sink in.
She lifted her head to the ceiling and closed her eyes, the tears escaping through closed lids. She felt him softly kiss them away as they trailed down her cheeks, and the surge of love she felt toward him almost overwhelmed her. Her lips found his and she kissed him softly at first then more desperately, her need to show him how much she loved him taking over.
\"Hermione are you sure you are feeling up to this?\" asked Severus gently. His whole being wanting nothing more than to buried inside the woman he loved, but the fear that he would hurt her took over.

\"I’m fine. Severus, make love to me, please?\" she asked, her face an open book, needing all the love he could give.
He began kissing her again, his tongue soft yet demanding slipping into her mouth and meeting hers in a desperate dance. He ran his fingers lightly down from neck to hip and back again, causing goose bumps to rise across her skin. He took one of her breasts in his mouth and softly began to suck the hard nipple there, while his other hand came to rest at the juncture of her thighs. She opened them in welcome and gasped as he slid first one and then another finger inside her hot, wet centre. She gently raked her fingernails across his body and he shivered as she grazed his nipple. She continued down to his hard member, grasping it in her hand and swiping her thumb across the head, smearing the milky fluid across it.
He drew a sharp breath and whispered, \"I cannot wait any more Hermione. I need you.” He positioned himself over her and whispered, \"I love you.\"
She shivered in anticipation feeling him sitting at her entrance. She wrapped her legs around his waist, looking up into his eyes as he slowly entered her. \"I love you Severus, always,\" she said breathlessly as he pulled almost all the way out of her only to re-enter again slightly harder.
They both gasped at the sensations running through their bodies and as he rested his elbows either side of her head, she turned and kissed his arm, letting her eyes drift shut from the feelings of being complete, whole that were running through her body. Severus was having a hard time holding on. It had been to long since he had made love to her and he began to speed up, trying to show with his actions, the relief he felt at having back. She felt her body humming as she neared her orgasm and opened her eyes to look up into his face, seeing the look of ecstasy there sent her over the edge and she cried out with pleasure as the feeling spread down her legs and up through her breasts. A few short thrusts and Severus joined her, panting out her name and collapsing just to the side of her.

He turned to her and kissed her softly on the lips. \"Do not ever leave me Hermione,\" he said.

\"I promise,\" she said drowsily as sleep was already claiming her.
Severus cast a cleansing spell, pulled the covers up around them and wrapped his arm across her waist; sleep claiming him for the first time in a week.

A week later Hermione had her last check up with Madam Pomfrey and was given the all clear. She thanked the medi-witch and went to see how Ginny was doing. Madam Pomfrey had told her that Ginny was suffering with depression and that was why she hadn’t been released yet.

She walked over to the bed where Ginny was laying looking out of the window, and Draco was sleeping in the chair next to her, and put her hand on Draco’s shoulder, he jumped as though he had received an electric shock, but when he saw it was Hermione he gave a small smile and patted her hand.

\"It’s good to have you back Hermione,\" he said quietly.

\"It’s good to be back,\" she said returning the smile. She had seen him and Ginny fighting together in battle and had to admit to herself that she had been wrong about the blonde Slytherin.

\"Why don’t you go out and get some fresh air Draco? I’ll sit with her for a while if you like,\" she said kindly.

\"Well I could do with a shower and some fresh clothes,\" he said. \"There is only so long that a cleansing spell is enough, thanks.\"

Hermione smiled and took his place as he left the infirmary.

\"OK Ginny, he’s gone, you can come out now,\" said Hermione in her best no nonsense voice. She knew that Ginny had retreated into herself as a defence mechanism against facing Draco. Severus had told her about the curse, and knew that mixed with the loss of her big brother she must be in so much pain.

Ginny turned to Hermione, and the anguish on the younger woman’s face was almost too much for Hermione to bear. \"Hermione\" she whispered as the tears began to fall. Hermione sat next to Ginny on the bed and held her as she cried.
It was over an hour later when Draco returned to find the woman he loved sobbing into her best friends lap. Ginny looked up as Draco approached the bed. \"I’m so sorry baby,\" she cried as he went to her, taking over from Hermione, who quietly slipped out of the ward.

She returned later that night with Severus to find a much improved Ginny. Draco was laying across the bottom of the bed reading to her and she was propped up at one end, watching him.

\"Knock, knock,\" said Hermione as they approached. Ginny looked up and smiled and Draco sat up and put the book down, reaching out to shake Severus’s hand.

\"How are you feeling Virginia?\" asked Severus

Ginny smiled. \"Please call me Ginny, Virginia is horrible,\" she said. \"And I’m fine thank you, I’m being released tomorrow.\"

\"That’s wonderful Ginny,\" said Hermione. \"What are you both going to do now?\"

\"Dumbledore has offered me the position as medi-witch here, Madam Pomfrey is retiring and it is what I am trained for,\" she smiled. \"Draco is taking the position as Flying instructor and Quidditch coach,\" she said with a hint of sadness in her voice.
They all sobered as they remembered Madam Hooch who had been killed by one of the Giants fighting with Voldemort. They chatted for a while longer and then Severus and Hermione bade them goodnight, returning to Severus’s rooms and settling in opposite armchairs.

\"Drink?\" said Severus as he rose to get himself one.

\"When have I ever turned one down?\" joked Hermione, the smile falling from her lips as she saw the serious look on Severus’s face. She took the offered drink from him and waited. She knew what he was going to say.

\"What are we going to do now Hermione?\"

It had been the question that had plagued Hermione all week. With the exception of one last task, she had no idea. What was she going to do now? The war was over. Nearly all the death eaters had been caught or killed. Most of the Special Operations unit of aurors had skills and everyday jobs to fall back on or were dead. Hermione had never known anything else. As for she and Severus, they both knew that she would never sit at home as the dutiful wife, nor did either of them want that
\"I don’t know Severus,\" she said honestly. \"Do you have any plans?\"

\"I will be staying here for the summer, preparing” He said lng ing into his drink “Albus is retiring. He says it is to painful to continue here, to many memories of Minerva,\" he said, his insides squirming at the thought of how close he had come to losing Hermione, and at the sinking feeling that it was going to happen again. \"He has offered me the job as Headmaster and I have excepted.\"

Hermione smiled at him. \"Congratulations\" She said sincerely, rising to go to him, he held his hand up to stop her.

\"He has asked me to offer you the job of deputy as well as transfiguration professor. I think he sees himself and Minerva in us,\" he said quietly.

Hermione was stunned, \"And the ministry have authorized this?\" she asked.

\"In their eyes he can do no long and has the final say in any Hogwarts business,\" replied Severus, looking at her thoughtfully. \"What do you think?\"

She sighed. \"I think that it’s a wonderful opportunity and I’m thrilled to be asked…\"

\"But,\" said Severus, the resignation clear in his voice.

\"But, there is something I need to do first, will you hold the job open for me?\" she had been dreading this all along and now it was here, the only fly in the ointment of their relationship.

\"What do you have to do Hermione?\" asked Severus in a challenging voice, although he knew the answer.

\"I have to find Lucius Malfoy, and I have to kill him,\" she said in a strong clear voice, looking Severus dead in the eye.

He jumped to his feet and threw the heavy lead crystal glass at the wall watching as it shattered into a thousand pieces, like their relationship was doing now. \"Why?\" He asked angrily. \"Why can’t you just let it go, let someone else catch him?\"

\"You know why,\" she said, heatedly getting to her feet and throwing her hands in the air \"I thought you of all people would understand the need for revenge”

“And I though you, after all you have lost, would realize that life is to short” he answered more sharply than he meant.

“After all I’ve lost” she repeated “Do you know what I have lost?” she asked, and then continued as though he had answered “He killed my parents Severus, he nearly killed me, twice, he tried to kill you once, and did you know that because of Lucius Malfoy, not only can Ginny not have children, I can’t either” she finished angrily, pausing to take in his face, which was expressionless, as though set in stone and she realized that he knew about the curse that Lucius had cast on her two years ago.

“You knew, didn’t you?” she said quietly “I assume that he bragged about it”

“I am sorry Hermione, I did not know what to say to you” he said with a sigh “I was not sure whether or not you wanted children”

“I didn’t” she shouted, the pain of finding out, flooding back to her “Until I found out I couldn’t” she took a deep breath “He took that choice away from me, made me less than I was and I am going to be the one who puts the son of a bitch down\" she finished, with her voice hard as steel.

\"He will kill you if you go after him again\" said Severus, completely numb. He had never thought of Hermione as the maternal type before, and then he realised that it didn’t matter whether she was or not. He had taken to much from her for her to back down now.

\"He told me that you slept with him two weeks ago, is that true?\" Severus had meant to let it go but his irrational jealousy of Lucius was suffocating him.

\"I have been seeing you for almost a year now Severus, and in that time, there has only been you, and in all the times to come, if I am really what you want, there will only be you, I love you\" she said “But..”

Severus decided that there was no word he hated more.

She raised her arms out to either side of her “You know me Severus, you know the sort of person I am” she looked him dead in the eyes “This is me darling, you either trust me or you don’t, take it or leave it” she was to tired to fight him any more, and although she did want to have a life with him in the place she had always thought of as her home, he had to understand that this was the woman she was.

He walked across the room kissed the top of her head. \"I do trust you and I love you more than life itself.\" he said, knowing that she had to do it but hating it with every fibre of his being.

She sighed with relief \"Give me three months Severus, and then we can be together once and for all, can you do that, for me?\"

He took a deep breath \"I can do that,\" he said. \"For you,\" and he tipped her head up to him drawing her in for a kiss.

The End

Thank you

Sirius Star Holder, Deb, PotionsMistressM, Deblovesdragon, Nesscafe,
RedWritingHood, LovesThePotionBoy, Elementaldeity, Zephyr, WizardingAngel
Pyewacket, Brittni.


That’s All Folks

*Start teary Oscar speech*

Six months and 70,000 plus words later and it’s finished. This story has been a real labour of love for me, and, as my first foray into fanfiction writing, bloody hard work!!
But I was well rewarded by the wonderful reviewers telling me how much they loved the story. I wouldn’t have finished it without their overwhelming words of encouragement.

One of the best things to come out of this fic is the friends I’ve made here. Especially Zephyr, who offered her services as a beta to me months ago and who has become so much more than that (she knows what she means to me), Shem who invited me to join Lord and Lady Snape, introduced me to the world of LJ (where I rant for England at a professional level) and subsequently became a dear friend and PotionsMistressM who is just insane but who I love so much and who makes me laugh when I need it the most.

I will be writing a sequel to this, as well as catching the plot bunnies that are currently running around my office and feeding them to my computer!! But first I’m taking a break. I hope to be moving in a couple of weeks so I’ll start up again when I’m settled in. Check out my LJ for news of moving date and story updates

http://www.livejournal.com/users/grrarrg0908/

Thank you again to all the fantastic people who reviewed, I really can’t explain how much it means to me that you liked, and in some cases loved this story. Please leave me one last review and let me know if you liked the ending and if it was up to your expectations.

*End teary Oscar speech*

Oh and could someone go and get the fat lady and tell her she’s on!!

Kisses
GrrArrg